Page 18

Paige had gotten her surgery two weeks ago. I was the first person there after her surgery. I helped her get home and took care of her. She still didn't want to talk much, staying in her own world most of the time. It got worse when she had to go to practice with her crutches. I knew she felt useless, watching her team while she just stood on the sidelines.

It was hard to see Paige in the state she was in. She looked devastated everyday. She didn't have the energy to go anywhere except practice she wasn't even required at. Somehow she managed to wobble her way just to help her team. Even if she couldn't play she would support them as much as they could.

Rose still hadn't come back so I spent most of my time alone. Paige still wanted her space, the team was working even harder having lost Paige for the whole season and those were my only friends. At some point I got tired of Paige getting mad, or pushing me away for just trying to help. I spent hours in that uncomfortable hospital chair just so she wouldn't be alone after surgery. I didn't want to be offended since she was injured but how long would this last. I spent every night doing research on ACL injury recovery timelines. The first 14 days after surgery being the most vulnerable. Thankfully today was day 14.

I was on my way to her dorm for the 5th time today. She always asked me to leave after I did what I needed to do and then I ended up coming back a few hours later. Obviously Azzi was helping but Paige wasn't treating her any better so I was the best candidate to deal with her.

I walked in and Paige was nowhere to be found. She wasn't in bed, in the bathroom, in Azzi's room or anywhere she was supposed to be. It clicked in my head where only she would go 8 days after surgery. I ran to my car, racing to find her before she hurt herself even more.

I got a few looks running into the basketball center but I found Paige attempting to shoot. She was supposed to be on crutches but now she was trying to put weight on both legs. Her shot missed and she threw her head back frustrated.

"Paige, you need your crutches." I grabbed them from the chair they were propped up against and gave them to the girl that was about to fall over. When she got her crutches under her arms she walked to the chairs and took a seat. I followed after, taking the seat next to her hesitantly.

"You know you can't just expect to be able to do everything right away." It was barely a whisper. I didn't want to upset her even more but it was true. Paige couldn't just expect her leg to be healed because she had surgery.

"Nine to twelve months." She didn't look at me. Obviously I knew what those numbers meant though. It was going to take her nine to twelve months to even recover. That didn't even mean being able to play again.

"You need to recover slowly. Ask Dorka, Azzi, Aubrey, Caroline they all know what you're going through P. You're not expected to just be okay." I tried to comfort her. So far it was going much better than it had these past few days. Usually she would get mad, or just brush it off but now she stayed silent, maybe even thinking on my words.

"I was reading and Kobe Bryant always said he never dwelled much on-." I started to say again, trying to give her some hope in her recovery.

"Don't start with that shit." There was the angry Paige I was expecting. She shook her head, like my idea was stupid to begin with.

"P, we're all just trying to help." I tried to reason with her again, putting my hand on her arm before she pulled it away immediately.

"I don't need anyone's help, I just need to be back on the court." She stood up now, barely being able to stand up with the crutches. I followed her and she grabbed her bag walking to the door. I walked behind her before she very slowly stopped to look at me. "I can't do this."

"You can't do what P?" My heart dropped. I knew she was struggling but I never thought ending us would be on her mind. We were so good before. Everything was normal and it all came crashing down on me now. I looked at her and she didn't even dare to look at me. How was she about to do this? I loved her, I thought she loved me back.

"This." She shrugged, turning back around and walking out of the doors. I wanted to run after her, tell her she was making a mistake and shake her until she realized but my feet stayed frozen on the floor. I thought we were good. How did everything just change overnight?

I felt tears prick my eyes. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to feel weak but they came down fast. I stared at the doors hoping she was joking and would hobble back into the room, pull me into her arms and tell me she loved me. The way things were supposed to go. I rushed out before anyone else saw me standing there lifeless. Her car was gone. She really just left me like it was nothing.

I sat in my car, assuming it wasn't safe to drive with my tear clouded vision. My hands shook as I tried to call Rose, the only person who could calm me down right now.

