Page 51 of Free to Judge

It forces me to take an uncomfortable look at what I’m doing and if it’s for the right reasons. If I had someone like Kalie in my life back then, would I have walked this path of vengeance? Would I have quit the bureau and joined Hudson?

Truthfully, the answer to both is I don’t know. But something tells me it would have been different.

My life wouldn’t be the same because she would have been there to help me deal with my grief the same way she is right now. After all, depending on who helps you heal, no two scars are identical.

Last night, something fundamentally changed between Kalie and me. I’d felt it when she listened without judgment as I exposed parts of myself I had to bury deep to function every day. When she didn’t flinch at the worst of it, merely looked at me like she could see past the mask I always wore.

Now, seeing Kalie isn’t just a want. It’s a need I have to have just to survive another day in this fucked up life I’m living.

That alone terrifies me.

My eyes flicker open when I hear a dog bark in the distance. Focusing on the front of Kalie’s home, I don’t see any sign of movement. Sunlight blinds me from seeing in through the front windows, but other than that one sound, it’s peaceful here. Serene.

Which is why I jump when there’s a knock on my passenger side window.

My hand shifts beneath my jacket instinctively before I get a good look at who it is. Then I release the tension-riddled breath when I recognize the woman in form fitting jogging gear and the man standing down the street—Kalie and Jon. Turning on the ignition, I roll down the window.

Her first words make my lips twitch. “Tell me you didn’t spend the night out here. I would have at least let you sleep on the couch.”

“No, firebrand. I went home.”

She makes a thoughtful humming sound, whether at the nickname I’ve bestowed upon her or my response. “Yet, you’re back.”

Jon calls out something I can’t quite make out. She rolls her eyes. “Give me a sec.” Then, she leans forward and into the window so I’m enveloped in her scent and paralyzed by her blue eyes. “Next time, bring a different car. Even in my neighborhood, this one’s kind of noticeable, Declan.”

I blurt out exactly what I’m thinking. “I just needed to see you.”

She’s quiet for a moment, studying my face, not saying a word.

The words come from a place deep inside of me before I can stop them. “I think I just needed to make sure you were okay with everything.”

“Oh.” Her expression softens. “I’m fine. What about you?”

Even now, she’s putting me first. It warms something that’s been cold and dead around my heart for a long time. “I’m okay.”

She studies me before offering. “Do you want to come back later when you’re not quite so…noticeable…to talk?”

I should say no. I should drive away from the openness shining on her face. Instead, “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Text me to let me know what time you’ll be here.” Then she leans back and jogs over to her cousin.

Something settles inside of me. Before I have a chance to process it, a text comes through on the screen of my car.

Sal:

Christ, Declan. It’s a shit show.

Need you down at Velvet Vice.

I voice text back, “I’m on my way.” Then, after ensuring Kalie and Jon are safely inside her house, I wheel the car in the direction of the strip club but my mind’s not there.

It’s thinking ahead to the many hours until I can get back to Kalie’s.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

The heavy velvetcurtain to Velvet Vice swings closed behind me, muffling the bass thumping through the club’s cheap speakers. Red light bleeds across the cracked leather booths and makes the battered chrome on the poles more visible. The air is stale with sweat, perfume, and the sharp bite of cheap whiskey.

I’d rather be bailing out criminals than be anywhere close to where the Tiberis conduct most of their messier operations. My only role is to act in a legal capacity for the club’s owner—drafting employment contracts, burying the bodies on paper, and keeping the heat off Sal’s back.