Page 29 of Her Lion of a Duke (Dukes & Beasts #3)
Two days had passed since Cecilia’s disappearance, and Leonard was growing more concerned.
He did not doubt his wife’s ability to handle herself, but he knew how men could be. He knew that a duchess wandering alone could only attract trouble, and with him not knowing where she was, his mind wandered to the most unthinkable places.
“You ought to search for her,” Mrs. Herrington suggested that morning. “I know that it is what you want to do.”
“Be that as it may, I know my wife. If she has left, it is because she wants time and space. What sort of husband would I be if I did not give her that? Her own space was one of the things we agreed upon before we got married, after all.”
“There were many agreements. None of this is in line with what you promised one another on your wedding day.”
Leonard did not know what to make of that. His housekeeper was supposed to understand him more than anyone, given that she had known him for most of his life, and yet she had seemingly forgotten Cecilia’s betrayal.
“I do not know where to look,” he muttered. “She can return when she wants to. Until then, I will be here, waiting for her.”
“I do not think that is a good idea, but if you insist…” She turned and left the room.
Leonard wished that she did not. With Cecilia gone, Henry would not leave him be. He knew why his brother was there; his conscience was trying to make him see differently. But that did not make his brother go away.
He had taken to wandering the halls, focusing only on his footsteps rather than everything that was tormenting him. It worked for a while, and then everything came back, but that short respite was like gold dust.
He rode his horse that afternoon, racing to the far end of the estate. He urged his horse to go as fast as possible, feeling the wind rush past his ears and tousle his hair.
He hoped to find freedom in it, but there was none. The only thing he knew could help was a strong drink—something he did not want to indulge in.
Cecilia would come back, he told himself over and over as he rode. She would return soon, and this time, when they discussed the matter, they would do it calmly. There would be no bitterness between them, only mutual understanding.
He did not care what she had done at that moment. He simply wanted her home.
He returned to the manor in the early evening, before handing his things to a footman and making his way to the stairs. As he took the first three steps, Mrs. Herrington hurried toward him, her face pale.
He instantly assumed the worst.
“Lady Beatrice is here to see you,” she announced quietly, gesturing to the drawing room.
“Lady Beatrice?” he echoed, knowing that if she had sought him out, it could not be good. “I must change my clothes. I will be with you shortly.”
When he entered the drawing room, he found Beatrice perched on the settee, looking at the portrait of his family. She was almost transfixed by it, but then she noticed him standing there and rose to her feet.
“Good evening,” she greeted quickly. “I apologize for calling without prior notice.”
“Cecilia is not here,” he blurted.
He did not know how to explain it, but Beatrice seemed to know already.
“I am aware. That is why I am here.”
His eyes widened, and he approached her.
“What did you do?” she asked. “Emma told me that you had an argument.”
“I have not done anything. I did not tell her to leave, that is for certain, I simply—how did you know she had left?”
Beatrice sighed, and her face softened. “I know this is impolite, but I have not eaten. Could we have tea? I have a lot to explain.”
Leonard agreed, not wanting to quarrel with the young lady.
As tea was prepared, he sat across from her. She looked at the table, not meeting his eyes.
“I know Cecilia very well,” she began. “I have admired her since I met her. She is tall and beautiful and fierce—all the things that I could never be. I knew she had her secrets, too, and though I had my assumptions, there is only so much you can do when you want to know something about her. I suppose you know that well.”
“Indeed.”
“Well, I’ve suspected for years that she was Felix Gray. Their beliefs align too well, and their writing styles match. I asked her several times about it, but she always denied it.”
“And it appears that your suspicions were correct. You are clearly more intelligent than I am, for I never would have expected that from her.”
“How could you not have?” she asked, arching an eyebrow. “She is politically aware, she has very strong beliefs, and she knows how to publish her works. Regardless, she told me a few days ago that she had made an awful mistake.”
“So she confessed to you before me, her husband.”
“She asked her friend for advice,” she corrected. “Believe me, I could see how tormented she was. She wanted to tell you the truth, so I can only assume that you heard what she had to say, hated it, and sent her away.”
Leonard blinked.
He had not thought that Cecilia would have admitted the truth willingly, but Beatrice was not a liar. It had to have happened the way she claimed, which meant that Cecilia was going to tell him everything the night he learned the truth.
“She did not tell me of her own volition,” he said, “but that may well have been her intention. A maid found proof in her room, and I accused her before she had the chance to tell me.”
“So you sent her away.”
“No! I would never do that. This is her home—I am not a monster. She left of her own accord, and I am waiting for her to come home. It is killing me, but if she needs time, then I am willing to give her it.”
Beatrice burst into laughter, but before she could say anything, the tea arrived. She took a cup and a sandwich, sighed, and settled back into the settee.
“And you are certain that is what she wants?” she asked.
“I do not know what more she would want from me. She has never liked being chased.”
“Not by strangers, no,” she agreed. “I assume that she has told you why she scared off so many gentlemen?”
“I assume it was because she was not interested in any of them.”
“Precisely. When Cecilia encounters something or someone new, she tends to scratch and bite, then run away. It is easier to do that than to risk disappointing anyone. I was not surprised when the two of you decided to marry, for she has always been comfortable around you. But this is exactly what I expected. She scratched, she bit, and now she has run away.”
