Page 44

FORTY-FOUR

LEXI

GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN(DAMENTAL RIGHTS) AND GOOD SEX

Me

Do you like my new tattoo?

Piper

Oooh, that’s cute!

Madeline

It’s so tiny! I love it!

Maven

Was this a drunk decision, or is there meaning behind it?

Me

I lost a bet with Riley and had to get a tattoo that he picked out. He decided on five hearts which represent our group of friends. Because you all are the loves of my life.

Emmy

You fucking bitch.

Why are you making me cry?

Piper

Oh my GOD. Lexi!!!! That is so sweet!! I love you all so much!!

Maven

Okay, I’m obsessed with it too, but are we glossing over the fact that you and Riley are making bets now?? What else are you two doing?

Me

I don’t kiss and tell. Xoxo.

Piper

Oh my FUCKING god. You cannot leave us hanging like that.

Madeline

Does that mean what I think it means?

Emmy

I will literally come to your apartment and force it out of you.

Maven

You really are a bitch!!!!

* * *

Riley’s bed is just as comfortable as I remember it being. So is the big purple T-shirt he gave me to slip on before and I curled up next to him with a book I picked off his shelf. There’s one in his lap too, and I smile when he drapes an arm around me.

“Is this our life now? In bed by eleven and reading side by side?” I ask. “There goes my youth.”

“It’s the perfect night.” Riley stifles a yawn and opens his paperback. “I’ve never been a big partier or someone who likes to go out. The athlete lifestyle isn’t for me.”

“You’re wasting away your mid-twenties with someone who uses retinol. That’s perfect?”

“Will you stop with the self-deprecating jabs?” He pinches my side, and I squeal. “I want to be here, and I want to be here with you. Deal with it, Armstrong.”

I grin and bury my face in his chest.

I want to be here with him, too, and tonight was absolutely perfect. Fun beyond my wildest dreams, and I couldn’t have dreamed up a better date if I tried.

And when he told me his idea for my tattoo, I wanted to burst into tears. I think I might’ve fallen a little bit in love with him, and the realization of my feelings is making my head spin. It’s making me want to be honest, to share parts of myself I’ve never shared with a man before, and it’s both fucking scary and exciting, too.

“Riley,” I say, pulling away from his bare chest so I can look at him. “I want to tell you something.”

“Okay.” He puts his book down and gives me his full attention. “What’s up?”

“You once asked me why I don’t date, and given how things are going between us, I-I want to be honest with you about my past. About why I am the way I am, because you’ve been so honest with me.”

“I’m all ears,” he says, and I take a deep breath. “And I promise this is a safe space.”

“My dad left when I was younger. I don’t remember much about why he walked out on me and my mom—I might’ve been six or seven at the time—just that he never came back. As I got older, I started to crave attention from men because I wasn’t getting any of it at home. I learned very quickly boys are visual and physical creatures, and kissing them, being intimate with them, was a surefire way to get what I wanted.”

“I’m sorry to hear he left,” Riley says softly, and he takes my hand in his. “That must’ve been tough.”

“It was hard on my mom, but I saw how strong she was. She never put her trust in a man again, and I followed that attitude into my early twenties. It was sex, and just sex. There wasn’t a chance they could walk out on me, because I walked out on them before anyone got attached.” I swallow the lump in my throat and continue. “When I was twenty-four, I met a guy, and we hit it off. One night turned into two, then three. We kept coming back for more, and he made me feel good . Appreciated. It was mostly physical, but we’d fall asleep talking on the phone. We’d text all day, every day. It lasted a long time—over a year and a half—and it was the first time I thought I might have judged men too harshly.”

“What happened?”

“He told me he had to go out of town for work, and something in my gut told me he was lying. I did a deep dive into his social media and found out he was married with kids. As fate would have it, the next day, a message from his wife popped up in my inbox. She accused me of being a homewrecker. Of being a whore who only wanted what she can’t have, and she told me no man would ever want to date me. I was a temporary fix, a vessel for their pleasure and incapable of connecting with another human on a deeper level.” I pause to take a breath and sneak a glance at him, hoping he’s not about to bolt out of here. “And in a way… I think she was right.”

“Whoa. Hold up. This guy was hiding a wife and children from you and you got blamed? That’s fucking bullshit,” Riley says, his rage on full display. “You wouldn’t have done that if you knew he wasn’t available.”

“I like to think I wouldn’t. I’ve always been a girl’s girl—you know, a woman who supports other women? Anyway, it hurt to know I betrayed someone, even unknowingly. Ever since then, I’ve been adamant about not letting things get too far with a man. The second I feel like I’m getting attached or veering down a road that leads to something other than mindless sex, I get out.” I pause and look up at him. “Until you.”

