Chapter 6
Aiden
I t was a cold evening, but somehow it seemed like Fluffy was giving off enough heat to keep me warm as we walked. Granted, he was a big freaking dog, and he was… Well, he was pretty fluffy, hence the name. He probably loved the cold weather. I bet he’d love it if it snowed. I could picture him running through the snow, me throwing snowballs for him to chase.
I’d never had a dog. I’d wanted one, but with traveling and going away to school, I knew it wasn’t practical. I’d read so many stories as a kid about a boy and his dog, and it just seemed so magical. But then ‘normal’ life had always seemed magical to me. Most kids dreamed about being rich. I dreamed about being middle class and playing with the kids on my street and getting into kid adventures.
Money was a cage. It was a locked room with bars on the window. Sure, the room was so huge that most people never noticed you couldn’t get out, but I had noticed. I had wanted something different.
After my mother’s talk, I had planned, saved money, and covered my tracks, but for the first few months I still waited for my family to walk into my job and laugh at my silly little adventure and take me home.
Only they never had.
I wasn’t sure if I was happy or sad about that. Helene would say I could be both things at once. I desperately wanted them to look for me, but I also wanted them to let me go.
Maybe I had been kidnapped because I’d been looking for someone who needed me desperately. Someone who wouldn’t just let me go like my family had.
I knew Helene would say that type of thinking was toxic, but I couldn’t help blaming myself sometimes. I feel like I had to have sensed that there was something off about him. Helene said hindsight was 20/20, and I’m sure she was right, but I still wondered. Deep down, had I known? Had I liked that he seemed like someone who wouldn’t let me go? Had I flirted with him even though he was a huge red flag? Or had I really thought he was just a nice guy?
Fluffy bumped into my leg and growled a bit. I laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I was thinking, and they probably weren’t productive or useful thoughts.”
Fluffy growled a little again, but it wasn’t really a growl. It was a sort of huffy, grumbly sound.
“I don’t know why Caleb would be looking for me. If I had known that a month after I left, maybe I would’ve been happy. I don’t know. But I don’t want to see my family. I’m not the same person I was when I left them, and I can never be that person again. Maybe I could have settled into the life they had planned for me and been ok with it, but after everything I’ve been through… I can’t go back there. I can’t be that person. I don’t want to be that person.”
Fluffy bumped playfully into my legs again, and I veered a little to the side, laughing. “Helene would be really proud to hear me say this, but I guess I like my life right now. I get scared, and I know I’ll always have issues, but I have real friends, and a job I love, and a connection to people and a place. And I even have a dog.”
Fluffy nipped at my jacket and pulled, and I laughed again. “Ok, so maybe the dog should have come first. Are you gonna come back to the house with me? I bet I can sneak you in. You probably wouldn’t want to sleep in my bedroom, but it might be nice having a guard dog inside.”
Fluffy just smiled his doggy smile up at me, and I pulled out the granola bar Q had shoved into my hand before we left. I hadn’t eaten dinner, and I should probably head back and do that. I had also never asked about the delivery from earlier, and I was curious what that was all about. Therapy and my mission to share my past had sort of taken over my thoughts.
“I guess we should head back,” I sighed. “This granola bar isn’t very appetizing.”
Fluffy gave a light bark in agreement, turning with me to walk back to the house.
“Hopefully we can be done talking about my family. I just want to pretend the evening is normal. There’s been enough excitement for one day,” I murmured.
I looked down at Fluffy, who was staring at me and wagging his tail. I ran my hand along his back, which I could do without bending down since he was so freaking tall. It probably wasn’t appropriate that I’d grown so attached to the guard dog. I wondered if that made him less effective in guarding everyone? I didn’t know, and I couldn’t bring myself to ask the guys. I didn’t want to give up Fluffy.
When we made it to the back door, I smelled food. I couldn’t imagine Q or Liam cooking, and when I walked in and saw the take-out containers, things made sense. Fluffy followed me in, and I barely had time to wonder about feeding Fluffy before Q was ushering me over to the table.
