Page 4

RAE

cried all the way to Harmon’s. It seemed crying and driving had become the norm for her.

When she arrived, she sat in the driveway, attempting to get her emotions under control before she went inside to Adam. She knew it would be hard seeing Darrin, but she didn’t expect it to be brutal.

“Damn you, Celeste, for putting me in that position.” She cursed.

After she did some deep breathing techniques that Harmon taught her, a realization smacked her in the face.

Darrin’s, no, Virus’s words had cut her to the quick, to think she would’ve kept his child from him as some sort of sick revenge made her want to wretch, but what else did she expect? She’d earned his doubt years ago.

Their relationship had been a fairytale until it wasn’t. Doubts and accusations plagued them toward the end. It caused fractures in their relationship that Celeste was more than happy to exploit. It wasn’t all Celeste’s fault. needed to own her part in their demise, but so did Darrin.

Of course, after all the water under the bridge, it was stupid to expect him to magically trust her now when she hadn’t extended him the same courtesy years ago.

She’d broken up with him on the word of another, not even giving him a chance to explain. When you love someone, you don’t let someone else get in your head—you trust them. You give them the benefit of the doubt. It was like neither one understood that back in the day.

But rather than talk to Darrin when he’d started pulling away from her, she’d let Celeste convince her to end things with him. Saying he flirted with her mercilessly. Even propositioned her when wasn’t around. At the time, she’d thought Celeste was just being a protective older sister, but in hindsight, it seemed she’d played like a fiddle.

Exploiting her insecurities and making her doubt her ability to please a man like Darrin. God, she’d been so na?ve.

had known it practically from the moment they’d broken up. It had been a few months since she’d seen Darrin. At the time, they were both working full time and she was taking classes at night. Celeste called her to come over and she’d rushed there.

’s plan that night had been ready to call Celeste on her bullshit, then find Darrin and beg him to take her back.

She’d finally gotten a backbone and was ready to tell Celeste to get fucked with her constant negativity, and well, that was the night everything changed.

The look Darrin had directed her way at the clubhouse, after his anger waned, was the exact one he’d turned to her when she took his ring off and placed it in his palm with the words.

“I can’t do this anymore. If you want someone else, go for it. Now you’re free to have Celeste or anyone else you want.”

Maybe if Darrin had tried to stop her or said … something that night, things could’ve been different, but he hadn’t done any of that. He’d just stood there at their spot by the lake, staring at his hand that was closed around the ring. Maybe if she hadn’t constantly accused him of wanting her sister over her, he wouldn’t have slept with Celeste just a few short months later.

They were technically broken up, but in her heart, they weren’t. She’d realized her mistakes, but it was too late. Darrin didn’t know what was in her heart. As much as she wished he had, he didn’t.

Funny how certain details get seared in the mind when confronted with something so horrible you can’t even fathom it. When she’d caught them together a few months later, it wasn’t their nudity or the look on Celeste’s face that stood out the most, it was when Darrin jumped out of bed, with her ring bouncing against his chest as it swung from a chain around his neck. Her ring had been right there, touching her sister’s body.

When she’d run from the house, from the truth, his words had chased her. Begging and pleading that she’d refused to hear. He should’ve offered her his words before he fell dick first into her sister.

Before she’d even got to the end of her sister’s street, she had their numbers blocked. She fled Provo that night and stayed at a fleabag motel with just the clothes on her back.

It had been Harmon who she called to go to her place and grab enough stuff for a few weeks. She stayed there until she decided where she would land.

It had been Harmon, with the help of Barker, who rented a truck once she found a place in Vegas and the rest was history.

Yeah, she’d been immature as fuck and handled it all wrong. It was years before she acknowledged her insecurities played a huge part in driving Darrin to her sister’s bed. She could admit that now, but by the time she realized that fact, years had passed, and she didn’t know how to face the past, or face him.

It had only been recently that had finally, finally gotten to a place in her life where she hadn’t exactly made peace with the past and everyone’s part in it, including hers, but a place of neutral resignation.

