Page 46

46

Isaac

I barely made it out of the bathroom before everything in me started screaming to go back.

Especially when I heard Tovah’s sobs.

Fuck, what was I even doing? Leaving the woman I loved crying in my bathroom? Breaking her heart because I’d never dealt with my past trauma, or my anger over my future fate? None of this was her fault. None of it. Not giving up hockey, not going to work for my father, not my violence, not my pain. Certainly not my mother’s death. I’d blamed her, because she was the closest thing to a target I had. I’d bullied and tortured her for the same reasons.

I’d promised myself I’d change, but I was acting like the same asshole who’d tied her naked to the founders’ statue. I rubbed my hands over my face, slowing my breathing and trying to calm my racing heart.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked ravaged, crazed, and cruel. I shook my head. I wasn’t Dr. Dimples, and I wasn’t a monster. What I was, was hers.

Forever. Even when I was a fucking jackass.

Who was I? This was not the man I wanted to be. This was not the man she deserved.

Tovah deserved better.

A different man would recognize that and let her go, give her her freedom and the opportunity to meet someone kinder, peaceful, easy to be with. But I wasn’t a different man, and I wasn’t giving her up. Which meant that I had to be a better man—the best version of myself.

But there was no best version of myself, without her by my side.

Starting now.