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SIXTEEN

RILEY

Puck Kings

Easy E

I can’t believe we have a four-game road trip next month. Doesn’t the NHL know we’re the reigning champs?

Sully

We’re not the same team we were when we won the Cup.

Me

That’s my fault.

Mavvy

It’s not your fault. The drunk asshole who hit you is at fault.

G-Money

Do you have to go to trial like on SVU???? And testify????? Too bad Olivia Benson won’t be there. She’s hot as hell lol.

Huddy Boy

I think you might be a little out of her age range, kid.

G-Money

Says who? I like older women. Maybe she likes younger guys.

Sully

You’re barely legal to drink.

G-Money

Okay, grandpa who is retiring in two years.

Sully

Can we not? I haven’t announced that yet. I don’t need my phone getting hacked and that news leaking to the media.

Mavvy

THAT’S what you’re worried about if your phone is hacked?

The photos on mine would get me in so much trouble lol. And Emmy.

Huddy Boy

Stop. You’re going to make my ears bleed.

Easy E

I’m with you, Cap. I have some nice photos of Tella on there.

Sully

Who the fuck is Tella?

Easy E

…Donatella?

Do you all not listen to me when I talk?

Sully

Never.

Huddy Boy

Please don’t tell me you have a file on your phone full of photos from women, Ethan.

Easy E

Uh, no, and rude of you to assume so. Donatella is my motorcycle, fuck you very much.

G-Money

You named your bike DONATELLA? WTF?

Easy E

One of them, yeah.

It’s a Kawasaki Ninja H2R.

Ninja.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo?

Except Tella is a lady 3

Sully

I’m leaving this chat.

G-Money

You can’t leave yet! Mitchy hasn’t told us if he’s going to testify and meet Olivia Benson!!!!!!!

Me

I’m meeting with my agent to talk about all of that.

Mavvy

Keep us posted.

G-Money

Yeah. We’ll totally show up to court like Elle Woods’s friends do in Legally Blonde and cheer for you!

Huddy Boy

Do you need anything from us, Ri?

Me

A time machine would be nice so I can go back six months and not have any of this happen.

Easy E

I’d build one for you if I could.

Me

Thanks, Ethan.

Mavvy

Let us know if you need anything, Mitchy. We’re here for you.

Me

I appreciate you guys.

G-Money

That’s what friends do!

Quick. Someone make the DUN DUN sound lol.

*Sully has left the chat*

*Easy E has added Sully to the chat*

Easy E

Leaving the chat while I’m talking about Tella? The nerve.

* * *

“I’m glad to see you back in action after your self-imposed isolation from social gatherings,” Marcus says to me. “Aren’t you excited to deal with the bullshit that comes with having to communicate with people?”

“Can’t fucking wait,” I draw out, sitting across from him in the conference room of his office building.

Marcus lives in New York full time, but he has offices in DC, Orlando, and Los Angeles. He’s the busiest man in sports right now, representing players from every professional sports league in America as well as a handful of college kids, and he likes to be available when we need him.

He also hasn’t dropped my ass after dodging him for months, and when he asked for this meeting, I knew I’d be a goddamn idiot to skip it.

“I’m going to keep this quick because I know you’re headed to see Coach next, but I wanted you to know the District of Columbia set a trial date for the driver that hit you in June. It’s scheduled to start next summer, and the DA is asking if you’ll testify.”

“We have to wait that long to put that scumbag away?”

“Yup. They’re pursuing criminal charges because the fucker was driving without a license. It was also his third DUI.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” The taste of vomit climbs up my throat, and I swallow it down. “And he was still on the fucking road?”

“He won’t be after all of this is said and done.” Marcus sighs. “I’m sorry, Riley. I can’t imagine this is easy to hear, but I wanted you to know.”

“It makes me want to visit whatever jail cell he’s sitting in and beat the shit out of him. He could’ve killed someone.”

“It’s a miracle he didn’t. The universe isn’t finished with you, Mitchy.”

I rub a hand over my chest. “We’ll see about that. Thanks for telling me. Do I have to testify?”

