Page 49 of Illusory (The Marked Saga #8)

We spent the rest of the afternoon testing each of the remaining elements to see if I had an affinity for any of them. While Jaqueline had been wrong about me possibly having an affinity for all the elements, she wasn’t that far off. It turned out I had six of the nine—which, though not all of them, was still practically unheard of among Anakim.

Fire, water, earth, air, aether, and energy .

I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel about it all. Mostly, I felt numb, but I figured that would change once I had time to really process it. For now, though, it was still my birthday, and I’d decided I was going to make the most of whatever was left of my day. For all I knew, this could very well be the last birthday I ever celebrated, and I wanted to do my best to enjoy every second of it, despite all the ugly things lying in wait for me in the future.

Of course, the reminders were always there with me, lurking at the edge of my subconscious in the form of three Horsemen, but today, none of that was going to exist.

Because I wasn’t going to let it.

After taking a quick shower and changing into something nice but comfortable (as per Trace’s instructions) I rejoined him in the den wearing my blue jeans and a white, short-sleeved crop top that wrapped around my waist and tied in the back. It had taken me nearly fifteen minutes to come up with something that looked nice but comfortable, so I was relieved when I saw Trace’s face light up as he crossed the room to join me, especially since he hadn’t given me a single clue about where we were going.

“I hope this is okay,” I said, gesturing to my outfit. “I wasn’t sure if I—”

“It’s perfect,” he cut in before I could finish defending my wardrobe choice. Leaning in, he plucked a soft kiss from my lips. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat up at the way he was looking at me. “So, are you going to tell me where we’re going now ?”

“Not yet,” he replied with a sly smile. “I wanted to take you out to eat first so we could talk.”

“Talk?” That sounded serious, and kind of heavy. Not exactly the birthday vibe I was going for.

“Not like that,” he said quickly, probably sensing my apprehension. “I just have a few things I want to say to you before I take you where we’re going. It’s nothing bad. I promise.”

I swallowed my worry and nodded. “Okay. Sure.” I glanced down at our casual attire. “We’re not going anywhere fancy, are we?”

“Nope.” His dimples made an appearance as he grinned. “We’re actually going to that burger joint in town. The one we ate at on our first date.”

“Our first date?” I raised an eyebrow, laughing. “Are you talking about the night after Caleb’s hockey game against Easton? The one where you punched two guys because they were talking smack about me?”

“That would be the one.”

“I don’t think that counted as a date,” I said, smirking. “Pretty sure you still hated my guts back then.”

“I never hated your guts,” he said seriously. “Not for a fucking second.”

I met his gaze and smiled softly, my fingers brushing his cheek. “I know,” I said quietly, because I did.

Things were complicated between us back then and for many good reasons. I’d never hold it against him, nor would I ever want to change a single second of it. Everything about our beginning was perfectly imperfect, and that was just the way I liked it.

“It still wasn’t a date though,” I teased.

“You say potato. I say it was definitely a date.” He stood up straighter, his tall frame looming over me, before pulling me into his arms and peering down at me. “I know I could have taken you to some fancy restaurant, and maybe I’ll change my mind once we get there, but…I just wanted to do something more meaningful.”

“You could take me to the bottom of the ocean, and I’d happily follow you down.”

His face lit up at my words, and he leaned in for a slow, lingering kiss. I sank into his arms, losing myself in the warmth of his touch as the cold slowly crept in and swept us away.

* * *

We materialized in the back parking lot of the fast-food restaurant, still wrapped tightly in each other’s arms and still kissing just as fiercely. After a few beats, Trace broke off the kiss and stepped back to grab my hand, leading us around the building to the entrance. I would’ve much preferred to stay there and keep making out, but I followed him anyway.

After ordering, he joined me at the table by the window—the same one we’d sat at all those months ago. Except this time, there wasn’t anything on the tray for him.

My heart sank as I stared down at the food. “You’re not going to be eating.”

“Nah. Gabriel and Goldilocks made sure to fill me up while you were showering. They wanted to make sure I didn’t snap and eat one of the burger flippers,” he said, his lip hiked up in the corner and setting off his dimple.

I wanted to laugh, because it was kind of funny, but the emotion didn’t quite make it up to my mouth. “You’re never going to eat again,” I whispered, the sadness reaching out to strangle me.

His head jerked back a little before understanding washed over him. “Come on now. That’s not true. I can still eat if I want to, I just…really don’t like it,” he admitted bluntly.

“Right.” I nodded, still staring down at the food as something sad and uncomfortable churned and festered in my stomach before shooting out my mouth. “I’m so fucking sorry for doing this to you, Trace. For taking your—”

“Stop,” he said, reaching across the table to take my hand. “You didn’t take anything from me, Jemma. You gave me another chance to live, another chance to be with you, and that’s all I ever wanted anyway.” He squeezed my hand. “Look at me. I’m not struggling anymore. I’m okay now, Jemma. I’m better than okay.”

