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“I killed him, Alice. It was me. I’m the person you’ve been looking for all these years.” Noelle shuddered as she stated the words and fought back a wave of nausea. “I know the ME said the blow to the face was the one that killed him.”

“That’s correct,” Alice said softly, her eyes wet.

“Yes.”

“I’d seen in my dreams that her minivan was in the driveway that day. I thought it was just a dream, but it wasn’t. She was there.”

Alice held up a hand. “Lucia, Daisy, and your grandfather all alibied each other, said they were all home together.”

“I haven’t asked Daisy, but I think she suspected Lucia was involved in some way.

Both she and my grandfather must have known Lucia wasn’t home at that time and alibied her.

They weren’t about to point a finger at her.

Max—Agent Rhodes—believes that people did a lot of intentional misdirection of the investigation during their interviews back then.

My family tried to protect each other even though they didn’t know the truth. ”

“How is Lucia?” asked Alice.

“She’s only been at the inpatient program for a few days,” said Noelle.

“Adam gave her a few different drugs for a lot of years. It’s going to take a long time to learn how to live without them.

” Noelle paused, thinking of her younger sister.

“I don’t know what sort of permanent damage those chemicals might have done to her.

” She met Alice’s gaze. “How could I have not seen it, Alice? Neither Eve nor I had any idea. What kind of sisters are we to not know she was suffering all those years? How can I call myself a detective?”

“You went through a lot of trauma when Derrick was murdered,” said Alice.

“And now we know that Lucia’s experience during that was much worse than we realized.

I suspect that by the time you were mentally and emotionally back on your feet, she’d established herself in your family’s eyes as a deeply affected person.

I hate to say it, but I’ve heard all of you make excuses for how she acts.

‘She’s different.’ ‘She’s emotional.’ ‘She has extreme anxiety.’”

“They’re not excuses,” Noelle said defensively. “They’re true.”

“ Excuses was a bad word choice. I’m trying to point out that all of you accepted any odd behavior and chalked it up to ... her struggles. No one looked deeper.”

“We made sure she had good doctors and went to therapy.”

“And clearly she lied to all the doctors. She learned how to cover up things.”

Noelle thought back. “Her doctors tried her on several different antianxiety medications. Whenever she acted a bit off, she complained of their side effects, and we accepted that explanation. I suspect they were actually from whatever Adam had given her.”

“She knew to hide it from you,” said Alice. “She was good at it. Good enough to fool a detective for a long time.”

“Lucia said Adam was angry that day because Derrick had nearly revealed to his office staff that Adam was dealing,” said Noelle.

“He was also furious because Derrick owed him a lot of money for drugs. Derrick then told Adam he was going to report him for the drug dealing and tell the police that Adam had been supplying a minor—her—and that he’d go to prison.

Lucia had run to hide just before Derrick attacked me.

She came back into the room as Adam was bent over Derrick.

He told her Derrick was dead because I’d hit him in the face with the elephant and then Adam had hit me to stop me.

And then Adam went after Derrick’s body with the crowbar.

Beating him over and over. She said Adam was red with fury as he kicked and hit him.

Yelling at Derrick even though he was dead. ”

“She took the time to call 911.”

“She thought I was dead too. She said I was on the ground, and it appeared I wasn’t breathing.

She called 911 while Adam was still focused on beating Derrick.

When he looked at her, she put down the receiver.

She said he’d ridden to the house with her, but he drove when they left. She was too upset.”

“Adam was supplying Lucia at that time?” Alice asked with disgust. “She was a teenager!”

“Yes. I guess it started a year or two earlier with something like Ritalin and then progressed to other things.” Noelle took a deep breath.

“Adam threatened her to keep her quiet. When he discovered I hadn’t died, he told her it would be revealed that I was the one who killed Derrick and that I would go to prison.

In some twisted way, Lucia thought her silence was protecting me.

I hope life will be easier for her when she returns. ”

“She has you and Eve,” said Alice. “That girl will be just fine.” She reached across the table and patted Noelle’s hand.

“It’s so good to have you here,” Noelle admitted. “Everyone is so stunned. Daisy, Eve, Lucia. I feel like I’m having to emotionally prop everyone up. It’s exhausting.” Her brain still struggled to accept what had happened. “I murdered Derrick,” she said in a small voice. It didn’t feel real.

Alice shook her head. “Your action was in self-defense.”

Noelle clung to Alice’s words, wanting to forgive herself. “But I didn’t have to hit him so hard.”

“Stop second-guessing yourself,” said Alice. “You were threatened; you reacted. No jury would convict you.”

Noelle wasn’t confident about that. She’d mentally convicted herself over and over since her memory had returned. She buried her face in her hands as the tears flowed.

Alice came around the table and wrapped her arms around Noelle. Not speaking, simply comforting. It took several minutes for Noelle to pull herself together.

Alice returned to her own chair. “Adam was never on my radar for Derrick’s murder. Now, your grandfather, that was a different story.” She gave a solemn nod. “I took a hard look at him several times. He was not a Derrick fan. He’d made it clear he did not like the way Derrick treated you.”

“I know. I was almost convinced my grandfather had done it,” said Noelle.

“While he was alive, I was afraid to push the investigation because they—and you—might discover he’d done it.

Once he passed, I simply wanted the investigation to be in the past. I think Daisy had the same worry about him.

She sort of hinted about it not long ago. ”

Alice nodded. “You said she also might have suspected Lucia had been involved, so Daisy alibied her. I wonder if Daisy and your grandfather agreed to alibi each other and Lucia or each thought of it on their own.”

“Is it wrong that I’m relieved it wasn’t my grandfather? That it was me instead?” Noelle struggled to hold her head above the sea of conflicting emotions that threatened to drown her.

“That’s not a surprising reaction. You love him. You hate to think that he would purposefully do something like that.”

She is right.

“Law enforcement believes Adam hit Derrick with the elephant and the crowbar,” said Alice.

“I know,” whispered Noelle. “Lucia believes that too. She’s convinced Adam lied to her when he said that I’d done it. Should I tell them the truth?”

Alice studied her face for a long time. “That’s your decision.”

“I don’t know,” Noelle said. “Lucia is more relaxed now that Adam is gone, and she thinks I’m innocent. It was a lot of stress on her shoulders for years. But what do I do now?” Noelle was adrift.

“You pull yourself together and keep doing good things in this world,” Alice said quietly in a determined voice.

“You’re in the right profession to do that.

What happened is in the past. Would you have lived your life differently if you’d known your blow was the one that killed Derrick way back then? ”

“I would have struggled with a lot of emotions,” Noelle admitted. “I don’t know if I would have had the confidence to enter law enforcement. I wouldn’t have felt worthy.”

“Maybe that’s why it didn’t come out until now,” said Alice. “I’m a big believer in fate. You saved your friends’ lives not too long ago. What would have happened to Evan and Rowan if you hadn’t been in law enforcement?”

“I don’t know.”

They’d be dead.

“I know exactly how that incident would have ended.” Alice leaned forward in her chair. “Spend some time thinking about it, Noelle, and then figure out how to get past it. Because this world needs you to do what you do best.”

She’s going to make me cry again.

“I love you, Alice.” Noelle grabbed a napkin to stop her nose from running.

“I love you too. You’ve made me proud.”

Noelle put her head in her hands and quietly fell to pieces.

But she knew in her heart that it would pass.