“Come here, sweetheart,” he murmurs, opening his arms, and I move to him like I’m being physically pulled his way. I climb in his lap, careful to avoid putting my weight on his residual limb, and stay there, my heartbeat syncing with his. “Thank you for telling me all of that. I know it doesn’t mean much and I know you might not believe me—not yet—but I promise you can trust me. I promise I won’t ever treat you like you’re just a… a thing. Like you’re not this incredible, magnificent woman. And yeah, you’ve made some mistakes, but who the fuck hasn’t? I don’t care about how many people you’ve slept with. I don’t care about the guys who came before me, because I’m the one here with you right now. And I’m so fucking lucky.”

“I haven’t told the girls that story,” I admit. “I always brush it off when they ask why I don’t date and throw in a joke about men not being shit.”

“We aren’t shit.”

I chuckle, then let out a sigh. “I don’t want them to look at me differently because of things I’ve done in the past, especially now that most of them are married. I’d never—a thought like that hasn’t ever crossed my mind, and I’d give up talking to men forever if it meant getting to keep them.”

“They wouldn’t look at you any different. I know they wouldn’t.” Riley rests his chin on top of my head, and it’s freeing to put this out in the open. To let him hear the secret I’ve kept locked away for years, too afraid I’d be burned at the stake if it ever got out. “You’re so strong, Lexi, and I’m so sorry someone took advantage of you. I don’t know if it means much, but you’ve had my attention for years.”

“Please.” I squeeze his arm. “I have not.”

“You don’t believe me?” He untangles our limbs and frowns down at me. “Ask me what my tattoo means.”

“The roller coaster? I know what it means. I was there when you?—”

“No. The constellation.”

I suck in a sharp breath and drop my gaze to the small cluster of stars on his left arm. I haven’t been able to figure out what it might represent.

I lick my lips. Anticipation claws at the base of my spine, and with a shaky hand, I trace the design.

“What does your tattoo mean?” I whisper, and the room is so quiet, I can hear a car horn beeping from all the way across the street.

“It’s the stars in the night sky the day I stepped foot into the arena for the first time. And, consequently, the day I met you.”

“What?”

“Yeah. It was a big day for me.” He folds his hand over mine and guides me to each individual star. There are probably close to two dozen of them, and my heart lurches in my chest. “I signed my ELC. A pretty girl said hello to me. You had a ribbon in your hair, and your smile was the brightest thing I had ever seen.”

“You remember what I was wearing?”

“Down to your high-top sneakers. I wasn’t kidding, Lexi. You’ve been on my mind from the second I locked eyes with you across the ice, and I’d had done just about anything to get you to look at me back then. To get you to keep looking at me.”

“The girls would always tell me you had a crush on me, but I always shrugged it off.”

“A crush?” Riley laughs like it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world. “Please. There’s a reason why I haven’t dated anyone since I got to DC. I know not a goddamn one of them would ever compare to you.”

Hell .

It’s the sweetest, most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard, and I guess I must be a romantic now, because I’m climbing back into his lap. Straddling his waist and kissing his cheek, his neck and the soft curve of his mouth.

Knowing I’ve had his attention even when I was busy trying to get it from somewhere else makes me feel like a fool, like I’ve wasted so many good moments I could’ve had with him, but a part of me heals with his words. He’s looking at my baggage. Sticking out his hand, saying here . I can help .

I’ve never felt safe enough with a man to let my guard down. I’ve never felt like I’m worthy enough to stop running and rest my head, but with Riley, I’m opening the gate. I’m inviting him in, asking him to stay. And a sob works its way up my throat when he hugs me tight.

“Sorry,” I whisper. “This is a lot for me to process. You… you have the day we met tattooed on your body. All those times I looked at it during our sessions, and I had no idea.”

“Now you do.” He wipes my tears away with his thumbs and smiles. “And it’s not just about you, Armstrong. It also represents the day I became a professional athlete. Let’s not forget that.”

“Ass.” I nudge his shoulder, but he grabs my hand. He kisses my knuckles then my wrists and puts my palm against his cheek. “Sorry for being selfish for a minute.”

God .

Is this what love feels like?

Like the first bit of sunshine peeking through the clouds after a rainstorm? Like a warm blanket on a cold day? Like a million stars lighting up a night sky? Like I might not be able to breathe if he isn’t around, and like I’m taking my first deep breath in years when he’s close?

I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’ve never tried to define it, never tried to wrangle it in so I could accept it, but here I am. Rushing toward it with open arms, desperate to yell out I think I want to give this a chance!

“Lexi.” Riley kisses me again and brushes his nose against mine. He cups my face with both of his hands, and the world shakes with his heavy exhale. “How did I get so lucky to find you?”

I don’t know how to answer that, so I kiss him back. I let him pull my shirt over my head and lay me on the mattress. When he holds himself above me, I tug off my underwear and look up at him. It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time, shimmering and bright, and he’s the most beautiful thing in existence.

