Page 11

Story: Hits Different

Chapter 11

New Beginnings

Brandon

Okay. I know. Ticking a box on a medical release form isn’t exactly the most creative way of coming out to your best friend, but the last time I told Parker I was gay it blew both of our lives up.

I can’t let that happen again. Not when things are going so well for him.

I leave reception and head out into the courtyard. I’m so in my head that I don’t even realise that I have no clue where I’m going until I reach a fork in the path. Fuck. Heading back to ask for directions feels like it’ll dilute my dramatic exit.

“Brandon Carter!” a semi-familiar voice calls out. A guy who looks like an older, more lived-in version of Parker, strolls cheerfully towards me. “Long time! Welcome to Summit”.

“Good to see you again, Simon”, I revert to my meeting-dads-friends-from-work voice. It’s rescued me from more than one socially awkward situation. “I was just admiring your facility”.

“It’s something, right? Home to the best and the brightest. Which includes you now, of course. Not that there was ever any doubt. Are you settling in?”

“Parker just ran through my induction with me”.

He frowns. “ Parker did?”

I blink, and Simon lowers his voice. “Truthfully, I’m glad you’re here. Parker needs a good influence in his life. I take it he told you about college?” he carries on without waiting for me to reply. “His mother is beside herself. Parker, hi”, he waves over my shoulder. “We were just talking about you”.

Parker’s eyes dart suspiciously between me and his cousin.

I move to fill the silence before Simon can make things even more uncomfortable. “I was just saying how I regretted turning down your offer of a tour. I need to get my bags from my car. My sense of direction sucked even before the concussion”.

“Good thing I came to find you then”, Parker says slowly. “Let’s go”.

I nod goodbye to Simon, and hurry to follow Parker toward the car park. Inside, my mind is racing. What the hell happened at Parker’s college? He just said everything was awesome. Why would he lie to me?

I jog up to his side, accidentally brushing my fingers against his. “Sorry”.

He flexes his hand like it’s scalded, and carries on walking.

As we round the corner to the car park, a thought occurs to me. “Uh...Parker?” At the sound of my voice, the tension in his shoulders stretches the fabric of his polo shirt to breaking point.

“What is it, Carter?”

“Now might not be the best time to mention it, but my car’s not actually in the car park”. He stops so abruptly, and I’m so engrossed in, well, everything, that I almost crash straight into him. “I was having engine trouble, and I didn’t want to be late, so I just pulled into a side road and left it there”.

Parker inhales, shoots me a look that says, ‘you are all that is annoying in the universe’, and abruptly changes course.

I scramble to follow him. I don’t really know what I’m feeling, other than this is twice now that I’ve come out to Parker and both times it’s ended up with him walking away.

We find my car right where I left it, haphazardly stowed in a layby. “Your concept of parking hasn’t improved”, he observes.

“It’s strategic”, I explain. “If I’m late and need to park in a hurry, I purposefully park badly to give the impression that some kind of emergency has taken place. You’d be amazed at how many tickets I’ve avoided”.

“That’s insane”.

“And yet, no ticket”. I grab my bags. Parker runs his finger across the side panel, stopping when he gets to the engine. “Pop the hood”, he instructs.

“I’ll call a mechanic”.

He ignores me, head disappearing under the bonnet. “You’ll get oil over your uniform”, I protest. Parker pauses, then lifts his shirt over his head and tucks it into his belt.

Sweet Jesus.

His toned back and broad shoulders are directly in my eyeline. Every part of me, and I mean every part, can’t help but notice the muscle tensed beneath his smooth skin. He rummages around, his face tight with concentration.

This is killing me. In the very best way.Against my will, clips from our friendship scroll through my head like a newsreel. Who we were. What we were.He turns, stern and serious, and my breath catches in my throat.

Chest hair. Huh. That’s an upgrade. It’s so hot. I can’t even focus.

