Page 94 of His Illegitimate Duchess

O ne morning at breakfast, while talking to Isabella, Elizabeth curiously observed how competently Emma curtsied to both her parents as soon as the nurse brought her downstairs.

She shared the observation with her husband when they took the girl out for a walk later, and remarked that it was amazing how people of their set were trained to do these things from birth.

“ It’s no different in other classes, I imagine,” Colin said. “Everyone teaches their children the skills they believe they’ll need, as early as possible. Before you know it, little Charles will be bowing to you in greeting.”

Three days after her initial proposal, Nicholas and Sophie had approached her with the prayer book in hand.

“We agreed that Charles would be a wonderful name for our son. We think that this entire family needs a fresh start,” Sophie had said.

When Elizabeth had opened the prayer book, she’d noticed a new entry right below Emma’s name.

May 15th, 1800

Birth of Lady Elizabeth Hawkins, daughter of Duke Charles Hawkins and Miss Catherine Williams

Her eyes had immediately sought Charlotte’s entry.

November 26th, 1799

Birth of Lady Charlotte Hawkins, daughter of Duke Charles Hawkins and Lady Madeline Hawkins

Our father was such a pig, she had thought as she wrote down her nephew’s name and date of birth, with a silent prayer to God for her nephew to be better and more healing for the world than his namesake.

“I cannot imagine him being big enough to do that. What skills do you think your child shall need, Your Grace?” Lizzie asked him, smiling at the memory.

He momentarily looked almost shy. “I don’t necessarily have a skill in mind yet.

I believe a child needs a strong and firm foundation in their home life that will make them feel stable, safe, and loved.

This will make the child feel secure in their place in the world, and they will have the sense that they are accepted by and valuable to those who have given him or her life, and then that child can have the chance to grow into adulthood without seeking that acceptance and sense of worth from others. ”

Elizabeth’s mouth dropped open.

“I have been thinking about the topic a lot lately. Don’t look so surprised,” he added with a small frown.

“I’m not, it’s just… All right, I am surprised by how insightful you are.”

“In case you haven’t guessed, I speak from experience,” he said with a hint of self-deprecation.

“I am not laying the blame for my misdeeds on other people, that would defeat the idea of redemption, but I have come to understand myself better in the process of trying to be better. The truth is that I was hungry for praise and love and acceptance, and it made me base my ideas of right and wrong on what the majority valued.”

“It’s Wednesday, you know,” Lizzie said with a smile.

“I know, I’ve just written to Brandon this morning. I fear he will be driven to insanity by the frequency of my letters.”

Lizzie smiled at the idea. “I must confess I’ve written to Mrs Brandon as well. I cannot help myself, I want to know every detail of William and Mary’s every day in Norwich.”

“Aren’t we the pair?” he joked. “Do you think they’re happy?” He asked after a while.

“I truly believe they are, and we shall soon get to see for ourselves whether I am right.”

“How has it already been a fortnight?”

“I have no idea. I feared you would be bored, seeing as you still cannot ride or do anything interesting outdoors.”

His arm was no longer in the sling all the time, but he still had a limited range of motion on that side.

“I can do interesting things indoors, and that’s enough for a man as modest as me,” he said with a rakish grin, and she shook her head.

“Emma is right here, Uncle Colin, best behave yourself.”

He feigned affront. “I meant whist, darling. What had you thought of?” He asked with a confused frown and earned himself a pinch on his uninjured side.

“I’m certain I’m Emma’s favourite uncle and you’re her favourite aunt,” he said. “Should we ask her? Imagine what Isabella would do at dinner if she found out Emma preferred you?”

Colin laughed.

“I’m surprised she let me name Charles. Sophie and Nicholas must have had their hands full convincing her,” Lizzie said with a fond smile. “How does Charlotte seem to you?” She asked him, suddenly serious.

“Sad, mostly. Sometimes hopeful.”

“Do you think her marriage can be repaired?”

“If they both want it enough,” Colin said with a shrug.

“See, that’s odd to me. Lady Burnham told me something similar before Charlotte’s house party. She said since both Charlotte and Nicholas were trying to make amends, and that I needed to decide if I wanted to give them another chance, and then observe them as if I’ve just met them.”

Colin considered her words for a moment. “That sounds like good advice. Why would you find it odd?”