“No. But it’ll help the case if you do.”

“I’ll think about it.” I shift in my chair, the idea of having attention on me making me uneasy. “What’s this surprise you have for me? You mentioned you’d end our meeting with something good, and I hope that wasn’t what you consider good.”

“Oh.” Marcus grins and taps his phone. A second later, the door to the conference room opens. I spin, and I nearly fall out of my seat when I see who’s in the entryway. “It was important to me that you two reconnected, and I thought you’d feel the same.”

“Lamar?” I croak, standing on shaky legs. “Holy shit.”

“Riley.” He smiles, and I beeline it for him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him into a hug before I can think twice. My cheeks are wet with tears, and a laugh shakes my shoulders. “I’m so glad to see you.”

I’ve laid awake every night since the accident thinking about him. The police wouldn’t give me his last name because of the ongoing investigation, and I didn’t have a lot of information to go off of to track him down. The media reports didn’t mention any casualties from the accident, and I’ve been holding out hope he’s okay.

I pull away and look him up and down, relieved to see him put together, healthy , and without a scar in sight. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and hug him again, really fucking overwhelmed by the swell of emotion rattling inside my head.

“The feeling is really fucking mutual. Come sit,” I say, pointing to the open chairs at the table. “You look great.”

“So do you. I waited at the hospital that night to make sure you were okay.” He sits next to me, and I scoot closer to him. “Your whole team was there. I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

“Will you tell me what you remember?”

“We were driving, and you gave me money. The light turned green, and I started accelerating. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw bright headlights, and then we were airborne. We landed upside down, and I started yelling for you. You didn’t answer and—” Lamar closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “You looked dead. I got out of the car and tried to pull you out. A couple cars stopped and helped me, then I called 911 while someone did CPR.”

“How did the team know to go to the hospital?” I ask. “I was the only one in the car with you.”

“I found your phone. The screen was cracked, but I hit the first name at the top of your call log. Maverick was the one who answered, and I guess he told everyone else.” Lamar sighs. “I would say it was the scariest night of my life, but that’s selfish. It pales in comparison to what you experienced.”

“I remember us flipping. I remember pain, but that’s it. There’s nothing there until I woke up after my surgery.”

“Your surgery,” he repeats, and he glances at my legs for the first time. “The doctor mentioned an amputation.”

“My right leg above the knee.” I drum my fingers against my prosthetic. “I guess there wasn’t much of a choice.”

“Are you healing okay?”

“As well as I can.” I wince when I remember the way I stormed out of the training room two weeks ago. I’ve been back since, knocking out the exercises Lexi gives me the best I can, but our small talk has been almost nonexistent. I’m pissed at myself for taking my frustration out on her, and I know she’s pissed at me too. “I’m a work in progress.”

“I really thought that was it for you, man.” Lamar’s voice cracks, and Marcus slides a water bottle across the table to him. “And it was all my fault.”

“No. Don’t fucking do that. The only person at fault was the piece of shit who hit us. You saved me. I don’t think I’d be here without your help. Are you healing up okay?”

“I’ve been going to therapy. Talking to a professional helps,” Lamar says.

“I don’t want you to carry any of the weight from that night. I don’t blame you. I’ve never blamed you. I don’t know if that helps with closure or anything, but I need you to hear it.”

“That means a lot, Riley.”

“Did your wife have the baby?” I ask. “You said she was expecting and?—”

“A girl.” Lamar beams, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone so happy. He pulls out his phone and opens his photo roll. “We named her Destiny.”

“Shit.” I have to wipe under my eyes again when I see him holding a newborn close to his chest. “She’s beautiful.”

“Looks just like her mama.”

“I’d love to meet them one day,” I say. “Your family.”

“They’d love that. Aliyah kept telling me to reach out to you on social media but I saw you hadn’t posted anything since—” He pauses. “It didn’t feel right to pester you when you didn’t want to be bothered.”

“It wouldn’t be pestering. Never. I’m so fucking glad Marcus arranged this.” I look at my agent, hoping he can feel the gratefulness I’m trying to convey. “We’ll have to do it again soon.”

