Page 27

chapter twenty-six

Emily

Day Six

When we woke in the morning, the winter sun streaming through the wide slats and broken sections of the barn, Isaac was gone, and so were our horse, Tuck’s map, and Charlie’s shoes.

“What the fuck ?” Charlie yelled, picking up the soggy sneakers that had replaced the ones he’d set next to his sleeping bag before bed, and then threw them against the wall. They met the wood with a slap, the sole of one coming off completely, a dark water spot showing exactly where they’d hit.

“He seemed nice !” I said, my disbelief clear in my tone. He’d stolen from us after we’d offered him warmth, and water, and medical help?

Tuck had paused the folding of his sleeping bag, but now began moving again, wrapping the tie around it and pulling tight. “He was nice,” he said. “But he was also scared. And alone. I heard him get up and leave this morning, but I thought it was for the best. He must be good with animals, because the horse didn’t make a sound when he led her off. I can only figure that he swiped the map last night while I was discarding the animal guts.” He glanced at Charlie’s feet. “And I obviously didn’t see him switch out the shoes before he left.”

I groaned. “Abram expected us to take good care of the horse. I hadn’t even named her yet.” Which was obviously for the best now as she was no longer ours. “Do you really think Isaac will take good care of her?”

“As well as he’s able. But horses, like cars, attract attention. That attention isn’t always good.” Tuck swung his backpack over his shoulder. “Honestly, she was slowing us down. We can walk faster.”

Charlie let out a bark of laughter. “We can walk faster? Oh great. We can walk faster. Except that I have no fucking shoes! Because of you!” He jabbed his finger at Tuck, and I stilled at the look on Tuck’s face, worried that Charlie was pushing him too far. In a minute he was going to walk out of here and leave us behind. “This was your fault,” Charlie said. “You wear those—” he pointed at the ruined shoes on the ground “—and give me yours.”

“I’m not giving you my shoes.”

“Give me your shoes and I won’t report you for the drugs.”

Tuck laughed bitterly, his eyes narrowing. “Go ahead and tell the authorities. In fact, be my guest and go right now.” Tuck’s voice was cold and even, and I detected a warning in it.

I was tempted to step between their argument like I’d done each time, but I didn’t. I’d already decided Charlie and I didn’t have a future after this journey from hell was over, and likewise, I’d never see Tuck again once he delivered me to my parents, so what was the point? Let them solve their own issues like men if they needed to.

Tuck walked straight up to Charlie’s outstretched finger, his chest bending it back so that Charlie dropped it. “The only reason you care about that horse being gone is that you want a free ride,” Tuck said, his voice as steady as his gaze. “Most entitled piece of shit I’ve ever met.”

Oh. My eyes darted to Charlie.

“Excuse me?”

“Things have changed, Charlie. And I know you don’t like it. But there are new rules, and if you don’t want to play by them, then you can fuck off.”

“Tuck!” burst from my mouth. I was willing to let them work this out, but no one needed to get nasty.

“I’ve been wanting to say that for a week,” he said.

I watched as they had a stare-down. So much passed between them in those few tense seconds. The understanding that Charlie’s position had been drastically downgraded was his foremost struggle, that was clear. And apparently, he wasn’t sure what to do when his status alone didn’t guarantee he got his way, and another man called him on his bullshit.

I wasn’t going to step between them. But I was also getting annoyed and ready to go. What Isaac had told us the night before about St. Louis had spooked the hell out of me, and I wanted to get far away from here. I pushed Charlie aside and grabbed my own stuff. “Come on. We’ll find you some shoes, Charlie.”

Charlie’s false bravado deflated, and he stared morosely down at the—frankly—gross shoes. I didn’t blame him for being angry and not wanting to put them on his feet, but it also wasn’t anyone else’s problem. And there was really no choice other than to walk barefoot. Tuck was right. Charlie had been perfectly fine to let Tuck take the reins while he slept in the back of the buggy, not even offering to let Tuck rest for an hour. It was the accumulation of all these small moments over the last week that had given me a clear picture of who Charlie really was.

“Fine,” he muttered, turning away from Tuck. “Let’s just go.”

“Tie those on with this,” Tuck said, tossing him a balled-up pair of socks. “They’re no worse than the slippers Emily wore those first few days. The priority is replenishing our water, then food, then we’ll find you some shoes.”

“Where the hell will we find shoes?” Charlie muttered, but he unballed the socks and started pulling on the shoes. I thought for sure he was going to start crying when he put his foot inside the one with the intact sole, but he managed to hold it together.

