Elliott

“It’s your life, so it’s your choice.”

Hunter’s words kept repeating in my skull as I sat on Kam’s bed, the laptop still closed in front of me.

Just open it.

Open.

It.

I wanted to know everything Everton had. From what the guys said, it seems like they recorded my every breath. But what I wanted was to see how much of my past they truly found, the past I had before the Donovans.

The time before them was a blurry haze, chunks of memories from several foster homes.

But my biological parents, I didn’t even remember what they looked like.

I used to have a grainy image in my head of a lady with the same colored hair as me but that was it.

I didn’t have anything else, even those images faded out of my mind.

Did Everton know who they were? Where they were? Did they know why I was put into foster care? If I wanted these questions answered all I had to do was open the damn laptop.

I couldn’t bring my hands to reach for it though.

Even with all of the control, I couldn’t decide.

What if I made the wrong choice and I spiraled again?

I shook my head not wanting to think about falling into the hole I was still trying to crawl my way out of.

I was close to the light at the end of the tunnel, and I don't want to fall into the depth of the darkness again.

What if this helped me heal? Would it be hard as fuck…yes, but it could be the very thing I needed to truly heal.

Or it could scar you for life and you fall back down into the hole, never having the ability to climb back out.

Shut. It.

A soft knock echoed through the room.

“Come in.” I didn’t know who it would be on the other side, Hunter? Kam? Marcus?

HA! Marcus coming to check on me willingly? I chuckled to myself at the thought.

“Hey.” Hunter and Kameron say in unison, hovering at the doorway.

I take in their tall stature. Their wide frames cover the doorway completely as they stand side by side, with little room to spare. Hunter was taller than Kameron, which was mind boggling to me considering how tall Kameron was to me. I looked at the contrast between them.

Kameron with his caramel-amber waves and honey swirled eyes that in this dim lighting, made his skin look sun kissed.

Hunter with his bright green eyes, deep chestnut brown hair that almost looks like ink, his alabaster skin glowing next to Kameron’s.

Kameron always wore a slight smile on his lips whereas Hunter stayed statue-like, much harder to read.

But right now these two men stared at me, their brows furrowed and eyes softened like they were deep in thought as they observed me.

They wanted to say something, but were holding back as they surveyed my feelings and body language on how to approach.

I liked that they cared, the both of them, but I didn’t like how it made me feel weak.

“I’m not giving you the computer back.”

“We don’t want it back. I mean you’ll have to give it back to Marcus when you’re done, but we aren’t here to take it from you.” Kameron said, still standing in the doorway.

“I’m not going back on my word of you being in control of your life, Elliott.” Hunter added.

“Good…” I breathed out, returning my focus to the closed chrome laptop in front of me.

“Can we?” I saw Kameron gesture into the room from the corner of my eye. I gave him a nod .

“Have you opened it?” Kameron said as he takes a seat next to me on the bed. The mattress sways from side to side of me as Hunter joins us.

“I-I haven’t been able to open the damn thing.

” I shut my eyes, shaking my head at how stupid I sound.

I demanded to have access to this information in the kitchen, but here I was not able to open the computer.

Kameron’s hand landed on my back, rubbing in soft circles that help my muscles ease from the tension.

“You open it when you are ready.”

“I should be ready now.” I huffed out in frustration.

“You don’t have to be anything right now.” Hunter moves closer, and I watch as his large hand lands on my knee and his thumb strokes the top of my sweatpants.

My body tenses again.

They were both touching me…at the same time.

“You know we’re here for you, right?” I shoot my eyes to Hunter as he speaks, then to Kam.

Having them both so near and close to me right now when I needed them was both terrifying and confusing, but mostly I felt safe. The safest I’ve felt in a long time.

Tears sting my eyes, “Promise?” Kameron looks pained at my question.

“I promise.” He wipes a tear that escaped down my cheek and then I look over to Hunter .

He didn’t expect me to, because when my eyes catch his, they look just as sorrowful as Kam’s. “Promise?” I ask again.

“I promise.” His expression fading back to his stone-like features.

“Then be with me when I open it.” They look between each other, “You know what you’re getting yourself into, you know what this computer has on it.

” Their hands begin to rub my back and knee again in comfort, “I don’t know what to expect, except that it’s bad…

really bad by the way you two keep eyeing each other. So, be here for me. With me.”

“Of course.” Kam scoots closer now as he motions to Hunter to do the same.

He obliges, sliding across the mattress and securing me between them. “Whatever you need to get through this.”

I take a breath, letting my trembling hands grab the laptop and set it on my lap. It opens to a lock screen.

“Shit.” Kameron breathes out.

I’m confused, but then it hits me. Marcus needs to put in his password.

“Flores!” Hunter’s deep voice shouts from beside me, startling me. “Come in here!”

The door was still open as he comes into view moments later.

“You rang.” He lazily leans in the doorway, his black curls hanging over his darkened eyes like they always do.

You can barely make them out, but I’m pretty sure I saw his eyes narrow as he took in the sight of Hunter and Kameron sitting on either side of me.

His jaw clenches and his nostrils flare.

I shift in my spot on the mattress as unease takes over me.

Kameron must have felt the change because he loops his arm around my waist, keeping me close.

“We need the password.” Hunter states flatly.

“Oh that…” He sighed, “Princess_1221!”

