Page 47 of I Dream of Dragons

If I run fast enough, I may outrun the sorrow, the memories, the pain.

Funny how it never seems to work out.

Sometime later, Tru stops in front of me and goes to one knee, his long blond hair sliding over his shoulders. “Rae. Are you all right?”

“Tru…” I blink. I feel as if I’ve been sitting on the bench outside the infirmary for mere moments but the small crowd that followed us down the stairs is nowhere to be seen.

“Rae, talk to me. Is he still in there? Nobody told me, I…” He bows his head, mouth tightening. “It’s the Godsdamned sea. The finnfolk taking away everyone we love.”

The vehemence. Who did he lose to the sea?

“Did he make it?” He rubs a hand over his eyes. Heaves a breath. “Is he alive?”

I blink again. “I don’t know,” I confess.

Because I lost time. And a part of me is afraid to check.

He seems to realize that, because he gets up and nods. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

But I won’t sit here and wait for him to bring me the news. I get to my feet after he’s gone, bracing a bloody hand against the wall to steady myself. The door is half-open and I push it wider, stepping inside the infirmary.

I thought I couldn’t feel the cold anymore, but there’s crackling ice in my veins now. I’m terrified. It’s an odd feeling, one I hadn’t felt in an age. Not stressed, not frustrated, but utterly crushed by fear.

There’s a group of people gathered around one of the cots. I remember waking up disoriented on one of them not too long ago and finding Tru seated beside me. Tru who told me that Jai had spent the night by my side.

Darkness edges into my vision. Tru is bowed over, and there’s Arkin, too, his red hair in an unraveling braid, and the three annoying healers. They all look so serious.

So quiet.

Oh Gods, it’s Jai, isn’t it? He’s dead. He stabbed himself to control Phaethon and help me, save the humans and bring me to the palace alive, and he… and he…

The lump in my throat won’t let me breathe. My feet are made of lead. My knees are weak. I sink as I take a step toward the cot, then another. The floor is opening up to swallow me, just like the sea.

“Rae?” It’s Arkin, turning toward me, grabbing my arms. “What’s wrong? You’re pale as death.”

Speaking of which… “Is he?” I manage.

“Is he what? Dead?”

I nod. Can’t breathe. I can’t even swallow, my throat is bone-dry and closing up fast.Shit.

“See for yourself,” he says.

Why isn’t he telling me? Isn’t that a bad sign? Wouldn’t he tell me right away if Jai was alive? I can’t. Oh Gods, I can’t…

Not again.

Arkin moves to step aside and I grab his arm to keep him there, blocking my view. I don’t want to see, and if that makes me weak and a coward, so be it. I’m not ready, what will I do if Jai is dead, what?—?

“Rae,” a rough, rusty voice says and my knees almost give out. “Come here.”

Oh Gods…“You’re alive,” I whisper.

Definitely alive, seated on the cot, his back to the wall behind, black hair in his eyes and a crooked smile on his lips.

My heart starts beating again. I hadn’t realized it had stopped for a long moment. Most definitely alive.

“The bastard is hard to kill,” Arkin agrees, “didn’t I tell you?”