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Six

KURAI

T wo more weeks had gone by. I got up early one night, right after sunset. Restlessness had been keeping me awake lately as the time of opening of the third and final portal to the human world was approaching.

After our last drawback, the Watchers realized we needed more help from the outside world. Overcoming their need for secrecy, they started recruiting outside of our small circle of the Joy Guardians. I heard someone even convinced the royal hag of Prince Rha to join our cause.

Less than two weeks from now, all the Joy Vessels were supposed to leave.

And this time, to prevent the royal guards from bringing any more humans in, the portal was to be opened early, against the queen’s direct order, which was treason.

We’d be punished severely for it. We were all going to die, but we knew it.

We had all accepted death in the name of the Joy as our destiny.

Yet I no longer felt the elation or the righteousness of it like I used to before.

“What harm is there in enjoying a spoonful of rice?” Ciana’s words echoed in my ears.

After having thought about it all this time, I had to admit, the answer to her question was simple—there was no real harm to anyone.

The world wouldn’t cease to exist if I connected to her.

Tasting her joy wouldn’t hurt her in any way.

As long as my actions didn’t harm our Source of Joy directly, I probably wouldn’t even break my vow of the Joy Guardian.

The betrayal would be all in my head.

But that didn’t make it any less of a betrayal.

It felt like my faith would be soiled if I tasted joy outside of our Source.

But maybe my devotion had been compromised already?

Why else would a human woman occupy so much of my time and so many of my thoughts?

I should be spending my life in reflection and prayer.

It was so easy to do before. But now, all I thought about was Ciana.

I tried to stick to our schedule and not come to the sarai before dinner. With all the preparations for the next step of our mission now complete, including the backup plan, there was no need for me to visit the sarai regularly anymore.

But I couldn’t even wait until dinnertime. I quickly ate my midnight meal and showed up at the sarai right after.

Sefri greeted me at the gate, then shocked me by telling me that Ciana wasn’t there.

“Joy Vessel Ciana is joining the Royal Council for the midnight meal tonight,” she announced, beaming with pride. “All Joy Vessels of Her Majesty, Queen Abeille, are now fit to fulfill their purpose. Please allow me to express my gratitude for all the work you have done for it, Joy Guardian.”

It felt like she had jammed a spear of ice right through my chest. I didn’t know how I managed to remain calm and even found the words to congratulate her on that achievement.

But I knew if I yelled or punched someone like I wished to do, I’d never be allowed to see Ciana ever again, not even to say goodbye.

Instead, I told Sefri I’d come by in the morning as usual instead.

I spent the rest of the night trying to understand why it devastated me to learn that Ciana was having meals with someone else, that she was sharing her joy with someone who wasn’t me.

And the only answer I could come up with was because I selfishly, unreasonably, dangerously wished for her to be mine.

I wanted all her time spent with me, all her meals shared with me, and all pleasure saved for me, even if I’d never even tasted it.

It didn’t help my composure that when I finally saw her at dinner, she seemed to be quieter than usual. Worry racked me.

What if she’d been hurt?

I raked my gaze over her body, searching for any signs of abuse and getting ready to burn this entire city to the ground if I found any.

“What are you looking at?” she asked, adjusting her braids over her naked breasts.

I forced my fists to unclench and cleared a growl out of my throat.

“Did you enjoy your midnight meal?” I asked with as normal a voice as I could master, waiting and dreading to hear her answer.

She nodded, but her smile flickered with uncertainty.

“It wasn’t bad. They gave me some wine to relax.”

“Wine? But it makes humans sick. How are you feeling?” I leaned closer to see her face.

Her smile grew wider. She playfully shoved against my chest, leaving her hand lingering on my skin.

“It was just one glass, Kurai. I’m a grown woman and can handle some alcohol.

It just took the edge off a little, made me less nervous about the whole thing.

Lady Uryami seemed to like it too. At least she didn’t run away screaming like that councilor did the first time they tried to connect me to someone. ”

I breathed slowly, counting to five, then to ten, to keep my anger under control.

I had no right to feel angry. Ciana wasn’t mine and never could be.

She belonged to the queen. All her emotions were the property of the Royal Court.

