Page 14

Chapter 14

Aiden

I couldn’t focus. How many eggs had I added? Fuck. I stared into the mixer, mad at myself.

It was all Fluffy’s fault.

It had been over a week since he and Liam apparently took care of an evil guy who was hired to find me. I didn’t ask too many questions. They assured me I was safe for now and they were on top of things.

It was mildly disturbing, and I’d talked to Helene about it at my most recent session. I’d been rather vague about how they took care of it, since I hadn’t asked questions, and she didn’t seem inclined to get details about that part of things.

She’d then asked how things were going with the man I was interested in.

That was the distracting part. Atlas had told me I was his mate, and that he would like to have sex with me—at least I think he’d said he’d like to have sex with me? It was all a little hazy, because I’d been upset at the time, but he seemed to mean we weren’t just friends.

I think.

And then… nothing. Atlas spent more time with me in human form. He didn’t talk much, but I was kind of used to that. We still took our daily walks, and he was usually Fluffy for those, which I kind of liked. I found it easier to talk to him in that form. Then every night, he cuddled me as a human, whether it was in Liam and Q’s big-ass bed or in my bed.

And that was it.

No more talk of mates. No more talk of sex or kissing or… anything like that.

Then last night we stayed in my bed, and when I woke up Atlas had been all warm and cozy, his strong arms wrapped around me, and I could feel his hard dick against me. He climbed out of bed when he realized I was awake, and I couldn’t help looking at the tent in his sweatpants.

He hadn’t done a thing, though. Hadn’t made a thing of me looking, hadn’t said a word—he just headed into the shower.

So then I was thinking about him naked in the shower, and I was getting turned on. Before I could get in my head about it, he was done and standing there in a towel. A drop of water rolled down his chest, and I’d hightailed it into the shower myself.

Where I’d thought about Atlas. I’d found myself stroking my dick as I thought about his smell and his warmth and that droplet of water running down his bare chest.

I jerked off in the shower.

I didn’t do that often. I knew I was all messed up from my time being held captive, and arousal gave me a sort of… icky feeling. I could ignore it sometimes and find pleasure, but sometimes I got caught up in my head, and then it was useless to try and get myself off.

I had enjoyed my orgasm, yes, but I was expecting the usual icky feeling to hit me afterwards. Only there had been some kind of ruckus going on in the kitchen. I’d stuck my head out to see Fluffy headbutting Q every time he went to take a sip of coffee, while Q threatened his life in rather creative ways and Liam insulted his doghood.

It had been kind of hysterical, and it wasn’t until I was at work that I realized there had been no icky feeling. No weird guilt or sadness after my orgasm. No stomach roiling because things just felt wrong somehow.

Which was great. Really. Totally great. Wonderful.

But then I got stuck in my head again. Did I want to try something with Atlas? Did Atlas want to try something with me? He had said… I think he’d said that he would? But also that we didn’t have to.

Did I want to? That was the question. I knew there were some things I couldn’t do. Not for a long time. Maybe not ever. But other things… I would like to touch Atlas. I think I would like it if Atlas touched me. But what if I touched Atlas or he touched me, and then that icky, wrong feeling came, and I freaked out and started crying or threw up or something?

I didn’t think throwing up during or after intimacy would go over well.

I turned off the mixer. I hated to waste the dough, but I had no idea what I’d added or forgotten. I was too distracted today to try new recipes.

The kitchen door flew open, and Q stalked in. He stared at me and sighed dramatically. I might worry, except that was pretty typical Q.

“So, Toby wants to talk to you,” he said.

“Okay,” I responded, wiping my hands on a towel. “Should I go out there?”

“No, Cass said he can come back here, but I wanted to warn you,” Q said.

Warn me? Warn me of what? Toby was nice enough. We’d hung out. He’d stopped by before.

“He’s going to proposition you. I already know this because he asked me. It’s just hanging out, and it’s not a sex thing, although he might make it sound like a sex thing, because he’s awkward as fuck. I’ll go if you want to go, but if you don’t, that’s fine, too,” Q added.

Umm, ok. We had hung out with Toby and his friends once before, so I wasn’t sure what the big deal was. Q seemed to be making it a little dramatic.

He gave me one final look, then stormed out of the kitchen, and a minute later Toby walked in. He looked weirdly serious.

