Page 25

25

Isaac

A s the car drove off, I pushed and shoved against Jack, but somehow the left wing managed to keep me in place. Maybe because the fight had burned out of me, leaving me drained and miserable.

“Fuck, man!” he exploded as soon as they were gone.

“Fuck, man,” I agreed, hanging my head.

“You fucked up bad,” he said. “What did you even do ?”

“I fucked up bad,” I repeated. “I tied her naked to the founders’ statue and hid in the shadows. And then when some asshole showed up and tried to touch her, I lost my shit and beat him nearly to death.”

Jack blinked.

“Don’t even act like you haven’t done worse,” I growled.

He lifted a shoulder. “Oh, I have done worse. Way worse. But I never expected you to do something so awful. Desperate to prove she doesn’t mean anything to you, right?” He nodded like he understood. “But this shit isn’t like you. Not Dr. Dimples. Not Isaac Jones, Good Guy.”

I was learning that Isaac Jones, Good Guy didn’t really exist. It was a hard pill to swallow, but nowhere near as difficult as facing what I’d done tonight. The monster had won, after all.

“I’m not sure you really know me,” I admitted. “I’m not sure I really know me.”

The only person who knew me was sitting in the passenger seat, headed to Jack’s house. And fuck, I’d hurt her. The terrified, devastated look on her face was something that would haunt me for the rest of my damn life. It didn’t matter what I did to try to fix it, every time I closed my eyes, I’d picture the tears running down her face. I’d have nightmares about the way she’d yelled, the way she’d shivered.

Fuck, was she cold? She was only wearing my shirt, and it wasn’t much.

Jack watched me. “Aviva will take care of her. Although she may hide her from you or change the locks on our doors so even I can’t get inside.”

“Sorry, man.”

He shook his head. “Like I said, I get it. Wanting someone so much, caring about them so much— loving them—it’s the scariest shit in the world.”

“I don’t love her,” I interjected so quickly, even I doubted myself.

A small, sad smile appeared on his face. “Even so. Feeling things—it’s a whole nightmare,” he continued. “So much easier to get angry at them, to blame them, to take that fear out on them. To try to push them away and prove you don’t give a fuck. But here’s the problem with that. When you catch your breath and the fog lifts, you have a new nightmare to deal with, because she’s gone and you don’t know how to get her back. If you think you’re desperate to throw her away now, imagine what it’s like not having her within reach. And yeah, you can force her to stay—but emotionally, forget it. That shit…” his eyes looked haunted. “…losing her is the worst thing you’ll ever experience.”

“I…fuck.”

He was right. Seeing Tovah drive away had hurt like nothing in my life. Like someone had reached into my chest and ripped out the heart I never knew I had, only to drop it in a food processor and press start.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” I said.

“I know. And I don’t know what to tell you, because even though apologizing is a start, it doesn’t cut it. Remember man, it’s not about redemption, it’s about atonement. It’s about living every goddamn day of your life like your only purpose is making it right.”

We stood there as I digested his words. He slapped me on the back.

“Okay, where’s this guy you beat the shit out of? You can’t make it right if you’re in prison. Even if both of us belong there.”

I led him to the statue. The guy was still lying on the ground, but he was breathing. His eyes opened, and he tried to crawl away when he saw us.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I never was going to actually touch her, I swear. Please don’t kill me.”

Jack and I didn’t have to speak out loud to know what the other was thinking. Being hockey teammates was a benefit right now; we were used to communicating practically telepathically.

Simultaneously, we crouched down before him.

“I won’t kill you, as long as you never speak a word about this to anyone,” I said slowly.

“But if you do talk…well, you won’t make it to graduation,” Jack added smoothly.

“Got it?” I finished.

“Yes, yes, yes,” he said quickly, trying to nod his head and then groaning from the pain. “I won’t tell anyone, promise.”

We both stood. “Good,” I said shockingly easily, given that this was completely unfamiliar territory for me.

“You’ll find your own way home, right?” Jack added, and then without waiting for an answer, we turned and walked back into the night.