I roll my eyes with annoyance, despite a genuine chuckle leaving my lips.

Marcus fucking Flores.

“That is capital P, r, 1, n, c, 3, s, s, _, 1, 2, 2, 1, !”

I type each key as he says them and the home screen comes up right as I press enter. The screen is covered in small file icons all labeled differently and my eyes scan through them rapidly.

Praise the…no. I shake my head of the annoying habit.

“Really, Marcus?” Kameron grunts next to me.

“What?” He replies with feigned innocence.

My eyes stop as they land on the file labeled ‘Eden Donovan’.

I move the cursor to it, my finger hovering over the mousepad.

Am I ready for this?

I read the file name over and over in my head.

Eden. Eden Donovan.

The name I once cherished with my whole body, heart, and soul feels sour in my mouth, and I haven’t even let it leave my lips yet. I hate the name now.

“Whenever you’re ready., we’re here.” Kam’s voice was low now, wanting only me to hear it .

My heart rate skyrocketed as my vision tunnels on the file.

My ears whooshing with the sound of my rapid pulse.

I take in a deep breath, holding it for a moment before releasing it, and allow my shaky finger to click the file.

A screen pops up with more little file icons all with new labels, but all about me.

I read through them.

Medical Records

Education/Occupation

Divine Chosen Arrangement

Documentation

Then I saw it. The one I knew I would have to see.

Previous Homes/Info.

Not letting myself second guess my choice I clicked it, then click on the very first file without reading.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t dated photos and videos. I chose the one that seems to be the oldest, the file has photos of an infant.

“That’s me?” I whisper to myself. “I’ve never seen myself as a baby. The Donovans adopted me when I was older, I didn’t think they would have any...”

No one responds, and I didn’t really want a response if I’m honest. I keep clicking until a video starts to play.

I tense as I watch a woman that looks a lot like me, sitting on a worn couch.

Her eyes are blue like mine but look blank, like she’s sleeping with her eyes open.

For a second my heart stops at the notion that she might be …

But then she blinks and turns her head towards the camera, her eyes still void of anything. The bags underneath are darker at this angle as she slowly slides off the couch to the shaggy carpet. She crawls towards the camera sluggishly.

“Elliott, honey.” My heart sinks hearing my name, “When did you wake up? And you have mommy’s phone, give that to me.” Her words are just as slow as her crawling, her voice monotone.

This is my mom.

The camera shuffles and I see quick glimpses of the rest of what looks to be a living room. Trash was all over the floor mixed with beer cans, trash bags, and clothes. A toddler starts to cry as the screen settles again, landing on the child. Me .

I’m in nothing but a diaper, looking no more than one year old. My hair so much blonder than it is now, but the blues of my eyes are the same. My belly is so round as I wobble on my bare feet, arms reaching for the woman behind the phone camera.

“What a silly baby you are. You know better than to touch mommy’s things.” The lady says out of view.

Then the video ends.

“I’ve never seen my real mom before.” I mumble absentmindedly.

“You okay?” Kameron asks, his protective hold on me still.

“I’m okay,” is all I say as I continue my clicking.

The photos are mostly the same, me as a baby or toddler all in the same home setting.

They start off innocent enough but as I got older, the atmosphere changed.

My smile started to look forced. My eyes looked more scared than full of joy, like the ones at the beginning.

The house gets messier, with more stains on the carpet and the couch fabrics start to tear.

Then the background changes, this picture was somewhere else.

A place darker and with no furniture, only a mattress covered in pink sheets and a pillow.

The walls look like they could be concrete but the lighting is so strange.

It’s like there’s only one light in the room and it's aimed exactly where I sit with my legs to the side and my hands on my lap.

My hair is still knotted but pushed up into two pigtails. I have the biggest smile on my face but it’s not real, plastic almost. My eyes droop, as if I needed a nap or something.

I looked like a little kid, maybe old enough for kindergarten? But the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, my palms grow clammy.

The next click leads me to a video.

The little girl, well me, is barely able to hold herself up.

My mother asks me a series of questions but then it takes a turn. A man she’s calling my father comes into view.

My stomach flips on itself and my breathing picks up.

I blink away as I hear him forcing me to drink a cup of water.

When I look up again, my body is limp in his arms and he’s laying me down.

No.

I don’t blink for what feels like forever as I watch the nightmare play out on video.

I watch as he drags himself on top of me and that is all the confirmation I need for what he’s about to do.

What my biological mother was allowing to happen.

I click through faster this time. My ears roar to life as my pulse beats quickly.

Every picture and video is worse than the last one and it goes on and on.

I yank my hand from the mousepad. A photo sits on the screen, I’m about the same age as before. Pain laces my brows, the emotion is all too real compared to the smiles I painted on my face in all of the others.

My eyes flick up from the screen landing on Marcus who for some reason decided to stay as I watch my life unravel in front of me.

There’s something in his expression as I keep his gaze.

Something sad…caring? No.

Something like… pity .

It isn’t until Kameron pulls me into his embrace that I start to hear my sobs. Air hitting my cheeks and my body trembles as the breeze hits the streams of tears rolling down them.

I fold into him, letting his warmth keep me grounded. I see the pit closing in on me.

I allow it but this time I know I won’t be staying in the darkness for long.

I can’t. I won’t.