Page 8

RAE

One second, she was drowning in his hazel gaze, the next, panic struck. Darrin’s voice from the past broke through her daze, teleporting her back in time.

He’d ask her to meet him at their spot after work. It wasn’t anywhere special to anyone else, but to them, it had been magical. The first place they kissed, said the L-word, and later, the first place they’d made love.

Nothing more than a little hidden pond almost completely shaded by three trees. Technically on someone else’s property, but they still trespassed to be there.

Darrin was sitting on the tailgate of his truck. Looking damn near irresistible in faded jeans and a tight-fitting tee. The makeshift bed in the back was sprinkled with petals from the nearby wildflowers.

In hindsight, he was making the effort she’d craved, begged for.

He hopped down as she got out of her car.

didn’t appreciate the beauty of it at the time .

She’d been cross with Darrin for weeks, and it was time for it to come to a head. His flirtations with Celeste were out of control.

When she approached him with arms crossed, he held his hands out, but she didn’t take them. Darrin didn’t notice, and instead, he peeled her hands away from her body and interlaced their fingers.

When she tried to give him an earful, he shushed her.

“Can we not do this again, Sunny? You know I love you.” She raised an eyebrow as he played with her hand before slipping a finger into his mouth. God, she hated when he did that, because it always led to sex and then they never settled anything.

Snatching her hands back, she crossed her arms. “You say you do, but every time I turn around, you’re flirting with anything in a skirt.”

“That’s unfair and you know it. I’ve been nothing but loyal to you, so I don’t know where this keeps coming from. But I can tell you I’m getting tired of being accused of things I haven’t done.”

His voice started out hurt and exhausted, but finished with a hard edge.

“Really?”

“Yeah, fucking really.”

“So, you lying on top of my sister with her hand practically on your dick or you rubbing sunscreen on her back with her top untied is a study in loyalty? All that is typical behavior of a man in love with someone else?”

His eyes completely shut down. No emotion left, not even anger. They just went cold. She knew the end was near and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. She was just so tired of hating herself and blaming him. didn’t want them to end, but the exact opposite—she expected Darrin to reassure her, but he didn’t even try.

“What about you, ? You think I flirt, well, pot meet kettle. I may not see you in action, but I hear all fucking about it. Fuck if I don’t get a detailed rundown every fucking time he sees you.”

She was stunned. Not only did she not flirt, but she also barely even talked to other men because she was so wrapped up in Darrin. Hell, she didn’t even notice other men the way she did him. They all paled in comparison.

“What? Who are you talking about?”

“It doesn’t fucking matter, . Do you really believe I want someone else?”

“How else do you ex ? —”

“Don’t throw questions back at me, . Just answer me truthfully, once and for all. Do you think I want someone else?”

She didn’t want to say it, because she knew where it was leading, but she was honest if nothing else.

“Yes.”

He raked his hand through his hair and stared at her with those emotionless eyes again.

“Then why are you here with me? You obviously think I’m an unfaithful, lying asshole who wants to fuck anyone and everyone. So why lower yourself to be with someone like me?”

His words hurt. All she wanted was a little reassurance, and he couldn’t even give her that. He never really denied the incidents with Celeste. Just explained them away at the time and listened. Celeste’s accounts were worlds different from Darrin’s.

did the only thing she could. It was effectively over. There was no way she could go on with constant doubts.

She removed her ring and placed it in his hand.

It could’ve ended there, but her hurt wouldn’t let her run away crying. She raised her chin and said the words she regretted before they were even said.

“Fine. Now you’re free to be with anyone you want. So go screw Celeste’s brains out for all I care.”

Turning to go, she held out one tiny thread of hope he’d stop her and they’d end up in the back of his truck making love, but he dashed that within two steps.

“Maybe I should, since I’ve already paid the price for it.”

And that was it. She didn’t see him again until he was in Celeste’s bed.

Virus’s hands rubbing up and down her arms pulled her back into the present.

“Darrin, I …” She what, was sorry she couldn’t open her heart? Couldn’t move on from the past? Couldn’t stay and raise Adam with Darrin, per Celeste’s dying wishes?

“It’s okay, .” He spoke words of acceptance, but his voice held defeat.

She couldn’t do it. It was too much. Going back to Vegas and leaving Adam was damn near unthinkable, but staying with Dar—Virus—was just as impossible. It wasn’t even him; it was her. felt more unworthy of him than she did back in the day. The difference was she’d burned that bridge with her own matches this time.

Unbeknownst to him, she wasn’t even mad about him sleeping with Celeste. She was over that the minute Adam called her Auntie . The thought of a world without him was crippling. Funny how she’d just learned of his existence less than a month ago, but would kill to protect him.

From the look in Virus’s eyes when he looked at his son, he would too. So would any of the Royal Bastards, she’d bet. She was extraneous. Adam didn’t need her, and Darrin would be better off without her.

“Um, I’m really tired, so I’m going to call it a night.” She was running away again, but old habits and all that. It would be easier on her if she just signed all the paperwork and left as soon as possible. Adam could adjust and so could Virus. Maybe someday he’d find a woman who loved him as he’d deserved to be loved.

A sad smile was all she could manage before dropping a kiss on the top of Adam’s head and fleeing. The difference this time was she honestly didn’t want Virus to chase her. She wanted him to curl up and finish the movie with his son.

After changing into her pajama shorts and a tank, she crawled into bed. Staying as far to one side as possible. She even bunched up the comforter so there would be some sort of barrier between them.

