Page 70 of His Illegitimate Duchess

“My child, what happened?” Lady Burnham asked as soon as Lizzie entered the parlour, her slip into informality revealing the extent of her agitation at her protegee’s sudden change of address.

Lizzie stopped herself from dropping into her armchair the way her heart wanted her to. She couldn’t do that to Lady Burnham.

Instead, she gracefully lowered herself and folded her hands in her lap, taking care to keep her back ramrod straight.

“I was told that you visited and kept in touch with my husband regarding my condition during my illness, and I thank you for that,” Elizabeth started, not looking anywhere in particular.

“It is your unwavering devotion to our friendship that urges me to be honest with you with regards to the circumstances that led to my illness.”

Lady Burnham nodded, her whole body tense.

“As you know, at the beginning of the month, I attended Mr Powell’s ball.” After receiving a non-verbal confirmation, Lizzie attempted to continue, “Well, there…”

Elizabeth trailed off, as her throat inexplicably felt painfully tight. Lady Burnham reached over and took her hand in her gloved one.

“Tell me,” she said, and Lizzie could hear that her friend’s voice was equally strained. Elizabeth was suddenly scared. What if her friend reacted the same way her mother had?

“As you are well aware, the duke and I got married after we were found alone in a coat room in a somewhat compromising position, which I explained to you, and I like to think you believed me. At Mister Powell’s ball, Lady Helena Grey approached Miss Woodhouse and me, and with malicious glee, revealed that, on the night of the Pearsons’ ball, when I was humiliated and compromised in front of everyone in attendance, she and Duke Talbot had actually arranged for her to burst into the cloak room. ”

“No!” Lady Burnham exclaimed, and her hand flew to her mouth as she shook her head.

Lizzie nodded weakly.

“She also claimed that Nicholas ultimately thwarted their plans by forcing Duke Talbot to marry me,” Lizzie added.

“What did His Grace say?”

“He claimed that no one had forced him to marry me. He did admit to staging the whole situation, but claimed it wasn’t done for revenge.”

“Why would he want to exact revenge against you?” Lady Burnham asked, puzzled.

Lizzie blushed and looked away.

“My maid, Mary, is the only one who knows about this. I don’t know why I never told anyone else.

I think at first I was glad to have another friend and didn’t want to be talked out of it for propriety’s sake.

And then later, I was too ashamed, and if no one knows about something, it is easier to pretend it never happened,” Elizabeth said, then sighed.

“Here it is: Duke Talbot and I used to dance one dance, usually the waltz, at every ball we both attended, and we occasionally interacted during other events, you know parts of that already. For instance, we were both at Lady Isabella’s house party.

I’ve told you the truth when we spoke just before my wedding, when I said that he never courted me, at least not in any of the ways you’d told me about.

For instance, he sent me a gift, but the gift was a wheel of cheese.

” She laughed at Lady Burnham’s face. “I know how odd it sounds. That’s why I considered us… friends,” Lizzie said wistfully.

“He even lent me a few of his books once.” She smiled.

“But then, at Lady Amelia’s ball in May, I overheard him talking to some of the other gentlemen there, and they were teasing him about me.

Someone had seen his carriage in front of my house when his valet dropped off the books, and his friends were making assumptions about the nature of our relationship.

And Duke Talbot said...” Elizabeth swallowed and pulled her hand from Lady Burnham’s to hide how badly it had started shaking at the memory.

“He told them that marrying a by-blow like me would sully the Talbot line and that there was nothing that could entice him into doing so. The next time we danced, I told him that I’d heard what he said and asked him to refrain from asking me to dance again.

He seemed taken aback but accepted, and held true to our agreement. ”

Lady Burnham lifted her chin proudly. “You did well. What happened next?”

“Nothing, really. We neither talked nor danced, and then my engagement to the Corporal was announced. And then the Pearsons’ ball and everything that followed,” Elizabeth listed with an impatient wave of her hand.

Lady Burnham hummed thoughtfully.

“Tell me about the Pearsons’ ball again.”

“You know, perhaps better than anyone, how overwhelmed and worried I’d get about all the events that I attended back then.

