Page 4 of Inadmissible

Taj

The Next Day

A ll I could do was stare at my brother as he drove my car.

He insisted on driving after I picked him up because he said I drove too slow.

When I called and told him he could stop ignoring me because Destin and I were over, he asked why, and I told him.

Since Destin and I shared our locations, Tyler came over to my place, took my cracked phone, and went to where he was.

He beat Destin up and Destin’s baby mama, Trenae, called the police.

The only reason I was able to pick him up without paying a bond or having to wait for him to see a judge was because Destin didn’t want to press charges.

I felt like he did that because he wanted to stay in my good graces, but not pressing charges against my brother wasn’t going to make me get back with him.

I hadn’t even bothered to tell Destin we were over.

I blocked him on everything and put his clothes and personal items outside of my apartment, including the ring he’d gotten me.

He'd popped up at my apartment three times, and I refused to let him in. I honestly didn’t think there was anything he could say that would change the way I felt about him.

I hated him.

He was disgusting to me.

And there was no way in hell I’d be able to marry him.

It was crazy how quickly my perspective had changed.

When I foolishly believed the cheating was a onetime thing, I was still blinded by love.

Now that I knew the relationship had been ongoing, I wanted nothing to do with his ass.

Cheating had officially become my top non-negotiable.

It was inadmissible in my relationships, though if I was to be honest, I was so tired of being hurt chasing love that I didn’t think I wanted to be in another relationship again.

Tyler looked over at me and chuckled before asking, “What? Why you staring at me?”

“Why did you go over there and beat that man up? You think I want to be the kind of lawyer who has to defend her own people?”

He sucked his teeth like he normally did when he wasn’t trying to hear what I had to say.

“You know I don’t give a fuck about that shit. I told that mane if he hurt you, I was going to hurt him. And that was on who?”

Rolling my eyes, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “On you.”

“On meee,” he almost sang, beating his chest with his fist and making me laugh even more.

“I missed you, Ty.” My eyes blinked rapidly as they watered. “You abandoned me, big brother.”

His shoulders deflated as he ran his tongue over his cheek. “Don’t say it like that, Taj. You gon’ make me feel bad.”

“You did,” I argued, looking out of the window to avoid the sight of him making me cry. “You left me. That’s abandonment.”

“That wasn’t my intention. I just couldn’t watch you be with a nigga that I knew didn’t deserve you, Sis.

You know I take being your protector seriously.

When you told me he was with someone else when y’all met, I told you to watch that shit.

Even with him telling you he broke up with her before y’all got together, I told you that was probably a lie.

And then what? She blasted him on social media for cheating even though he kept telling you that she was lying because she was mad he broke up with her.

“Fast forward, and you find out he cheated on you. Now I might not have the highest GPA between the two of us, but common sense told me if he cheated with you and on you once that he’d do that shit again.

And if he married you and cheated, I was liable to kill his ass.

So . . . I decided if he was going to be in your life, there was no space for me in it. ”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’m not going to marry him. Hell, I probably will never get married now.”

“Aww, come on, little sis. Don’t say that.”

“It’s true, Ty. I don’t know what it is about me that attracts these trash ass men, but I’m done.”

“You wanna know what it is?” he asked, causing me to look over at him as I nodded.

“Your light. Your warmth. Your goodness. There’s a part of you that loves the challenge of fixing people.

Helping people. Healing people. The men you’re most attracted to always have issues like Pops had.

Maybe a part of you wants what’s familiar.

And maybe a part of you wants to prove to yourself a man like him can be faithful to rewrite their history.

To rewrite our childhood. Either way, if you change your type, you’ll change the men you entertain.

And if you change the men you entertain, you’ll change the way you’re treated and the things you tolerate. ”

“I’m tired of crying,” I confessed before chuckling and wiping my tears.

“Let that shit out, Sis. It’s cleansing. Big brother back now, though, and you know I got you.”

All I could do was nod, because I was afraid my voice would crack if I spoke.

I felt peace in my brother’s protection and presence and vowed to never turn away from his guidance again.

But I honestly couldn’t say if I would need it when it came to relationships, because I wasn’t sure when I’d try again—if ever.

“Oh, he’s either real brave or real crazy,” Tyler said when we pulled up to my apartment and saw Destin standing by the door. “I’m glad I listened to my intuition and came here instead of going back home.”

“Big brother, please. Don’t touch him. Look at that knot on his head and his black eye. You’ve done enough .”

