Page 44 of Infidelity Rules

Dezi shakes her head. “I was blown away,” she says. “I had no idea it was coming. I mean, we had discussed marriage, obviously, but nothing else. He never even asked what kind of ring I’d like.”

“Seems like he chose perfectly.”

“He did. It’s exactly what I would have picked out myself. I still cannot believe it’s mine. And that Elliot is going to be mine,” she says, grinning at me.

I smile right back at her. I look at her ring again and shake my head. “It’s absolutely stunning. Which is fitting, as you are going to make a gorgeous bride.”

“Oh god, don’t remind me. Wedding planning seems so daunting.”

“Well, I am at your service,” I say, giving her a little bow. “And just think of all the dress shopping you get to do. And shoes!”

“Shoes! Wedding stilettos! You sure do know the way to my heart,” she says, her sapphire blue eyes lighting up.

“You know you must have a cheese station at your wedding, right? That’s non-negotiable. People are going to expect some seriously good cheese.”

“Oh boy, maybe we’ll just elope,” Dezi says. “Maybe I’m too old for a big, white wedding.”

“Nonsense. You can have any kind of wedding you want. Wear a red gown. Or just a bikini and heels on the beach. Or go to Jamaica or Florence or Paris. Just don’t run off and do it in secret.”

Dezi laughs. “I wouldn’t do that. Although a very small destination wedding is enticing.”

“Just promise me that I’ll be there. You are not allowed to get married without me.”

“I promise,” she says, squeezing my hand. Dezi hesitates for a moment and then looks right at me. I know that look. She’s gearing up to tell me something I’m not going to like.

“Spill it. What’s going on?”

“Quinn. Elliot has made peace with the fact that you are in my life. And right now, that also includes Marcus to some extent.”

“But?”

“But it’s our wedding day,” she says, her eyes meeting mine. “We’ll be taking vows. And you’ve made it rather clear you don’t respect them.”

I stare at her.

“Those are Elliot’s words, Quinn, but I have to say I sort of agree with him.”

“Okay. So what are you trying to tell me, exactly?”

“Elliot doesn’t want you in the wedding,” she says with a sigh. “He’s pretty adamant about that. If we decide to have a wedding party at all, he wants people up there with us who honor marriage vows. It’s hard to argue with that.”

I’m quiet. I can see Elliot’s point, unfortunately. I can see how hard I’ve made things for Dezi. I can’t change my past, but what I can do now is make life easier for my friend, no matter my disappointment.

But I am sad.

“You’re my best friend, Dezi. I wouldn’t get married without you at my side.”

“Believe me, I know. I’m wrestling with this. But Elliot’s going to be my husband. We’re going to be a team. And I can’t simply ignore him.”

“What’s your opinion?” I ask.

“That you’re my family. That you have a giant heart. And I love you. I stand by you Quinn, but your actions do have consequences,” she says softly. “They reverberate outside our friendship.”

I don’t know what to say. But she’s right. I am hurting the people I love the most.

“Quinn, I’ve always been honest with you. I think I agree with Elliot on this one. He makes a very valid point.”

I can swallow my hurt. I can. I have to . I’m the one who put Dezi in the middle.

“Can I still help you pick out a dress?” I ask.

“Of course,” she says, engulfing me in a hug. “I wouldn’t dream of choosing a dress without you.”

“I’m still at your service for anything else you need,” I say, tightly hugging her back. “I don’t need a title.”

“Thank you, Quinn.”

I smile as I watch her face split into a grin.

“I’m getting married,” she says softly.

“You’re getting married,” I echo. “It’s huge.”

We drain our Champagne flutes and Dezi gives me a final goodnight hug.

“I’m so glad you stopped by. You made my night.”

She smiles and waves goodbye to Julian.

“You know,” Dezi says to me, “Not making a choice is, in fact, making a choice.”

“You’re getting married!” I say, ignoring her comment and hugging her back.

.....

I watch Dezi leave. Elliot irks me, but I also feel somewhat guilty.

Mostly though, I’m delighted for Dezi. She and Elliot are a great match and it’s clear they adore each other, which is key.