Lamar shows me some more photos of his family, and I tell him about my teammates. He asks about my parents, and when I mention my dad and I have matching prosthetics, he laughs.

“Sorry. That’s not funny,” he says.

“What are the odds?” I grin. “I’d love to stay and chat more, but I need to get to the arena. Can I give you my number so we can plan to get together soon?”

“I’d love that,” Lamar says, and I plug my contact information into his phone. “Take care of yourself, Riley. There’s a reason you pulled through that night. Your purpose is so much bigger than you think it is.”

“It’s hard to remember that sometimes, but I’m trying.” I stand, and we exchange another hug. “Don’t be a stranger, man.”

After he leaves, Marcus puts a hand on my shoulder. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah.” I nod, feeling like I’m on the verge of bursting into tears again. Three times in an hour would be a new fucking record. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you did that.”

“Happy to do it. You want a ride to the arena?” he asks. “You’re going to be late if you wait for an Uber.”

“That would be great. I don’t need Coach chewing me out. I’m sure he’s going to yell at me for something else.”

Marcus and I take the elevator downstairs, and I climb into his Range Rover. He turns down the radio and pulls out of the parking garage, heading for the arena.

“I want to apologize for being distant the past four months,” I say. “It’s taken me a long time to process what happened to me. It’s selfish and shitty, and I didn’t mean for you to get stuck in the crosshairs of the aftermath—especially because of how much you do for me professionally and personally. I haven’t been appreciative.”

“I get it, Riley. I haven’t taken anything to heart, and I know you’ve been quiet for a reason.” He glances over at me. “How are you doing?”

I stretch out my right leg, adjusting my prosthetic. “Fine.”

“Let’s try this again. How are you really doing? And don’t give me that bullshit answer you think I want to hear.”

“Today? I’m fine. Yesterday? I ate a pint of ice cream and didn’t leave the couch.”

“Not every day can be sunshine and rainbows. A lot of days suck, but you got out of bed today. That’s a win,” he says.

“Time to throw a fucking party.”

“You’re doing your rehab? And going to your therapy appointments?”

“Um.” I stare out the window and shrug. “Occasionally.”

“You’ll work on bumping that up to frequently?” Marcus asks.

“I’ll do my best.”

We spend the rest of the drive talking about the first month of the season. I share my thoughts on the teams that are surprising me and the ones who have been underwhelming. Marcus doesn’t mention the Stars and the rough start they’ve had so far in October, and I’m glad.

“We’re here.” Marcus pulls up in front of the players’ security entrance at the arena and unlocks the doors. “Good luck. You’re going to need it.”

“Thanks.” I laugh and lean over and shake his hand. “And thanks for having my back.”

“Always. Tell Brody he’s an asshole.”

“With pleasure.”

I climb out of the car and give Marcus a salute as he drives away. The guys had morning skate earlier today, and with no game this evening, the hallways are empty. I make a detour on my way to Coach’s office, stopping at the edge of the tunnel leading out to the rink and taking a deep breath.

I stare at the surface, hating how beautiful it looks. My favorite time to skate is when the barn’s just been cleaned. The ice is smooth. Glassy. There’s not a single shaving to be found, and what I would fucking give to lace up and get out there.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Coach says from behind me. I hear his heavy footsteps, and when I turn to my right, he’s following my gaze. “Want to know a secret?”

“You’re part robot?”

“Close. Sometimes after a game, I wait until everyone leaves. Then I’ll climb up into the stands and look at the ice for an hour.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Why not?” He points to the path leading to the penalty box and walks that way. “It calms me in a way nothing else does. I don’t even need to be out there and it offers me comfort years of therapy can’t bring me.”

That’s how I’ve felt lately, and it’s why I follow him without asking another question.

The plexiglass usually up during games is down, giving us an unobstructed view. I sit next to Coach on the bench and lean forward, inhaling deeply.

“Is it crazy to say it smells like home?” I ask. “If home had a smell.”

“No.” Coach snorts. “That’s what I think too.”

