Page 33

Overdue Promises

“Oh Ben!”

I couldn’t stay sat on the armchair any longer. He’d detailed everything so honestly, so brutally, almost like he was in a trance. My bare feet moved across the floor as I flung my arms around him, straddling his legs. His strong arms cradled me instantly.

I tucked my chin down over his shoulder, closing every centimetre of space between us I could. “I couldn’t tell if it was real, it was all too much. I had all these feeling for you, have, but I needed time to make sure. I felt like you might pity me, or feel guilty. I didn’t know if you felt the same.”

I drew back to look at him as I tried to make sense of what he’d just told me.

“Ivy, I love everything about you.”

My heart pounded in my chest as everything else stilled. My mind searched desperately for a response, but he shook his head, looking around the room.

“I think I knew when you dyed your hair; knew this feeling was different. I felt so protective of you in that moment, it caught me totally unaware. When we got back from our date, I was sure. I lay in bed thinking about you for hours. Thinking about talking with you, being with you, not just lust, but how I just wanted more of all of you.”

He smiled at me openly, embracing the words as he said them.

All those amazing, beautiful words.

“Ben, I… I had no idea you felt like that.”

“I know. It’s part of what makes you so captivating – the fact you don’t see just how incredible you are; how easy you are to love. It makes me want to show you.”

“I don’t think I could’ve done any of this without you, Ben.”

I laced my fingers together behind his neck. “You’ve always been there for me, even when I didn’t even know to ask. You gave me this life. My life. When you came back from Ireland, when you held my hand, when you chased Sam away.” His name clogged my throat. “No one had ever cared for me like that before – it scared me, it didn’t feel safe. But… I think I’ve known that, deep down, I feel the same. I’ve been in love with you… for a long time.”

He looked at me with such adoration I had to force myself not to look away in embarrassment.

“You could have done it without me, Ivy. But I’m glad you didn’t.”

As I attempted to gather myself, glad he was holding me up, his hand swept up my back and his lips pressed against mine, so delicately it felt like I was floating.

“Now that’s sorted,”

he whispered, his finger tracing my spine, “I’d better work on that begging.”

He stood from the armchair, his gaze heavy with affection and desire. I knew I would be begging him to touch me again within seconds. That voice, that confidence, those lips. I wanted them all.

“You’re perfect – you know that?”

He picked me up effortlessly, my legs hooked round his waist as he lowered us to the rug, pulling the blanket from the chair. “Every part of you. You are beautiful Ivy, and so incredibly sexy; how you move, how your eyes shine at me, how your body responds to me. You get this little look of surprise, like your own body’s reactions catch you off guard.” He dragged his teeth against my ear. “No one has ever driven me so wild.”

Sliding his hands down my back, Ben pressed us closer. He smiled wickedly as my head tilted back and my eyes glazed over.

“Just like that,”

he whispered.

Waking up nestled against Ben felt warm and cosy and exciting, but by lunchtime, we both knew we needed a break from the whims of our bodies. We needed clothes, food, and fresh air.

I pushed the lock on the bathroom door when I showered, just to make sure we made it out of the house. Now that we’d broken the sexual tension barrier, it was like there was no space between us.

We needed to be out in public, and satiate our grumbling stomachs.

After walking leisurely into the village, we ended up sitting in a secluded, rocky cove, eating paper-wrapped fish and chips. The sky was blue and we were alone apart from passing walkers and the occasional dog chasing the sea foam. We sat together, wrapped in our coats to stay warm, listening to the soothing rumbling of the glinting, multicoloured stones as each wave crashed against the shore.

“This is a beautiful beach, especially to be able to walk to,”

I commented, gazing out at the sea as my hunger faded.

Not receiving a reply, I looked over, to see Ben deep in thought, his eyes fixed on the horizon. I admired his face: the curve of his clean-shaven jaw, the slight furrow of his brown brows.

“We used to race to the rock pools. Me and Lucy. It was our favourite place.”

“Thank you for sharing it with me.”

Ben was silent again for a moment. “We scattered their ashes here. It was what she wanted, Mum.”

I leaned into him as we both finished off the last of the chips. “What was she like?”

I’d always found her hard to picture. “Your dad and Lucy sound similar in a lot of ways.”

Ben nodded. “She was more shy, very intelligent. She’d come out with these amazing insights or points of view when you hadn’t even thought she was listening. Her and my dad were two sides of a coin. While Lucy and Dad would charge around and push each other in the water, she would just stand here and stare out to sea. We would sit and talk about different fossils we’d found, or the birds we could see. Not everyone liked her immediately; she needed my dad at big gatherings, let him always lead the way. But, if she liked you, she was the best friend you could have.”

With each word he said, my chest tightened. I rested my head on his shoulder, picturing them as the waves crashed. “She sounds great. I wish I could have met her; I wish you’d had her for longer.”

