Page 16 of Flock Around and Find Out (Flocking It Up #3)

“You don’t even want to try it?” my mom asked, a spoonful of something I could only identify as a fuck nope held out to me.

“No, I don’t.” I narrowed my eyes as though the food were the worst thing I’d faced recently. “I really, really don’t.”

She sighed and set the spoon back into the bowl. “You never want to try anything. How do you know you won’t like it if you don’t try?”

“Because that exact thought process is how I got myself roped into both BDSM and essential oils, neither of which were a good idea!”

She rolled her eyes, a sure sign that she was used to my nonsense and not all that bothered by it anymore. The truth was that I hadn’t eaten her cold salads in years and I sure as fuck wasn’t going to start now.

I was happy she liked them. The weird textures, the quinoa—I still wasn’t sure what that was exactly—and the random veggies all mixed together to make one big fat nope from me. I’d support her all the way with her eating them, but it was like doing one of those mud races.

I would cheer from the sidelines, but I was not jumping into the mud myself.

“Did you come over just to insult my food?”

“That was just a happy side effect. Besides, didn’t you tell me I could always come over?”

“You can, but that doesn’t mean I like it when you won’t try the things I make.”

I plopped down in one of her chairs, the act of sitting reminding me just how little sleep I’d been getting.

One week to go.

Seven days until the full moon, until I ventured to fuck only knew where, until I was going to have to put everything aside and had no idea if I was going to make it back.

Well, no wonder I’m not sleeping that great…

The truth was that I would have much rather headed out immediately. Having to wait like this was so much worse. I just dwelled on it all, on the future. Even my get together with Kelvin hadn’t helped that much. The second I’d left him, the worries had all come swarming back.

What if we fail? What if I can’t stop this? What if I never make it back and there’s no one to say no to my mom’s gross recipes?

It all mixed together until my chest tightened and I worried I might just fall headlong into a panic attack.

I’d never done that before, mostly because I wasn’t smart enough to really think about things enough to get a panic attack.

My mom tilted her head as she stared at me, and I wondered what she saw.

Her disaster of a daughter? Her oldest who was never as good as the later, newer models? The black sheep of the family who was always the topic of conversation when she wasn’t around?

I sighed because I knew they were all true. On way or another, I never lived up to anything, did I?

“Why don’t I make you a cup of coffee,” she said. “Meet me out back.”

I followed her order without thinking, too used to doing what my mom said to even consider not doing it. A few minutes later, she walked out with a cup held between her hands, steam dancing from the top and escaping into the cool air. It was cold for California, but anyone from any place that had real cold would call the fifty degrees outside good weather.

She handed me the cup, and I smiled at the light color. She took her coffee black—when she drank coffee at all—but I couldn’t stand it that way. She’d always complained about how much cream and sugar I put in, but judging from the way this looked, she must have figured I’d needed it.

I wouldn’t bitch. I took a sip, thankful that she was willing to help me like this, to do for me when I didn’t seem up to myself.

She took a seat beside me on the outdoor sofa. “Is everything okay?”

I considered her question, not answering right away, mostly because I really wasn’t sure what the answer was.

No, everything wasn’t okay. That was obvious. I was stressed out, afraid I couldn’t solve this problem.

The worst part about it was that it wasn’t just my problem. So far, the things that had thrown me, the things I’d suffered through, they’d been all about me. If I failed, I paid the price.

Maybe it was what happened to Trey, but I couldn’t just ignore things like I used to. I couldn’t pretend they had nothing to do with anyone else. That wasn’t true at all. If I failed, if I didn’t get shit done right, everyone could pay the price.

I thought about Galen potentially losing his mind, or him having to watch all of his pack go mad, him having to put them down. I thought about Porter watching so much of the nature get destroyed in a war. Kelvin wouldn’t likely care much about vampires dying off, but he’d worked hard to get where he was, and despite the way he acted, I knew he didn’t want to see the violence that would spread from this. Harrison worried so much for his clan, and they were hardly equipped for a war like this, for this sort of thing to happen, for them to have to try to survive it all.

Even Ruben would suffer if we couldn’t get this to work. He would be on the front lines, the one expected to make sense of it all, to figure out how to fix it. There would be no peace to be had, only destruction, as he tried to keep the Weres from wiping out everyone else.

