Page 55 of Infidelity Rules

“We can do this, right?” I ask softly. “You won’t regret choosing me?”

“Never,” he says, holding me tight. “My only regret would be letting you go.”

After a long, deep, brain discombobulating kiss, we finally part and say goodbye.

“I love you,” we say in unison.

I find my mother eagerly waiting for me back inside the house.

“He’s just a dream,” she says, beaming at me. “Just simply a dream. I cannot wait to help you plan your wedding.”

“Whoa. Slow down, mom, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re new and I don’t know where this is going yet.”

“Well I do. It’s clear he’s utterly besotted with you,” she says, picking up my emerald-clad wrist. “And no man gives a gift like this without thinking you’re wife material. Not a chance.”

“Maybe,” I say, trying not to break into a huge smile. “But it will be a while yet.”

“Don’t wait too long. You don’t want to let this one get away. He’s terrific Quinn. And he adores you. Your father and I couldn’t be happier.”

I am going to have to explain this new baby to my parents. To MY FATHER. How am I supposed to do that? They can do the math.

I don’t know why this realization suddenly dawns on me.

It’s as if my brain is still stuck in infidelity mode and I need to shift gears into real relationship mode.

I can’t keep everything separate and clean anymore.

My relationship with Marcus, and all the baggage that comes with it, will have to be woven into my life.

My family. My friends. They will all know.

I am the other woman. I will always be the other woman.

.....

Julian and I say goodbye to Alex and my parents and then we bundle up and head for home. He offers to drive and I gratefully accept.

“Well, you were right, that was a stupid amount of food,” Julian says with a smile. “But so good. Thanks for including me. I love your family.”

Family. There’s that word again. Why does it keep catching in my throat?

“See? I told you it would be a good time,” I say. “I’m so glad you finally met everyone. And they had the chance to meet you.”

We drive in silence for a while, Julian tapping out a drumbeat on the steering wheel with his thumbs.

“How long have they been married?” he asks. “Your parents.”

“Oh man, approaching 50 years I think. Something absurd like that. So crazy to think about.”

“Wow. It is. My parents were only married a few years.”

“Really? I didn’t know they divorced.”

“Yup,” Julian says, nodding. “My dad left when I was six.”

Ohhh, that hurts.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “Was this the Whack-a-Mole dad who wasn’t into having a musician for a son?”

Julian laughs. “The very one. I still saw him obviously, but it was different. It’s nice to see people like your parents, together forever.”

“Yeah, I hope to have that someday. It is pretty amazing. I just never thought it was in the cards for me.”

“Well, you better get after it,” he says, smirking. “You’re not getting any younger.”

“Hey! Look who’s talking,” I say, smacking him in the arm.

“I’m not the one interested in getting married,” he says. “Speaking of, you and Marcus seem happy. Stupid happy, in fact.”

“We are,” I say, blowing out a sigh and running my fingers through my hair.

“I know, Q,” he says softly, glancing at me. “It’s great and it sucks. I’ve been watching you struggle.”

I nod and stare out the window.

“I want him, Julian. At any cost.”

“Any?”

I nod. “Does that make me a monster?”

“No, Q, it doesn’t. Honestly, I felt the same about Violet.”

“But you don’t have her.”

“She didn’t want me. She wasn’t for sale,” he says with a wry smile.

“Her loss,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.

I feel like a monster.

When Julian speaks again it’s as if he’s reading my mind.

“Evil doesn’t have a conscience, Q. If you were a monster, you wouldn’t feel so torn up about this.”

“So maybe I’m just a giant ass, then?”

Julian smiles at this. “I can get on board with that,” he says, laughing.

I smack him again, but just a teensy bit harder. “That’s it, my friend. No leftovers for you,” I say, gesturing towards the back seat, which is piled high with containers of stuffed shells and antipasto.

“Thanks for listening, Julian. I think I’m going to be okay.”

“I know you are,” he says gently. “Just remember, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”

“Is that true? It’s hard to untangle myself from that.”

“Absolutely true, Q. You’re the one who has to live with your decision. You’re the one who has to answer, every day, to your own heart and mind.”

.....

My heart and mind want Marcus, I think, as I crawl into bed with a glass of milk and two Nutter Butter cookies.

I don’t just love him, I feel consumed by him.

It’s as if he’s wrapped his heart and soul around me and has simply absorbed me into his being.

I know, in the deepest, darkest caverns of my mind and gut, that I will never love another the way I love him.

No regrets, Quinn. No regrets.

I’m dunking a cookie in milk when my phone pings. It’s either Marcus or an emergency, as nobody else would be texting me this late.

It’s Cindy. What the …?

Cindy: Hey. Juliette wants lessons.

You have got to be kidding me. I know I should just ignore this, but I can’t. It will keep me up and I really need to sleep tonight.

Me: Nope.

Cindy: Oh hey, you’re awake! Come on, why not? I told her I’d ask.

Me: When hell freezes over. That’s beyond absurd. I am not giving up Marcus, so no way am I giving her lessons.

Cindy: Oh. So you’re not leaving him?

Me: I’m not.

Cindy: Wow. Okay. I was so certain you would …

Me: You were wrong.

Cindy: Well, you should.

Me: This has nothing to do with you. Don’t make me regret ever starting your lessons.

Cindy: I sort of told Juliette you would probably dump him and give her lessons.

This makes me laugh out loud. Cindy is a piece of work. Even if I were to let Marcus go, I wouldn’t dream of helping Juliette win him back. It’s a preposterous notion.

Me: Wrong! Good night Cindy. And please don’t ask again.

Cindy: Roger that. One last thing. Zack and I were arguing. I brandished a boob! It worked!

I laugh again, almost spitting out a chunk of cookie.

I’m happy those two are working things out.

They are a good team and I’m sorry I ever messed with Zack.

But Zack was never Marcus. With Zack, I always knew I could walk away, intact and whole.

With Marcus? Not a chance. I’d feel blown apart.

Even more so than I did after Liam dumped me.

Liam.

I haven’t thought about him in a long time.

His timing was atrocious but, in the end, he did the right thing, the hard thing and I’m now grateful he had the gumption to call off the wedding.

What if he hadn’t? We might be married now.

Married and miserable. Liam, stuck with a wife he doesn’t love and me, running around like a lunatic just trying to make him happy. To make him stay.

I shudder at the thought.

What’s the right thing now? For me? For Marcus?

I finish my late-night snack and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I look at myself in the mirror. Really look. Without the benefit of makeup, I look wan and worn and well, sad.

I am okay , I think, staring at my reflection as tears start to fall.

At least, I’m going to be. I have to be.

I flop into bed hoping for sleep to come quickly when my phone lights up with a final text.

Cindy: She’s having a boy!