Page 34 of His Illegitimate Duchess

“Only if you like living a lie,” Mary teased. “Come on, I got a letter from Thomas yesterday, and I’ve been wanting to read it to you. Shall we do the Corporal’s first?”

Lizzie smiled at her friend gratefully and reached for the envelope. It was thicker and heavier than just a short note. She pulled out its contents and saw her own handwriting on the papers. He’d returned all her letters and notes. She sighed, a heavy sense of finality settling over her.

“He’s returning all my letters, in case it was unclear to either of us what happened last night.”

“He wrote nothing else?”

“No,” Elizabeth sighed, “he’s probably worried my brother will file a suit against him for breach of promise.

Nicholas is a duke, and the Corporal has very limited funds.

I have to be the one to break off the engagement.

It is the least I can do for him, after the scene he witnessed last night,” she finished, disgusted by the memory of everyone leering at her.

“I still cannot believe you shall be marrying the dukeling,” Mary said. “I told you to be careful about that one, remember?”

Elizabeth closed her eyes.

“Sorry. I know saying it doesn’t help,” Mary apologised.

“He never said a word to me, you know. The Corporal. In the cloak room, after everything. He just screamed for Nicholas, like I wasn’t even there.”

“Oh, Lizzie.” Mary was unable to conceal the pity she felt.

“I’d better go write that letter," Elizabeth said as she stood up with great effort. "If Aunt Isolde calls on me, tell her I’m not home.”

A very pale and very feeble-looking Sophie came to see Elizabeth later that day.

“I am so sorry, Lizzie. Nicholas told me what happened and that, instead of helping, he argued with you, and I got so upset with him,” she said, and Elizabeth felt even worse.

“Oh, no, you shouldn’t get upset on my account when you’re this unwell,” she fretted, but Sophie just waved her hand impatiently.

“Don’t worry about me. How are you feeling?”

Elizabeth shrugged and looked away, suddenly uneasy. She first wondered whether Sophie saw her differently after what had happened, but then she started worrying that Sophie had always seen her as a charity case from the demi-monde that would never truly fit in.

“Elizabeth? Are you alright?” Sophie tried again.

“Nicholas shouldn’t have been cross with you.

He was surprised and upset and worried, and he and Duke Talbot, well,” she stopped herself and frowned, perhaps weighing whether to say what was truly on her mind and then deciding against it, “never mind that. My point is, all young people sometimes have experiences like that before matrimony and it is not the end of the world. The unfortunate part was that yours was made public,” she concluded and her kind face showed only sympathy.

“Duke Talbot and I, we... nothing happened,” Lizzie stammered, completely ignoring the memory of his entire body pressed against hers as he traced her neck with her nose.

She didn’t even have a name for that, nor did she understand why he had done it.

“We were just talking in the cloak room. I'm aware that this sounds like a lie, but it is the truth,” she said in a desperate tone, urging Sophie to believe her, needing someone to believe her.

Sophie sat up, looking alarmed.

“Do you not wish to marry the duke? Because Nicholas thinks-”

“Oh no, no, nothing like that,” Elizabeth hastened to lie, aware that not marrying Talbot would only complicate things further. She’d be disgraced and unmarried then. And Nicholas had even resorted to fisticuffs to secure her matrimony.

She was suddenly struck by the realisation that Nicholas could have called the other man out and got himself killed. She lost all feeling in her legs.

She’d just get married and be done with it. She would not be a burden or a disappointment to anyone any longer.

“Good,” Sophie sighed in relief, because she truly abhorred the idea of Lizzie being forced into a marriage she didn’t want.

Elizabeth, however, interpreted Sophie’s visible relief as a confirmation of her fear that everyone wanted to be rid of her.

“Duke Talbot sent a note this morning. He managed to secure a special license, and we are to be wed tomorrow morning,” Lizzie said, not wanting to remember the cold and impersonal note that delivered what would usually be a joyous piece of news.

It was the first note she’d ever received in her future husband’s hand, and it read:

Miss Hawkins,

I secured the license. We shall be wed tomorrow morning at 8 at your residence and shall be off to Norwich immediately after.

Yours, etc., Duke Colin Talbot.