Surprisingly, she didn’t cry herself to sleep over Virus. She was resigned to the fact that the era of them was over. She’d effectively ended it years ago; she had just been fooling herself with dreams that could never be. She cursed Celeste, not for the first or last time either. had given up the dreams of her and Darrin reconciling until Celeste not only sprang Adam on her, but made her promise to raise her son with him.

“Fuck you, Celeste,” she breathed. She’d done everything she could to tear them apart and then, out of the blue, she tried to cobble them back together.

Forced proximity only worked in romance novels and movies. In reality, it sucked for both parties. She was an emotional wreck, and she’d seen the hurt in Darrin’s eyes, too. Even from the grave, the woman was torturing them.

She did shed a few tears, but they were for Adam. She’d bought in to Celeste’s notion that she could be his mother and for twenty-seven days, it had been amazing.

He was an amazing kid, and she would be the luckiest woman alive if someday she had a kid half as awesome as he was.

She needed some reassurance from an outside source. So, she texted Harmon to see if she was awake. When her phone rang, she answered it immediately.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Chica. So, who did it this time?”

“Did what?”

“Make you cry, was it Virus or was it you?”

Heck if Harmon didn’t know her better than she knew herself.

“Me. Darrin has been awesome. I hurt my own feelings.”

“Give me the condensed version and I’ll decide if you need my verbal ass-kicking, girl-power pep talk, or men-suck-balls solidarity speech.”

sighed. Yeah, Harmon was her girl.

“He’s been perfect, better than perfect. All … let’s start fresh like we just met, no water under the bridge. Then he gave my picture to Hook, and everyone gushed over it because of the way he’d described it to them. He apparently told them his wall needed a ray of sunshine. Can you believe that?”

“Wow, what an asshole. He should be taken out back and shot,” Harmon quipped sarcastically.

“Harmon.”

“Don’t Harmon me. You are the biggest chicken-shit on the planet. It made sense to be scared and tangled up in past pain when you had zero idea of what you were walking into. Or even after that first meeting with how that went. I had the men suck speech all cued up and ready to go. But now? Now, girlfriend, it’s all you.”

She loved Harmon because she was a straight shooter, but she also hated her a little bit for it.

“But I was awful to him and he’s being amazing.”

“Exactly, even more reason for you to hike up those boy shorts you love so much, woman the fuck up, and get over it. I would say apologize and move on, but if I know you, and I do , you’ve already apologized ad nauseam. So, get to the move-on part and decide which is stronger.”

“Which what is stronger?”

“Your need to continue punishing yourself and him for who you both used to be, or if your love for the man he is, yourself, and Adam are stronger than the past.”

And there it was in a nutshell.

Her issue with the past had never really been about him, it had been about herself. Harmon was right about so many things. would’ve been so lost without her and even more so the last month.

“Thanks, Harmon. You’re the absolute best.”

“I know, I accept thank-yous in size six, especially those amazing black boots from that one online store. I’ll send you a link. Although I am already missing the plans I had for us as platonic domestic partners.”

“Is that ?” heard Barker’s voice.

“Yeah, what do you wanna say to our girl?” She heard Harmon switch to speakerphone. “Any advice on s-e-x?” She spelled it like there were children around and couldn’t help but laugh. She had zero intention of sleeping with Darrin in a child’s bed at his brother’s house with Adam in the living room.

“Tell me she’s kidding, . You are not getting back together with that asshole after everything he did to you?” His voice was unlike she’d ever heard it before. Angry was an understatement, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“Whoa, dude, take it down a notch or ten,” Harmon scolded. From the sound in her best friend’s voice, she was just as taken aback by Barker’s venom as was.

“If you must know, we are not back together, but I think we may give it another try. I think he wants it, and to be honest, I do too.”

heard a bump, like a fist hitting something. “Bro, what did my counter ever do to you?” Harmon’s words painted a picture and one she didn’t care for.

“What the hell, . I’ve been there for you for years, begging for your crumbs. I never once hurt you like he did, but you drop me for no reason and refuse to give me another shot—but you’ll give him one?” The way he was raging put on edge. But Barker wasn’t finished with his tirade.

“Did you forget all the tears? The women he fucked. I saw you, remember? I remember how he broke you, even if you’ve conveniently forgotten. I was there to pick up the pieces, but I won’t stand by and watch you with him again.” Barker finally took a breath.

“Harmon, take me off speaker.”

When Harmon complied, spoke again.

“Get him out of your house now. That is not the Barker we know. He doesn’t sound safe.”

“Uh.” heard a door slam and Harmon squealed.

“Shit. That was … intense. He stormed off, and I locked the door.”

“Is he gone gone ?”

“Yeah, he’s backing out of the drive now and … yep. He sprayed gravel as he sped off. What the hell was that about, ? Did you know he felt that way?”

“No, I mean, he’s said a few things, especially after our disastrous attempt at a relationship. But he’d never been like … that.”

“Okay, well, we may need to redefine the parameters of our association with him after this, but we’ll let him cool off and explain first.”

“Same. But he’s quick to forgive and forget, so hopefully he’ll come around and we can have the whole gang back together. Anyway, thanks for the woman-up talk before Barker got intense.”

“You’re welcome. And forgive yourself already. I’ve been telling you for years to forgive him, but you need to forgive yourself, too. Love you, chica.”

“Love you too.”

hung up the phone and curled up under the covers. Things were kind of aligning for once. She could maybe have all the people she cared about in her life.

She drifted off to sleep with visions of them being one big, happy family and putting her roots in Provo. Step one, seduction. In the past, Darrin had been the one to do the wooing, so she dreamed of ways to turn the tables and show him what it feels like to have someone pursue him with the intensity that he once pursued her.

Someone who wanted him more than they wanted their next breath.