Page 35 of Illusory (The Marked Saga #8)

If it had been up to me, I would not have left my room for the rest of my life. No good came out of leaving my room. I hurt and mauled and broke hearts when I left my room. Unfortunately, Gabriel hadn’t gotten that memo when he summoned me down to the basement for a bloodsharing session with Trace.

Truth be told, I almost refused to do it, worried that it would somehow be giving Trace mixed messages, but then I reminded myself that this wasn’t about me and my feelings. It was about helping Trace. Regardless of our relationship status, he was still newly Turned, and he needed help acclimating, especially to my blood if we were going to be staying under the same roof.

After throwing on the frumpiest sweater and jogging pants I could find in my wardrobe, I made my way down to the basement to face my Judge, Jury, and Executioner, though I still hadn’t decided which of the guys was which.

“There she is,” said Gabriel as I descended the last of the stairs and paused at the bottom landing, my gaze ziplining between the three of them.

Gabriel was standing by the mini fridge holding a couple of blood donor bags in his hand as though he had been taking stock, while Dominic stood beside him looking irritated, though I wasn’t sure if it was with Gabriel, me, or the situation as a whole. Probably a little bit of all three.

And then there was Trace. Beautiful, resplendent Trace. He was leaning with his shoulder against the entrance of the makeshift prison cell with his brows pulled down together and a heartbreaking look of despair on his face like I had single-handedly obliterated every layer of his being from the inside out.

Crushing guilt plowed down onto me, cementing my feet to the ground. I felt trapped within my own divided heart. On one hand, I was afraid to even approach him, terrified that I might somehow find a way to make his life even worse with just my proximity. But the other part of me only wanted to run to him—to fix what I had made broken and make everything new and better again. To take away the hurt from his heart and bury it so deep underground that it could never find him again.

But how? How could I do that without leading him on?

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” offered Trace, misreading my hesitation. The divot between his brows deepened as his eyes took me apart mercilessly. His concern for my well-being was ever present, even as his pupils swelled with hunger.

“No. It’s fine,” I said and then cleared my throat. “I mean, I want to help.”

He dipped his head in a nod but didn’t make a move after that. He just stood there watching me, as though he were trying to recognize the person he was looking at. Like he didn’t know me at all anymore. I couldn’t even blame him for it. Sometimes when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize myself anymore either.

Raising my chin, I crossed the room to where he was standing and peered up at him, trying not to pay attention to our soulmate bond contently purring through my bloodstream. Dominic stepped up behind me, readying himself to be my safety net as he had done every time before, except that this time, I shook my head and asked him not to.

Even though I felt calmer and safer with Dominic close by, the last thing I needed was for things to get…intense again. My dreams were already torturous enough without adding more fuel to the raging wildfire.

Dominic nodded curtly and then returned to Gabriel’s side a few feet away from us.

Trace straightened to his full height, suddenly seeming impossibly taller than he already was. “Are you sure about this?” he asked, wetting his lips as the shadows in his eyes continued to gain ground. Despite the apprehension in his voice, I could practically feel his hunger slowly taking over the parts of him that were still somewhat in control.

“I’m sure,” I said, even though I really wasn’t.

He was on me before I’d even finished the thought, one hand pressing into the small of my back, wrenching me to his body, and the other gripping my jaw to tip my head up to his. For a split second, I thought he was going to kiss me, my heart already railing in my chest at the prospect of a fight I was sure I would lose, and then his breath was against my throat, rough and labored, canvasing every grove and hollow, as he held himself back just long enough to listen to the steady beat of my pulse thumping under my skin. His lips brushed against the spot for a beat before dropping down to the base of my neck.

My body shivered as his fangs clicked out and then his mouth was moving again, up and around my neck, peppering every point he passed with half kisses and slips of a tongue that felt like wet silk against my skin.

I might have told him how impressed I was with his ability to restrain himself as well as he was, had I thought I could actually utter coherent English words at the moment. I might have also maybe mentioned something about stopping whatever the hell he was doing, but I couldn’t seem to think past the skin-tingling warmth pooling low in my belly.

