Page 48 of I Dream of Dragons

My relief is almost too much. I want to laugh, but I don’t feel so good. When Arkin tugs on my arm and sits me down on the edge of the cot, I don’t resist. It would be mortifying if I passed out now.

I can’t stop looking at Jai, from his long legs stretched in front of him, his pants cut to allow for the thick bandage around his thigh, the strong set of his shoulders and his callused hands resting on the sheets, the smears of blood on his cheek, the messy mop of hair.

That thick, silky hair… I want to run my fingers through it again, tug his head back to see his dark eyes. To kiss his soft lips and press my body to his chest. To draw sounds of pleasure from him.

But I also want to hurt him, scratch him, slap him, punch him, because… Because…

I jump back to my feet, sudden anger choking me. “You… asshole, Jai. Just sitting there like nothing happened. Smiling! I thought you’d gone and died and I…” I draw an unsteady breath. “I thought…”

Silence spreads around us. The healers are staring at me as if I’ve grown a second head. Tru and Arkin, too. I probably sound like I’m off my rocker.

“You were scared,” Jai says slowly, still with that broken, raw voice that reminds me of the way he dropped from the drak, so pale and still, bleeding out, as if he was already dead and?—

“Of course not,” I scoff. Here I am with all my walls down, crumbled and shattered, lying in pieces on the floor and he can see right through me, but I’ll never admit it.

Me, scared?Ha.Of course not.

“You were afraid I’d died,” he continues.

“Screw you,” I hiss, “that’s not it at all, you’re mistaken?—”

“So I wasn’t completely wrong. You felt it.”

“Felt what?” I’m backing away from the cot, plowing into Arkin but he moves to the side, so I back away some more. “I felt nothing. There’s nothing to feel.”

His smile falls. “Makhair?—”

“I have to ask…” Tru interrupts this strange conversation we’re having. “Were you the one who stabbed him in the leg?”

“No, but I should have been,” I snap.

Jai’s dark brows go up.

How dare he make me feel all this, turning me into this hot mess? He scared me todeath. I can’t believe how terrified I was, when he’s just… sitting there, being… so alive and smiling and…

Shit, what’s wrong with me? It had felt as if my heart was about to crack into two, each piece about to shatter like thin glass, leaving me empty and aching.

Hells.

“Rae,” Jai whispers my name, but I shake my head.

Turning on my heel, I stumble to the door of the infirmary and step outside. There, I pause for an infinitesimal beat, then start down a corridor I barely recall. It doesn’t matter where I’mheading. I have no destination in mind, I only need to get away from the infirmary.

Away from Jai and my traitorous, confusing feelings.

Various hurts make themselves known as I hurry as fast as I can past closed and open doors, and then a group of fae nobles who start saying something and stop when I slip past them. There’s a group of them having drinks against a frame window, and another group playing music and singing against a tapestry depicting some bucolic scene.

Hypocrites.

And screw all of this. I’m still so angry, so… disoriented, but it’s not a spatial disorientation. Rather, it’s mental. It’s a maze inside my mind, and the signs pointing to an exit are all lies. They only send me deeper, when I need a moment to collect the thoughts flying inside my head like tiny darakins, butting against my temples, giving me a headache. Blurring what’s real with what isn’t real, making me believe things I shouldn’t…

But someone blocks my way.

Panting, angry, sad, and aware of wet tracks on my cheeks, I shove at them—then stop because I realize who is standing in front of me, flanked by the royal guard.

The man standing in front of me is the fae king.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN