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THIRTY

LEXI

I’m in a daze.

Ever since I walked out of Riley’s room, I can’t focus on anything but the red mark on my skin, the confidence in his eyes when he unknotted the rope from around my wrist, and how sure of himself he was when he talked about the things he liked.

I wasn’t lying when I said bondage is something I’ve never tried in the bedroom but always wanted to. I can’t explain why ; I’m not in the least bit submissive. If a man tried to tell me what I could and couldn’t do, I’d probably punch him in the face.

There’s something about knowing I can’t escape, knowing I can’t get away and I’m just a vessel of pleasure for someone else that’s hot as hell.

And I shared that fantasy with Riley , the guy who blushed when he saw me naked.

I need to move and find a new job immediately, because what the fuck is wrong with me?

“Earth to Lexi.” Piper snaps her fingers in front of my face, and I blink. “Are you okay?”

“Hm? Yeah. I’m great. I think I drank that last gin and tonic too quickly. I should eat something.”

“Here.” Emmy hands over a plate of olives and puts a hand on her stomach. “I’m stuffed, and I don’t want those to go to waste.”

“Why do you have a plate of only olives?” I ask. “Do we not care about the other food groups?”

“Years ago, I mentioned to Maverick I liked them in my drink, and he started carrying around a jar so I can have them whenever I want,” she explains. “It’s probably the reason why I fell in love with him.”

“Maverick did that for you?” I frown and glance toward the kitchen where a bowl of limes sits on the counter. I added two to my last drink, smiling at the citrus flavor when I took a sip. “I didn’t know that.”

“Oh, yeah. Before I even gave him the time of day, he was handing over olives he’d ordered from Greece.” She rolls her eyes, but I see the smile she’s fighting to hide. “He’s so extra, but knowing he remembered that… it made me feel good. Important, you know?”

There’s been a collection of limes at every event Riley’s attended this season, and that can’t be a coincidence. I knew he had a crush on me, but that… that seems special. Important, like Emmy said, and when my eyes meet Riley’s from across the room, I turn my attention back to the girls, afraid to look at him for too long.

“Have you all ever used any, um, accessories in the bedroom?” I ask, dropping my voice low so none of the boys can overhear us. The last thing I need is someone being nosy and announcing my question to the entire team. “Ropes or things of the sort?”

“Okay. Talk about a topic change,” Piper says.

“Maverick uses hockey tape.” Emmy grins. “It’s fun, and who doesn’t love a product that can be multi-functional?”

“Wow. You could be a spokesperson,” Madeline says, and she glances at me. “Are you seeing someone who is into that?”

“Wait. You haven’t mentioned hooking up with anyone in a while.” Piper leans forward. “Are you becoming celibate?”

“God no.” I laugh. “I could never. Men might be dicks, but some of them have good dicks, and it would be a shame for those to go to waste.”

“So why the questions about bondage?” Maven asks.

“I don’t know. Just curious. I’ve never tried it.”

“Most important thing is trusting your partner,” Emmy says, and I nod. “You have to know if you say stop, they’re going to stop. You also have to be okay giving up your control. It’s not as easy as it sounds, and it’s uncomfortable at first. You realize you have nowhere to go, but when you relax and understand you’re safe, it’s good . I can send you some websites Mav and I looked at if you want.”

“What websites?” Maverick asks, appearing by her side.

“None of your business.” She swats at his stomach and he lifts her off the couch in a single swoop, throwing her over his shoulder. “Oh my god. Put me the fuck down, Miller.”

“Nope. I’m taking you home, Hartwell. We play against each other tomorrow night, and when I kick your ass on the ice, I don’t want to hear any excuses about how you’re tired and sore.”

“I should head out, too.” Madeline checks her phone. “Lucy’s babysitter is in high school, and I don’t want her to have to stay at the apartment too late.”

“I’m pretty sure Liam is already in the car.” Piper yawns and jumps to her feet. “Want a ride home, Lex?”

“I’m okay. I drove, and I’m going to help clean up because I didn’t help set up.” I smile at my friends. “I’ll see you all tomorrow at the game.”

“Let us know when you get home.” Maven gives me a hug and I wave as the team starts filing out of Riley’s apartment.

“I can take care of this,” Riley says when we’re the only two left in the living room. He holds up a trash bag and smiles. “Everything is going to get thrown in here.”

“They’re all savages. It’s going to take you forever if you do it by yourself.” I stack up eight paper plates and walk toward him, dropping the trash in the bag. “I can start on the dishes.”

“Nope. I’m not going to let you. I offered to host, and cleaning up comes with the territory.”

“Good thing I’m not asking for permission.” I push past him for the kitchen, staring at the pile of silverware and glasses in the sink. I roll up my sleeves and grab a sponge. “I think we need to start doing all drinks in Solo cups. This is too much work for one person.”

“I forgot to run out and get some this afternoon.” He drops the trash bag and stands next to me, turning on the faucet. His hip bumps against mine, and I scoot to the right to give him more room. “I’ll wash, you dry?”

“Teamwork. I like it. Gosh. More men belong in the kitchen.”

Riley laughs and starts on the lowball glasses the guys used for their liquor. We find a rhythm and work quickly as the pile starts to dwindle. In between washing and drying, we make casual conversation, and it takes all of my restraint to not bring up what I learned about him in the bedroom.

I ask him how he’s liked being behind the bench at games and if he’s given coaching more thought. He tells me he’s been sharpening the skates I got him for Christmas and even tried the right one on with his prosthetic to see how it feels. I’m happy to hear it fits, and I need to send a thank-you note to the people at Bauer for all their help in the process.

Forty-five minutes later, the kitchen is spotless. You wouldn’t know twenty hockey players stormed through here an hour ago, and I yawn when I fold up the used dish towel and set it on the counter.

“Much easier with help, right?” I ask, and Riley nods.

“Yeah. Thanks for not letting me be too stubborn.” He dries his hands and sighs. “Lex. I want to apologize for earlier.”

“What happened earlier?”

“Back in my bedroom. I crossed a line by letting our conversation get that far, and I’m sorry for not putting a stop to it. I understand if you want me to work with a different athletic trainer going forward.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve seen your dick, Riley. We spent an intimate night together, and you think learning you like to tie people up is what’s going to make me not want to work with you anymore? Please.” I snort and jump onto the counter. “I’m not scandalized. I’m intrigued . There’s a difference.”

“Were you serious about what you said?” He closes the distance between us, positioning himself between my thighs. His hands land on either side of my hips, and he stares me down. “About what you want to try?”

“I wouldn’t lie about that.”

I’ve never been ashamed of my sexual preferences. I’ve been open about what I want in the bedroom and haven’t cared if someone judges me, but this conversation feels deeper. More personal. It’s not a man I’m never going to see again or someone I matched with having one goal in mind: getting off.

It’s a man I know well, who seems to enjoy the things I enjoy, and that propels me forward.

“We agreed on one night,” Riley says slowly. “We agreed to be friends.”

I gnaw on my bottom lip, wanting to get this next part right. “The first time was fun.”

“It was phenomenal.”

“We had a good time, and yeah, it was a little awkward after, but we got through it. What if we do it again? You can’t deny there’s chemistry between us, and we worked really well together. I’ve never… sex wise, that was the best night of my life.”

“What are you asking me for? To be your boyfriend?”

“Absolutely not.” My laughter dies in my throat when he inches closer. I drop my head against the cabinet behind me and watch the heat behind his eyes. “Not that.”

“Is the idea of me being your boyfriend funny, Lexi?”

“No. No . Of course not. You’re a nice guy, and I’m sure you’d be a wonderful boyfriend. I just… I don’t want that. I don’t want a relationship. I want… no emotions. No messy feelings. That’s not my style.”

“You want to be fucked,” he says, and the detachment in his voice makes my skin warm. He makes it sound dirty, filthy , and I can feel my underwear getting wet. “Why me?”

“Because I know you can deliver? Because I trust you? Because I… I told you what I wanted to try and you didn’t make a joke out of it?”

Riley takes a step back, and the air around me deflates. I can think more clearly when he’s not in my space.

“Fuck buddies. Friends with benefits. Am I getting this right?” he asks. “You call me when you want me to get you off, and I make you come until you can’t think straight?”

“Yup. Yeah. Mhm. Sounds about right.”

He rolls his lips together and blinks at me. “No feelings?”

“None. It’s sex. That’s it.”

“Are you going to be sleeping with anyone else?”

“Are you going to be sleeping with anyone else?” I ask.

“No,” he says without a second thought. “I told you, you’re the only woman I’ve slept with in god knows how long.”

“I haven’t been with anyone since you,” I practically blurt, and he lifts an eyebrow. “What? Is the idea of me keeping my legs closed that shocking to you?”

“No,” he repeats. He puts his hands on my thighs and runs his fingers up the denim of my jeans. “Guess I’m just proud I’m enough to satisfy Ms. Independent.”

“One time together and you’re this cocky?” I grab his shirt and tug him toward me. I brush my mouth along the corner of his lips, shaking my head when he whimpers. “I’m not kissing you until you tell me yes or no.”

“You know what my answer is. I’ll be your fuck buddy, Lex. I’ll take care of you.”

“No feelings.”

“None.”

