I know it’s wrong. I know I shouldn't do this. I don’t want to, but my body is buzzing all over for the searing pain to rush through me.

I twist the head of the razor again harder this time and the blades shift out of their neat rows.

I pluck one and tug it out. My eyes scan the sharp, bent blade.

It’s V-shaped which I wasn’t expecting. I examine it more, this thin small piece of metal.

It's not a burn like I’m used to but a cut might give the same rush, right?

Could it still make me feel better? Would it be a worthy sacrifice?

Give it to the Divine…pay for your sins. The sin you have become.

Tears pool over my lids, streaming down my face as I lift my shirt enough to expose the right amount of skin.

I bring my quivering hand with the blade still in my grasp down on my skin, shutting my eyes and turning my head away as I press down hard and pull the metal across my abdomen.

The pain instantly erupts through me, and I bite down on my lips to keep my scream muffled.

My head grows light and a warmth spreads through my stomach.

Again.

The voice hisses at me and I don’t wait to think through it or hesitate. I glide the blade across my skin again, keeping my eyes shut and my face averted.

“What the fuck, Elliott?!”

I drop the blade and snap my eyes open, looking up to see Marcus standing above me. He kicks the blades from me and pulls me from the floor.

“I-I-” my words stutter through sobs, “I just needed to. I ne-eded i-it. I’m so-orry. I couldn’t stop.” I’m shaking uncontrollably now, “I couldn’t stop it.”

“I fucking knew it.” He mutters to himself. “Shh, just let me stop the bleeding.” He lifts the fabric off my wound, and I hiss at the burn. “Shit. Elliott.” His voice is so soft it makes my heart ache.

He shouldn’t have been here. He shouldn’t have had to see me like this. He doesn’t even care about me, he probably just feels sorry for me. As another way in which I’m the inconvenience to him. To them .

He opens a drawer on the bathroom vanity, pulling out a small wash cloth and presses it firmly on my cuts.

“ Fuck .” I hiss out as it digs into my wounds.

“Yeah, hurts like a bitch huh? I need the bleeding to stop so I can clean it up.”

“You don’t have to, I can do it. I made this mess.”

“Sorry to break it to you, princess, but I don’t really trust you to be alone right now.”

“I–” I close my eyes as he shifts on the floor to grab what he needs from the vanity cabinets. “I didn’t mean for you or anyone to come in and see that.”

“Well, I did.”

“Why?” My head is still swirling, but the reality that he came into the bathroom starts to sink in.

“Why, what?” he asks blankly, opening up a first aid kit he found in the cabinets under the sink and getting to work on my stomach.

I pull away from his chest to look up at him, but he forces me back down to lie against it.

“Why did you even come in here?”

He rips open an alcohol pad, rubbing it against the two wounds and I hiss at the burn, but I secretly want more. How fucked up is that? Very, I know.

“I came because I saw you spiraling again.”

“You saw me… spiraling? ”

“When you were talking with Raf, when you tried to smile through it, and when Hunter and Kameron joined the conversation. I saw your eyes go vacant and your smile become duller. The way you shifted on your feet and the flick of your thumb on your thigh. You were spiraling.”

I shift, cranking my neck to look at him, “How did you know that?”

“It was like looking in a mirror.” He says without a glance my way, his hands working on putting a bandage on my wounds.

“What does that mean?” I ask, hoping for a real, honest answer.

He smooths out the band, finishing up his work, and finally looks at me. His eyes look pained, “It means, unfortunately that we share a similar monster.”

I don’t say a word as I glance between his umber eyes.

“Hey, the guys told me to hunt you down are you–Oh shit! What the fuck?” Raf walks into the bathroom but Marcus’s eyes are still on me. His jaw ticks as he lifts me off the floor with him, steadying me on my feet before he pulls away from me.

“Oh good, a real doctor to help you.” Marcus’s eyes harden again, the pain he exposed as he looks to Raf long gone, “Your patient got hurt. Might want to talk to her.” He pushes past me, leaving me there with Raf.

“What happened?” Raf asks and I let out a loud exhale knowing that I have no choice but to be honest .

By the time I fill him in on what happened and answer all of his questions, I hear the team of men begin to shuffle from the study, giving their goodbyes before leaving the house.

“Elliott, the guys are going to have to know about this.”

I knew he would say that, I mean I figured Marcus already blabbed about it to Kameron and Hunter when he got back to their meeting.

“I understand.” I reply, holding myself in my arms, picking at my skin. “I’ll tell them.”

Like clockwork, Kameron’s voice booms down the hallway, “Ooooh gorgeous, I am baaaaack!” He pushes the door open swiftly, “Did you miss me?” He wags his brows as his eyes land on me with a wide, perfect smile.

The smile quickly fades as he sees Raf and I on the bed, my hands holding myself and my cheeks still wet from the tears. He rushes to the bedside, “Woah, woah, what’s going on?” his stare snaps to me and then to Raf.

“Elliott, would you like me to leave so you both can talk alone?”

I give him a nod and he squeezes my shoulder for confidence before leaving Kameron and I alone.