He hadn’t even started and already my knees felt like giving up.

An answering growl rumbled out of his chest as he tightened his hold on me and then bit down into the side of my neck, taking and giving so wickedly that I wasn’t even sure I’d felt the pain before the pleasure or if we’d skipped that part entirely. All I could feel was my hands in his hair and his fingers digging into my skin and his mouth pressed against my neck like he never wanted to let go, and the heat. Oh, god, the heat.

The bubbling liquid burned through my body like a river of lava incinerating everything it touched. It burned through the pain and the heartache and the shackles keeping me anchored to the floor and my guilt and this wretched world that sought to destroy me until all of it was gone and I was finally free again. Until I was flawless and weightless like soap bubbles floating ten feet off the ground. The more he took, the higher I went and the higher I went the freer I felt. Until I wasn’t even sure my feet were still on the ground anymore.

And I loved it. I loved every fucking minute of it.

“I think that’s enough for now,” said Gabriel, his voice coming in low from somewhere in the peripheral of my shrinking awareness.

‘Please don’t stop. I…I need more. Just a little bit more.’

Another growl sounded from deep in Trace’s chest as his hand moved from my jaw to the nape of my neck, his fingers clutching at the roots of my hair and tugging as if to answer my plea. As if to show me he had no intention of ever detangling himself from me.

Desire and euphoria mixed in my blood, fizzing and crackling like a power surge of magic shooting through my veins. He moved his other hand from the small of my back to my waist, slipping it under my sweater as his fingers trailed fire against my flesh. I’d meant to say something else to him then—maybe to tell him to stop, or maybe to thank him for making me feel so good—but some kind of sexed up moan came sailing out of me instead.

I probably would have been embarrassed if I’d had my wits about me then, but it only made Trace suck down harder as he spun us around and pushed my back against the bars. I moaned again as he shoved forward into me, every hard inch of his body pressing deliciously into the softness of mine.

The basement lights flickered violently around us, though I wasn’t sure if it was from the impending storm rolling in or just my vision giving out, and I didn’t much care to know either way. I didn’t care about anything at all—just the ethereal thrum in my bloodstream and his hands on my body and the roiling need I had to be taken by him.

To be claimed and owned in every sense of the word.

Trace pulled back suddenly, his bottomless eyes searching mine as his chest rose and fell in rapid succession. His hand left my body and moved to my face, his thumb gently caressing my cheek as his pupils slowly constricted, once again revealing the brilliant blue of eyes that stole my breath time and time again.

He kissed me then, soft and tentative at first as if to see whether I’d allow it—whether I needed him as much as he needed me—and then he deepened it, his demanding tongue sweeping against mine as my body melted into his like a popsicle on a hot summer day.

“Alright, Romeo, you’ve had your fill,” said Dominic, his sharp voice sounding like it was coming from the same faraway place that Gabriel’s had. A place too far away to matter in the moment.

The heat that had been there moments ago had morphed into something else. Something aching and desperate. Something that was driving out all reason and conscionable thought and replacing it with burning carnal need. I fucking needed this. I needed him . I needed relief from the feral thing that kept rising inside me, rebelling against the prison I’d locked it in and refusing to be kept in silence for a second longer.

His hands slid down over my hips as he gripped my thighs and picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. I moaned again as he grinded his hips into me, giving me the friction that my body was begging for. My hold on him turned bruising, my fingernails clawing at him as I tried to get more, to get close enough that our bodies could meld into one and never be pulled apart again.

‘ Do it. Take me away. ’

Gabriel cursed from somewhere over Trace’s shoulder as the temperature around us started to drop, and I knew he’d gotten my message. I knew he was going to take me someplace private where they couldn’t stop us, where he could give me all the things I was starving for. I knew—

My feet dropped to the ground as the cold left me almost as quickly as it had appeared.

“Going somewhere, angel?” said Dominic beside my ear.