“The second one of us starts to?—”

“Stop talking.” Riley lifts me off the counter, careful to put a hand behind my head so I don’t knock my skull against the cabinet. “You don’t want me to fall in love with you. No lovey dovey shit. We’ll fuck, and you’ll leave. I got it.”

He walks down the hall, his pace slow. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, only that we’re doing this.

Again.

And I’m really fucking excited about it.

“I know you told me to stop talking, but should you be carrying me?” I ask. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“I’m fine. It’s a short walk, and throwing you over my shoulder is way more dramatic than making you do it by yourself.”

I laugh. Riley pushes the door to his room open. He walks me to the bed and sets me on the mattress. As soon as he does, unexpected nerves hit me square in the chest. The last time we did this, we were in a hotel room. An unfamiliar place where we could pretend like we didn’t have an attachment to one another.

Now I glance around and see pieces of him everywhere I look: a jersey over the back of the chair at his desk by the window, a second pair of glasses on his nightstand, his phone plugged into a charger.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and I nod.

“Yeah.” I point to the bottom of the dresser, heart thundering. “I want you to use those ropes on me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“You said you’ve never used them before?” He opens the drawer and pulls out the long ropes I held earlier. “Have you ever researched Shibari?”

“Once or twice,” I admit.

“It focuses on friction and wraps instead of knots. The rope is made of jute.” Riley holds out the rope for me to touch, and I run my fingers along the natural fiber. “The middle point is called the bight.”

“Can I ask a question?”

“Anything.”

“With this… are you into the BDSM lifestyle?”

“No. Not my thing. I like being in control, but I don’t like dominating or denying. I like for things in the bedroom to be, ah, collaborative? And I like being told what to do too.”

“Okay.” I nod, and he takes the ropes back. “Can I get out of it if I don’t like it?”

“Absolutely. And I have safety shears.”

“I don’t want my whole body tied up. Only my wrists. Is that okay?”

“Lexi.” Riley grimaces when he lowers himself to the floor and kneels between my legs. “None of this is a requirement. I don’t want to use bondage every time, if we’re being honest. Occasionally is more than enough for me. Not even frequently. Like I mentioned before, I get off great without it. Better than. You made me finish with your mouth, and I’ve been thinking about it every day since. Ropes are a bonus. Something fun to add every now and then.”

“You’ve been thinking about it?”

“More than I’m allowed to admit.” He cups my cheek, thumb stroking along the curve of my jaw. “Don’t worry. I’m not in love with you. I’m playing by the rules.”

“Shut up,” I murmur, tugging on his hair and bending my neck so I can kiss him. “Speaking of mouths, I don’t like when my friends with benefits use their mouths to talk.”

“What do you want me to use it for?”

I grab the hem of my shirt and tug it over my head. I unhook my bra, smiling when Riley groans and rests his forehead against my collarbone, a mumbled fuck tumbling out of him. I’ve always been proud of my body, but hearing his reaction strikes a match inside me.

“This,” I whisper, guiding his mouth to my nipple. When he closes his lips and sucks , I stutter out a breath. “Perfect.”

“Move back on the bed,” he says against my skin, and I hate to pull away from him. “Now, Lexi.”

The firmness in his demand has me scooting across the sheets, pulse jumping as I lean back on the pillows and watch him. He stands, another grimace dancing across his face, before he climbs on the mattress and taps my foot.

“Shoes off. Jeans off. Underwear off.”

I nod, delirious as I kick off my boots, slide the jeans down my legs, and add my underwear to the pile of discarded clothing on his floor. He’s still fully dressed, cheeks bright red and his eyes on me, and the power imbalance sends a shiver racing up my spine.

This is what I want.

Someone who knows what they’re doing, not a mediocre attempt by a guy who read one Reddit thread and thinks he has everything figured out. Riley’s hand rests on my thigh and teases his touch across my stomach, dipping lower so his knuckles brush against my entrance before he moves up, fingers at my throat.

“You liked this,” he says, applying the hint of pressure to my neck. “Is it still okay?”

I close my eyes and sink into the gentle way his grip tightens. “Yes.”

“Last time we did this, we moved fast. Orgasms. Fucking. That was it. It’s going to be slower tonight, and I’m going to check in with you. You have to communicate with me, Lexi. I can’t change anything after we finish, but I can change it in the moment.”

“Right. Yeah. Communication. That’s very important,” I say, but it feels like my head is in the clouds.

“And we’re going to have a system. Green means you like what’s happening. Yellow means you need to take a second before we keep going. Red is a firm stop. The second you tell me red, whatever we’re doing ends. Do you understand?” Riley asks, and when I nod, he pinches my nipple. My eyes fly open and my back arches off the bed. “I need you to say it.”

“Yes,” I stammer, and he smiles.

“Good. Now give me your hands. Please.”