“She has done the easier thing.”
“Indeed. So, what are you going to do?”
Leonard looked at her, perfectly calm and serene, and wondered whether this had happened before.
“If she wishes to be alone—”
“What if she does not? You are not a stranger, nor some gentleman trying to foist yourself on her at a ball because you see her as a challenge. You are her husband, her protector. What if she is testing you?”
“Is that what you think she is doing?”
“It is what I would do if I were her. Your marriage was an arrangement. There was no great declaration of love or a grand display of affection. You were both being practical, but Cecilia has always needed more than what is merely sensible. Have you not considered, Your Grace, that she might enjoy being chased just once?”
Leonard thought back on the years he had known Cecilia.
She had always been sensible, not willing to fall like the other ladies.
She had never dreamt of marriage, only of securing a future where she might be able to carve her own way.
She had made that very much clear to him, but that did not mean there was more to her.
“Do you think that I should chase her?” he asked.
“You may do as you please,” Beatrice replied, setting down her empty teacup. “You are a duke, after all. You can do anything you like. I am doing what I can as her friend, and I think it would be wise for you to do what you can as her husband.”
They fell silent for a moment, Leonard not knowing what to say. He would have searched all of England if it meant finding his wife, but what if her friend was wrong? What if he arrived and she told him to leave, never to speak to her again?
It was a risk, and he could not bear the thought of her turning him away.
And yet the thought of never seeing her again hurt him even more.
“I know that she can be difficult,” Beatrice sighed.
“I know that she is stubborn and difficult to reason with. I have had my own disagreements with her, but you should know that there is no malice in her heart. She only ever acts if she thinks it is fair, which is why she feels so deeply wronged when she is told she has misstepped. Even so, you make her happy, Your Grace. She has changed since the wedding, and it has been for the better.”
“I do not see why that would be the case. I am quite certain that I have made her miserable. Why else would she have left without telling anyone where to find her?”
“How many places could she be? You know her. She goes where she is needed, which means that someone needs her right now. I am rather surprised that she did not come to me. With how concerned my friends have been about me, I expected her to be the next one to try and convince me to find a match of my own.”
“May I ask you why you have not done so?” he asked hesitantly.
Leonard knew that it was rather impolite, but he was curious. Cecilia had not wanted to marry at all, but from what he knew, Beatrice was open to it. He did not understand why she did not have a husband, given that she was pretty and gentle, as well as very talented.
“You may ask.” She nodded. “You see, I am not against marriage at all. As a girl, I dreamed of my wedding day. Then, I spent my life watching the other ladies be taken to the dance floor. They were all courted and complimented and wanted, and I was there, on the periphery of ballrooms. I thought that one day, a gentleman would see me and my friends, and he would notice me first. That man would be the one, I thought, because I have very beautiful and talented friends. So if he noticed me first, it had to be fate.”
She laughed sadly, reaching for a slice of cake and then seeming to think better of it.
“Is that to say you never tried?”
“Heavens, no. I would only be laughed at, the way Cecilia used to laugh at those gentlemen. I am not the sort of lady that a man wants to see approaching him.”
“That is not true! You should know that the gentlemen I know regard you quite highly.”
“As a friend, perhaps, but not as a wife. I understand, of course. Some ladies are meant to be seen as fierce and independent, some as wives, and some as acquaintances. I am the third type, and while I am disappointed, I cannot say that I am surprised.”
Leonard’s heart hurt to see a sweet lady think so little of herself, but there was no arguing with her. It was evident that she had spent years holding onto those beliefs, and he could not change that with one conversation.
“You ought to begin your search,” she urged, her lips curling into a smile. “I would not leave her alone for too long, for the more time she spends by herself, the more she will try to detach herself. And believe me, you do not want that.”
“I certainly do not,” he agreed, rising to his feet, before he paused. “Though it is rather late. It would be dangerous for both of us to make the journey now.”
“I must return home,” she said quietly, blushing. “My parents do not know where I am. They believe that I am at a ball with my chaperone.”
“Do they not accompany you?”
“Not anymore, no. They see it as a waste of time. I have been attending events alone for a few weeks now.”
“Is that why you did not want the Duke and Duchess of Lupton to accompany you?”
She turned a deep scarlet, and he knew that he was right.
“You must not tell them. I did not want them to worry about me.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” he promised. “Everything will be different next Season. You will be accompanied by all of us, whether you like it or not. If Cecilia knew the position you were in—”
“She would have felt guilty about marrying someone. Believe me, Your Grace, I understand how my friends feel about me, but I am more than capable of doing this alone.”
“I do not doubt that, but that does not mean we wish to see it, nor to know that it is happening. You have come here to give me the clarity I have so desperately needed, so it is only fair that I help you in return.”
She smiled softly and thanked him quietly.
“Come,” he said firmly. “I shall take you home, and then I shall find Cecilia and bring her home.”
“That is all she wants. I am certain of it.”
Leonard hoped, as they climbed into the carriage, that she was right. Because if Cecilia did not want to come home, it would kill him.