Page 13 of It’s Me, but Different
Exactly what I should have done if I had been half as brave as Esme.
“Sloane! Look!” Ana Sofia shouts while making a perfect turn. A shout that pulls me from my thoughts, from a mind divided between the present and the ghosts of the past.
“Incredible!” I yell. “You're a star, seriously.”
When we finish the lesson, Esme puts her phone in her jacket pocket with a gesture I know too well. Contained disappointment. Frustration disguised as kindness.
“Is everything okay?” I ask while helping the girl take off her skis.
“Yes, just… work stuff, you know,” she responds with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. “Nothing important.”
But it is important.
I can see it in the way she avoids my eyes or how her shoulders have tensed slightly. In the way she sighs when she thinks I'm not watching.
“Mom?” Theo suddenly appears when we reach the resort, running toward us with his cheeks red from the cold. “River taught me how to make French hot chocolate! She says it's a secret recipe, but now I can teach it to you guys.”
“Really? And is it good?”
“It's delicious. Though I think I need a little more practice. Do you want to try it? And Sloane too?” he adds, turning toward me with adorable shyness.
Before we can answer, the four of us are sitting in the hotel cafeteria in front of cups of hot chocolate. Theo watches us nervously, while his sister drinks the first sipwith a dramatism that would be fitting for a professional food critic.
“It's…” she makes an almost theatrical pause that reminds me of River when she presents her desserts. “It's delicious!”
Esme's proud smile could melt all the snow at Silver Peaks.
“Here, let me try,” she says, raising her eyebrows before bringing the cup to her lips.
I watch her close her eyes while savoring the chocolate, the same way she used to when tasting my attempts to replicate River's recipes during the months we shared an apartment in college.
“Oh my God, Theo. This is incredible,” she confesses, and the boy practically melts with happiness. “Did you really make this all by yourself?”
“Well, River helped me a little. But she says I have a natural talent for cooking,” he adds.
As if she had been summoned by mentioning her name, my sister appears next to us with that mischievous smile that announces she's plotting something.
“Did someone mention my secret hot chocolate?” she asks, winking at Theo before stealing a sip from Ana Sofia's cup. “Mmm, not bad at all, little apprentice. Though I think you put too much cinnamon in it.”
She gives me a look that clearly says: “I see how you're looking at her, and you need to relax,” but instead of responding, I just roll my eyes.
“You've practically adopted my son,” Esme jokes.
“What can I say! I think he likes cooking more than skiing,” she jokes, sitting in an empty chair and stealing a piece of Theo's cookie. “Or maybe it's the teacher. I'm nicer than Sloane.”
I try to protest, but River knows me well and attacks first.
“Do you know Sloane has a lot of weird habits?” she asks. “I once saw her do a rain dance because she thought it wouldn't snow enough for a ski competition.”
“It wasn't a rain dance, idiot!” I protest. “I was stretching my muscles.”
“Yeah, while singing.”
Esme lets out a laugh, I think the first since she arrived, and that simple gesture takes me back to those days when just seeing her laugh made me forget any worry.
“Well, to be fair,” Esme intervenes, wiping away tears of laughter, “in college she ate a banana before every exam because she thought it gave her luck.”
“That was supposed to be our secret, traitor,” I complain.