Page 83 of His Illegitimate Duchess

“W hat are you frowning at, wife?”

Elizabeth looked up from the letter in her hand and realised that her husband had joined her in the morning room.

“Good morning,” she said, feeling flustered by his intense stare.

Things were… better between them these days.

Nowhere near as good as they had been in Norwich, of course, but she no longer avoided rooms he was in, and they managed engaging and polite conversation at mealtimes, as well as after Elizabeth’s lessons.

Doctor Cooper still didn’t consider Talbot to be well enough to join them on Wednesdays, and despite his disappointment, Colin encouraged Elizabeth to continue going without him.

Knowing how much he had grown to enjoy these outings, Elizabeth patiently recounted the visits to him and served as a messenger between him and his favourite patients.

“It’s a letter from Nicholas,” she continued, looking down at the letter again, “he writes that Sophie was brought to bed of a boy and that both she and the baby are well and healthy. He doesn’t mention his name, though, how odd.”

“Ah,” her husband said. “Congratulations.”

“He is inviting us to come visit with them for a while.”

“Do you wish to go meet your new nephew?” Talbot asked carefully, wisely omitting the boy’s father from his question.

Lizzie sighed and put the letter down. “I cannot decide. One of my concerns is your health. I’m not certain whether you could handle such a trip. It’s only been a month since your… injury ,” she said, pursing her lips in disapproval.

Talbot dropped his head, but she could still see him smile. Men.

He is probably proud of his foolishness , she thought, once again terrified by the knowledge that he could have easily been lost to her that day.

One night, after her initial, anger-led, emotional turmoil in the aftermath of Colin’s injury had died down, she was getting into bed and trying to hear him shuffling around with Stevenson in the room across the hall, when, out of nowhere, the following thought hit her like a brick in the head: He could have died.

Elizabeth frantically tried remembering what she had been thinking about when Doctor Cooper had been busy digging out the pieces of lead from her husband’s flesh, whether she had prayed, whether she had worried, but all she ultimately pieced together was that she hadn’t fully understood the gravity of the situation then. Now she suddenly did.

That episode had marked the beginning of the absolute anguish she’d experience for the next ten days – flashes of terror, visions and nightmares of standing over Colin’s grave; his body rotting in the ground; wearing mourning attire; never hearing his voice again…

The images of his bloody clothes kept her awake at night, and not even all the Milk of Roses in the world was able to improve her fatigue-induced pallor.

“We can always consult Doctor Cooper,” Talbot offered, thankfully jarring her from those dark thoughts. “I would rather like to spend some time in the country, and Ashbury, though a much inferior estate, is closer than Norwich.”

His familiar hauteur coaxed a smile from Lizzie and strengthened her faith in his recovery.

She considered the idea for a moment. Being away from the filthy air of London would be good for both the convalescent and Mary.

I have to ascertain whether it is safe for both of them to travel , she thought. And cancel my lessons.

She had already been planning to take the entire household to Norwich for Mary’s delivery and lying-in, so she wanted to ask Doctor Cooper’s advice on that as well.

In her mind’s eye, she could already see Mister Ed and Mrs Barlow playing with their granddaughter in the cool shade of the arbour in the manor garden.

She frowned again as she returned to reality, “I’m not too keen on spending time with my brother, though.”

“I understand,” was all that he said, his voice very obviously restrained in order not to betray any hint of feeling.

“Either of my father’s children, actually. Charlotte also wrote to invite us to a house party at their estate in Basingstoke.”

Talbot, after brief consideration, said, “Should you decide to accept their invitations, it would be a geographically sound choice, for Basingstoke lies between London and Ashbury in a way which would help split our journey in two legs, with a week’s rest between them, thus rendering it far less taxing. ”

Elizabeth considered Mary’s condition once more.

“I shall think about it.”

*

“I think they are both making an effort to include you,” her mother said at tea with Lady Burnham two days later.

Lizzie sighed as she picked up her cup.

“I know, Maman ,” she said gently, aware that the partially healed bond with her mother was fragile like a newborn, “I just cannot forget all the times they have failed to do so, especially Charlotte. I don’t like feeling this way, believe me , but I spent so much time making excuses for them and respecting how they might feel at the expense of my own feelings, and now I’m simply… drained.”