“El, what’s going on?”

I look away from him, the knot in my stomach sinks low, “I hurt myself again.” My words stumble out as fresh hot tears develop in my eyes .

“Hurt yourself?” he asks and his confusion only adds to the guilt. “What do you mean?” He tries to get me to look at him but I can’t. I tug away, ashamed of myself for being this way. For having to be another thing he has to worry about.

I take a deep breath and wipe my cheeks dry. I keep my eyes on the window, “Remember when we were in the bathroom together? By Samuel’s office? When you asked me who gave me those scars on my legs and I told you they were from me?” I don’t wait for a response, “I did it again.”

“Ell–”

“It’s stupid, I know!” I drop my face into my hands, “I just can’t stop the voice in my head that tells me I deserve it.”

“You deserve it?” He pulls my face out of my hands, bending low to make eye contact with me, “You don’t deserve that, Elliott. You didn’t deserve anything you went through, how they treated you, what they made you believe in.”

A cry breaks from my throat, “Rationally I know that’s true, but I can’t help but think that I do.

” He wipes the tears from my cheeks despite his expression reflecting the pain this is causing him.

“There’s a lot in me that is broken, Kam.

” I shake my head in his hands, “You shouldn’t have to cut yourself on my broken pieces. You don’t have to bleed for me.”

“I would let all the blood drain from my body if it meant you were safe and happy.”

“Kameron. ”

“Shhh,” he places a finger on my lips, “my heart, my choice.” He gives me a weak smile, “I get to fall in love with you if that’s what my heart wants, no matter the amount of nicks and cuts I get from helping you heal. Will you let me fall?”

“I don’t want to keep worrying you.”

“Well, I want to keep worrying over you. I would worry regardless because that’s what happens when you care for someone. You worry about them even when there’s nothing to worry about.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Stop worrying about me worrying. Let me sit here in your pain with you. I’ll hold the glue and you tell me where we need each piece to go to put it all back together, okay?”

He means every word he’s saying, I can see it in his eyes and it makes my wounded heart beat with a warmth I can’t explain. He’s told me so many times that he wanted this, me, us. He wants me to be happy even if it means he’s here for the ugly parts of me.

“You don’t look at me differently?” I shut my eyes, hearing how fucking desperate I am for the validation.

“Oh gorgeous,” He pulls me closer to his face, his lips grazing mine, “Never.” he whispers on my lips and my heart blooms from the reassurance. He lets his mouth press onto mine and I welcome the gentleness of his kiss.

“Did Doctor Rafael De Luca fix you up, princess?” Marcus’s voice cuts through the moment .

“Uh–yeah.” I say as Kameron pulls away slowly from me, a change in his expression causes my body to shiver.

“You knew about this?” Kam stands from the bed.

“Yeah, who do you think found her?”

“Found who where?” Hunter comes in behind Marcus.

“Flores found Elliott bleeding on the floor. That’s why Raf was missing from the meeting.”

“Bleeding where?” Hunter’s voice turns lethal.

“I’m fine. Marcus patched me up and then Raf talked with me and double-checked Marcus’s handy work. He says the cuts are fine.”

“Cuts? What cuts, Elliott!?” Hunter rushes to me on the bed.

Fuck, I’m gonna have to explain this again.

“I’m fine, really.” He scans me for injuries.

“Where are they? How did you–”

“I did it to myself. It was a stupid craving that I caved to.” I rush the words out and scan his face for the change .

The one that let me know he doesn’t want me anymore.

It was the same face I was waiting to get from Kameron.

But just like Kameron, he doesn’t falter.

I’m not sure if that feels any better. At least with the disgusted look, I know that I don’t have to hurt them anymore with my own trauma.

But with this look…it melts a part of my heart and cracks another knowing that they care, that they will have to watch me break over and over again before I can heal.

What a burden you are.

I slam my eyes shut and shake the voice away .

“And Raf said they looked okay?” He nudges my chin to look up at him, “Answer, please.”

My eyes slowly blink open, “Yes, he said Marcus did a good job and to just keep an eye on it.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell us she was hurt?” Kameron shoves Marcus now, “That’s something we should fucking know, Flores.”

“Hey, I made sure your little girlfriend was safe and I went back to do my job . A job that doesn’t entail having to keep you updated on her.” He points at me and I cave into myself.

“You should have told us, Marcus.”

“And what, have the whole meeting thrown away? We don’t know when we’ll have this much time to brief our team again. Kameron got lucky, getting this many days off.”

“She was hurt!”

“And I fucking made sure she was better. Once again Kameron, I made sure she was safe.” Kameron’s nostrils flare as he balls his fists at his side.

“You're welcome.” Marcus glares into Kameron’s eyes.

I have yet to see Kameron mad and the way he was looking at Marcus, I knew he wasn’t one to be messed with.

He was practically shaking from the words.

Marcus takes a step back, heading out of the room, “It wasn’t my moment to share, Kam. It was hers.” His dark eyes land on me for only a moment before he turns and leaves.