That was just the Spirits, but I knew better than to think for a moment that this would stick with the Spirit world. It would spill over into the humans, who were not even close to equipped to deal with it. My mom…

My brain refused to go there, like a huge ‘do not cross’ sign sat in the way and prevented me from traveling any further down that line of thought. I couldn’t imagine how I would make it without her. Even if I didn’t die in this stupid mission, even if the upcoming war didn’t get me, I didn’t think I could make it without her. She’d taught me how to live, how to be strong, and she was my backbone each time my own failed. Even through the hardships we suffered, the years when we struggled to get by, she always gave me her all.

No, there was no chance that I could deal with any of this fucked-up life on my own.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

“You know, you often say that. You often don’t think you’re ready for anything that is coming, but you always manage it.”

“Someone told me the other day that always is a lie, that trends are only trends until they stop.”

“For other people, maybe, but not for you. If there was anyone in the world I would trust with figuring out how to do the impossible, it’d be you.”

“Yeah, well, as much I normally love the mom support, you thinking that doesn’t make it true. Just because you want to think that I can do anything doesn’t mean I can. If I told you I was going to start a cult that lived in a cave and was going to make the ocean cover the land you’d support me and cheer me on. It doesn’t mean it’s realistic.”

She smiled, the expression so unfailingly loving that I just about needed to look away from it. “If anyone else said it, I’d tell them good luck. If you said it? I’d make sure we had floaties around. The fact is that you’ve always done things I didn’t think possible. You’ve always managed to get yourself out of hassles that I thought would take you down. I learned a long time ago no to doubt you. It’d be nice if you learned it, too.”

I sat back on the couch, against her side. She put her arm up, then ran her fingers through my hair. The touch was oddly calming, like I was a little kid again and had nothing to worry about, no thoughts, only vibes. I missed that old life, when things were hard but they were simple.

Paying the rent wasn’t easy but it was basic. I knew what I had to do no matter how difficult. Now problems were so large that I struggled to really wrap my hands around them, to grip them, to make sense of all the details. It wasn’t as easy as just doing something, but rather knowing what to do. That was the worst part of any of it.

I sighed and looked out at the yard, wishing I could look ahead a few weeks, that I could see how it was all going to work out. I wanted the confidence to know that this was what I should do, but life didn’t work that way.

“I’m going on a trip next week,” I said.

“Oh really? Again?”

“This one might be a bit longer—I’m not sure yet.”

“Where are you going?”

I figured telling her it was some weird otherly realm was probably not an ideal way to start this conversation, so I hedged the truth. Lying to my mom wasn’t exactly new for me, after all. “Florida.” I liked to pick Florida because it felt like the land of extremes and weird shit. Basically, no matter what really happened, if I told them it had happened in Florida, there was a good chance they’d believe me.

I was chased by a tiger in Florida. I was in Florida when someone person bit me! This one time, someone turned into a smoke creature and I had to banish it with magic.

That doesn’t sound like something that happened.

I was in Florida.

Oh, okay then! Makes sense!

Sometimes I think I belong in Florida. That was probably why I’d never actually gone, because I was pretty sure I could give Florida man a run for his money, and if I found my people there, I didn’t think I’d ever want to leave.

So instead, Florida remained my someday vacation spot that I liked to use as an excuse until then.

“Are you going with anyone?” The way she raised her eyebrow had me laughing. Yeah, that was one hell of a suspicious face, wasn’t it? She wanted to know if any of those men who came to the party—and it seemed stayed in contact afterward—were going with me.

It was safest to offer the truth. “Galen.”

“Oh, he was nice. A little stuffy, maybe, compared to who I’d imagined for you, but sometimes opposites are good. They can help each other stay level. I think that works well. If you found someone as wild as you, I’m not sure this world could survive it.”

I laughed as I thought about exactly who she meant—even if she didn’t realize it.

Knot. He was every bit as crazy as me, every bit as unpredictable and prone to disaster. I couldn’t argue that, yeah, I wasn’t sure how well that would work if we ever tried something more than…whatever we were.

In fact, the very idea of us trying that nearly had me laughing at the absurdity. Not only of the relationship itself, but at the idea of us acting like love-struck puppies.

Nope, not happening.

“That’s fair,” I pointed out. “And he is responsible. Sometimes too responsible, I think, too worried about everyone else, but he’s good.”