“Hey, Aiden,” he said, giving a little half wave, even though he was like three feet away.

“Hi, Toby,” I answered.

“So, I think you’re a really great guy, and you’re fun, and we had fun that time you came over, right?” he asked.

I nodded.

“We’d really like you to be a part of the regular group. We started with Q, because, you know, he’s prickly but he definitely needed some companionship, and now he really enjoys it, I think, even though he scowls a lot and doesn’t always participate. Sometimes he just sits and watches. And you can just sit and watch, too, and not participate much, but it would be awesome if you came, and we promise we won’t do anything you don’t want to do,” Toby said.

He was nervously wringing his hands, and he looked cute in a puppy kind of way, and I could totally understand why Q had warned me that it wasn’t a sex thing. Toby totally made it sound like a sex thing.

“You mean to hang out with you and your friends?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah, just you, me, Q, Josh, and Sebbie. Some of the pack stops in sometimes, but they don’t get too involved,” Toby answered.

“Is it dinner? Drinks? Board games? Charades?” I asked. Q had said it wasn’t a sex thing, but I still wanted to know what hanging out entailed. The last time, I’d only stayed a short amount of time, and I had a feeling I wouldn’t get away with that this time. This invitation was a little too formal. And yes, I ignored the “pack” comment.

“Oh, charades?” Toby said wonderingly. “I never thought of playing charades! That would be fun, don’t you think?”

I smiled. “I don’t think Q would be into charades.”

Toby frowned. “Probably not Josh either. He’s very straightlaced.”

I thought Josh was strung so tight he was about to snap, and it seemed like his current relationship was pretty fucked up, but I’m sure Toby knew that. I also wasn’t sure how involved I should get. I felt awkward that I gave him my number last time, and he certainly hadn’t called or texted, but I felt better doing it. There was something hurt about Josh, and it reminded me of myself.

Maybe I was projecting, though. People could be quiet and serious and not have trauma. Maybe he just had a normal asshole boyfriend.

“What time? Should I eat?” I asked, because Toby still hadn’t answered what we’d be doing.

“Oh, we’ll have tons of snacks, and we’ll order food if we’re hungry, and we usually have cocktails. Q doesn’t usually drink, and it’s fine if you don’t want to either. It’s just nice to hang out and chat,” Toby answered. “You can come over right after work.”

Suddenly it did seem like a nice idea. How long since I had just hung out and talked with a group of people? I hadn’t had any close friends since I’d left my family. Maybe this was an opportunity.

I nodded my head.

Toby smiled broadly. “I’ll let Q know you guys are coming!” he said, bounding out of the kitchen.

Yeah, it would be fun. I was sure. I could leave if I wanted to. And if hanging out with Q and Toby and his friends provided a distraction from Atlas, well… no harm in that.

* * *

Toby, Sebbie, and Josh were definitely on their way to being drunk. Josh was sprawled in an armchair looking relaxed and happy, and Toby and Sebbie were dancing around the living room to Beatles songs. Jude was apparently our babysitter, but he was mostly staying out back and out of our way. The other guys had apparently gone to do some work, and I figured I was better off not knowing the details.

I had a cocktail, too, although Q hadn’t. I wasn’t sure I would have drank anything if he did, but I knew he would look out for me. Look out for all of us, really. Not that I didn’t trust Toby, Sebbie, and Josh, because I did. They were good people. Nice people.

I hadn’t had alcohol in a long time, and I had a pleasant, warm, happy feeling. I wouldn’t drink more—getting tipsy wasn’t on my agenda—but I was glad I’d come to hang out. No one crowded me or asked me to do anything, and it was all very low pressure and gossipy.

Q looked a little like he was being tortured, but every so often a smirk would cross his face, and I knew he was amused by their antics. Toby occasionally rambled on about his sexy stalker being a hellhound and how they killed people, but only bad people. I had asked what exactly hellhounds were, and Toby had been all too willing to fill me in.

I wondered about him being so forthcoming in front of Sebbie and Josh, but they seemed to think he was just talking about his latest book, which was kind of comical. In the meantime, I got a nice education on everything I might have wanted to know (and maybe some things I didn’t, because Toby could get gory).

“And the knots…” Toby murmured dreamily. He looked at Q. “Right, Q?”