“I don’t know. She was the first person who called forgiveness a decision, and not something that either occurs in your heart or doesn’t. I’ve always put it in the same box as being a good person – you either are or you aren’t.”

“Ah, I see,” her husband said. “I’m by no means an authority on the matters of the heart, but aren’t many important things in life the result of decisions, and effort, and doing?”

“Such as?”

“Let’s take your example of being a good person. What makes a person good? You and Socrates both claim it’s an innate quality. But I support Aristotle’s view that habits, practice, and actions are the behaviours that make someone good.”

“Let’s say that you’re right,” Lizzie proposed magnanimously. “How does that work?”

“Every good deed is preceded by a decision, isn’t it?

You decide to do voluntary work, you decide to show up every Wednesday even when tired or ill or in a bad mood, or when the room is more noisome than you can bear, you decide to overcome your aversion to touching someone, you decide to open your heart and listen.

I’m not negating the fact that some people are innately more inclined to be good, although there is a German fellow who claims that an action has less moral worth in that case, unlike when people do good out of a sense of moral duty, but my point is, with the right amount of effort, I think everyone can be good. If not good, then better .”

They watched Emma gather some wet branches in silence for a while.

“Do you think the same can be said for being a good parent?” She asked after a while.

“Definitely,” Talbot replied confidently.

“I’m not saying that someone as… complicated as myself will not have a certain set of issues while trying to raise a healthy, happy, and confident human being.

But if I decide to be better than my parents and dedicate all my efforts to it, it has to make a difference.

It has to. I have to believe that,” he said almost feverishly.

“That also sounds like something Lady Burnham always says,” Lizzie remarked.

“We’ve had some conversations, her and I,” Talbot admitted with a smile. “She is a very wise woman. A true Stoic.”

“So, to go back to my original question, you believe that my sister’s marriage can be salvaged?”

“I do.”

“I hope so. Now that I’ve been trying to view Charlotte as some new woman I’ve just met and not the little girl from the Park, I’ve come to the conclusion that some of her cold and, as you like to say, vapid, behaviour is just who she is, and was never meant as an attack on me.

The same can be said for the months following her marriage; she was most likely struggling with her unfulfilling marital life, and I felt slighted because she never showed me any support when I came out into society. ”

“I understand you only too well, you know that I’ve gone through the same thing with your brother. Do you think this is it? That we’ve both learned our lessons and that in the future we shall talk to each other instead of assuming what the other person is thinking?”

“Let’s not fool ourselves,” Lizzie said with a smile, and Colin laughed.

“Can I...?” He said uncertainly after a while.

“What?” She asked with a small frown.

“I think Emma wants to go inside,” he said with a very insincere smile.

A few days later, they were at breakfast, saying goodbye to everyone in Ashbury.

“I wish I could go with you to see Amelia,” Sophie said sadly. “Please make sure to relay the visit to me in as much detail as you can. She has fallen out of the habit of writing regularly ever since her marriage!”

Elizabeth thought that all of Amelia’s free time was most likely spent writing heartbreaking scenes for her heroines, but she said nothing of the sort.

“I will. You know how much of an adjustment marriage is in the beginning.”

All of those present nodded in acknowledgement.

“Speaking of letters,” Isabella said gleefully, “I just had a letter from cousin Theodosia.”

She turned to Lizzie and told her, “You’ve met her and her brother at Almack’s once, remember?”

“I do,” Lizzie nodded, “Miss Pilkington.”

“Yes! Well, cousin Theodosia had the most wonderful news to share, allow me to read that part to you,” she said as Frederick pulled out the letter from his waistcoat and handed it to her.

She cleared her throat dramatically.

Dearest Bella,

I am overjoyed to inform you that Brother has finalised negotiating his marriage settlement with his future bride, Lady Helena Grey. Her father is an earl and the family is from London, they mentioned being acquainted with you and yours.

I’m certain the move to Sussex will be an adjustment for her, but we all shall do our best to facilitate it for her as much as possible.

You know, more than anyone how much I’ve always dreamed of having a sister, etc etc.

Isabella finished reading abruptly and looked around the table to see everyone’s reactions.

“Poor Miss Pilkington,” Talbot said dryly. “Her dream is about to turn into a nightmare. What is the brother like?”

Lizzie remembered Mister Pilkington’s rancid breath and said, “The couple’s insides are perfectly matched.”