Page 54 of Infidelity Rules

“Q. Tell me why I’m coming with you again?” asks Julian as we start the drive to Baltimore to have dinner with my family.

“Because Marcus likes you, Alex likes you, I adore you and you need a solid, home-cooked meal,” I say, smiling at him. “And my mother is making a stupid amount of food.”

“And …?” he asks, looking at me suspiciously.

“And I hate the drive by myself.”

And I want to pick your brain. And I need some extra distraction from my love triangle. And if Marcus and I actually get engaged someday, I’d like you in the wedding party. So it’s about time you met my parents.

We are off to Baltimore for an early dinner.

Alex is coming, of course, and Marcus is meeting us there as he has a flight later.

Dezi was supposed to come as well, but apparently there’s some crisis with Emma and Greg, so she’s sticking around to help Elliot with the girls.

Greg, I’m told, is still trying to win Emma back, but she’s having none of it.

I guess she reached the limit of her patience.

“Please tell me you aren’t trying to set me up,” says Julian warily. “You promised you wouldn’t.”

“I’m not, I swear. I wouldn’t try to pull a stunt like that on you. I know better. You’d never talk to me again.”

“You got that right,” he says, leaning back in his seat. “Okay then. I’m game for a good meal. And I dig your brother. He’s a good guy.”

“And Marcus?”

Julian sighs. “Q. I have always liked Marcus.”

“But ...?”

“But cheating on your wife and then leaving her when she’s pregnant? I’m not so sure he falls into the good guy category.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” I whisper. “They were over long before he met me, but he couldn’t just leave at the time. She was fragile. If anything, doing the right thing back then sort of screwed things up for him now.”

Julian nods. I can feel him looking at my profile as I watch the road.

“I trust your judgement, Q,” he says. “You know him better than I do. And I don’t claim to have any clue as to what goes on inside another person’s marriage.”

“You think I’m doing the wrong thing,” I say.

“Only you know what that is. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

“Not even you?” I ask, smiling and playfully punching him in the arm.

“Especially not me,” he says with a wink.

.....

We are the last to arrive at my mom and dad’s place. Marcus comes out of nowhere and is on me in a flash. I melt into him as he pulls me in for a tight hug, burying his face in my hair. I sigh and just breathe him in. It’s been a few days so I can’t get close enough.

“Oh, look at the lovebirds,” says my mother, coming over to pry my cheeks away from Marcus for a quick kiss.

“Okay, you can have her back now,” she says, grinning up at him.

We break apart and I’m about to introduce Julian, but find he’s already settled with a beer and is busy chatting with Alex and my dad.

How long were Marcus and I entangled? This is embarrassing.

My mom hands me a glass of wine, refills Marcus’s sparkling water and ushers us into the kitchen.

The island is covered with all things Italian.

There are several types of cured meats, hard cheeses, gooey cheeses, roasted peppers, pickled vegetables, olives, whole walnuts for cracking and three types of dried figs.

My mother also baked taralli, which are crunchy, ring-shaped, black pepper biscuits.

“You weren’t kidding about the amount of food,” says Julian, eyeing the spread and filling up a plate. “Everything looks delicious.”

“I’m addicted to these,” says Marcus, crunching through a pepper biscuit and spraying crumbs down his sweater. “It’s like Italian crack.”

I smile and reach up to kiss him on the lips. “I’ll make sure to pack a bag for you for your flight.”

I leave those two to try and make a dent in the food while I go say hello to my dad and Alex, both of whom are now lounging on the sofa and looking out at the city skyline.

I plunk down between them and put my feet up on the coffee table.

I feel like a kid again, safe and warm between my dad and brother.

Only my sister, Reese, is missing. I wish she’d leave California and join us all on the East Coast.

“Hey sweetheart,” my dad says, kissing me on the cheek.

“Yo, Quinn,” says Alex, punching me in the arm.

“Carry on,” I say, leaning back and closing my eyes. “I’m just going to rest here for a moment and listen.”

I sink into the sofa and enjoy their warm, familiar voices discussing sports and politics and Alex’s latest story.

I open my eyes and take a sip of my wine, watching the city lights twinkling in the evening sky.

My gaze wanders and then rests on a framed family photo perched on the fireplace mantle.

It’s the five of us. And it’s an old one.

Reese is probably about ten and I can’t be more than five.

Alex is just a toddler, perched on my mother’s hip.

