Page 51 of Irreconcilable Attractions (Westwend Boys #1)
Derek
My phone sat before me on the kitchen table, my eyes locked on it as if it were an instrument of mass destruction. Running a hand over my jaw, I let out a weary sigh. In a way, the device would be causing mayhem, but it would only affect a few lives.
I had yet to call Cecilia regarding canceling my trip to North Carolina, despite every part of me not wanting to go.
Logically, I could recognize that our relationship since the divorce had hardly been a healthy one.
The best course of action should be to cut things off.
So why did the idea of going no contact with her twist my stomach into knots?
Drumming my fingers against the table, I released a slow breath through my nose, my chest squeezing painfully as I finally allowed myself to admit the truth.
Somewhere deep inside me, I was still desperately searching for some semblance of the woman who had cared for me growing up.
The one who had fed me, clothed me, and comforted me when I was sick.
I clung to the hope that maybe, one day, that spark of motherly affection would reignite in her.
Because otherwise, what did that say about me?
“You don’t have to do this today if you don’t want to.” Colton’s voice from across the table was gentle and pulled me from my heavy thoughts. I sent him a loving, but small smile.
“I know. But I want to. I’m just… struggling to pull off the band-aid.” I admitted.
He chewed on the inside of his cheek, nodding his head slowly. “You take all the time you need, baby. I’ll be right here regardless of what you decide.”
I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the sense of security I felt from having Colton near me.
His love was a safety net I could always rely on, and the knowledge he’d be there to catch me after the fall almost chased away the unease.
There was a quiet strength to him that I knew I would be leaning on for this conversation.
When I opened my eyes again, I took a fortifying breath before reaching for my phone. My heart slammed against my sternum as I pulled up Cecilia’s contact, my finger hesitating briefly before pressing the call button. The first sound of ringing had nervous energy coursing through me.
“Please be quick, Derek, I only have a few moments,” Cecilia said by way of greeting.
Her shrill tone had my eyes locking onto the green ones across from me, the clear affection dancing within them feeling like a soothing balm. “That’s fine. I’ll be brief.” I said, my voice sounding steadier than I felt. “I’m not coming to North Carolina anymore.”
There was a short pause before, “Excuse me? We had an agreement. You think it’s acceptable to shirk your responsibilities?”
Right, because at the end of the day, all you care about is the money I can make for you.
“To be frank, Cecilia, I have no such responsibility there. As I’ve told you before, your financial concerns have nothing to do with me. George is a grown man who is more than capable of closing his own contracts. ”
She scoffed. “You don’t think you have a responsibility to see your mother for a family holiday?”
Dropping Colton’s gaze, I rolled my shoulders in an effort to settle the residual emotions that still tugged at me. Her words were a reminder that despite the conflicting feelings I held for this woman, she would never hold that title. “I will be spending time with my mother; Toni .”
“You ungrateful boy.” Her voice dripped with contempt. “That woman didn’t give you life. She has no more of a claim as your mother than the cow whose milk you drank growing up.”
Reflex had me biting my tongue, holding back the words that wanted to spill free as I fought against the part of my brain still pleading for civil interaction.
“Is it because of Lucy? Are you not coming because of her?” The sound of my sister’s name from Cecilia’s lips was vile, anger coursing through my veins at the way it was spat out like an insult.
Working my jaw, I took a slow breath, trying to quell the desire to let loose the years of resentment festering inside of me.
“Really, I don’t understand why you’re so attached. She looks nothing like you or your father.” She continued when I didn’t respond, her disdain for my sibling still clear in her tone. “I, for one, would not be surprised if it turned out you weren’t related at all.”
Red streaked across my vision as Cecilia’s words registered, my fist coming down onto the table beside me at their implication.
I opened my mouth to let the venom fly when Colton’s hand shot out before me.
Our eyes met again, his wide and pleading, as he stretched his fingers apart in a clear invitation to soothe the wrath that threatened to boil over.
Slipping my hand into his, I let out a steadying breath as I gave him a grateful squeeze.
Whether she was baiting me for a reaction she could use against me or not, it didn’t matter.
Stooping to her level wouldn’t do me any good.
