Page 96 of Fun and Games

I choked out a single breath, long enough to take oxygen into my lungs, but not long enough for another sob to escape. It felt like my rib cage had been pried open and all my guts were exposed to the frigid and stinging night air.

I'd hurt Mason. Again. The last thing I ever wanted to do was cause him pain, and yet I kept doing it, over and over again. He'd been nothing but sweet, caring and understanding to me.

I wiped at my face with the crook of my elbow.

Mason used to be understanding.

But the words he'd spat at me…

I pressed my lips firmly together, the anguish in my chest mixing with a rising sense of indignation.

He accused me of just using him to warm my bed.

He accused me of just using him as a replacement.

I'd tried to tell Mason how much I cared about him. What I felt for him. I'd been so close to saying those three words out loud, the three words that hadn't even yet fully formed in my mind.

And he'd cut me off.

He hadn't wanted to hear it.

I knew he was hurting. I knew he'd suffered from a shocking revelation. He'd learned something about me that changed things between us. I understood that.

But did that mean he had to be so cold? So callous?

He'd taken the worst thing that had happened to me and thrown it back in my face.

He'd taken our growing relationship and twisted it into something foul and profane.

Yes, Mason was hurting, but did that mean he had the right to hurt me in return?

I rubbed at my aching chest. Sorrow, guilt and outrage fought for dominance. I pressed my forehead against the cool brick, not caring about the dirt and grime. I tried to take slow, shallow breaths through my stuffed up nose.

What was I going to do now?

"Um. Hey?"

I turned my head listlessly toward a familiar woman's voice. Cerise Moreau, in all her rock star goddess glory, was standing in the alleyway, her cherry red hair lit up like a halo from the streetlights.

"You okay?" she asked, sounding alarmed.

I inhaled a quivering breath.

She took a step forward, out of the light, the angelic aura dissipating as shadows fell over her features, until she looked like any other normal human being.

"Look, I know I don't really know you, but you seem really upset, and I don't want to just leave you like this," she said as she tapped her red-tipped nails nervously against her hip. "Can I help?"

"No," I said, my voice liquid and thick. "Not unless you can tell me how to move on and stop clinging to the past."

Her eyes turned soft and sympathetic.

"I heard some of what went on in there," she said, gesturing to Sin and Tonic. "I was just leaving Walt's bar and ended up catching a few things."

"Then you know I majorly fucked up," I said, breath hitching.

Cerise came over to me and leaned her back against the wall next to me.

"Want to tell me about it?" she asked.