"Jules, what's up?" She could already tell something was wrong. I never called, only texts or facetimes but I didn't want her to see how broken I probably looked right now. I tried to get my words out but they felt stuck in my throat. I felt like if I tried to speak, my sobs would follow right after.

"Paige, she ended it." I was right, after actually saying what had just happened my sobs broke out. I didn't want to actually believe it had happened. I was just with her mom, my pictures filled her walls. How did she end it so easily, not even a frown on her face.

"Hey, hey Jules I need you to breathe ok. Can you take a few deep breaths for me?" Her motherly instincts coming through. Rose was always the best comforter and as I sat crying in my car she spoke to me, attempting to calm me down.

"I'm getting on the first flight there. Is there anyone you can stay with, I don't want you alone right now." Her voice was panicked now and I heard her throwing things around.

"You're family Rose." I managed to get out between my sobs. As much as I wanted Rose right now I couldn't take her away from her family.

"You're my family Jules, I'm coming ok?" I didn't even try to fight her after that. I needed Rose right now. "Go home, pack a bag and stay with someone please. I'll be here the whole time"

I did just that. Making my way home and packing a bag for the night. I had no idea who I would stay with. I couldn't go to the girls because even though they may be my friends they were Paige's friends first. I couldn't take that from her. Not many people were on campus yet since there was still another 2 weeks till classes started. Mostly just athletes were here.

That's it. Athletes were here. I jumped in the car, listening to Rose talk about random things kept me calm as I drove to the one person I could think of. I could tell I looked like a mess but I didn't care to look. If I did I would probably cry even more.

Rose noticed my silence when I stopped in front of my destination. "Are you there?"

"Yeah" I mumbled, swallowing the lump that formed in my throat again. There was no guarantee this person even wanted to see me, let alone have me stay at their house.

"Call me if you need anything, I'll be there as soon as I can. I love you Jules." The comforting tone in her voice made me want to cry again. When the call ended I immediately got out of the car, not wanting to be in silence for even a moment. If it was silent I would be lost in my thoughts for way too long.

I knocked at the door, staring at my feet as I waited. My eyes felt heavy from all the crying and my body felt exhausted.

"J?" He asked, confused. I met his gaze and his eyes softened the second he saw my bloodshot ones. He pulled me into his chest, holding me there as more tears fell on to his chest. He pulled me inside before sitting us down and looking at me concerned.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to be alone. I get it if you don't want me here." I started to ramble, feeling guilty for how I left things between us.

"It's ok, I told you I'm always here." He pulled me back into his chest and I just sobbed. He let me, running his hands across my hair as I did.

Eventually my eyes felt like sandpaper. I couldn't cry anymore, so I lifted my head up to look at me. Not once did his eyes leave me, still the same concerned look in his eyes.

"Paige ended it." I explained and his expression softened even more. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, all tears were drained from my body.

"So ice cream and horror movies?" He smiled, trying to lighten my mood. I nodded, the smallest smile finding its way on my face. He passed me the remote before walking off. He returned with a tub of ice cream and a pile of blankets.

He sat down next to me as we shared the tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream, watching the random horror movie I had picked. I had my head resting on his shoulder, my body feeling almost numb.

"Thank you Jay." I said randomly, realizing I just walked in and he comforted me without any hesitation.

"Don't thank me J, I'm glad you're not alone." He put his arm around my shoulder, squeezing it tightly before returning to the movie infront of us.

I tried to not let my mind wander back to Paige but it felt almost impossible. Thousands of questions clouded my head. What was she doing right now? Was she as upset as me? Did she need to cry with ice cream? Did she tell the other girls yet?

My head ached with how my thoughts consumed me, how she consumed me. My mind flashed back to her face. She didn't look at me once. Even in that moment I stared at her in awe. How could someone be so beautiful all the time? How could someone so beautiful do this?