Facts, it had happened, they all handled it wrong and played a role in the devastation that followed, and they all had to deal with it in their own ways and move on with their lives.

The moving on with her life ship had steered into a storm when she answered the phone to Celeste on the other end, claiming she had Darrin’s son, and it fucking ran around the minute she’d laid eyes on Darrin.

Still gripping the steering wheel, she banged her head against the back of her hands and growled.

“Why did I let him get under my skin? I knew that’s how he’d react. Ugghhhhhh!” She was so frustrated, but it wasn’t really him she was irritated with, it was herself.

She knew, from recent experience, that she needed to lead with the important info.

herself had been seconds from ending the call when Celeste’s voice broke the silence with, “I’m dying, and I have Darrin’s son, and he needs you. Please, don’t hang up, sis.”

That information had kept from hitting the end call button that day just a few weeks ago, and she listened to the rest of what Celeste had to say.

And boy oh boy, did Celeste have a lot to say. dropped everything and left Vegas for Garden Grove, California, which was apparently where her sister had landed when she found herself pregnant.

She’d arrived just in time to spend less than a week with her sister. Most of that was signing papers with a lawyer and listening to Celeste’s confessions and apologies. Then getting to know Adam.

Now, she was back in Provo with Darrin’s son and kicking herself over not following her sister’s example by walking in that clubhouse and saying, “You have a son, he’s not mine and I didn’t know about him either.”

Then Darrin wouldn’t have believed she’d deceived him and said those awful things.

With a deep breath, she exited the car and entered the house. Adam was sitting at the table as Harmon was cleaning up the remnants of his meal. After depositing her purse on the counter, she walked over and kissed him on the top of his head, breathing him in. Funny how after mere weeks, she couldn’t imagine her life without him, and that brought a new onslaught of tears.

When she first saw Adam, it hurt to even look at him, and sometimes, it was still hard, but she loved him already beyond explanation. It didn’t just hurt because of Darrin or that he was a product of the night that damn near broke her, but because of Celeste.

She lost her sister that night too. Honestly, she’d never really had her. While her sister confessed and apologized as she lay dying, it was all so would take care of Adam and Darrin, not for any genuine remorse on her part. Realizing her sister was never more than someone she shared DNA with hurt almost more than losing the love of her life.

That was yet more information that she would have to pile on Darrin, that Celeste had orchestrated the whole thing, and they were just unwitting targets. She’d alluded to having a cohort but said it would serve no purpose to dime them out. She was the one dying, not them.

Needless to say, it wasn’t a tear-filled happy family reunion before she passed. still cried though. She cried for what her machinations had cost her and Darrin, and she cried for the sister she was denied by fate, and for Adam. He was an unwitting player in a game of adults.

That was a promise she made to herself the second he became her responsibility, that he was just an innocent kid. No matter what her sister’s wishes or what passed between herself and Darrin, she would act in Adam’s best interest, even if it cost her very soul.

It just might at that.

“Go get changed into your play clothes, chica, we are taking little man out back to wear him out for the night. Then, we’ll do some yoga, get centered, and you can tell me all about your visit while we rewatch Supernatural. I’ve already got the wine chilling, and I ordered your favorite.” Harmon drawled out the last word.

Harmon was a lifesaver who knew exactly what needed. A lot of chardonnay, a double-double protein style with grilled onions with animal style fries minus cheese, a good stretch, and a shoulder to cry one.

Barker and Harmon had visited her all the time in Vegas. Not to mention Harmon and she had talked like every other day. But it was like no time had passed between them. They even had a platonic domestic life partner pact. If they weren’t married by fifty, they’d get hitched and enjoy life together. Of course, they didn’t know about Adam then, or her sister’s wishes.

She had serious doubts about fulfilling her sister’s dying wish, but she would do her best for part of it and unite Adam and Darrin.

“You’re a goddess, Harmon,” she said as she passed her to slip down the hall.

“I know. It’s so nice to have the recognition of my loyal subjects. Meet you outside and bring some wine.”

“Where’s Barker?” Since she’d been back, Barker spent all his free time with them.