I searched his face, taking in the clear blue of his eyes, the relaxed line of his jaw, the easy smile on his lips, and the way he held his shoulders square and proud.

He was okay. I wasn’t sure when exactly it had happened, but he wasn’t struggling anymore. He wasn’t angry, sad, scared, or running from death’s prophecies. For the first time in a long time, he actually looked…happy.

“That’s because I am happy,” he answered, laughing lowly as I tightened my grip on his hand. “Now can you please stop dampening our date and start eating your burger before it gets cold?”

I gave him one last look over before nodding, releasing his hand to dig into my food. He watched me for a few minutes, as if genuinely enjoying watching me eat, even though he didn’t want anything for himself.

I picked up my strawberry milkshake and took a long sip, memories of that night flooding back to me. “Just as good as the last time,” I murmured, setting the cup back down on the table.

“That was the night I realized I was falling in love with you,” he said quietly, and my heart thundered in my chest as though the sky had split open above us. “Did you know that?”

My lips parted, but no sound came out. I shook my head.

“I was so mad at myself for falling for you because I knew what that meant,” he went on, referring to Morgan’s vision that he would fall in love with me, and it would spell his end. I suppose, looking back, she had been right all along. “But I couldn’t help it, even if I’d tried. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, dreaming about you…wishing for you. The only time I ever felt right was when I was with you.”

I felt my throat tighten, willing myself not to start crying into my French fries.

“It took me a while to admit it to myself—to accept you were my soulmate, that you were destined to be mine. And when I finally did, I felt so fucking guilty for not accepting it sooner. For not protecting you the way I was supposed to. So many bad things could have been avoided if I’d just manned up and admitted what I felt.”

“You’re not responsible for all the bad things that happened any more than I am.”

“Maybe, but it still feels that way.”

I hated that he felt responsible, that he blamed himself for how anything played out. Because it wasn’t his fault. None of it was. He was just an innocent bystander, subject to the whims of Fate’s cruel hands. Just like the rest of us.

“I made so many mistakes back then, Jem, all because I was afraid. Afraid of dying. Afraid of never seeing my sister again.” He met my gaze pointedly. “Afraid of losing you.”

I looked away, knowing I hadn’t exactly made that fear any easier for him when I was falling in love with another man right before his eyes.

“I couldn’t control those other things, but in my mind, I still had a chance to change the way things turned out with you. So I held on tighter. Protected harder. Squeezed until you could barely breathe. And the whole time, I patted myself on the back, telling myself I was doing the right thing. Because you were mine,” he said, shaking his head at himself. “But I was wrong.”

I wasn’t sure I liked where this was going, but I couldn’t summon the words to stop him.

“Everything was always about me. About what I wanted. About what I thought was best for you. But all I was doing was taking from you. Taking your independence. Taking your freedom to choose. Taking your right to fall and get back up again. To learn how to fly on your own and become the person you were meant to be. I wasn’t doing it on purpose, but it’s still what I was doing. I get that now. I really do. And I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. To earn my place beside you. To only give and never again take from you.”

“No, that’s not right.” I shook my head, tears streaming down my face because I didn’t want him to see himself like that. “You gave , Trace. You gave me so much when I had nothing and no one. You gave me love, warmth, and security. You gave me a home, Trace. You are my home.”

“And you’re mine,” he said, reaching for my hand and pulling me up from my chair, dragging me onto his lap. He gently brushed the tears from my cheeks. “Come on now. There’s no crying on your birthday. Besides, there’s nothing to be sad about.”

“Yes, there is. You’re making yourself sound like a bad person, and you were never a bad person. Not to me.”

“I wasn’t a bad person, but I could have been better, Jemma. I can be better. And I know you’re going to say I was perfect, because that’s what you do. You forgive and forget and love everyone for who they are, faults and all, and I love that about you. But let me own my shit, okay? Let me be better for you,” he said, kissing the tip of my nose.

My heart swelled with emotion as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He instantly tightened his hold on me and deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into my mouth and teasing it gently against mine. I wasn’t sure what to make of his promise or the fact that he had carried so much guilt all this time, but I knew—somehow—I was going to find a way to make it up to him.

To make everything better for him.

“Thank you for taking me here,” I said, pulling back slightly to smile at him. “I’ll never forget this day.”

He chuckled, the sound all deep and sexy. “We’re not even close to done, Jemma. This was just the pitstop on the way to your real present.”

“My real present?” I questioned, still confused because this already felt like so much.

“Yeah,” he said and kissed my nose again. “Seeing as it’s your birthday, I thought you should be able to spend it with all the people you love. Including the one who isn’t here anymore.”

I frowned for a moment before realizing what he meant. “You’re taking me to the past to see my dad?” I asked, my eyes wide and hopeful and already blurring at the thought of it.

“Nope. Not to the past,” he said and then quickly continued before the frown on my face could finish forming. “I’m taking you through the Veil to see him.”

Oh. Right. Through the Veil. Of course. Because—Wait.

He was what now?