“Lucy has nothing to do with this. I’ve met someone and will be spending Thanksgiving together with both our families.” I stated, trying to keep my delivery as neutral as possible.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Derek.” Cecilia huffed. “You can bring your girlfriend with you to North Carolina. If that’s what this is all about, you could have said so sooner. There was no reason to draw this out.”
“I’m not bringing my boyfriend , Cecilia. As I said, we’re having Thanksgiving together with both our families here in Texas.”
Silence fell over the line, the seconds ticking by allowing something ugly to claw its way through me.
Straightening my spine, I tried to feign the strength I needed as dark emotions slashed through my gut with little remorse.
Just when I was sure I’d lose myself to them, Colton’s thumb lightly grazed over the top of my hand, the contact sending ripples of warmth through me.
He squeezed softly, that simple movement somehow feeling like docking in the safest harbor after months at sea.
It was my reminder that no matter what Cecilia would say, I could weather it with him by my side.
After another moment without a response, I let out a small sigh. “If you don’t have anything else to?—”
Cecilia’s voice was clipped as she cut me off, “Did you say boy friend?”
“I did,” I said, letting my eyes fall to where our hands were joined on the table.
“Derek, you’re not gay.” She stated flatly, almost making me want to laugh. Did she believe she could dictate my sexuality to me?
“This will probably be the only time I ever say this, but you’re right, Cecilia. I’m not gay.” I rolled my eyes, the small chuckle Colton let out settling me just a little bit more. “I’m bisexual.”
“Bi— Excuse me? What in the world has gotten into your head, Derek?”
“Look,” I started, “I have no desire to discuss the spectrum of sexuality with you. I called to inform you that I’m no longer coming to North Carolina as I’ll be with my boyfriend and our families. That’s all.”
There’d been a whole host of emotions that I’d prepared myself to face when I’d decided to make this call. I’d expected hostility or rage. Thinly veiled threats wrapped up in emotional manipulation were a given. But when the first sounds of sniffles came, I found myself utterly shocked.
“Are you crying?” I asked, somewhat dumbfounded. There hadn’t been a single tear shed when she’d agreed to hand over custody with once yearly visitation rights, but now she was crying?
“Yes!” She wailed, “Of course I’m crying! I can’t have a queer for a son!”
I sucked in a deep breath, my brain trying to process the flood of emotions coursing through me. That one word was laced with so much derision, the impact scattering the delicate pieces of myself to the floor. How was it that one syllable could sting so much?
“Derek, you’re straight!” She continued on, her words only interrupted by her excessive sniffling, “You have to be! You’ve always dated women.”
My throat clicked, the inside of my mouth and esophagus feeling bone dry. “Again, bisexual. It means I like men and women.”
“Then pick a woman, for Christ’s sake!” She screamed, the words loud enough that Colton must have heard them, given how he gripped my hand.
I glanced up, taking in the furrowed line between his eyebrows and the tight set of his jaw.
He mouthed, ‘ Are you okay? ’ and I nodded.
He sucked in a short breath as I responded to Cecilia.
“I’m not going to pick a partner to fit some expectation you have of me, even if it did work that way. Falling in love with my boyfriend has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me.”
“Love?!” She let out a humorless laugh, her earlier tears seeming to have dried up. “Two men can’t love each other. It isn’t right. It’s not natural. You moved to some nowhere town in Texas, right? I bet he’s some cracked-out pervert who?—”
“Finish that fucking sentence, Cecilia, I fucking dare you.” I seethed, voice low as that earlier rage bubbled to the surface.
“One more word out of your mouth regarding my boyfriend, and I swear to God, I will sue your miserable ass for slander. You can kiss the country club memberships, fancy cars, and lavish lifestyle you’ve come to know goodbye, because by the time I’m done, you won’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. ”
“You wouldn’t dare.” She scoffed, but the slight wobble to her words told me she knew otherwise.
“Watch me,” I growled.
Cecilia let out an astonished huff, “You’d do that? Sue your own mother over a fag?—”
The word hadn’t completely formed on her lips before I ended the call, the onslaught of rage and disgust causing me to toss my phone aside. It clattered noisily onto the table as I released Colton’s hand to rub at my face. “I can’t fucking believe her. How dare she?”
“What did she say?” He asked.