Page 51

FIFTY-ONE

LEXI

After a week and a half of thinking about what Riley said to me—that big, emphatic I love you that stole my breath away—I decide I need reinforcements.

“I love a girls’ night.” Piper takes the charcuterie board from me and sets it in the middle of the kitchen table. “And I need a break from the playoff stress.”

The Stars are one win away from advancing to the next round in the playoffs, and tensions are high. They’ve done the impossible this season, coming back from an abysmal start to shake up the Eastern conference, and everyone who counted us out before the All-Star break is eating their words.

“I’m sorry you all lost, Em,” Madeline says gently, and Emmy sighs.

“Me too. We had all the components to go far this year, but it didn’t happen. Guess it’s back to cheering for the Stars and my obnoxious husband who thinks the world revolves around him.”

“You’re quiet tonight, Lex.” Maven rests her head on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

What a fucking loaded question that is.

No, I’m not okay. The nicest and most supportive man in the world loves me. Isn’t that the most devastating thing you’ve ever heard?

“I, um, need some relationship advice,” I mutter, and my kitchen goes silent. “Before I give up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Okay,” Piper says slowly. “Do you want to tell us what’s going on?”

“Riley and I have been sleeping together for months, and he told me he loves me. I think I love him too, but I’ve never loved anyone before, so I can’t be sure I’m doing it right. And I’m really, really scared.”

“Whoa,” Madeline whispers.

“Holy shit. Maverick is going to owe me a lot of money,” Emmy cheers.

“I figured you two were up to something because of the tattoos and the goddamn hickeys on your neck, but love? That’s a big word, Lex,” Maven says.

“Minnesota wants him to interview for an open scouting position, and I kind of pushed him away when I told him he should take it. I put up the barrier I always put up, and that’s when he told me he loves me.”

I can still hear his words ringing in my ears. They’ve followed me around every single day that’s passed, a reminder of what I could have if I just accepted it.

Half of me has hoped he’d reach out. I constantly check my phone to see if he’s messaged me, but he’s sticking to his word. He’s letting me decide how this moves forward, and that makes everything swirling in my head even more convoluted and complicated.

“How do you feel about him?” Piper asks, and I shrug.

“The sex is great,” I say, and she puts her hand over mine.

“How do you feel when he’s around?” she asks instead, and that makes me pause.

Like I’m on top of the world.

Like I could jump off a building and fly.

Like I could climb the highest mountain and scale the rockiest cliff without breaking a sweat.

Like I’ve finally found somewhere I can stay for longer than a night. Somewhere I feel safe, secure, and taken care of, and I swallow down the lump in my throat.

“You know the first day of spring after the snow melts?” I croak. “The afternoon where you step outside and tip your chin up to the sky and let out a deep breath? I feel like that every single time he hugs me. It’s never-ending warmth. Constant sunshine, even on the dark days, and I-I don’t know how any of it is real.”

“Just because you haven’t experienced it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist,” Madeline says. “You don’t have to see it to believe it.”

“Can it always be this good though? The charm has to wear off eventually, right? Do I have rose-tinted glasses on? Am I only feeling this way because it’s new and fun and something I haven’t done before? People… people aren’t this happy all the time, are they?” I ask.

“I am,” Emmy says. “And as someone who spent many, many years not happy, it’s such a relief when you finally stop fighting it.”

“So, what? If he does go to Minnesota, would I follow him? Would I chase after him and put my career on hold for his? Would we do long distance? Break up?” I challenge. “How would any of this work?”

“If one of us came to you and asked for advice, what would you say?” Madeline asks, and I weigh her question.

“I would say you should never give up on your dreams for someone else. And your own happiness has to come before someone else’s.” I pause and blink away tears. “But I’d also ask when was the last time you were ever this happy.”

“You two are adults. Adults make it work,” Maven says. “Even when it’s hard. Even when it feels like the odds are stacked against you.”

“What if it doesn’t work? What if I give everything I have to this relationship and I come out on the other side alone like I always do? Alone.”

“What if you don’t?” Emmy counters, and from the woman who never wanted to settle down, it speaks volumes. “What if it’s the best thing that could ever happen to you?”

“I feel like a total bitch.” I wipe under my eyes. “I walked away from him. He poured his heart out to me, and I was the one who left. How could he ever want me after that?”

“He wants you because he knows you, Lex,” Piper says. “And he knows you need time to figure out what you want.”

I want him . Because I love him too .

How did this happen?

The thought races through me, and I have to grip the table to steady myself. I take a deep breath, the culmination of the last eight months playing in my mind like a movie, and I see it there.

In the doughnuts on my desk and his mumbled curses when I give him a difficult exercise to do. In a rooftop pool at a Chicago hotel, no one in the world but us, and his confession to me about how he wanted to end his life.