My eyes flicked up to Dominic standing in front of me, keeping me steady on my feet as Gabriel dragged Trace away, ending our trip out of the basement before it could even get off the ground. I wanted to be mad at them for stopping us, to tell them right the hell off, but with the fire still raging inside me and Dominic standing so close to me with that deliciously crooked smirk on his mouth, I didn’t think. I just lunged at him.

It was only when he gripped my shoulders and stopped me that I realized I was trying to kiss him. Because obviously I’d completely lost my fucking mind.

“I…I’m…” I shook my head, trying to clear the fog from my mind, but all it did was make the room spin around me even faster. I had no idea what had gotten into me just then. “I don’t think I feel very well.”

“That’s alright, angel. You did so good.” He brushed my cheek with the back of his knuckles. “Why don’t you have a seat right here and rest a little,” he suggested and then started to guide me down to the ground.

Plopping my butt down, I propped my head back against the bars and closed my eyes, trying to stop the stars that were twinkling all around me. Everything had started and stopped so quickly that it must have given me whiplash. That coupled with the blood loss was the only thing that could explain the craziness that had just happened.

“Let me go! I said I’m fucking fine!” growled Trace, shoving Gabriel off him and then rushing over to where I was seated on the floor before kneeling on my other side. He hissed out a curse as he picked up my hand and held it in his. “I’m sorry, Jemma. I didn’t mean to—”

“She’s fine,” interrupted Dominic, his tone calm and reassuring. “She just needs a moment to adjust, and she’ll be as good as new. Isn’t that right, angel?”

I nodded without opening my eyes.

“I took too fucking much,” gritted Trace, already blaming himself as if I hadn’t been egging him on the whole time.

“Calm yourself, Romeo. You did no such thing,” assured Dominic as he continued to caress my cheek in slow, comforting strokes. “Something tells me her absence at breakfast this morning has more to do with this than anything else. Angel, did you bother to have anything to eat today?” he asked, his tone more pronounced then.

I shook my head that I hadn’t.

“That sort of defeats the purpose of compelling a personal chef for you, doesn’t it?”

My eyes opened at that, but only to glare at him for the reminder.

Dominic blinked, completely unaffected. “I’ll have her fix you something to eat right away.”

“Don’t bother,” I said and looked away when he narrowed his eyes on me. “I’m not hungry.”

In fact, I was fairly certain that anything I put in my stomach would probably make its way back up in very short order. I preferred not to put it to the test.

“If you won’t eat then you’ll need to heal the other way,” he said and then lifted his chin to Trace. “Go on.”

Trace nodded and then looked back at me as he brought his wrist up to his mouth and bit down into it. My attention fixed on the buds of blood blossoming against his skin, and I unconsciously licked my lips. It was only when he extended his wrist to me that I finally caught up with what was going on.

“No,” I hissed and pushed his wrist away like it was rat poison. “I’m not drinking your blood.”

“You need to heal,” reminded Dominic, his tone stern.

“I’m not going to bond him to me and make his life even worse than it already is!” I stated emphatically.

“But I want to do this,” said Trace, his pupils dilating at his words—at the prospect of it.

“You’re high on my blood right now. You don’t know what you want.”

“Yes, I do.”

“ No . You don’t,” I shot back more firmly. “It’s not happening, Trace, so just drop it.”

“But you need to heal,” he argued, his forehead creased with concern for me. “Let me do this for you, Jemma. Let me make it better.”

The hope was back in his eyes with a vengeance then and I knew that I fucked up once again. That I’d led him on yet again.

“Dominic will heal me.” I turned away from Trace as a sheet of ice slipped into my heart. “We’re already bonded anyway.” Granted, the bloodbond had been weakened over the last few months on account of us trying to override it, but it was always still there, lying in wait.

“Jemma—”

“I said no!”

At that, Trace shot up to his feet and punched the bars, making the ground beneath me shake from the impact before he stormed out of the basement.

I hated that I’d hurt him, but the alternative was even worse. I wasn’t going to hide the truth or let him hang on to the idea that bloodbonding himself to me was ever going to be in the cards. That was never going to happen as long as I had a say in his life and my mind still intact.