“He picked up an extra shift. Now, scoot.”

After donning yoga pants and her favorite Imagine Dragons shirt, she headed to the kitchen and grabbed one of the chilled bottles. She knew Harmon meant for her to bring a small pour while they watched Adam play, not to chug the bottle, which she was tempted to do.

had just finished pouring when there was a soft knock on the door. Abandoning her task, she headed to the door, rubbing her hands together. She could practically taste the burger.

As she opened the door, she proclaimed, “I think I might just love you.” The last syllable died on her lips abruptly when she saw who was standing there.

It was not a delivery driver with an In ‘n Out bag, but Outlaw with a big bag of candy.

Before he could address her declaration, started spewing words nervously.

“I didn’t mean … I mean, I obviously thought you were someone else. Not that I’m in love with anyone, or?—”

“I completely understand.”

“I thought you were food.” She said the way Adam might if he were disappointed.

She mentally kicked herself in the ass for declaring her love, albeit accidentally, to her ex’s lawyer slash biker buddy. Looking down, she added with an internal groan, Vice President.

“Well, I’ve never been confused with food before?—”

“I didn’t—” He held up his hand, halting her nervous word vomit.

“I know what you meant. Sorry to disappoint you, but I do have food, if you can call,” he held the back of the package up and read from it. “Four types of sugar and red dye forty food. I also come bearing an apology.” He held out the bag.

In spite of everything, smiled. Watermelon Sour Patch, her favorite.

“Virus, uh, Darrin sent these, along with his deepest apologies. He’d like to meet with you, when he’s sobered of course. Wherever and whenever you’re comfortable. Your terms.”

She wanted to be snarky, but she just didn’t have it in her.

“Candy and words aren’t going to repair what’s between us,” she said, defeated. “But it will go a long way to coming to an agreement on what’s best for Adam. One we can both live with.”

The fact Darrin remembered her favorite candy dampened so much of the pain that was just there under the surface, lurking, waiting to strike. He’d never forgotten that minor detail after all the years and distance. Plus, all of the bullshit and pain, and he still held on to that minute detail. The candy wasn’t just candy; it was hope that they could exist in each other’s orbit for Adam’s sake and not rip each other to shreds … maybe.

“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to meet Adam, maybe take some video for, uh …”

“You can call him Virus. I promise not to make any more digs about his nickname.” motioned for him to follow her.

“Road name,” he corrected.

“I promise not to take anymore digs at his road name. However, I won’t promise not to think them, and I reserve the right to whisper disparaging thoughts about him outside of Adam’s range of hearing whenever the mood strikes.”

“Deal,” Outlaw agreed.

“Wine?”

“No thanks.”

“Your loss.” She grabbed both glasses and headed out back. “We’re playing outside with Adam before I put him to bed. We have girl time planned.”

She turned to him conspiratorially. “We’re calling it girl time, but it’s really an excuse to eat like teenagers, drink cheap wine and bash Darrin with enthusiasm to get it out of my system.”

Maybe she was making a mistake speaking all that aloud to his lawyer, but honestly, she didn’t even know if he was a real lawyer. Plus, Darrin’s display earlier was bad too, so hers was simply balance.

Outlaw slid the door open for her since her hands were full and motioned for her to precede him.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that. Seeing as how you’re his lawyer and may use it against me.”

“Not at all, feel free to speak your mind. I’m not here in any legal capacity. Just as his brother.”

“Noted.” Adam’s laughter drifted through the air as they stepped outside.

“Besides, I read the folder, and Virus filled in a few blanks, so I’d say he has a little bashing coming.” He closed the door behind him. “I’m sorry, by the way. For everything.”

“Yeah, so am I.” No matter what transpired, she didn’t want Darrin’s support systems thinking bad about him.

“For the record, he’s not a cheater. We were broken up when he … well, you know.” felt it was important that Darrin’s indiscretion be viewed in the proper context. Cheater, even though it felt that way, wasn’t a brand he deserved to wear unjustly.

led him to the picnic table. They sat and watched Harmon pushing Adam on the swing. After a swig of wine, she spoke.