* * *

Tuck shot another rabbit for us a couple of hours later, and we built a fire, and again roasted the meat on sharpened sticks. He’d waited until we were on a completely deserted stretch of road, not one disabled car anywhere in sight. At first, we’d looked forward to seeing people to ask if they knew anything, then we’d come to expect the same wide eyes and vacant stares that we were probably wearing as people approached in cars, rolling slowly by. No one knew anything, that was clear. But now we had reason to be wary, and whenever we heard a vehicle approaching, we stepped off the road and hid in the brush along the side. “What would we have done for food right about now if we didn’t have that gun?” I asked as I chewed the tough, weird-tasting meat.

Tuck ripped a piece off the stick with his teeth and met my eyes. He chewed for a minute before answering. “I’d thought about snares. But those take more time. We’d have to stay put for longer. There are other things we can try to find…pine nuts for example. I was hoping that by the time we’d walked this far, we’d have more options, but unfortunately…”

I let out a humorless chuff. Yeah. Unfortunately. Only, that word didn’t seem big enough to encompass what we were dealing with here.

“I saw some mushrooms back there,” Charlie said, nodding in the direction from which we’d come.

Tuck paused as if considering his comment. Finally, he said, “Mushrooms aren’t a great idea. I’m not well-versed on the different kinds. They might feed you, but they also might kill you.”

“ You not well-versed on something? Wow, hard to believe,” Charlie said sarcastically, pressing down on his shoe so that water leaked out. Despite the fact that the shoes were still soggy, and he’d had to tie the sole on one, he didn’t seem to have too much trouble walking in them, especially since we were on pavement. I could smell their stench but decided commenting on it wasn’t worth more of Charlie’s sulking.

“Are we just going to keep following this road indefinitely, then?” I asked. While I still found myself randomly reaching for my phone, and I could see Charlie doing the same, Tuck seemed to be having withdrawals from the map. I kept seeing his hands moving toward the pocket of the backpack where he’d kept the one Isaac stole, stop mid-reach, and fall to his sides. Whether Tuck would admit it or not, that map had been a source of comfort. Maybe it’d kept his mind occupied with roads and routes and was the only certainty regarding the future that we had. And if he felt lost now, then I guess I did too.

“Following this road indefinitely could be dangerous,” Tuck said. “It might lead us directly into large groups of desperate people.” He squinted out at the road stretching beyond me, as if he could see those hordes of people walking toward us now. “No, we need to find another map.”

“Then we have to find a store or a gas station, right?”

“Maybe.”

“Even on back roads like this, there’ll have to be gas stations nearby. Surely, they’d give us a map.”

He was quiet for a minute as he slid the last bit of meat off with his teeth. He’d always had beautiful teeth. Always had such a beautiful smile. Sweet but secretive. I suddenly remembered how his mom had given mine one of his school photos when we were about fourteen, months before Mariana was di agnosed with cancer. Such a golden time. I’d taken that photo that my mom had stuck to the side of our fridge and slept with it under my pillow. Sometimes I’d take it out and allow my gaze to wander over every detail of his face. It’d made my heart beat faster as tingles had spread all over my body. The first sexual awakening I’d experienced, and it had happened from simply staring at a photo of Tuck’s face.

I looked away, feeling a remnant of those tingles now, which was really embarrassing considering I was dying of hunger in the middle of nowhere and still couldn’t shake the last vestiges of that teenage crush.

“A house might be safer,” Tuck said, his mind clearly miles away from where mine was. Hadn’t that always been the case though?

He used the stick to break up some hardened dirt, then put a handful on the fire. As he smothered the flames, Charlie and I stood and both begrudgingly turned to face the road. “We could go grab a handful of those mushrooms,” Charlie suggested. “Swallowing poison might be the less painful option here.”

I gave a surprised laugh and looked over at him. Maybe I’d been judging him too harshly. He was as out of his element as me. Of course he wasn’t going to be functioning at his best. Perhaps I should save any definitive plans for…later. “I’m not ready to give up just yet. You?”

“No, not just yet.” He grabbed my hand and when I looked up, I saw Tuck glance at our joined hands before quickly turning away.

As we walked, Charlie leaned toward me and said quietly, “We don’t need him, Emily. Let’s just ditch him as soon as we get to the next town.”

I looked up with surprise. “Leave? We need him to protect us.”

“Do we? I mean, look where we are!” He swept his hand around, indicating the empty road and miles of nothing sur rounding us, and then down to his shoes wrapped in socks to hold them on.

“We’re alive,” I told him. “Not everyone is.”

“Our lives have been in danger several times. Is that a reason to stay attached to that psycho?”

I felt a bolt of defensiveness. Tuck was the one who’d saved us more than once, be it by jumping on a moving horse-drawn buggy and fighting a man with a gun or hunting for scarce food that he’d shared with us. Charlie was threatened by him, and honestly…he should be. Not only was Tuck far more equipped to lead us on this journey, but over the last six days, my feelings for Tuck had only grown, while my feelings for Charlie had soured, almost completely.