In fact, I’m not sure who loves the other more, which also bodes well for a life-long marriage.

That, and Dezi knows how to choose well, a skill I most certainly lack.

I am so wrapped up in Dezi’s news I almost forget about Marcus’s note.

Almost.

As if on cue, Julian returns with the note I had hastily cast aside.

I open the envelope.

My beautiful redhead,

Emeralds are green

Your eyes are green

I, too, like cheese

I’ve left my wife

Your eyes are still green

Cheese

It’s true. I have left Juliette. You are the one for me. The only one.

I love you Quinn.

Marcus

I am lightheaded. I am dizzy. I think I might throw up. But I also feel like I might want to try on wedding veils. OH MY GOD.

I put my forehead down against the cool marble of the bar.

“Hey, Q, everything okay?” Julian asks softly.

I hear Julian but it’s muffled, as if he’s talking to me underwater.

My body feels as if it’s peacefully floating and yet my heart and lungs are pounding and expanding as if I’m sprinting.

I am conflicted in every possible way. I want to jump up and down like a kid receiving her first big-girl bike on Christmas morning.

I want to run as fast and furiously as possible to burn off the sizzle of energy emanating from my skin.

I want to wrap my arms around Marcus and never let go.

I want to dance. I want to throw myself into the ocean and get pummeled by the waves.

I want to hurl. I want to slap Juliette for ever marrying my man.

And I want to slap myself for ever getting this involved.

I feel a pair of strong hands on my shoulders. “Q. What’s going on?”

Julian’s touch pulls me out of my fugue.

I look up into his concerned face and whisper, “Marcus has left his wife.”

Julian’s eyebrows shoot skyward as my cheeks split open uncontrollably. I am beaming.

He looks at my face, a soft smile on his lips. “Well, I was going to ask how you feel about it, but it’s pretty clear by the look on your face.”

“I’m not sure how I feel,” I say, feeling my cheeks flush.

“That’s not what it looks like to me,” he says, gently. “I’d say you know precisely how you feel. Your brain just hasn’t caught up yet.”

He’s right. For an instant, I felt nothing but joy. But as we sit in silence, my heart stills and I can hear the cacophony of alarm bells clanging in my head. I feel the cold creep of fear, like ice water down my back. I am spooked.

“It’s a lot,” I say, starting to tremble.

He nods. “Yes.”

“I just broke up a marriage,” I whisper.

“Doesn’t sound as if there was much left to break up. And remember, you’re not the one who took vows.”

We are quiet for a moment.

“Fuuuuck. Julian. I don’t think I can do this,” I say, feeling a tidal wave of panic rapidly rising and choking off my airway. “I wasn’t supposed to fall in love,” I say, barely squeaking out the words. “He wasn’t supposed to leave his wife.”

“Q. What are you so afraid of?”

I can’t speak. I can only shake my head and take in what feels like small sips of air. I am seriously FREAKING OUT here.

Okay Quinn, snap out of this , I say to myself, trying to suck in oxygen. Marcus is not Liam. He’s not. And he’s not Chris.

“I’m afraid of destroying what we have,” I say slowly. “Of making yet another horrific mistake. Of hurting each other so deeply the wounds will never heal.”

Julian wraps me in his arms. “Quinn,” he says softly. “What you should fear most is missing out. Missing out on your Violet. Don’t suffer through that kind of pain.”

“Oh Julian.” I pull back and look up at him.

“Hey, I’m good. But I’ll always be a little tormented by the big What If. Don’t sign up for that if you don’t have to.”

I nod. “You loved her.”

“I did,” he says simply. “Still do. But it’s just a quiet hum of pain now. And more of regret than anything. Quinn, you love Marcus. Don’t let fear hold you back. That’s not living.”

“No regrets,” I say, feeling my heart rate slow, the frenzied panic almost leaking from my skin. My bones sag with the emotional exhaustion of it all. But I feel better. Calmer. Julian’s words and presence a soothing balm.

“Q. You are smiling again,” Julian says with a grin.

“I guess I am,” I say, my cheeks starting to ache. “My heart knows what it wants, I suppose.”

“It usually does. The real question is, will you listen?”