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Elliott

I was walking around the room, my limbs unable to stay still.

Now that I had left my cocoon and stepped outside of the room, I was getting antsy.

I was like a moth emerging only to mindlessly circle a flame.

I didn't want to lay down and my body felt like it was itching to run.

I was uncomfortable staying stagnant but I needed space from the conversation earlier, and I also needed to get this pent up energy out.

I stopped pacing, looking at the door and decide, fuck it.

The door opens and I'm startled by a man standing right on the other side. It takes me a moment to realize this man is the doctor I met days ago. I step back as he gives me a small smile, "Elliott. It's nice to see you again. And out of bed I see."

"Hi. I was just—"

"I came to check on you and to see how the antibiotics were working. I see you’re doing much better than the last time we saw each other."

"Yessir." I bow my head.

"Please, call me Raf."

"Okay…Raf, thank you."

"Can we chat for a bit?"

"Ummm…I —"

"It won't be long. Please?" He motions to the room.

I nod, "Of course." I stepped back, allowing him space to come in.

He stands there as I close the door, turning to face him. I cross my arms over my chest and fidget on my heels.

"I'm glad I gave you those antibiotics, your lab results showed that you had a pretty nasty infection, I hope they didn't upset your stomach too much. I know you weren't eating much then."

"I’m okay, I've been eating more now." I pick at my shirt.

"Good. Good." He inhaled deeply, "Look Elliott, there is no way to approach this other than to say it. I apologize if this is hard for you to hear."

I swallow hard, my eyes connecting with his. The severity of whatever he’s about to announce is undeniably clear. "Okay…"

"In your urine sample there were traces of…

male DNA." My vision narrows on Raf as my ears roar.

My heart picks up the pace as he continues, "I compared it with samples of DNA I have for the men I work with. The men you’ve come to know, and they we re not a match.

So I have to ask Elliott, and I hope you can forgive me but as a medical professional, it is my job to make sure my patients are well.

Did you have a relationship back in Everton? "

I look away, my whole body starts to tremble. I can hear Samuel in my head again, repeating the words he whispered to me. Those damn words I fear will continue to haunt me.

I shake my head, "No." The word is nothing but a whisper and I hope he heard me because I’m not sure if I can say it again.

"Okay. Was this a willing act? Did you consent, Elliott?"

"I didn't say no." My voice cracks and tears flow over and down my cheeks with every blink. I can't look at him.

"That doesn't mean you gave consent, Elliott. Did you want it to happen?"

I didn't tell Samuel no.

I didn't fight hard enough.

I should have done more.

"No." I drop my face into my hands as the tears take over.

"You didn't deserve to be taken advantage of, Elliott. I am so sorry." Raf tries to pull me into his embrace, but I flinch away, "It's not your fault, please know that."

The cries turn into overwhelming sobs as I let them roll out of me.

He sits me on the edge of the bed, respecting my space but keeps my hands in his, "Just so you know, I ran all the tests I could with the sample. One being a pregnancy test." My sobs catch in my throat and I can't get any air into my lungs.

Why hadn't I thought about that? I mean that is how babies are made and Samuel…he…he—no…

"It was negative." I inhale a shaky breath of relief. "When you’re ready, I would like to run some more tests to make sure you didn't get an STI."

"A what?" I look up at him with knitted brows.

"Ahem—” he looks briefly around the room as though he's trying to determine the right words, “An STI is a sexually transmitted infection. It’s something you could get from having sexual intercourse."

"Oh." I avert my eyes, discomfort still swirling in my gut. I had no clue that was even a thing that could happen.

"Whenever you’re ready, I just want to make sure you are safe." I nod at him, not able to respond with anything else with all this new information swirling around in my head. "I'll leave you to rest. Please take care of yourself. You need time to heal."

“We can do it now.” I say through gritted teeth.

“Elliott, we don’t have to-.”

“I want it to be over with.”

“Only if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

He squeezes my hand softly and then quietly leaves.

All of my ambition to leave this room is lost as I tuck myself back into bed and wait for him to come back.