Q scowled at him, and I think he might have blushed a bit, which made me really curious about “the knots.”

“New dildo?” Josh asked, because somehow he and Sebbie still didn’t know that there was weird shit in the world.

“I wish I was having sex,” Sebbie muttered, throwing himself on the couch. “If people would just stop dying for a few days, maybe I could get laid.”

“Aww, don’t worry, Sebbie, I’m sure you’ll find your man one of these days. How about Jude? He doesn’t mind a little death,” Toby answered.

“Don’t get your hopes up on Jude,” Q muttered.

I kind of agreed. Jude had that weird obsession with the sheriff.

“I haven’t had sex in ages,” Sebbie grumbled.

“Good sex is hard to find and keep,” Josh said, raising his glass in a toast.

I didn’t think that comment boded well for his relationship.

Then my mouth was opening, and I was talking without even processing what I was saying. “How do you even know when you want to have sex when you’re in a relationship?”

I turned red as soon as I asked, and I regretted the drink I’d had. It had gone more to my head than I’d imagined. What a stupid question. Was I even in a relationship with Atlas? And who didn’t know when they were ready to have sex?

Only no one treated it like it was a stupid question.

“Well, they gotta make you horny,” Toby answered. “Like, not all the time, but at least some of the time. Dexter totally makes me horny.”

“We know,” Q snorted.

“You should trust the person,” Josh said to me, looking serious. “At least if you’re looking for intimacy. If you aren’t comfortable with them outside the bedroom, you won’t feel comfortable inside the bedroom.”

“They shouldn’t run away if someone dies around you,” Sebbie added.

Everyone stared at him for a moment, and then Josh translated, “Yeah, like if they don’t stick by you through tough stuff, then they aren’t worth it.”

Everyone nodded their heads, including me. It was true.

“I’m never going to find a boyfriend,” Sebbie lamented, sprawling out across the couch and almost tipping his drink over in the process.

Josh, who was definitely tipsy himself, still managed to grab it in time, and they both laughed.

“More drinks!” Toby cried, rushing off to get more alcohol.

While they were refilling, Q got up and came over, throwing an arm around me. “You have to be able to talk about it,” he said quietly. “I don’t think he’ll ever bring it up. He’ll leave it up to you, you know. But I see the way he looks at you.”

I took a deep breath. That was the problem. I didn’t particularly want to talk about it. Although maybe I needed to. I didn’t know.

“You ready to head out and leave these tipsy fools to their mayhem?” Q asked me.

We both looked to see Toby and Sebbie giggling over something on Toby’s phone, while Josh tried to look disapproving. He was such a big brother type. I still felt like something was off, but maybe I was imagining it. Not everyone had trauma, after all.

“It was a fun night,” I told Q, still a little surprised at that.

“Yeah, it was. Our men are home, though—Liam texted me. I’m gonna meet him in his office in the main house to do some ‘research,’” Q said, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows.

I laughed. I knew that was code for having some wild sex, and that was fine. We said our goodbyes to the guys.

Toby tried to get us to stay, but we managed to escape his good intentions. Josh quietly said “Thanks” to me as we were parting ways, and I couldn’t help but think it was about more than just the fun evening.

We made our way back to our little back house, and Liam and Atlas were waiting outside the front door. Liam and Q made noise about ‘working’ and hustled off, and I just stared at Atlas for a minute. He really was so beautiful, standing there in the moonlight. He was kind and sweet and protective.

I walked forward, and without letting myself think, I kissed Atlas.

His lips were warm and soft, and I pressed mine against his and waited.

And then waited some more.

Then I opened my eyes, our lips still pressed together. His eyes were also open, and there was fire in them, I swear. I leaned in and pressed my lips harder against his, and I felt the bulge in his pants against me. He was definitely turned on.

But he wasn’t doing anything.

I pulled back. He was looking at me all serious like, and he reached his hands up to hold lightly onto my arms. I knew with a simple shrug he would let go right away.

“I kissed you,” I said, feeling a little stupid.

Atlas nodded. He was staring at my mouth, and he licked his lips. I struggled to focus, because this was… weird.