It’s also in the times when he’d hook his pinky around mine before he took the ice in his nice suits. When he’d throw me over his shoulder then toss me on the bed. The nights when he’d listen to me talk about my day and the mornings where I’d wake up, his arms wrapped around me like he wanted to keep me in his bed forever.

It might’ve been there all along, back when I saw the broken boy in our meeting after his accident, sunken cheeks and hate in his eyes. Before that, at the very beginning and the very first day we met, his sweaty palm shaking mine as he stammered out his name.

I love him.

I love him, I love him, I love him .

“I need to go.” I stand and push my chair back. “Right now.”

“Is this the moment?” Piper claps. “Our girl is finally going to get her happily ever after.”

“Can someone lock up? I—” I gesture around the kitchen. “I don’t care what you all do in here.”

“ Go ,” Madeline says. “We’ll be fine.”

I nod and race down the hall, only stopping to slip on a pair of sneakers and grab my purse. I pull out my phone, thumbs shaking as I type out a text to my pinned contact at the top of my messages.

Me

Hi. Are you free?

His reply comes back seconds later, as if he’s pacing around his kitchen holding his phone, waiting to hear from me.

Riley

As a bird.

Me

Can I come over?

Riley

Door is unlocked, sweetheart.

I grab an Uber, not trusting myself to drive. I’m still shaking. I feel a little dizzy. My heart is dangerously close to falling out of my chest, and when I make it to his apartment building and take the elevator up to his floor, he’s there. Standing in the doorway with a bouquet of tulips and the brightest smile on his face, and I lose it.

“I’m sorry,” I sob, my arms around his neck and my face buried in his shirt. “I’m so sorry I made you wait so long. That was horrible of me.”

“I told you to take your time.” He strokes my hair then moves his palm to my back, rubbing small circles between my shoulder blades, and the tension leaves my body. “Did you have a good week?”

“No. It was miserable.” I wipe my nose with the back of my hand, not caring about the snot or mascara I’m sure I’m leaving behind. “You weren’t there, and I hated every second of it.”

“Come inside, sweetheart, so you can rest.”

I let him lead me into his apartment and over to the living room couch. He unties my sneakers and slips them off my feet. I don’t put up a fight when he arranges me in his lap and kisses my forehead, a sigh loosening its way from the depths of my soul.

Finally , I think.

“I’m sorry for trying to push you away,” I whisper. “You should do whatever is going to make you happy, no matter where that is. If that means going to Minnesota, I’ll support you. Maybe they have a job opening, or I can look into the PWHL team. Or we can do long distance and go back and forth every other weekend. I know I want to?—”

“I turned down the interview. I’m going to stay in DC,” he says, interrupting me, and I pull away so I can look at him. “If I want to coach or scout, I can do that in ten years. But I want to skate. Odds are I’ll never make another team. No one is going to want to take a chance on me. I’m a liability on the ice, and I’m not even sure my prosthetic is legal according to the rulebook, but I want to fucking try because I’ve come this far. And I want to try with you.”

“Are you sure? You’re always going to have your Stanley Cup rings and statistics. Scouting could be fun. It’s something new, and you’d be so good at it.”

“I’m sure. This is where I want to be. I’ve made DC my home, and I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.”

“I have to tell you something,” I say.

“Yeah? What’s that, Lexi baby?”

“It’s really important.”

“I can’t wait to hear.”

I wring my hands together, and he waits patiently for me to continue. He doesn’t rush me. He doesn’t try to guess what I’m going to say, but he knows, because his smile is widening. His eyes are crinkling in the corners, and I can’t keep it in anymore.

“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you so much, and I hope you still love me too.”

“I never stopped. And I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.”

“I’m scared, and I need your help. You’re going to have to remind me to express my feelings. You’re going to have to tell me if I’m not showing you enough affection or if I’m too demanding by asking for space every once in a while. I might freak out about some things, like when you?—”

Riley cuts me off with a kiss. It’s searing, grounding . He puts everything he has behind it, and I meet him halfway, every feeling of elation I’ve had recently in the press of my mouth. In my hands roaming up his arms and across his shoulder and the soft sigh I let myself breathe out when he holds me tight to his chest.

“I love you, Lexi. And everything that comes with being with you,” he says, and I start to cry again. They’re the most beautiful, sure words I’ve ever heard. “You can be scared with me. I promise I’ll take care of you.”

I’ve been told a lot of promises throughout my life, and this is the first time I actually believe it. Riley will take care of me, and I’m the luckiest girl in the world because of it.

“RiRi?”

“Ah. We settled on that as a nickname?”

“Until I think of something else.”

“What is it, Lexi baby?”

“Today…” I sniff. I laugh and trace over the stars on his arm, every one just as perfect as the one before it. “Today has been a very, very good day.”

“The best I’ve had in a while,” he agrees. “Ever, I think.”

“Until tomorrow,” I say. “I think tomorrow is going to be just as nice.”