“Spaghetti and sausage from your favorite place! Don’t ask how it got here so fast,” he remarked.
Yeah, I probably didn’t want to know. Liam and the guys were… different. It was best if I didn’t try to wrap my head too much around those differences. They had saved me, they watched out for us, and I trusted them. I was comfortable leaving it at that.
I sat at the table as Q handed me a plate piled with spaghetti, and before I could even take a bite, Liam was putting a take-out container on the floor for Fluffy.
“Can he—” I started to ask, but Fluffy started chowing down, so I figured whatever human food was in there must be ok for him. Liam would know.
Liam and Q sat at the table, plates in hand, and we all started eating.
I waited until we’d all had a few bites before I asked, “So, what’s up with the new bed? It looked huge.”
Q looked at Liam. “Yeah, Sexy Stalker, you never did quite explain that. I mean, I know we have some adventurous bedroom lives, but do we really need that much space?”
“Ewww!” I cried. “I do not want to picture you guys having sex in that bed. Oh my god, I sleep in that bed sometimes!”
“Aww, don’t worry Aiden, we make sure to never leave a wet spot on your side,” Q joked.
I threw my napkin at Q, and he caught it, laughing. I was joking around, but also… ewww. I really didn’t want to think about that. We were totally platonic cuddlers. Of course, I knew they had sex, but it was some abstract thing that didn’t affect me. They were really respectful like that.
“Well, you haven’t been coming in as much to cuddle, and since needing more space was an issue, I figured a bigger bed would work,” Liam said, taking another bite and chewing.
Q looked at me. “You felt squished? You should have told us! I could have scooched over.”
Ok, first of all, warm fuzzies, because they clearly cared about my comfort. But…
“Liam, what do you mean about space?” I asked, starting to get suspicious. I had told Helene that. But I’d also mentioned it while rambling to Fluffy in the woods. So either my therapist’s office or the woods were bugged. Maybe both.
Liam looked at me. “You weren’t coming in to cuddle in order to give us space.”
Q looked at Liam, then looked at me. “You thought we wanted space?”
Liam nodded like the question had been addressed to him. “So I bought a bigger bed. Now the problem is solved, and Aiden will come in to cuddle whenever he wants to,” he said, looking really proud of himself for his problem-solving skills.
Q and I had a moment to stare at one another in exasperation, because Liam was being Liam, which was generally sort of clueless at normal behavior.
“You’re an idiot, but I love you,” Q said to Liam.
Liam looked at Fluffy in confusion, like he would know the answer as to why Liam was an idiot. Fluffy had his head tilted like he was confused, too, and I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. It made sense, since Liam had about as much sense as a dog.
Q turned to me then. “Why on earth would you think we need space? Have we ever said we needed space? Have we ever implied we didn’t want you coming in for cuddles? Hmm? Here I was, thinking you were all moving on and healing, and I was all sad that you didn’t come in for so many cuddles, but of course I couldn’t say anything, because good for you and your healing journey, but I fucking miss you when you don’t come in for cuddles!”
Q was genuinely pissed, but I couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of me.
He pointed his fork at me. “Don’t you laugh, asshole. And we now have a huge ass motherfucking bed so you better be in tonight for some damn cuddles. Fuck, bring Fluffy if you want. We could probably fit Corbin and Jude in that bed too.”
Fluffy’s tail was thumping, but Liam looked appalled. “We are not inviting the whole pack into bed.”
I ignored his wording. Helene would say it was denial to ignore when Liam called us humans or made weird comments like that, but that was fine. I could only deal with so much. Instead I said, “And that brings me to my question, Mr. Creepy Stalker. How did you know I was giving you guys some space?”
Liam looked at Fluffy, like the guard dog would rescue him from answering. Well, that probably answered my question.
“Are the woods all under camera and audio surveillance?” I asked.