Elizabeth struggled to suppress the thoughts about how much resentment her future husband most likely felt for her. This man was being forced to sully his family name by marrying her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m very happy for you,” Sophie said, and hesitated, as if she wanted to say something else, but ultimately only pushed her teacup away.

“It smells like dirt,” she explained to a confused Elizabeth.

Just then, Lady Burnham’s visit was announced, and Sophie left after a brief exchange of greetings and news with her relative.

As soon as Elizabeth returned to the parlour, Lady Burnham said, “My child, what in Heaven’s name is going on? I received panicked letters from both your mother and your brother this morning.”

“What did the letters say?” Lizzie asked, still as a statue.

Lady Burnham watched her with concern.

“I was told you would not be marrying Corporal Harding, but someone else. Can you tell me how that came about?” She inquired carefully.

Elizabeth sat down in her favourite armchair.

I was going to have this delivered to Wexcombe, she thought as she stroked the armrest.

“Please be patient with me, Lady Burnham, for I myself do not understand how this came about, but I shall do my best to relay the events to you and then, perhaps, we can come to a conclusion together.”

Lady Burnham nodded for her to proceed. Elizabeth took a deep breath as she tried to decide what to include and what to omit.

I shall not be able to bear the humiliation of retelling what happened at the Fairchild ball, she thought.

“I was introduced to Duke Talbot at the ball my brother held for my coming out, and we’ve always been friendly at the various events and balls we both attended.

He’s never courted me or considered me a suitable candidate for his duchess.

And, as you know, I was engaged to Corporal Harding.

What you don’t know, however, is that I’ve always had this habit of finding secluded places at balls where I would hide for short periods of time in order to gather my wits and rest a bit.

I know, I know,” she lifted her palm when she saw the disapproval on Lady Burnham’s face. “Believe me, I’ve learnt my lesson.”

“Please, do go on,” Lady Burnham urged.

Lizzie, for some reason, felt like deception was written all over her face as she continued saying, “At the Pearsons’ ball, I was alone in the cloak room when Duke Talbot came in.

He said he wanted to congratulate me on my engagement to the Corporal, and he wanted to shake my hand.

I told him he needed to leave. He ignored me.

Then, I said I wanted to leave, but he kept coming closer to me, and then, when Lady Helena burst in with her friends, it seemed like we were doing something we were not supposed to. ”

I’m not lying, she told herself. I did not arrange to meet him, nor did we do anything.

We were fully dressed. No one was touching… those parts. We are not lovers.

I don’t understand any of this.

“I don’t understand,” Lady Burnham echoed her thoughts, and Lizzie nodded.

“Me neither. I’ve been going over everything in my mind since it happened, and I still cannot make sense of it.”

“I remember you telling me of Lady Helena’s nasty attitude towards you at Lady Isabella’s house party. Do you think her dislike of you might be the reason why she followed you into the cloak room?”

“I don’t even know for certain that she followed me. She might have just needed her cloak, or wanted to fix her hair, or use the chamberpot,” Lizzie said, and Lady Burnham wrinkled her nose.

“What happened next?”

“The other attendees heard the commotion and started coming into the cloak room. The Corporal was among them, and he angrily called for my brother, who then escorted me home.”

Why am I hiding what Nicholas said to me? Elizabeth was nonplussed by her own account of events.

“Duke Talbot followed us there, and he got into an argument with my brother, which resulted in Talbot having a bloody lip,” Elizabeth said, and her words caught on a sob.

Lady Burnham gently stroked her arm as she cried. After a few minutes, Elizabeth raised her face from her hands.

“I feel utterly humiliated. I am entering marriage with someone who is being forced to be with me,” she said through the tears.

“My dear girl,” Lady Burnham said sadly, never lifting her hand from her arm.

“There is one rule I live my life by, and it has served me well, especially after the tragedies I have experienced. It is to focus on the things I can change instead of those I cannot. And I advise you to do the same. A chain of events has been set in motion that you can neither prevent nor alter. All you can do is adjust your response to things.”

“How would I go about doing that?” Lizzie sniffled.

“We have discussed your position at the Corporal’s estate at length, but as a duchess, things will be very different.

I shall write you a long, detailed letter with all the advice I can think of because we have no time to go into all that now, but please write to me with any questions or issues that arise in your new role.

That is something you can focus your energy on. ”

“Maybe you’re right,” Elizabeth replied.

*