We’re quiet for a while. Sitting here without cheering fans, a PA announcer or thumping music is eerie, but also soothing. I can feel my mind shutting off. My breathing evens out, and I smile.

“What kind of trouble am I in?”

“None.”

“I’ve been skipping my rehab sessions.”

“I know you have. It’s hysterical hearing the excuses Lexi come up with to cover for your ass.”

“She’s been doing that?” I ask.

“Yeah. My personal favorite is when she mentioned you were awaiting a very important package.”

I bark out a laugh. “You aren’t going to yell at me?”

“Nah.” Coach uses his thumb to peel off a piece of stick tape from the wall. “I thought I’d try a different approach.”

“I can’t wait to hear what you have in mind.”

“I’ve been where you are, Riley. I’ve been the guy on the bench who can’t play. I’ve been the one to give everything I have to this sport, only to be let down. And I’ll tell you what: it fucking sucks. It’s the worst feeling in the world to see your teammates achieve shit without you, but then you feel like a dick for wanting them to fail. I’ve gone through the jealousy. The anger. The self-loathing. It never turns out well.”

“What do you suggest I do instead?”

“The longer you let what happened consume you, the longer everything else in your life is going to suck. You have to mourn it. Loathe it. But then you have to learn you’re so much more than this injury. So you’re not ‘Riley Mitchell, hockey superstar’ anymore. Who gives a fuck? You’re still Riley fucking Mitchell. You just happen to be injured, and that’s okay.” He pauses for a beat. “What would you tell your younger self if you found out you got a second chance at life?”

I blink and focus on the Stars logo at center ice.

I haven’t thought of that. I’ve been so worried about what I can’t do that I haven’t bothered to consider what I can do, which is fucking live . Enjoying everything I was seconds away from losing. And holy fuck —I’ve been such a selfish bastard treating other people like shit.

“I’d tell myself to get the fuck over it. Respectfully,” I finally mumble after a stretch of silence that feels like years. “The only way I can go is forward, so I might as well enjoy what I have.”

“There were so many days I almost threw in the towel,” Coach says. “I cut off my friends. My teammates. My family. I didn’t talk to anyone for weeks.”

“How did you climb out of the hole?”

“I didn’t have much choice. Fate intervened. The night I finally left my apartment, I went to a bar. I got drunk, hooked up with a woman who made me feel something other than sad, then became a dad. I didn’t have time to stew on what I didn’t have, because I was holding a tiny, perfect human who looked at me with blue eyes, and I realized it wasn’t just about me anymore. I couldn’t play, but I could coach. And coaching meant stability. A paycheck to support my family and still being around the sport I loved. Why would I go back to the moments everything was so shitty for me when I had a miracle waking me up at three in the morning to give my newborn a bottle?” He smiles. “If it weren’t for Olivia, I’m not sure how my life would’ve turned out. It’s not always easy. You can’t magically become undepressed, but you have to find something that makes you feel good .”

“Wow.” I glance over at him. “Are you saying I need to chug some liquor and find a pretty girl to sleep with?”

Coach snorts. “I don’t care what you do, but you need to do something. You can’t live like this forever, Riley.”

“I know.” I blow out a ragged exhale. “It’s exhausting.”

“And you can’t let it define you. Not when you’re so much more than what’s under your clothes.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “That sounded stupid as hell. Pretend like I never said it.”

“Nah. I think I want to make it into a shirt: It’s not what’s under your clothes but what’s inside that counts .”

“Watch it,” he warns.

“Thanks for this, Coach. The guys all mean well, but they don’t get it.”

“Of course they don’t. No one does unless they’ve had the most important thing in their life stripped from them. Guess that means it’s time for you to find a new most important thing.”

“I don’t know what that could be, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good.” Coach clasps my shoulder. “No one is rooting for you more than me, kid.”

“I’m still going to make a shirt with your inspirational quote on it.”

“I dare you. And the minute you’re back to skating, I’m going to make you do laps until you hate me.”

“Yeah?” I grin. “Looking forward to it.”