“I shouldn’t have ambushed him like that. I’ve been in town for a while working on what the best approach would be for something like that, but I rejected every plan I came up with. You know, they don’t make a Hallmark for hey, you knocked up the sister of your ex-girlfriend years ago, congratulations, it’s a boy and he’s already in kindergarten .”

They shared a metered laugh at her attempt to lighten the mood.

“Then earlier I was at the diner. Santa and some of the other guys came in and when I realized they were Bastards, I panicked. I mean, look at him.” She waved her hand toward Adam. She’d finished her wine and started on Harmon’s glass.

Outlaw leaned around her to get a better view. “I see what you mean. Put a cut on him and no one would know the difference.” For some reason she laughed hysterically at that.

“Right? I was expecting Darrin would be pissed even after I explained, just not at me per se, but I knew if someone else spilled the beans, I’d never even get a chance to explain.”

She turned and looked over at Harmon and Adam with a lump in her throat.

“You know, he also looks a little like you. So, I could see it would be easy to mistake him for yours too,” he said cautiously.

When she didn’t speak, Outlaw apologized. “Sorry, that wasn’t very sensitive of me. I just …” He trailed off.

“No need to apologize. Celeste and I looked more like twins rather than sisters with three years between us.” She didn’t turn back his way as she spoke. It wasn’t lost on her that Adam could be her and Darrin’s.

Speaking to Outlaw but not looking at his intense eyes that seemed to read people so well was easier, so she continued.

“He’s always been that way, you know, Darrin. Spur of the moment. With everything. He feels things at light speed and makes some crappy decisions because of it. But he’s also quick to love and quick to forgive. He doesn’t hold grudges, or he didn’t use to. It’s one of the things I love about him.”

wanted to kick herself. No doubt the lawyer would pick up on the tense of her last statement. She finished Harmon’s glass too and turned back to Outlaw.Yep, there it was. He was smirking and his eyes were smiling. He’d understood the weight of her words.

“Me, on the other hand, well, I’m the opposite. I’m slow and methodical about everything. Only one time in my life did I act without thinking, and that was when I ran from Darrin. But my overthinking is how we ended up where we are now. Sometimes I’m too slow with my actions and it costs me.”

That was the understatement of the century. Had she not been so slow, she would’ve called Darrin sooner, confronted Celeste, hell, moved back home and maybe things would’ve turned out so different.

“I bet that’s what made y’all so good together. Opposites I mean. It’s all about balance.”

A sad smile crossed her face.

“She wasn’t always that way,” her sneaky friend said from right behind her. Harmon rounded the table and sat next to Outlaw, keeping one eye on Adam, who was playing just a few feet away.

shot her a look and she stuck her tongue out. Apparently, Harmon had been standing behind her for a while before making her presence known.

gave Outlaw a stern look.

“You couldn’t have warned me we had an eavesdropper?”

He gave her a shrug, but his attention was on Harmon.

“You drank my wine. The least you could do is offer me an introduction,” her friend snarked.

rolled her eyes. While her friend was watching Adam, she was also clearly checking out the man next to her.

Great.

“Outlaw, Harmon. Harmon, Outlaw.”

feigned irritation, but she was grateful to her friend for interrupting them. was telling Outlaw way too much.

She turned her attention to Adam since the two across the table from her only had eyes for each other.

When held out her arms, Adam came running into them with enthusiasm. turned with Adam in her arms. They’d achieved their goal, he was clearly tuckered out, but his eyes widened at the sight of Outlaw.

“Adam, this is your …” She hesitated for a moment but decided to go for it. She wanted Adam to have a sense of family and Outlaw was obviously family to Virus because he took up where she left off.

“I’m your Uncle Brad, but you can call me Uncle Outlaw.” He offered his hand across the table and Adam took it and shook it with the enthusiasm only a six-year-old could.

It was so adorable an ache formed in her heart that she couldn’t shrug off.If she had to give him over completely to Darrin and move back to Vegas, her heart would break.