She didn’t even have a right to gift me a single smile because all her smiles also belonged to the queen—not to me and no longer to her .

She realized it too, because I saw my thoughts and my worries reflect in her dark, soulful eyes.

“You know, maybe you’re right.” She sighed deeply. “Maybe it is time for me to consider my future. Only I fear it's already too late because I don’t think I have any control over it anymore.”

It was hard, so hard to leave her that night.

She seemed contemplative, but I sensed she didn’t want to be alone.

I wanted to hold her, and I had a feeling she would’ve liked that.

After all, she was the one who believed in the healing power of hugs.

But the Keepers appeared to be hovering exceptionally close to us this time.

They kept darting probing glances at me, making me feel like I’d overstayed my welcome.

Still, I stayed as long as I could, until Ciana’s eyes glossed over with exhaustion, and she hid a yawn behind her hand.

With my hands on her shoulders, I bid her good day while bending down intentionally to bring our faces closer. Like every night for the past two weeks, she rose on her tiptoes and kissed me on my cheek.

The gesture remained as wrong as it had ever been between a Joy Guardian and a Joy Vessel. But I was looking forward to her kiss every morning now, and I wouldn’t leave without it.

The sensation of her warm, gentle lips lingered on my skin as I walked back to my room at the palace, and I wished I knew how to preserve it forever.

Six guards waited at the door to my room.

One of them stepped forward. “Greetings, Joy Guardian Kurai. The Royal Council is requesting your presence.”

It’d been weeks since my last meeting with the council. To my knowledge, the Watchers had managed to keep our mission a secret. There was no reason for me to worry. Still, my heart leaped in my chest, making it hard to keep calm .

“What is it all about?” I asked.

There were no council meetings scheduled for this hour, I was certain of that. The nobles of the royal court, including many council members, had just left the sarai , buzzing with the intoxicated humans’ pleasure.

“Please, follow us.” The guard gestured down the corridor to the main staircase of the palace while two others took their place on either side of me. The rest of the guards stepped behind me, as if expecting me to flee.

This didn’t look like an invitation but an order, and I wondered if I should comply or if the time had come for me to act.

I laced my fingers in front of my chest. “It’s time for my morning meditation. So unless it’s?—”

“It’s an order,” the leader of the guards barked. “We’re to bring you over either dead or alive. Which one will be your choice?”

He drew his sword, and I chose to live just a little bit longer.

“All right, lead the way,” I conceded.

I walked with my head held high, my hands clasped in front of my chest, and my expression serene as would be expected from a servant of the Joy, but my mind raced.

I had an escape plan in place if I were discovered.

An escape, however, meant abandoning my mission and putting the Watchers’ plan in jeopardy once again.

It also meant that the humans in the queen’s sarai would die.

All of them.

Every single one.

I followed the guards up to the main floor, then along a side corridor to a narrow door at the end.

“This is not the council’s usual meeting room,” I noted.

“But this is where the Head Councilor is waiting for you.” The guard knocked on the door, while the other five formed a semicircle behind me, cutting off my escape.

“Come in,” the invitation sounded in the voice of Lady Uryami, the Head Councilor. At least the guard didn’t lie about her wishing to see me.

A guard opened the door, and I had no choice but to enter.

“Joy Guardian Kurai,” the Head Councilor greeted me, standing in the small windowless room.

The door behind me closed, leaving me trapped. Without a window or a wide enough gap under the door, I couldn’t even escape as a shadow.

But Lady Uryami was alone. As far as I could see, she had no weapons on her.

“Greetings, Head Councilor. How may I be of assistance this time?” I inclined my head respectfully, playing my part of an innocent man for as long as I still could.

She drew in a long breath, taking a step toward me.

“Out of respect for the Master Guardian, who spoke highly of you, I want to clear this matter privately.”

“What matter is it, my lady?”

She waved a hand that was heavily decorated with precious rings and golden bracelets. “Hopefully, nothing to worry about. Just a formality. May I ask you to remove your bracers please?”

Panic lanced through me, momentarily depriving me of the ability to breathe.

They knew.

I gripped my right wrist mechanically.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand, my lady. Is there a problem with my bracers?” I kept my voice innocently clear.