Liam sort of half nodded. Ok, so most of the woods then, probably. Q just rolled his eyes, and I really couldn’t be too mad. I mean, it was their property. They probably kept track of Fluffy that way too. Plus, I knew Liam was a little over the top about security, and it did keep us safe.
Was I rationalizing? Of course I was. Most people would probably see all this as a giant red flag, but ever since Liam had threatened to ‘hunt me down in a very nice way and bring me back willingly’ if I ran away because ’consent was important,’ I’d had a hard time being really threatened by him. It was sort of sweet, in a creepy stalker way. And apparently there were good creepy stalker ways and bad creepy stalker ways.
Who knew?
I just nodded my head, though, and went back to eating. Q was grumbling under his breath about Liam and spying and unplanned deliveries, and Liam was smiling like he was enjoying Q’s grumpy mood. He probably was. They were weird like that.
And I was only a tiny bit jealous. Not of either of them, but that they had that with one another. I loved them both, and they accepted me totally and completely, but I didn’t think I’d ever had what they had. I was probably too broken for that.
As if sensing my mood, Fluffy came over and rested his head on my thigh. I pet him, taking comfort in his soft fur. He always felt so soft and clean, and just running my hands through his hair calmed me down.
I was happy. I had friends. A job I loved. I was healing. It was all good. Which reminded me… “Q, I looked into that yoga studio you sent me, and I’ll go if you’re sure you don’t mind coming with me.”
“I asked you to go and sent you the information,” Q answered. “I mean, I don’t have yoga stuff, but the place says they have some there to borrow.”
“I really appreciate it,” I answered. I couldn’t picture Q doing yoga, but he was insistent that he wanted to go with me to a class, and maybe it would help him too. I did love yoga, and I’d missed it.
We finished eating, making small talk about our day, and then we watched some of The Great British Baking Show . Liam fiddled on his computer, I sat on the floor and cuddled with Fluffy, and Q complained about cookies being called biscuits (he really couldn’t seem to get over that).
When it got late and Liam started making the security rounds, I went to the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth, then headed into my room to get ready for bed. Fluffy followed me without me calling him, which I was glad of. Liam didn’t seem to mind that I’d totally adopted the guard dog, but I didn’t want to push it, either.
I changed into pajamas while Fluffy sat in front of the door, and then I stood there, undecided. He tilted his head at me.
“Do I go in there now? Or do I sleep in my bed?” I mumbled to Fluffy. “Now I feel like I have to go in for cuddles, at least tonight, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Unless they want, like, alone time or whatever, and then ewww, I do not want to interrupt that.”
Fluffy huffed at me, turned around, and scratched at the door.
I sighed. Fluffy was probably ready to head back to wherever he spent his nights, maybe with Jude or Corbin. I opened the door, but rather than making his way toward the back door, he headed for Liam and Q’s room. I followed, and he nosed the door open and went in. Ok then.
“Get your ass in here, Aiden,” Q rumbled from the bed.
The covers were flipped over on my side of the bed already, and man, the bed really was freaking huge. Fluffy was sitting by my side, and I walked over and crawled in. And continued crawling, because did I mention the bed was huge ?
“Where did you find this bed?” I mumbled, finally making it over to Q.
“Alaska!” Liam announced proudly. “It didn’t actually ship from there or anything, but it's an Alaskan bed. I don’t know why they need such big beds in Alaska. One would think a smaller bed would be better to conserve body heat when it’s so cold.”
Q snorted at Liam, and Fluffy seemed to take that as his cue, because he jumped up on the bed and laid down next to me, scooching his body close to mine.
Liam picked his head up, looked over, and mumbled, “Seriously? You better not get any hair on my blankets, you uncultured mutt.”
He gave an oomph then, so I guessed Q had elbowed him, and I tried not to laugh at them. Q flipped the covers over me and wrapped his arm around me, and Fluffy scooched in closer to my other side. I was wrapped in a cocoon of warmth, and I dozed off listening to everyone’s breathing.
I slept all night, and I didn’t have any nightmares.