Page 31 of Illusory (The Marked Saga #8)
I stayed at the riverbank for a long while after Morgan left, watching the sun slowly set in the distance as the familiar scent of pine trees and rich soil stretched along the rolling water, wrapping itself around me every so often.
After my conversation with Morgan and the realization that the Order was in all likelihood planning something against me in that very moment, I’d needed a little more time to get my thoughts in order.
Especially considering the whole reason I’d gone to the river in the first place.
Not that I was surprised to hear that the Order was plotting against me. After all, that had been exactly the kind of underhanded, sneaky moves they’d been making long before I’d even moved here. And according to my Alt who had visited me not so long ago, they were pulling the same shit in the future too.
It had taken a while, but I was slowly beginning to see the bigger picture and understand what it all truly meant for me. So long as my heart was still ticking and my Morningstar blood flowed freely in my veins, they were always going to come after me. It didn’t matter which side of the murky line between good and evil I was standing on, or what kind of person I was, or even if I was playing ball exactly as they wanted me to. They would always come for me.
Of course, that hadn’t been the only reason I hung back at the river long after it had gotten so cold and dark out that I couldn’t tell the difference between the sound of my chattering teeth and the skittering animals in the brushwood around me.
I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t hiding from Trace or Dominic. That I wasn’t sitting there on the rocky bank of a place that held terrible memories for me, slowly freezing my fingers and toes off because I didn’t have the guts to face the two of them. But I knew deep down inside that it was a lie.
Despite knowing that what I was doing was the right thing—that choosing neither and walking away from both of them was the only way to let them go on with some kind of dignity—it still didn’t make it any easier to actually do it. To destroy them, and myself in the process.
The full moon was already casting its ethereal glow on the world below by the time I pulled back into my driveway. Despite fleeing my house like a demon absconding from heaven, I’d at least had the courtesy to text Gabriel and let them know that I was safe, and that I wasn’t going to run off and do something stupid. That I just needed some time alone to clear my head. And luckily for me, they’d respected it.
Shutting the front door behind myself, I peeled off my jacket and tossed it onto the console. Drawing in a steadying breath, I straightened my shoulders and made my way down the corridor to the living room, following the sound of their carrying voices. I knew that they would be there waiting for me because I had already informed them that I had news I needed to share. And simply because I had asked them to.
I walked into the living room and paused at the doorway, immediately feeling the tension wafting through the air like a fifth wheel as Gabriel, Trace and Dominic’s gazes latched onto mine and stayed there.
Dominic was positioned by the window with his usual drink in his hand while Trace and Gabriel sat opposite each other on the sofas. Neither of the three looked happy, and that only made me hold tighter to the decision that I had made. To the fact that I was doing the right thing. I knew with certainty that they’d never be happy so long as I was around, bringing my curses and pain and darkness into the room like it was the air I was breathing.
As agonizing as it was for me now, I knew they would be so much better off without me in the long run, when I was finally gone from their lives.
I just had to get through these next couple of weeks first.
Unable to coax myself any further into the room yet, I leaned my shoulder against the doorway and tried to gather my bearings. I could already tell they were worried about me by the way they were watching me—studying my body for any signs of injury, examining my tense stance, my downturned mouth, and the way my eyes had puffed up from crying too much. Their sharp, calculating gazes took in everything before I’d even said a word.
“I’m sorry I took off the way I did,” I announced, my words coming out surprisingly steady despite the whirlwind of emotions I was feeling on the inside. “I didn’t mean to make you all worry, I just needed to…” I trailed off, unable to finish the thought. “I’m fine, though. Everything’s fine,” I said, finishing strong with a boldfaced lie.
Dominic made a scoffing sound, though I wasn’t sure which part of my speech he was offended by. I’d already noted that his face had completely healed since I’d been gone. So had Trace’s wounds. At least there wouldn’t be any permanent scars from the damage I had caused. Well, not any visible ones, anyway.
I breathed a sigh of relief at that.
“Where have you been?” asked Gabriel, ignoring his brother since he hadn’t bothered to add any words to his outburst.
“I went for a drive,” I answered, briefly glancing at Dominic as he slowly paced the corner of the room like he was holding back a maelstrom of things he wanted to say to me. Feeling that familiar twinge in my chest, I redirected my focus on Gabriel instead. “At first anyway. Then I went to Old Soloman’s Bridge and met up with Morgan.”
“You met up with Morgan? What for?” asked Trace, as though he couldn’t fathom a single reason why me and Morgan would ever need to be in the same universe, let alone at the same place.
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you all about,” I said, my gaze purposely not lingering on either one of them for too long. It was easier when I didn’t face them head on. “Apparently, she hit some kind of snag with her visions…in that…she isn’t having them anymore. Like at all,” I added pointedly.