“You seemed like you’ve known him for a long time.”

“Five years or so.”

She nodded slowly. “Five years? That makes sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was around five years ago that something changed about you. I didn’t know what it was—I still don’t—but it was like you’d drifted before then and you suddenly found some focus. You seemed to make better choices, or at least make choices at all. You’re still always you, but you seemed more grounded. I wonder if that was his influence.”

Nope.

Well, I mean, he could have played a part. That was the time I’d changed, when I’d gotten thrown into an entire world I hadn’t known existed. Sure, Galen had come into my life then as well, and he was important to me, but he hadn’t been the main reason for that change. Instead, he’d been a helpful rock in an all-new river that threatened to drown me.

But I couldn’t explain that to my mom, so I shrugged. “Maybe. Five years ago I think I realized the world was bigger than I thought. I figured out that things were more than I’d known before. It was like living my whole life in this tiny studio apartment then having someone throw the door open and seeing that there’s way more to it.”

My mother nodded as though she had any idea what that meant.

Fuck, I wasn’t sure I even knew what it meant, not really. It sounded good, but without going through it, no one could really understand.

“Well, I’m glad you had a friend like him. I’ve always wanted you to rely on your family more, but I understand that you can’t always, that there are lots of other things for you to do and think about and deal with. It was good to realize you had so many people who care about you. So, when are you leaving?”

“Night of the full moon.”

“Can’t you just say Monday like normal people do? Must you make it sound so dramatic?”

I chuckled at the annoyance in her voice. “Sorry. Monday evening.”

“Okay. Make sure you call me when you land.”

“We’re going to be road-tripping it. Cell phone free, you know, off the grid.”

“No phones?” And there went that old mom-suspicion that never failed to catch the shady shit. “Why would you not have phones?”

“Digital detox?”

She narrowed her eyes, and I wasn’t sure if she bought my story or if she just recognized that I wasn’t about to give her a better answer. “Fine, but be careful.”

“You know me—I’m always careful!”

She rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through my hair again, the action taking me back to being a little kid. I didn’t get to be a kid much, not before she remarried. She’d always done her best to protect me, to give me a childhood, but reality got in the way a lot. I didn’t blame her for that, knew she’d worked harder than most people could, but that didn’t mean it had been a good time.

But even at the worst times, there had been good moments. I had always loved when she’d run her fingers through my hair like this, the action making me feel as though all the bad things in the world were held at bay just by this. It had tugged at my scalp but in the best way, this reassurance that nothing could get to me.

I knew I’d have to leave this safety—I always did. That was part of life. I couldn’t just stay here, and I also had grown up enough to know that no matter how safe and comfortable this felt, it wasn’t. The bad things in the world wouldn’t stay away just because I liked the way this felt.

But knowing that something would end didn’t change the happiness in the moment. It was one of the rare lessons I think I’d actually taken to heart. I knew better than most how quickly things could get snatched away, how fast they could go from great to shit. My crow had taught me that, especially since she rather liked causing things to go to shit. For that reason, I’d figured out that enjoying what we had, what I’d found, was vital, no matter how temporary it might be.

Which meant I snuggled against my mom and pretended I was five again, that I didn’t have these worries on my shoulders, that I didn’t have to think about all of this. Sure, I’d go back to the real world in an hour or so, but I’d still be in the same place then whether I stressed about it now or whether I took a little break, put my feet up, drank my coffee and acted like a kid again.

Tomorrow was a bitch, and she showed up no matter if we were ready for her or not. No reason to wear myself out trying to avoid her.

* * * *

I’d stashed items in my personal bay for safe keeping. I had no idea if I’d be able to get to them wherever we were going. It wasn’t like there were many couriers around, so they rarely got to test out such things. In addition to that, however, I’d packed a bag that I had slung over my back.

It felt like camping, but my last attempt at that hadn’t been a great one.

Maybe this time I wouldn’t get nearly eaten by a tiger.

The moon had risen, full and bright enough to make it easy to see. We were in the space behind Galen’s house, the acres of desert landscape the perfect place to ensure no one saw us. He’d told his pack to stay away for tonight, and while a few had no doubt grumbled, none had shown up.

“Where is everyone?” I asked. “I’m usually the late one. I don’t think I like being early.”