* * *

When we arrived at Jack’s, I turned off the car.

He glanced over. “I don’t think you should come in with me. Aviva might rip your head off.”

I shrugged. “I can handle it. I’m not sleeping without Tovah in my arms, man. I don’t care how much she fights.”

A slow grin spread across Jack’s face. “That’s what I hoped you’d say.”

We exited my car, and I hit the lock button on the remote key. Jack opened the door to the lobby, waving at his doorman sitting behind the desk.

“Hi Robert,” he said.

Robert stood. “He’s not allowed here,” he said, jerking his head at me. “Your fiancée made me promise.”

Jack waved it off. “I’ll take care of her.”

Robert squared his shoulders. “With all due apology, I’m more afraid of her than I am of you, Mr. Feldman.” To me, he said, “Mr. Jones, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Fuck.

Well, my father had taught me to deal with obstacles in my way, too. You either killed them or you paid them off. And Robert was a good guy, and I wasn’t a killer, so the latter it was.

“What about an all-expenses-paid vacation for you and your wife to the Maldives?” I asked.

He froze. “With business class seats?”

Fuck. This was going to be expensive.

Worth it, though.

“How about first class instead?” I offered, ignoring Jack’s smirk.

“You have a deal,” Robert said. “But if Ms. Gold asks, you snuck past me while I was in the bathroom.”

“You have my word,” I said solemnly. “Thank you, Robert.”

He tilted his hat at us, and we passed him, headed toward the elevators. Once inside, Jack pressed the button for the penthouse. I inhaled, fear and anticipation warring within me. I didn’t know what I was facing, or exactly how I was going to handle it, I just knew what I’d said to Jack: I wasn’t sleeping tonight without my little journalist in my arms.

When the elevator doors opened into the apartment, Aviva was standing there in pajamas and a robe, arms crossed over her chest.

“Nope,” she said as soon as she saw me. “You aren’t here. You’re leaving, now.”

“You have to give him a chance to apologize, little fury,” Jack cajoled her.

“An apology isn’t going to cut it,” she said flatly. “Not after what he did.”

“I know you never forgave me, but you kept me,” he pointed out. “Don’t you have to give Tovah the opportunity to make the same decision?”

“I don’t have to do shit,” she said mutinously.

“Aviva,” I said. “I fucked up. I know I fucked up. Please, please—let me make it right.”

“How?”

“By giving her every damn thing she wants,” I said, meaning every word.

Aviva exhaled, staring at me.

“You promise?”

I nodded.

“If it kills me,” I said seriously.

“Fine. But if you hurt her again, I will end you. And I’ll make Jack bury your body,” she warned.

Jack chuckled, scooping her up in his arms and carrying her to their bedroom.

“They’ll be fine,” he told her. “It’s you who has to worry…”

They disappeared down the hallway, leaving me alone. Taking another deep breath, I headed to the guest room, quietly opening the door.

The lights were on. On the muted TV, some couple was touring an apartment.

Tovah was curled up on the bed, head cupped in her palm, eyes closed, breathing slowly and easily. For a moment, I stood and watched her, taking in how innocent and vulnerable she looked. And as I stared, I realized just how badly both I and the monster wanted to protect her. Because she’d been right. I had been jealous. I did care. She was mine, and I was keeping her.

As I moved in closer, I spotted a wet spot on the pillow.

She’d been crying.

I’d done that.

I’d made her cry.

Never again though. The only time she’d cry from now on was from too many orgasms, or choking on my cock. Otherwise, I was going to learn how to make this gorgeous, smart-assed, brilliant and courageous woman smile. I’d make it right. I’d atone for every single tear I’d caused, until the day I died.

Shit, did I love her?

I shook it off. I couldn’t love her. But I could keep her. I wasn’t sure how to have her and make sure she was safe, but I’d figure it out. Because she was mine, and that was never, ever changing.

Careful to not wake her, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her out of the bedroom, down the quiet hallway, and out of the penthouse.

I was taking her home, where she belonged. She’d sleep in my arms, like she was supposed to. And tomorrow, I’d start making it right.