Page 94 of Fun and Games

I stammered, trying to gather myself.

"I wanted to explain," I said, digging my nails into the straps of my purse. "Can we talk?"

Mason's eyes were dark and guarded, even more guarded than the time I'd yelled at him to leave. They also had dark bruises under them.

"Do you think there's something that needs an explanation?" Mason asked.

"I don't know what you were thinking when you saw all those things, but—" I started to say, but Mason interrupted me.

"You and David were married," he said flatly.

"No!" I insisted. "We never… he got sick before we could…" I faltered.

"So you were engaged to be married." Mason nodded to himself, as if everything made sense now. "You know, you told me David was your childhood friend. That he was like a part of your family. But you never said anything more than that."

"I…" Hadn't I? Had I never mentioned David was my fiancé?

"I figured maybe he had been your boyfriend," Mason continued. "You were so heartbroken over losing him. I knew he was important to you. But you never told me you were going to be married."

"Does it matter?" I asked desperately. "Yes, we were engaged. I didn't realize I'd never said that explicitly. I'm sorry."

"And that bucket list you always talked of," Mason said. "That was your bucket list with him, wasn't it?"

I looked down at my nails digging into the leather straps of my bag.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Why do you still have all that stuff?" Mason asked.

"Darlene sent some of it," I said quickly. "I was still deciding what to do with it."

"That package was ages ago," Mason said. "Has all that stuff been sitting there this whole time?"

How long had I left all of David's stuff out? I'd told myself I was going to do something with it, but what? My sister called me out on it, when she'd said I'd left it all right near my bedside. Why had I done that?

How many times had I walked past that table and picked up those rings? How many times had I re-read those vows?

"Answer me this one question," Mason said, his tone quiet, resigned, as if he already knew the answer.

I braced myself. Prepared myself for what I knew was coming.

"Are you still in love with him?" Mason asked.

A sick, hollow feeling crept into my stomach.

"I—"I don't know,I thought desperately.

What I felt for Mason… it was real. Just as real as what I'd felt for David.

But was I still in love with my deceased fiancé?

No.

Yes.

Maybe.

I don't know.