“Do you think I could take some pictures of you to show your other uncles?”

was relieved he didn’t add Dad to that list. She was so lost how to approach that information. Besides, that wasn’t her place or even Outlaw’s. It was Darrin’s right and obligation as his father how to open that can of worms.

Adam knew they were going to meet his dad when they left California. However, he had no real timeline or who that man would be. She believed that right now the concept of his dad was just a vague notion.

Adam was a natural-born ham, so Outlaw giving him the spotlight was perfect. After a few minutes, it was clear that Adam was beyond tired, and his ham got a little less hammy. After his third yawn in as many minutes, it was time to cut the visit short.

“I’m gonna give this little guy a bath and put him to bed,” Harmon said before taking him from her. Outlaw stood too.

“It was nice to meet you, Adam.”

Sleepyhead murmured a soft response, but she couldn’t make it out.

“And you too, Harmon.”

didn’t miss the sexual tension between those two, nor the way his eyes tracked her all the way into the house. Much lower than where she held Adam.

“Are you checking out my friend’s ass?”

With zero shame or hesitation, he answered, “Yeah. She single?”

“Ugh.” rolled her eyes. “Yes.”

Outlaw’s mouth split into a grin that transformed his whole face. It was almost disarming.

They sat in awkward silence. It was like he was waiting on her to talk first, and of course she did because she really didn’t need to sit there with her thoughts so loud they were driving her crazy.

“So, how has Darr … I mean Virus been?” She groaned internally. Why ask that? She could’ve just talked about the weather in Provo or traffic. Anything but Darrin.

“Good, but honestly, it’s always felt as if he’s been missing something. Now I see that I was right.”

wanted to roll her eyes, but she really couldn’t. People had said almost the exact same thing about her.

A small smile tickled her lips. The first time Darrin had told her he loved her, he said he was missing a piece of his soul the exact shape of her. That’s why it’d hurt so much to see him with Celeste.

“Me too.” She hadn’t realized she spoke aloud until his voice cut through the memory she was immersed in.

“I know you were hurt, but why didn’t you tell him he had a child? He had a right to know, no matter what passed between the two of you.” Outlaw sounded like he felt Darrin’s pain of not knowing.

She rocked back as if he’d smacked her.

“Because I didn’t know. Adam was as big of a surprise to me as were her other secrets.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I left that day when I found Darrin and Celeste together and cut off all contact with them. Only two people knew where I was. It wasn’t until Celeste called me from an unknown number that I knew she was dying or about Adam.”

Harmon appeared silently, refilled ’s wine glass and left the bottle. She squeezed her shoulder before disappearing back into the house.

God bless that woman.

“Wow. You should tell Virus that, he thought, well, you know what he thought.”

Outlaw had the good sense to look apologetic. “He owes you an apology for one thing, but it’ll also go a long way in fixing things between you two.”

“He owes me one regardless of when I knew, but yeah. I should’ve led with the fact I didn’t know about Adam. Hindsight and all.” She gulped some wine. “I’ll talk to him; I just need to be ready to see him again. I owe him some apologies as well.”

“Do those apologies have to do with your sister’s other secrets , as you put it?” He sounded hopeful as he reached for the bottle and poured himself a glass of wine.

“Yes, and some realizations of my own, but those are things I should discuss with Darrin first. I owe him that. But also, just in general. I never gave him a chance to explain anything—I just left and pretended like he didn’t exist. No matter what, no one deserves that.”

Outlaw nodded understandably as he sipped the chardonnay.

“Not that catching your boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend, face down in your sister’s snatch can be explained in any other way.”

Outlaw shot wine across the table, and laughed. It was the first time since it’d happened that she actually felt any other way about it than overwhelming pain and anger. She’d actually laughed about it.

“Understandable.” He seemed to visibly compose himself. “Can I ask you something else?”

She nodded cautiously.

“What did you take out of the folder?”

And there it was, something she didn’t think she could share with anyone.

“A letter to me from Celeste that I had thought to share with him, but I changed my mind.”