“I agree that they both have wronged you,” Lady Burnham said sympathetically, “especially your sister. If you decide to give them another chance, all I can advise is imagining that you’ve just met them.”

“What do you mean?” Catherine tilted her head in curiosity.

Lady Burnham set down her cup and spread both her hands in front of her with the palms facing up.

“On one hand,” she said, raising her right palm slightly, “we have all the past neglect you have experienced from your brother and sister. Now, there’s been a change of heart, and everything they do from now on,” she now lifted her left palm higher, “is their new attitude. I know that the heart sometimes cannot let go of past hurt. However, if one person apologises, makes amends, and demonstrates the aforementioned change of heart through their actions, and the person who was wronged makes a conscious, intentional decision to give them a second chance, one has to view this,” she lifted the left palm again, “as its own, separate interaction. If you do go to your sister’s house party, try not to think of the past. Pretend that you just met her and are judging her based on your interactions during that week alone.

And do the same with your brother when you see him. It might surprise you.”

“Do you think that forgiveness always occurs as the result of a decision?” Lizzie asked.

“In my experience, yes. Perhaps it is different for those who are, by virtue of their innate character, more inclined to be forgiving.”

“I’ve never even considered I had the option not to forgive someone,” Miss Williams said softly.

No one said anything for a long time after that.

*

Two weeks and multiple dinners with the Coopers later, the Talbots (with Thunder sleeping at their feet), followed by Robert and Mary Ward in a separate carriage, set off to Basingstoke for the Countess of Pembroke’s house party.

Elizabeth had informed her students that she would be absent for at least four Wednesdays and had been pleased to find no one who rejoiced at that information.

How different the packing process was this time, compared to the first house party she’d attended! Now that she no longer worried about impressing these people, she simply left it all in Mary’s capable hands.

After seeing him pale due to the exertion of walking all the way downstairs and awkwardly climbing into the carriage, Elizabeth fussed over her husband’s arm, which was resting in a bandage tied to his neck, until he grabbed both of her hands in one of his, and said, “Lizzie, please. I’m perfectly fine.

In fact, as you like to say, I’m not an invalid .

It’s merely a flesh wound that’s almost healed. I’m fine.”

She breathed a sigh of relief when she noted that his colour had returned to normal, so she let their ungloved hands linger with each other a bit until they stopped to pick up Elinor, after which she focused on her friend’s excitement and ignored her tingling palms.

“I cannot wait to see Amelia again,” Elinor said.

“Me neither. Her replies to my letters are always so short and vague! I’m looking forward to hearing all the details of her new life in person.”

“Do you think-,” Elinor said, looked at Talbot, and closed her mouth.

“Miss Woodhouse, if you were going to ask about my wife’s former fiancé, I’d rather you not,” Talbot drawled.

“I apologise, Your Grace,” Elinor said contritely, and Lizzie glared at her husband.

“Leave her alone, Talbot. In fact, I am a bit concerned about seeing the Corporal again, considering how the last time he saw the two of us together went. I sent him a heartfelt apology in my last letter when I broke our engagement, but he never acknowledged it. I hope there will be no unpleasantness,” Elizabeth admitted anxiously.

“He wouldn’t dare say anything,” Talbot said fiercely, which prompted Elinor to sigh dreamily and Lizzie to shake her head in disapproval.

“I’m so happy my cousin Andrew will be there. If he wasn’t already promised, he would be the perfect match for you,” Lizzie changed the topic.

“I’m just glad there will be other unattached people at this party. At one point, it looked like it would be just couples.”

“Wait,” Lizzie said with a frown, then listed, more to herself, “Isabella and Oakley, Amelia and the Corporal, Charlotte and the Earl…” She trailed off.

“Pratt and Stone are going to be there,” Talbot offered helpfully.

“Yes! There,” Lizzie said happily. “And Lady Louisa!”

“Still.” Elinor sighed. “I would like to be part of a couple as well.”

Lizzie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to offer empty words of consolation.

She glanced at Colin, who seemed even more at a loss.

Thunder, most likely sensing the tension in the carriage, saved the day by nuzzling Elinor’s feet until she laughed and petted him.

The rest of the journey was spent in far more pleasant conversation.