Ben folded up the food packets, lacing an arm around my back. The birds were swooping against the clouds, the wind carrying the moisture from the churning sea.

“She’d have liked you a lot. I’ve always thought that. I think it even annoyed me, at the beginning.”

I smiled, running a smooth stone between my fingers. “Why?”

“She would’ve known you were a good person, straight away. She said to me once: ‘Ben, make sure you find a girl who looks after you, but a strong one, one that challenges you’. Girls didn’t interest me then, like most young boys, and Lucy didn’t help, but my mum… she knew I needed people. I think that’s why I made such a mess of things when everyone started telling me to settle down. I felt like everyone thought they knew what I wanted. I didn’t want to admit Mum was right because admitting how close we were would be admitting how much it hurts now she’s gone.”

“That’s very insightful, Ben,”

I said softly, hanging on to his every careful word.

“I know these things about myself, I just don’t like them.”

“Everyone would understand, you know, if you were a bit more open.”

He turned to me and smiled. “I have no interest in everyone, just a select few. Just pretty, lost girls who look at me like they’re either about to put me in my place or undress me.”

I laughed easily, crunching the pebbles beneath my feet. “I’m not lost anymore. So I hope you won’t go after any other projects.”

I paused. “The sex was too good, Ben. I knew you’d be good in bed – I could sense it – but damn.”

He exhaled a little laugh. “We’re well matched.”

“I’ll be honest, after hearing what Jessica said, I was a little intrigued. What is it you’re into?”

I was playing, but he looked awkward, so I filled the strange silence I’d created. “Fancy dress? I mean, I could probably live with something like that.”

“It’s not that. It isn’t a big deal. We just, you know, played around with a few things, and it just wasn’t her thing.”

I sat up straighter. “What was it?”

I’d hoped all the sex would have sated me for a while, but the lust still felt distractingly insatiable.

He shook his head. “Why do you want to have this conversation?”

“Well, I mean, it’s always fun to make you squirm a little, but I’m curious. Maybe you can… show me?”

I saw his expression shift, hunger burning in his eyes, but he stifled it, adding to my intrigue.

I’d always had a thirst to experiment in the bedroom. The bad experiences never felt like sex, and they made me fearless, not embarrassed. They made me want to push my limits, in a way that I could choose. I had always seen a glimmer of something darkly mischievous in Ben’s looks, especially the ones he didn’t think I noticed.

“If I show you, and you don’t like it, I don’t want you to feel that I didn’t adore how we were last night, or this morning… or in the shower,”

he recounted, running his hand up my leg with each recollection.

I kissed him, grinning. We had made it at least two hours clothed.

I stood up, the stones crunching around my trainers as I reached for his hand and we practically ran back up the winding path and over the verge to the cottage.

Our bodies pressed eagerly together and our lips grew ravenous as we fell through the front door for a second time. Despite my tiredness, my body cried out for him. When the door shut, he pushed me back against it. The wood was firm and the force of it stirred a deep arousal in me. He kept doing that, unlocking new feelings in my own body I didn’t even know were there, new buttons to press. What I did know was that I wanted him to find them all.

His tongue slid into my mouth as I couldn’t help but groan in response. I felt his lips smile against mine.

“We could just go to bed.”

Oh, was it location-based, I wondered?

“Show me,”

I whispered, breathless, feeling his teeth against my neck.

“If you don’t like it, you have—”

“Ben, I trust you.”

He slowed, pausing, hovering his pink lips just away from mine, looking stern. “I’m serious, I don’t know if this is a good idea. We have time, we don’t have to rush things. With everything you’ve been through…”

I sank, instantly feeling ridiculous.

“What?”

he asked as I dropped my eyes down. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t want you to hold back because of them. When I’m with you, close to you, it makes everything go so wonderfully quiet. You are so sure; you take control and… I don’t know, it sounds silly, but that makes me feel safer than I’ve ever felt. Because if I can be that vulnerable with you, and you don’t hurt me, if I can lay myself bare, and you still take care of me, like you always do – that makes me feel powerful. That makes me feel less damaged.”

His eyes flashed with emotion before he delicately cupped my cheeks, tilting my face up to his. “Ivy.”

I tipped my head down in his grip. “See, pity, it’s so unsexy.”

He tilted my face back up. “No, Ivy. It’s love. And don’t you dare make assumptions about how sexy you are to me, because you have no idea. Okay.”

He looked fierce, so I nodded. “Show me what you like, please? Don’t hold back. I want to know everything about you, Ben.”

He swallowed, licking his lips. Where our bodies were still pressed together, I felt his jeans tighten.

“You’re sure?”

I rolled my eyes and slumped back further into the door behind me. “If you’re so good at reading my body, as you say, you’ll know if I like it or not.”

