Page 26 of It’s Me, but Different

“Mom?” Ana Sofia's voice startles me from my bedroom door and brings me back to reality. “Are you okay? You look angry about something.”

“I'm fine, honey,” I lie, trying to force a smile that doesn't reach my eyes. “I'm just… organizing some things.”

“Do we have to leave already?” Theo asks, appearing behind his sister with a worried little face that breaks my heart.

I can't lie to them anymore. It's been two wonderful weeks for them. I've seen them laugh, run, ski, be children without the constant shadow of their father's loss. And now I have to tear them away from what they consider paradise and take them back to a reality none of us wants to face.

“In two days,” I sigh, sitting on the bed and opening my arms to give them a hug. “But we still have lots of fun left, don't you think?”

“Why can't we stay longer?” Ana Sofia insists. “We have so much fun here. And Sloane is super cool. And River teaches us to make cookies.”

“Because I have work in Colorado, kiddo. And you have school.”

“There are schools here too,” Theo protests. “We'd go to the same school as Lumi, and she'd introduce us to all the kids. She says the whole town knows her.”

Of course the whole town knows her. Lumi is Harper's daughter, and the Merriweathers practically own this perfect little town where everything is easy and beautiful and where they can spend months and months skiing.

Luckily, soft knocks on the door interrupt my self-destructive thoughts.

“Esme?” River's voice sounds from the hallway. “Can we come in?”

I open the door and find myself face-to-face with River and Anika, both with that perfect smile that makes me feel even worse.

“How are you guys?” River greets, crouching down to be at the twins' height. “I have a surprise to make up for having to cancel the ski lesson.”

“Ivy and Lumi will take you to the stables to see the horses while your mom comes with us to the spa. What do you think?” Anika adds, immediately capturing the children's attention.

“Horses?” Ana Sofia asks, raising her eyebrows and starting to hop from foot to foot. “Can we ride them?”

“One of them is very calm, I think you can take a short ride even though there's snow,” River explains with a wink.

As expected, the kids run out of the room before I can say a single word, leaving me alone with River and Anika.

“You don't have to do this,” I murmur. “You've already done enough.”

“Do what?” Anika asks. “Try to make you enjoy your last days here?”

“No. Set a trap for me and take the kids away so I'm alone with you two. I assume you're plotting something.”

“Esme,” River interrupts, gently taking my arm. “Come with us, please. It'll be good for you to relax a little.”

And just because I'm too tired to keep arguing, because part of me desperately needs a moment of relaxation, I agree.

As expected, the hotel spa is spectacular. All white marble, dim lights, and the sound of water falling from small fountains. It's the kind of luxury I'm not used to, the kind of luxury that reminds me of everything I can't give my children.

“First time at a spa?” River asks as we enter a hot tub with panoramic views of the mountains.

“Not exactly the first time, but… it's not something I can afford very often,” I admit.

“I understand,” Anika nods. “When I started my company, I lived on instant coffee and precooked noodles. Any kind of luxury was unthinkable.”

I watch her through the steam. Anika, who can now buy whatever she wants after selling her tech company. Anika, who has the freedom to choose where to live, who to be with, what to do with her life. Not to mention she's soon to marry River Merriweather, who has even more money.

“Must be nice,” I murmur almost without realizing it. “Having that freedom.”

“What freedom?” River asks.

“To choose. To be able to do whatever you want without worrying about practical consequences.”