He was turned on. He seemed very much like a guy who wanted to kiss. Only he didn’t seem to know what to do with me. Was it because I’d had trauma? Was he afraid he was going to break me or something if he kissed me back? I felt my heart drop for a moment, because Atlas had never treated me like a victim. Why would he start now? But why else would he be so freaking awkward?

And then I had a rather shocking thought.

“Atlas, have you ever kissed anyone before?” I asked.

His eyes moved up to mine, and he gave a grunt and a half shrug.

I just stared at him, because that was not an answer.

He must have realized it, because he said, “Sex never seemed to matter much. I have experience, though.”

And I guess that was all I was getting. What did that even mean?

“What do you want to do?” I asked, because maybe that was an easier question. “Um, assuming you want to do anything with me,” I added.

I blushed, because what the fuck. Blurting for the win, I guess. I stalked forward and went into the house, and Atlas followed behind me. I wasn’t going to have this conversation outside, and it seemed like it was going to be a conversation.

I threw myself onto the couch, maybe a tad bit dramatically—I think Toby and Sebbie rubbed off on me—and I stared at Atlas, waiting for him to answer. He was standing there looking all puppy dog cute, and I could see his pants were tented with his hard on, which was even more confusing, because I was aggravated but also turned on.

“No making Fluffy eyes at me. What do you want? Do you want to have sex with me? I don’t want any secrets. I want to know,” I declared, feeling braver than normal. Better to know, right?

His eyes burned bright for a moment, and there were definitely flames in them. He knelt down in front of the couch, putting him more even with my line of sight. He placed his hands lightly on my thighs.

“I want to touch you everywhere, rub my hands across your skin, and learn your body like it’s my own. I want to taste you all over. I want to lick your skin, every inch of it, and surround myself with your scent until that’s all there is. I want to suck on your balls, and lick back to your hole and taste you there. I want to suck your cock into my mouth until I get a taste of your precum. I can see you moaning and writhing in pleasure, and I want you to grab onto my arms so tightly that I’ll have marks from your touch.”

Fuck.

My dick was hard, and the look in Atlas’s eyes… intense didn’t even begin to cover it.

“Atlas,” I breathed out.

Atlas looked at me, then he leaned up and pressed his lips to mine. I opened my mouth to him, but still he didn’t push. I let my tongue lick along his lips, and I groaned at the taste of him. He was intoxicating. It was like my tongue gave him permission, because he was licking along my lips then, too, a low rumbling sound coming from his chest. I tentatively licked into his mouth, and his tongue met mine.

I slid off the couch and onto his lap, my arms wrapping around him, our mouths slanting against each other. When I broke away to breathe, he kissed along my neck, sending goosebumps shivering along my skin. I was horny, and I was going to have sex.

And with that thought, I was nervous. I told myself it was ok. It was Atlas. I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to. He would let me take the lead. That was fine. I could take the lead. I had taken the lead before with… Taking the lead was fine, and I ignored the weird swoop in my stomach.

I slid my hand down toward his pants, but his hand grabbed mine, stopping me. He leaned his head against my neck, sniffing lightly.

He linked his fingers with mine, and I felt like crying. I had no idea why.

He rumbled against me, taking deep breaths in and out until I was naturally breathing with him. We sat like that for a few minutes, until I felt more even again.

Maybe I couldn’t take the lead like that, because it had been a sort of triggering memory. I sighed.

“Cuddles,” Atlas murmured.

I nodded. Yes. Cuddles were exactly what I needed. I wanted everything else he had said, but maybe tonight wasn’t the night for it. I still felt better, though, knowing that Atlas had somehow known and hadn’t let me continue. Maybe he had smelled my nervousness, because according to Toby hellhounds could smell all sorts of things.

I pulled back and looked into his eyes. There were still flames in them.

“I want that. I want what you said, and I don’t want to wait forever. I won’t let what happened ruin things for me,” I insisted.

“I know you won’t, but we don’t need to rush, either,” Atlas said, and then he stood up, picking me up with him. “Now tell me about your night.”

I may have given a little squawk in surprise, and then a little giggle as he carried me into the bedroom. Then I did what he asked and told him about the guys as we got ready for bed. By the time we were crawling under the covers and Atlas was wrapped around me, any funky feelings were long gone.

Atlas was right. We had time. I could always seduce him tomorrow. With that thought in my head and a smile on my face, I let myself drift off to sleep.