“She lost her visions?” verified Trace, his piercing blue eyes mining mine. “How is that possible?”
I pushed off the wall and braved my way into the living room, being led by the promise of a drink. Frankly, I was going to need all the liquid courage and body armor I could get my hands on if I was going to be able to stand being around them for any extended periods of time.
“She thinks it’s some kind of blocking spell, but we’re still not sure exactly how they even did it,” I explained as I poured myself a double shot of the darkest liquor on the cart, trying not to look over at Dominic even though I could feel his eyes practically burning holes into my flesh.
“You think the Roderick sisters are behind this,” surmised Gabriel and then quickly went on, his worried gaze bouncing around the room. “Where are we with their location? Has Caleb made any progress refining the locator spell?”
“Beats me,” I answered with a shrug since I hadn’t really heard much from Caleb after he’d done the spell for us. I figured he was already busy enough with school, hockey, and all the other things he was helping us with. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I wasn’t talking about the Roderick sisters.” I brought the glass up to my lips and then poured the entire contents down in one pass, hissing as the Whiskey seared its signature mark all the way down to my stomach.
“Then who are you referring to?” Gabriel exchanged a confused glance with Trace.
“The Order,” supplied Dominic, drawing my attention back to him.
I paused for a beat, feeling that same unwanted flutter in my chest, and then poured myself another shot.
“That is who you’re referring to, isn’t it, angel ?”
My back straightened as the flutter ratcheted into a biting ache. I really needed him not to call me that right now.
Avoiding his gaze, I nodded and then tossed the second shot down, wincing as the alcohol made its way down to the same hollow pit as the last one had before turning to face the room again.
“How do you know it was The Order if she didn’t have a vision of it?” asked Trace, his otherworldly eyes taking me apart in slow, measured strides.
“We don’t need a vision to figure this out,” I said, dragging my clammy palms up and down my hips absentmindedly. “Think about it. Why would the Roderick sisters waste their time and energy blocking Morgan’s visions? We haven’t made a single move against them, nor are we planning anything, either. At this point, we’re not even…an actual, uh…threat. To them,” I finished unevenly, noticing that Trace and Dominic’s attention had zeroed in on my curves and not at all on the words that were coming out of my mouth.
My hands stilled despite the urge to…keep moving them.
I definitely needed another drink.
Shaking off the strange impulse, I turned back for the cart. “Besides, how would they be able to pull off something like that without having access to her blood?” I asked as I generously filled up another glass for myself. “They didn’t just stop her from seeing them . They blocked all her visions entirely. Do you really think they have the kind of unrestricted power needed to pull off something like that?” I asked and then turned around to face them again, my fingers clutching my glass like a lifeline. “Because I don’t.”
Gabriel grimaced as he watched me chug my drink like the seasoned pro I was, barely wincing that time around. Already I was feeling better. Warmer. Less dead inside.
“But I’ll give you one guess who does have it,” I said, setting the glass down and folding my arms across my chest.
“I think it’s safe to assume they’re not waiting for that call anymore,” said Gabriel, his face already wracked with a hundred different scenarios of how this whole thing could go very badly for us. “They’re planning something—something they don’t want us to see coming.”
“Exactly.” I nodded, remaining fully composed despite it feeling like someone was dragging a shard of ice down my back. Hearing him confirm my suspicions out loud only made it feel that much realer. Something big was coming, and every part of my existence knew it was going to be bad. Because, when the hell was it not?
“So, what the fuck are we still doing here?” snapped Trace, his dimples pressing in as he worked his jaw muscle. “Why are we just sitting around waiting for them to hit?”
“What would you have us do instead?” asked Dominic, his lips curling at the corners like they were running their own agenda. “Assemble our band of misfits and swarm Temple on a lead balloon?”
“Better than waiting around here like a bunch of fucking ducks,” argued Trace as he jumped up to his feet and faced Dominic, like he needed to make himself taller to continue the conversation. “We need to get them before they make their move, or it’ll be open season on all of us.”
“Your attempt to punch above your weight is nothing if not commendable, but it’s a suicide mission at best.”
“And doing nothing isn’t?”
“We aren’t doing nothing ,” retorted Dominic, mocking Trace’s tone. “We’re biding our time.”
“That’s the same fucking thing,” barked Trace.
“Except that it isn’t. One is the absence of action whilst the other is calculated preparation.”
“Dominic’s right,” agreed Gabriel as he rubbed his jaw pensively. “We’re safer here so long as the house stays warded. Besides, you’ve only just Turned and Jemma still isn’t in full control of her abilities. Forcing a fight at this point in time would be disastrous.”