Reese and I are sporting matching pigtails and patent leather shoes with ruffled ankle socks.

Her socks are neatly folded over as they should be, whereas I’ve pulled mine up high instead.

I remember liking them hiked up that way, oblivious to how ridiculous it looked.

My tiny hand is tucked inside my father’s and we are all grinning at the camera.

Even Alex. You can see his smile around his thumb, which he has jammed in his mouth.

My heart lurches.

Family.

I look around the condo at my mom, dad and brother. All of us together.

Family.

And then I see Marcus, lively and charming and lighting up the room. Lighting up my life.

Family. He already feels like family.

My head is spinning again and it has nothing to do with wine. I am dizzy with desire for Marcus. Marcus. Marcus. My heart stops beating for an instant and then gallops like a crazed horse when I think of saying goodbye to him.

But I can’t breathe when I think about cracking a family in two.

Where would I be today without my family, intact and whole?

But where will I be without Marcus?

I can imagine a future with an ex-wife and a stepchild. But right now, when I try to picture a life without Marcus, the screen of my mind turns to static like an old television set with wonky antennae.

Nothing.

I just want to stay wedged between my brother and father where I feel safe and taken care of. Where I don’t have to make any decisions.

“Hey beautiful, I’m stealing you for a bit,” says Marcus as he reaches for my hands and pulls me up off the sofa and into his arms. “I haven’t seen enough of you lately,” he smiles down at me.

I snuggle into his arms gratefully. My anxiety seems to vanish whenever he’s near.

“I know. I wish you didn’t have to fly out tonight,” I say, wrapping my arms around his waist and looking up into his jewel-blue eyes.

Marcus leads me outside onto the balcony and wraps his enormous jacket around me.

“Are you okay babe?” he asks softly. “You just seem a bit off tonight. You’ve barely touched your wine and you haven’t even taken a bite of cheese.”

I smile at that. He does know me well.

“It’s just all of this is weighing on me. Juliette. The baby. It’s a lot.”

He nods. “I thought that may be what was going on. I know this can’t be easy for you.”

I shake my head. “It’s not. And Marcus, Juliette showed up at my house. My house. ”

Marcus’s eyebrows go up at that. “She did what? When? What did she want?”

I look at him, somewhat exasperated. “What do you mean what did she want? What she always wants. You. She wants me to leave you. She says you would take her back if I let you go.”

“Oh sweetheart,” he says, gathering me up into his arms. “She is sorely mistaken. Our marriage could not have been saved even a year ago and I’m so far beyond that now. You know that, right?”

“I do,” I nod. “I really do. And I’ve told her that. But she doesn’t seem to believe me.”

“Quinn,” he says, tipping my head back so I can look directly into his eyes. “I want to marry you someday. And I will not have her badgering my future wife.”

My heart flips with joy at this. His future wife.

“Juliette will not bother you again,” he says firmly.

I smile and wrap my arms around his neck. His future wife.

“I know we still have a lot to figure out. And I know it’s going to get crazy, fast, but we can do this,” he says, kissing my cheeks and the tip of my nose.

“You’re going to be a father, Marcus. A father.”

“I know,” he says, smiling down at me. “It’s wild. And scary. But you’re going to be a part of this kid’s life too and we are going to tackle this together. We’ll build our own unique little family.”

Family, I think. I guess it does come in all shapes and sizes.

.....

As we head back inside, I realize I don’t even know what my mother is serving for dinner.

My brain is addled. I always know what’s for dinner.

She calls us all into the dining room and starts scooping out piles of her gooey, cheesy stuffed shells smothered in homemade marinara sauce. Yes! One of my favorites .

I’m seated between Marcus and Julian with Alex across from me. I’m inside a triangle of my three favorite men. Lucky me. I’m starting to feel better already.

We fall silent as we all tuck into the ricotta and meat-filled pasta. It’s that good. Pure Italian comfort food. But soon the compliments are flying, second helpings are passed around and the chatter and banter strike up again.

Before I know it, Marcus has to leave to catch his flight and it feels like a punch in the gut. His leaving deflates me. He says his goodbyes to everyone and I walk him out.

“Quinn, my gorgeous redhead, I will miss you,” he says, taking my face in his hands.

“Me too,” I sigh, pressing myself against him. “I just can’t get enough of you. You’re like man crack.”

Marcus laughs at that. “Well, if that’s a thing, then you’re my woman crack. I’ll be back for my fix as soon as humanly possible.”