Tears burned the corners of my eyes as I looked up at Gabriel, unable to speak the pleas of my heart.

“I’ll take care of it,” he said with a knowing nod and then took off after Trace.

I watched as Gabriel dashed up the stairs and then propped my head back, feeling the sting of unfallen tears as the basement returned to silence.

“You did that on purpose,” said Dominic, his voice low and knowing.

“Did what?”

“Hurt him.”

I didn’t bother denying it as I grabbed the bars behind me and pulled myself back up to my feet. Dominic straightened along with me, his sharp eyes still latched onto mine.

“He needs to realize it’s over,” I said, doing my best to keep the emotion from my voice.

“It didn’t look over from where I was standing.”

“That was the bite, and you know it,” I defended and then tried to walk away, but the sparklers were back around my eyes again, making me wobble before coming to an abrupt stop.

Dominic clasped my arm to steady me as I leaned back against the bars to wait them out. “A Revenant’s bite doesn’t plant feelings where they don’t exist. It only intensifies what is already there. You know that perfectly well, angel,” he said, his words a hushed secret we’d carried with us since the beginning.

Because I did know. I’d always known.

He’d never said it out loud, never once threw it in my face because that wasn’t the kind of man Dominic was. He knew I couldn’t handle my own truth then. That it was easier for me to blame the bloodbond for making me fall in love with him. It was easier to agree with Trace when he’d said it was all a trick of the mind.

But deep down, I’d always known I’d been falling for Dominic since the moment I first laid eyes on him at All Saints and every day since then. The bloodbond had only ever been my excuse to be able to have the things I wanted. To have him. That was my cold, ugly truth, and I wasn’t afraid of it anymore.

“It doesn’t matter what I feel. This isn’t about me,” I said, shaking my head. “He needs to see the truth about me, Dominic. That I’m not worth the pain I’m causing him. He needs to get over me and let me go!”

“That isn’t possible. He’s in love with you.”

“So what? So were you and you were able to do it just fine,” I shot back and then crossed my arms.

He narrowed his eyes for a beat, a confused look flashing across his expression. “You think I’m over you?”

I swallowed against the painful knot in my throat as I tried to keep my voice from shaking. “Whether you are or aren’t doesn’t matter. You let me go, didn’t you? You’ve been pushing me away for weeks, Dominic. I’m not saying you’re wrong for it,” I quickly defended so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. “I’m just saying it is possible.”

“It’s not .” He shifted his weight and suddenly, he was standing dangerously close to me. Too close .

I tried to walk away again, but he reached out like a snake striking out and grabbed the bar beside me, stopping me from leaving that way. I tried to go around him the other way, but he did the same thing with his other hand and caged me in. “Dominic, don’t—”

“There has never been a single moment of a single day where any part of me has not been irrevocably in love with you,” he said slowly and with perfect inflection. “I would walk into the sun and burn until there was nothing left of me but ash if you told me that was the way it was supposed to be. I would carve my heart out of my chest and give it to you if I thought it would make yours beat for even a second longer so that there would never be a moment in this life where I would have to live knowing you do not. There is no enemy I wouldn’t disembowel, no friend I wouldn’t turn on, no end of the earth I wouldn’t walk to to make you happy. Everything I do is for you. Everything .”

My chest heaved as a hundred different storms passed through me at once, wind and rain and hail and warmth and sand, making me feel as though I might topple over from the rush of it all.

“I’ve always known you wouldn’t choose me, angel. I’ve always known that you couldn’t . But what I feel for you? That will never change no matter if you are mine, his, or no one’s.”

Hot tears were pouring down my cheeks too fast for me to stop. I looked up and met his gaze, seeing the fire blazing in his smoky eyes. A fire that burned only for me.

“You’re wrong about one thing,” I said, my broken words so low he wouldn’t have been able to hear them had he not been standing so close. “I did choose you.”

His brows pulled into a frown as his gaze ran frantically across my face in search of some hidden meaning.

“I chose you the only way I could,” I said and then pushed past his barricade, leaving him standing there, stunned and alone.