Page 181 of I Dream of Dragons

Of course he wouldn’t know. Of course he would be shocked.

But then he held me as if nothing had changed—or even better, as if it all made sense to him, as if he still found me desirable, beautiful… As if I haven’t changed in his eyes. He even said as much.

Can I trust it? I want to trust it.

My heart is pounding as if I’m the girl I used to be, back on the river shore, gazing at him, my eyes full of stars.

But the power ripples through me, coming awake in degrees. Reminding me of what I am. What if getting into water is a bad idea? It wouldn’t do for the maids to find a room filled with a sea dragon when they come to dress me.

Not to mention, I’m hoping to keep the news from the king for a while longer.

The tub is filled with steaming water, rose petals and jasmine blossoms floating on the surface. As I lower myself inside, I feel my magic flare. Small white scales appear on my inner thighs, on the inside of my arms, and I pray nobody notices.

I wrench the power back with all I have and hope it will be enough.

After long moments, I still haven’t turned into a giant serpent, breaking the tub and smashing up the room.

Thank the Gods. I’m still in human form.

But can I shift? The doubt suddenly hits me.

Closing my eyes, I sink briefly under the water—not too long, lest I frighten Daria again into thinking I’m drowning. Floating in the warmth, weightless, forgetting all my worries and all my pain…

No.I surface, blinking water from my lashes. I tried that. I hid from myself for a hundred years, from the memories and the sorrow. This time I’m back to seek revenge, to seek justice for my family and everyone who has suffered under the fae king’s rule.

I only wish Jai were here with me. He had seemed lost in thought earlier—in thought, memory, and a sort of controlled dread. I understand that he was never under a spell to suppress his magic, so I wonder how being linked to me is changing him.

His memories are returning, he said. That might explain the tension about his mouth and eyes as he’d held me, as well as the racing heartbeat in his broad chest.

But I will be seeing him soon enough.

The thought cheers me up. Daria comes over to scrub my back, and then I take over, using the sponge to soap my body, aware of every bruise and cut, every injury I’ve incurred in these past couple of weeks.

Then I think of Jai’s ruined back and my cheer leaves me.

The king will pay for this and all his past wrongdoing. He killed my parents, my brother, and my entire town. I can’t believe I let him convince me he was Mars for a while. That I thought of him kindly, trying to find excuses for what he’d done.

Just goes to show that the mind can’t be trusted. In my heart, I knew I didn’t love him.

Daria helps me out, wraps me in a bathing sheet, and the seamstress arrives, all business, bustling about and laying out my gown.

I finally take a look at what I’m supposed to wear to the ball tonight.

The gown is black and sleek, the weave reminiscent of scales. This isn’t one of my own. I’ve never seen it before.

Scales. I stare at it. It’s just like…

Just like me.

A coincidence? The king doesn’t know what I am, and look, the color is all wrong. After all like Jai said, I have been washed out by death. Washed clean of color, casting no shadow. No, he doesn’t know my true nature.

He must have other reasons for changing the pattern of his behavior tonight.

Tight-lipped, I let Daria and two other maids put me inside the gown, button the back, lace the glittering black corset that came separate—like an armored breastplate, I think—and fits over my chest. I smooth my hands over the silken skirt with the layers of black scale-like lace.

The seamstress immediately gets to work, fitting the gown to my frame. I wonder who may have worn it before me. A mistressof the king? It looks too expensive, too grand for that. The king’s mother?

I may have been vain once, when I was young—when I was alive—and had few real worries. But even so, the picture that meets my eye in the looking glass is fascinating.