His eyes narrowed. “No, you say stop, or slow down, anything, the second you’re not—”

“I can’t say stop if you won’t go.” I pouted.

I could sense his frustration building, something in him simmering like it might explode, and I wanted it.

“Show me. I’m yours, Ben.”

That unravelled him, his eyes taking on an entirely new, almost animalistic intensity. His hand wrapped roughly through my hair, pulling it back sharply, before he licked up my neck. My body was his, instantly, but he wasn’t done. He kissed me hard, so intensely my mouth lost track of its own boundary.

Oh, hell yes.

My mouth fell open as he drew back and I tried to catch my breath, my chest swelling with each heavy inhale. He dragged a finger firmly over my bottom lip, pulling it down so he could trace a wet path down to my bra. I gasped as his thumb found my nipple, swirling tightly. He grinned as I made no attempt to hide my arousal, panting and flushed.

Taking my hand devilishly softly, he guided me to the table and chairs, stopping only to turn me around and pull off my leggings and underwear in one movement.

“Fuck,”

I breathed, realising how slick my thighs were.

I tried to gather my thoughts, but he teased his nose up the back of neck, inhaling so deeply I balled my hands into fists. I went to turn to him, to kiss him, to touch him, hell, to crawl up him, but he stopped me by gripping my hips. He was showing me he was in no hurry, and my arousal was devouring it. I heard a click, then a zip as he whipped his leather belt free, no doubt purposely snapping it against the wall behind him. My skin tingled as the anticipation became unbearable, but just as I was about to cry out, he swung a wooden chair from the table, pushing it against my knees, forcing me to sit.

He ran his hands over my arms and I tipped back into his abs, only then realising that he had already taken off his shirt. He paused by my ear, nipping at it until I squirmed.

“Enough sweetheart?”

he whispered, grazing his teeth against the corner of my jaw.

I shook my head. “More.”

His body jolted; I heard him inhale sharply. He softly took my hands from where they were gripping the chair, pulling them behind me.

“Good, because I want to show you exactly how well I can take care of you.”

He wrapped the belt carefully around my wrists. I adjusted on the chair, the pull of the leather sending surges of pleasure to my breasts; more awareness between my legs. The small movement threatened to send me over the edge so I bit my tongue. When he thrust the chair back, tipping me upside down, I opened my mouth to scream but he swallowed it with his lips and I groaned heavily. He kissed me upside down and it was invigorating as everything moved in a different direction.

The chair clunked back down and he was in front of me, shamelessly surveying me as my whole body rose and fell with my rushed breaths.

“You’re so damn sexy,”

I breathed as he grinned and knelt before me, firmly spreading my legs. The cool air sent my head tipping back with a yelp of lust.

Everything throbbed as he made me wait, held me there helplessly at the mercy of my own urges. Watching.

“You’re the one on display,”

he countered. “Like a piece of art.”

If I had any blood not rushing between my legs, I would’ve blushed. His slick, warm tongue brushed me further apart as I gasped with pleasure, licking against my legs, then exactly where I needed him.

He laughed quietly. “I’m half expecting a smartass comment,”

he teased, between more soft strokes.

I shuddered, searching for words. “Ben. I… what do you want me to say?”

One of his hands gripped my thigh as he slid his fingers inside of me, curving and stroking expertly whilst his tongue pressed into me, knowingly suspending me on the edge. His elbow pushed my knees even further apart as he explored me, deeper and deeper, pressing and twisting. My body responded instantly, perched on the very edge of climax, surrendering to him as he made me feel everything at once.

“What do I want you to say? Well, it seems I’ve finally got you exactly where I want you, after all.”

Even his breath alone bought me closer, his lips stimulating my sensitive core.

Then he stopped.

Everything stopped.

“Get up,”

he commanded.

I stretched my toes, checking that it was possible, as he circled the chair. Pressing my heels down, he gripped my wrists, which was lucky because I immediately wobbled, only able to feel certain parts of my body. Before I could react, he spun me around and pressed me into the table, kicking apart my ankles and again making me wait, one hand down on my back, keeping me locked in place. The feeling of my breasts pressing into the grain washed through my body as I swallowed, cool air tickling my skin.

“Control?”

I blabbered, with my face pressed sideways as I felt the heat of him standing behind me, jeans still on. “You like control?”

“I like surrender.”

He grabbed my thigh as he said it, curling his fingers into the throbbing skin as I yelped again. I heard him shuffle down his trousers, finally, the tension nearing pain. I revelled in it shamelessly.

“I like that you’re stood here, with your legs open, trusting me… waiting for me.”

I had never known a man stir my arousal so easily without touching me; with just words. The rush was addictive, and I knew in that moment he could have me like this any time, because I had no inclination to try and stand. Instead, I did the only sensible thing I could think of, and wiggled my legs even further apart, feeling one of my knees butt up against the table leg as he pressed between my cheeks, finally reaching where I ached for him.