“You don’t get to be pissed at me”, I say before he can open his mouth. “This isn’t the first time I’ve come out to you. I don’t know what words you want me to use that’ll make you feel okay about it”.

His face twists in confusion. “Are you talking about that night?”

“What other night could I possibly be talking about?”

“You seriously expect me to believe that you told me you were gay at the Grand Ole Carter Gala? I’m sorry, that whole night may be a clusterfuck that I barely remember, but I’d remember that ”. He looks so indignant, it’s hard not to believe him.

But then that means… “What do you remember?”

“Not much. I woke up with a black eye and the worst hangover of my life. My best friend wouldn’t talk to me. Millie was being weird. She dumped me a few weeks later. I mean”, he lowers his voice, “I vaguely recall that stuff happened , but was it really worth throwing our friendship away over?”

Millie St Clare. A name I haven’t heard in years. Not that I don’t cyber stalk her sometimes. I wonder if Parker does too. If he replays his time with her, the same way I replay that night with him.

The thought scorches me from the inside out.

“But”, My fingers twist together. “The next morning…” I trail off.

“What about it?” Parker shrugs. “Look. You fooled around with my girlfriend. Things happen when you’re drunk. I wasn’t pissed. It’s college, right?”

“We were in high school”.

“We’d graduated”, he counters. “Or, we were between graduating and being graduates. There’s a word for it”.

“How the fuck should I know?”

“C’mon Honour Roll, don’t get shy on me now”.

“I’m a soccer player, not a librarian”.

“Look—” Parker opens his mouth but the sound of two voices coming from the other side of the fence cuts him off.

“… Sheryl, I was very clear…”

Simon, I realise. I don’t recognise the other voice. Parker holds a finger to his lips. The two voices are coming from behind the hedge.

“Just keep him busy with basic admin that even a college dropout couldn’t fuck up. Chances are he’ll quit within the week anyway…”.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on him…”

Gradually the voices get further away. Parker doesn’t move. A wave of furious indignance runs through me. “That”, I say, “Was fucked up”.

“It’s fine”, the bulge in his jaw contracts stubbornly. “He’s the boss. He's got every right”.

“To talk about you that way? The hell he does”. Parker’s always been a master at hiding the things that hurt him the deepest. He pulls on his shirt roughly. “Try your engine”.

I open the door and turn the key in the ignition. A second later, the engine roars to life. “Graduand”, he says suddenly. “The word for when you’ve completed school but not graduated yet”.

“Smartass”. He closes my door, and comes to stand next to me.

“Back to that night. You’re saying that you told me you were gay? Like, you actually said the words?” His eyes search mine. “I’m sorry, man. I’d had a lot to drink. I don’t remember”. Anxiety is written all over his face. “I didn’t say anything bad, did I?”

I can’t speak.

I told him that I had feelings for him.And he has no idea.

He screws up his face. “That whole summer was weird. I should have reached out, but I just figured you were pissed, and we’d work it out like we always did. But then you went on social media blackout. I came by your house and your dad told me you’d left for early admission, and I just figured”, he breaks off, suddenly looking embarrassed.

“That I didn’t want to be found?” I say, thinking back to the shame that had propelled me across state lines three weeks early.

“No. That either you’d moved on, or”, he swallows, “That you’d figured out that everyone was right, and you were better off without me in your life”.

There’s a knot in my throat. He doesn’t remember what happened. What I did. What he said. It’s all cut out, like a film reel exposed to daylight.

We’ve got a second chance.

“I never thought that”, Not even when I couldn’t have you . “I promise”.

“I really fucking missed you”. He holds out his hand. “Friends again? Please”.

I reach forward to shake his hand, but he pulls me into a huge hug. These last three years, all I’ve ever really wanted was my best friend back. I didn’t realise how lonely I was without him until now.

He throws an arm over my shoulder, and we head back towards Summit chatting the whole way. No matter what feelings might be pushing their way to the surface, I have to bury them.

And I have to forgive him for what he did. For what he doesn’t even remember.

Because I can’t lose him again.