So I’d always retire into a tea room or a cloak room at some point to be alone, to compose myself and recover, and the duke knew that.

He’d been the one who suggested it when I complained to him during one of our dances, actually,” Lizzie frowned at the thought and at whatever her mind was trying to tell her by conjuring the memory, “so that night he must have noticed me slip away, and he followed me there. He was different from all the previous times I’d seen him. ”

Almost all the other times, she amended mentally, not wanting to discuss the very first time they’d met.

“Different how?”

“He seemed ill, almost feverish. I kept telling him that he shouldn’t be there alone with me, but he ignored me.

He claimed he was my friend and merely wanted to congratulate me on my upcoming wedding, which angered me, and I tried to leave.

That’s when he stepped in front of me and blocked my path, and then he kept inching ever closer to me, and I kept retreating, and by the time everyone burst in, he had me pressed to the window, and I’m aware of how it must have looked.

” Lizzie finished and finally dared to look up at the woman whose good opinion she cared immensely about.

“I didn’t know why he’d done any of that, and now Lady Helena has given me an answer. ”

“Did you ever ask the Duke about it after you were wed?”

Lizzie shook her head sadly.

“I never discussed that particular event with my husband, which I now realise was extremely foolish, but I just couldn’t.

I had too many negative feelings attached to that memory, particularly to my impression that my brother forced Duke Talbot to marry me, so it felt better to leave it in the past.”

“And to focus on what you could change, like I taught you,” Lady Burnham said, and Lizzie nodded.

“Do you believe him when he says he wasn’t forced to marry you?” Lady Burnham asked after spending several moments deep in thought.

“I don’t want to believe anything he says.

But let’s assume, for the sake of discussion, that he was forced, then, all right, he is an awful man who concocted this revenge scheme and ruined my reputation in the process.

But I think I’d be able to derive some perverse satisfaction from the fact that he was ultimately forced to sully his precious bloodline,” Lizzie admitted, then got up and approached the window.

She stood there for a moment, lost in thought, not realising that she was staring at the exact place on the sidewalk where she had first laid eyes on her now-husband.

“But he didn’t seem forced or unhappy. Nor worried about his bloodline,” she added bitterly, then turned to face her friend. “You were at Norwich with us, am I wrong?”

Lady Burnham shook her head in immediate denial. “You’re not. The Duke seemed truly content and was a most attentive husband during the time that I had the pleasure of spending at your home.”

“So then, if he wasn’t forced, the only option that remains is that he indirectly forced me to marry him, and sullied my reputation in the pursuit of his goal.

You told me I had the right to refuse dances, courting, proposals – and he took that right away from me by playing on my greatest weaknesses – my fear of becoming like my mother and my desperate desire to please my brother.

So believing him when he says he wasn’t forced is almost worse in a way,” Elizabeth concluded.

“I see,” Lady Burnham said gently. “You are facing a truly great obstacle in your marriage. I wish I knew what the right thing to do was.”

Elizabeth returned to her seat, saying, “I agonised for days over how to handle this mess. Not even the King managed to get a divorce despite all the issues in his marriage, who’s going to grant me one for this? So I moved back here to get some distance from my husband, but he followed me.”

“Did he say why?” Lady Burnham asked.

“He said we made vows which he intends to honour,” Elizabeth replied, upset that she still hadn’t found a good way to counter his argument. “But I want to live separately.”

Lady Burnham seemed to be weighing her next words carefully.

“My dear child,” she said finally, “Don’t misinterpret my words as me underestimating your anger and hurt, which you have good reason to feel.

I simply wish to caution you against making any rash decisions that cannot be undone.

We’ve both known loss, so I know you understand the finality of death and how brief our time on Earth actually is. ”

“My mind is telling me that your approach is most likely the right one, but my heart is still too hurt to even listen to him. I just want to avoid him and pretend he isn’t there. I hate to even look at him,” she whispered.

“Then do that, ignore him, give yourself time, don’t speak to him, but also open your eyes and ears while you’re keeping your mouth closed?” she urged, and Elizabeth finally smiled, albeit weakly. “I shall try,” she promised.

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