Trace ran his hand through his hair, considering it as Dominic’s haughty smirk turned vicious.
“Fret not, Romeo,” he said and then took a sip of his drink. “What you lack in insight, you certainly make up for in effort,” he tacked on sweetly as though he were giving him a compliment when it was clearly anything but.
Trace’s eyes flooded to black as the vibe in the room abruptly shifted. “I told you to stop fucking calling me that,” he said, grinding his words out through a clamped jaw.
Dominic’s smile dug deeper into his cheeks as I pinched my eyes shut. “Then what, pray tell, should I call you?”
“How about my name, asshole?”
“Very well, asshole , but my point still remains—”
“You got a death wish or something, deadboy?”
“Deadboy?” Dominic chuckled. “Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle dead.”
“Enough!” shouted Gabriel, his booming voice startling my eyes back open as he sprang up from the couch like it had scorched his ass. “I’ve had it with both of you and your back-and-forth nonsense! Either you figure out a way to coexist or so help me God, I will chain you both in that fucking dungeon myself.”
My eyes widened at Gabriel’s shockingly liberal use of curse words. I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard him speak like that before—like ever. Apparently, it had worked, though, because neither Trace nor Dominic said another word. At least not to each other.
“Goodness, Saint Gabriel. I didn’t think you had it in you, brother,” said Dominic, smiling as though he were somehow proud of Gabriel while Trace rolled a kink from his neck and stalked over to the fireplace to collect himself.
“For once in your life, just shut the hell up, Dominic,” snapped Gabriel as he squeezed the bridge of his nose like we were all giving him the migraine of the century. “If this is how every conversation is going to go then you both might as well do Jemma a favor and leave right now because neither one of you are helping her. As a matter of fact, you’re doing the exact opposite of that.”
Trace and Dominic’s anxious gazes veered to me as a hot piece of coal settled in my stomach. Neither one said a word, but I could see that they felt bad—for me —like they’d done something wrong to me , and it only made me loathe myself more. They weren’t responsible for this mess. I was.
“If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me Gabriel. This isn’t their fault,” I said, my voice sounding like a mouse squeak as I tried to speak up in their defense. “None of this would have happened if I—”
“I don’t give a damn whose fault it is. That isn’t the goddamn point,” cut in Gabriel and I instantly shrank away from the annoyed look on his face. “This nonsense has gone on long enough and I’ve had it. Your mind is not where it needs to be, Jemma, and it’s going to get you killed. Don’t you understand that? Don’t you get that your enemies are not going to give a single damn that you’re going through a hard time, or that your father is dead, or that your little Slayer heart is broken?”
I flinched back from his harsh words, trying not to wince.
“That is quite enough,” snarled Dominic, the smile on his face from earlier gone. “You’ve made your point.”
But Gabriel’s fiery eyes never left mine. “They’re not going to care about anything but besting you, Jemma. They’ll use all your weaknesses against you, and I promise you they will never hesitate. They will carve that broken heart right out from your chest and feed it to you while making the rest of us watch. Is that what you want?”
“Jesus,” snapped Trace as my skin prickled with fear and shame. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You are skirting dangerously close to the line, brother,” warned Dominic. “Back off.”
“Is there even a line here anymore? Because I’d love to know where the two of you fall on it,” countered Gabriel, his anger pouring out of him like a dam that had been cracked wide open.
“I wonder, brother, are you interested in knowing for curiosity’s sake or is your vested interest perhaps a little more personal?”
Gabriel’s back straightened as he glared at his brother. “For Jemma’s sake. So that she can train properly and focus on the things she needs to be focused on. Like the Order, and the Horseman, and the Roderick sisters,” he said pointedly and then shook his head in contempt. “For Christ’s sake, her Ascension is right around the corner, and she still doesn’t have a clue how to use any of her Nephilim abilities. Does any of that matter to you or are you both just too consumed with throwing dirt in each other’s eyes to notice that she is the only one you’re burying in it?”
Dominic’s jaw muscle jumped and then clamped tightly as Trace pushed his hands through his hair, his brows pulling together into a worried knot.
Unable to summon a single excuse for any one of us, I avoided his disappointed gaze and glanced down at my hands instead. What was I supposed to say to that? He was right. Neither of us were focusing on the important things or doing what we needed to do, and it was probably going to get one or all of us killed in the end.
Gabriel shook his head and then turned to leave the room, pausing at the doorway before continuing. “Do not be the reason she falls, or you will never be able to live with yourselves for it,” he warned, meeting Trace and Dominic’s eyes and then mine for a brief moment before returning his focus to them. “If you truly love her the way you both claim to, then figure a way out of this mess, and for god’s sake, do it before it damns us all.”