“I want you to fuck me,” I whisper. “Like I’m yours.”

“Yeah?” He drags his fingers over my breasts then dances his touch down my body. “What else do you want?”

“I want you to use the ropes. I want to you to have complete control over me.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod. “Positive. There’s not anyone I trust more than you.”

“I hate to make you do this, but it’s going to be much faster if you get the rope.” Riley gestures at his lower half. He took his prosthetic off when we got back to his place, and his crutches are on the other side of the room. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” I slip out from under him and grin as I pad over to his dresser. I pull out the rope and walk back to the bed, handing it over. “Here you go.”

“I’m only going to use it when I get you off. I want your hands to be free when I fuck you,” he says.

“Okay.” I climb back on the bed and hold out my wrists, smiling when he makes quick work of wrapping them together with a single column knot. I tug on the rope to test the resistance, a soft groan leaving me as he guides me onto the pillows and spreads my legs. “ Fuck , Riley.”

“Don’t move,” he tells me. “I won’t let you come if you do.”

I bob my head and close my eyes, resisting the urge to lift my hips the second his knuckles graze over my entrance. He’s teasing me, testing me, and I have a feeling I might fail miserably.

Riley grips my knee and pushes one finger inside me. A louder groan escapes me this time, and it takes everything in me to not squirm on the sheets.

“Stay still, Lexi baby. You want to come, don’t you?”

“More than anything.” I whine when he adds a second finger, the stretch blissful and perfect in a way only he can manage. “I can’t believe you’ve been looking at me for years.”

“Looking and looking and not touching. But I’m touching you now.” A third finger, and an even more delicious stretch. I’m full, needy , and the thumb he presses on my clit almost makes me lose my mind. “Because you’re mine.”

“I want more, Riley.”

“What do you want? Use your words.”

“Your tongue,” I blurt, not caring how desperate I sound. He’s never shamed me for being so vocal, and I want him to know I’m happy for any and all of his attention. “Please.”

“So polite.” The weight on the mattress shifts, and I open my eyes. I find Riley between my legs, his other thumb stroking my knee and his mouth trailing hot kisses up my thigh. “You know I’ll give you anything you want.”

I cry out when his tongue flicks my clit, and the heavy arm he drapes across my stomach only makes me want to move more. I’m trapped with nowhere to go, nothing to do but sink into the bliss I know he can bring me.

He buries his tongue inside me and my mind goes blank, the slick glide of his fingers matching the rhythm of his mouth, and I can’t take it anymore. I know I don’t stand a chance of lasting long, and I pull on the ropes so hard, I know my wrists are going to be red for days.

“Lexi,” he warns. “Don’t move.”

“I’m sorry. It’s too much. I’m so close. You’re—can you curl your fingers— fuck . Yeah. Just like that.”

“I can’t wait to taste you. Best part of my day.”

“I didn’t know you had an affinity for female orgasms,” I pant.

“I don’t.” He pinches my hip—hard—and I whimper. “Just yours. Ride my face, Lex, and take what you need.”

Just yours .

Because he hasn’t looked at anybody except me in years .

How many times has he fallen asleep dreaming about me?

How many times has he touched himself to the thought of me?

How many times have we been in adjoining hotel rooms where I’ve been using a vibrator and he’s been on the other side of the wall? Did he hear me? Did he listen?

A swell of pleasure builds inside me.

I reach for it, aching for release as I grind against his face. He answers me with a low moan that propels me forward, the understanding that he’s enjoying this just as much as I am and he’s not even being touched.

“I’m going to?—”

“ Mine ,” he growls, and the word and what it means makes me explode into a thousand pieces.

Riley is unrelenting, his fingers and tongue staying in me until I’m a writhing, squirming mess on the sheets with my legs tipped open wide and my arms loose above my head. He only stops by kissing me everywhere with his wet mouth, marking me and showing off how well he knows my body.

He works his way up my legs and my stomach. Across my ribs and my breasts where he stays for a few minutes, sucking on my nipples and making me wet all over again. He ghosts his mouth over mine and I arch my back off the mattress, needing him like I need air.

“Shit,” I whisper when he kisses me. I taste myself on him, and his tongue bumps against mine so I don’t miss any of the aftermath of what he did to me. “You are unbelievable.”

He brushes the hair off my forehead, peeling it away from the dried sweat clinging to my skin. “I’m going to let your wrists free, okay?”

“Okay,” I rasp.

The second the ropes are off me, he’s helping me sit up. He’s reaching for the nightstand and handing over a glass of water so I can take a sip. He’s kissing my hands and flexing my fingers to make sure I didn’t lose circulation, and this fluttery, light feeling in the center of my chest has to be something so much stronger than lust.

I’m certain of it.