Tyler didn’t bother responding as he got out of the car. Normally I’d wait for him to let me out, but I opted to let myself out instead. If I waited, there was a chance he’d make a beeline toward Destin.

“Tyler,” I called, grabbing his arm to slow his pace.

“I’m not gon’ touch him. I just wanna know why he’s here.”

“I want to know too, but let me handle it, okay?”

He looked down at me with eyes reminiscent of mine. “Aight, Taj. You got it. I’ma hop in the shower real quick and order some food. You got a taste for anything specific?”

“No. You know what I want to eat.”

The sad smile he gave me was almost enough to make me want to cry again.

When I was sad or heartbroken, I never had an appetite.

The only thing I could force myself to eat just to avoid starving was creamy chicken and noodles.

When RJ and I broke up, I ate chicken and noodles every day for three months.

That was how I knew I was healed enough to get back to myself—when I woke up one morning wanting waffles.

“You got the ingredients? I’ll make it for you.”

Shaking my head I told him, “Nah. I’ll have to do a delivery order.”

“I’ll take care of it, Sis.”

His eyes were on Destin as he intentionally walked just inches away from him, and Destin avoided his eyes.

Had I not been so upset with Destin, I would have found his fear of my brother comical.

Destin waited until Tyler closed the door to look at me.

When he took a step toward me, I took a step back.

Lifting my hands, I made it clear I wanted him nowhere near me.

“Can we talk?” he almost whispered.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Okay,” he agreed quietly—carefully. “Can I talk, and you listen?” I nodded for him to continue.

“I’m sorry for not being completely transparent with you.

I should have told you about the baby, and I planned to after we were married.

I hoped by us being married, you’d be less willing to leave me when you found out she was pregnant. ”

“You’ve been cheating on me with her this whole time.”

“That wasn’t my plan. I really did end things with her.

We didn’t start messing around again until she called to tell me she was pregnant.

I was excited about the baby though I felt bad about cheating on you, so I started going to her appointments.

One thing led to another and we just . .

. started up again. But I was going to stop when we were married.

” That made me laugh. “You have to believe me, Taj. I went to her place to call it off and let her know I would only come around for my son.”

“Oh God. You’re having a son? May he turn out nothing like you.”

Clenching his jaw, Destin huffed before he ran his hands down his face. “I’m sorry, Taj. Please tell me you’re not completely done with me. I know the wedding is off for now, but can we stay engaged and maybe do couples counseling or something? I know I fucked up, but I can change for you.”

My mother’s words rang in my ears as I stared at him. “You won’t change for me. Not for long at least. You need to change for yourself, and clearly you don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing because you keep doing it.”

“Taj, that’s not true?—”

“Except it is!” I yelled louder than I wanted to. “You cheated on Brittany with me, didn’t you? You lied and said you broke up with her, but you didn’t . . . did you?”

He tried to take my hands into his, but I snatched away. “Look, that has nothing to do with this.”

“It has everything to do with this! You’re a cheater! It wasn’t a onetime mistake; it’s your character. You’re pathological. Just like RJ. Just like Senior. Just like?—”

“Who? Slow down , baby. What are you talking about?”

Tyler swung the door open and looked from Destin to me. “Bring your ass in this house, Taj. And if a tear drops from her eye and hits the concrete, you better hope you can make it to your car before I make it to you,” he warned, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the house.

Destin hesitated, but when he noticed the tears slide down my cheeks, he turned and quickly made his way toward his car. I wiped my tears away as Tyler slammed the door.

“I’ve had about enough of these bum ass niggas making you cry,” he grumbled as he wiped away my tears, making me smile in a way that only he could. “You’re far too good for him, Sis. I know you gotta heal and purge and shit, but don’t stay down over this nigga for too long, aight?”

Nodding, I caught the last tear and inhaled a shaky breath.

“I won’t,” I promised him and myself.

He was right.

Destin wasn’t even worth my tears. He might not have been worth my love either, but it was sincere. And I would grieve the fact that it wasn’t returned in a healthy way. Every man I’d been with in my adult life, I’d planted seeds of love within them.

They all had pieces of my father in them, and it took my conversation with my brother today to make me realize that.

All I could do was hope one day, if I had the courage to try again, that a man would allow me to reap the harvest of my love by giving me the healthy relationship I deserved.

If I had any chance of that happening, I’d have to be with a man who was nothing like my exes . . . or . . . my father.