“I’m yours, Ben, I trust you,”

I breathed.

He thrust in easily.

“Ben!”

He thrust harder, deeper, pushing my hips into the wood.

“Ben,”

I rasped as he pressed a hand on my shoulders.

“Say my name again,”

he commanded.

“Ben,”

I gasped. “Ben… uh… Ben!”

My legs tensed as my toes curled, the table taking all of my weight as my body crumpled into a hot, pleasured haze.

His release swiftly followed, his groan of pleasure echoing spectacularly through the open space.

We caught our breath and Ben eased me back up. He carefully undid the belt without speaking, rubbing his thumb over the skin and kissing my wrists gently.

He checked over my body, tenderly turning me, running his fingers softly over my skin. Satisfied, he lifted me into his arms, walking up the stairs and gently lowering me to the bathroom floor.

When I’d used the bathroom, and he had fetched us a drink, we settled dreamily into the bed, lazily watching as our fingers played with each other and our bodies warmed.

“Ben… that was… wild,”

I murmured, nuzzling even closer to him.

“I nearly lost it completely when I realised how wet you were,”

he whispered.

I blushed. Hard.

He turned his head to look at me and laughed. “Now you blush?”

I turned my face away, but he rolled easily on top of me, kissing my flushed cheeks.

“I think you know full well I haven’t been in control of my body since you dragged me inside yesterday,”

I confessed, looking into his eyes, tucking my face into his palm.

“Was I too rough? I should have checked in more. I would usually. You just seemed like you were into it, and it turned me on so bloody much.”

“I was extremely into it. To give you control like that, and trust you. So much of my life has been people taking control away from me. Giving it you, of my own volition, it was empowering.”

In response, he leant forward and kissed my lips delicately.

“So, what, now?” I asked.

“Well, I mean, I could probably go again, if you keep looking at me like that.”

“Funny. No, I mean, what are we going to do when we go back? My body needs a rest. Otherwise, I’ll start to expect this treatment all day every day.”

“All day?”

he teased, his fingers slipping over my shoulder and tickling my neck.

I tilted my head in response and took his hand in mine so I could focus. “Ben,”

I pushed as he grinned, lifting my fingers to his lips like he had before.

“I hear you. I understand. You need some space, so I’ll wait. I will wait and you just let me know whenever you feel like indulging me with your company.”

“Indulging you?”

“Yes. We can go on more dates, too. I was actually thinking of taking you on holiday, I just hit a stumbling block with your lack of a passport.”

“Passport? You thought this through so much you tried to get me a passport?”

“Of course, pretty much after our first date, actually.”

I felt emotion rise to my eyes. He noticed, smiling gently.

“That’s really sweet, Ben. Thank you… for thinking of that.”

“Well, I pretty much sorted it, actually. So, you just let me know when you want to go.”

“What about work?”

“What about it?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Ben, you have gone mad.”

He chuckled softly. “I mean, how corny do you want me to get, here? For the record, I would take you home tomorrow, if it were my choice. The spare bed’s no longer an option, of course, but like I said, no pressure.”

My heart thumped at the thought of a real future with Ben.

“And what about your office, and the VAT project?”

He kissed my forehead briefly as my other hand ran up his back, tracing careless circles.

“We keep it casual. You want to come in and help out, or just plain flirt with me, you’ll always be welcome. No job offers, I promise.”

“So, you would just have me live with you… as your girlfriend?”

“Well…”

He grinned. “I’d propose if I thought you would say yes, for real this time.”

“Ben!”

I shrieked and pushed both my hands against his chest. “That’s not funny.”

“I’m not joking… entirely. I get it now, I understand, and I mean it, I’ll wait. I will. If there was any part of me that doubted you were my soulmate, you blew that out of the water on that chair earlier.”

Every part of me stilled. “Ben,”

I whispered, not sure what else to say, some ridiculous part of me wanting to scream ‘yes’ and just get totally lost in him forever.

“Do you think I could make you happy?”

he asked, his expression suddenly serious. “I mean it. Do you think it would be enough? You’ve been through so much. I’ll honestly understand if you need to go and see more of the world, explore on your own.”

I thought about it. I thought about building a business I was passionate about; having horses; hell, maybe even travelling. But as the possibilities floated through my mind, I knew; I knew with an exact certainty what I’d never known before.

“Ben, I don’t want to do anything like that without you.”

Out of nowhere, a tear rolled down my cheek, instantly embarrassing me. I wiped it away as Ben stared at me intensely, with an expression I suddenly couldn’t read at all.

“What are you saying?”

he asked quietly.

“Well, for starters,”

I sniffed as he held my cheek, ready to catch another stray tear, “I’d love to come home.”