Galen seemed just as tense as he the last time I’d seen him two weeks before. It seemed whatever was wrong hadn’t gotten any better over our time apart. He peered toward the house. “I gave Ruben the information. When the representatives arrive, they’ll meet us back here.”

Talk about a non-answer. Or, rather, an answer meant to keep on track about the subject and not risk us actually talking about anything important.

I kicked a rock with the toe of my boot, and it skipped across the dry sand, the white surface having a sheen from the moonlight. I hated the idea of going in general, but the idea of going with a bunch of people I didn’t even know sat even worse. How could I trust them? Not just me, but Galen. I didn’t love the idea of them having our backs, of us having to put our lives in their grubby little hands.

Nope. Bad idea.

I wasn’t what anyone would think of as overly trusting, and this went to prove it pretty well.

It meant I had to deal with them, with what we were working on, with all this bullshit.

“You know,” I pointed out, “I’ve never actually seen you shift. I’ve seen you shifted, but not the process.”

“Are you worried about it?”

“Are you?”

He didn’t make that weird, didn’t imply I should or shouldn’t be, only posed what was clearly a concern of his.

I snorted. “Do you have any idea what I’ve seen by now? No, I’m not worried, not one bit. Why would I be? A little good old-fashioned bestiality is nothing anymore.”

He laughed, the sound soft and missed. It felt like a moment of the old us, the way I much preferred us, with Galen slightly annoyed and me impossibly charming.

Or at least I thought so.

“So, you ready to tell me what’s been bothering you?” I asked when I couldn’t help it anymore, when I couldn’t stop myself from broaching the topic. I often hated to do that because I didn’t always want the answer.

What if the answer was one I’d be happier not knowing? What if he decided to tell me things I’d much prefer to stay ignorant about?

But I was supposedly an adult—or so my age said—so I tried to act like it and address the issue between us.

Except, before he answered, the side gate opened and four shadows appeared.

Which meant we were interrupted by whoever the clan heads had sent. I had no doubt that they’d be good—they wouldn’t dare send anyone half-assed, not if it was with me. In fact, I’d bet that Kelvin would have well-threatened whoever he sent to ensure they knew better than let anything happen to me. Porter wasn’t a threatening type, but no one would want to piss him off. Any Justice Ruben sent would be no fun, but capable, as they all were. The fourth had to be a mind, though I didn’t have a clue who Harrison would send—if he’d even send anyone.

I sort of expected him just to ignore Ruben’s request, given that’s how he’d reacted to anything having to do with me since everything had happened.

Galen pressed his lips together, his jaw tight. It seemed he wasn’t a fan of having others around even if he acknowledged that it was a good idea. Accepting something and liking it were a big fucking difference.

The figures got closer, and when I could identify them, I didn’t quite understand what I was seeing.

In the front was a cocky gait I’d recognize anywhere, and Kelvin had the smirk to match. Beside him was Porter, dressed in a pair of loose pants and a white shirt, something that made him look almost entirely normal. The third was Ruben, not smiling, but was he ever? The last, for a moment, I thought was Harrison.

The idea hit me so hard, I smiled at first. If he came, that had to mean he’d forgiven me, right?

Except, when they shifted from behind Porter, I saw that it was a stranger. A man, in his thirties perhaps, rather unassuming. He showed no sign of recognition as he approached, appearing to be the exact sort of errand boy I’d expect to be sent on such a mission.

It left me standing there, confused, as the four approached.

“What the fuck?” I asked as they reached me.

“Come on, Birdy, is that any way to react when people come to help you?” Kelvin said.

“You were supposed to send a representative—not come yourselves.”

“We were told to send someone. I’m just going to be my own representative. Nothing says I can’t do that.”

I turned to glare at Galen. “Did you know about this little plan?”

His glare said he hadn’t known, and that he wasn’t all that happy about it.

“It wasn’t a plan,” Kelvin added. “I didn’t know that Porter or Ruben were going to be here until they showed up tonight.”

Which meant that they hadn’t all gotten together to work this out? This wasn’t some joint plan to annoy me?

That led me to only one obvious option.

Kelvin, Porter and Ruben had, on their own, decided to show up for me. They’d had the ability to not come, to send others, to keep themselves safe, but instead they’d each determined that coming for me was the right thing to do.

I set my hand on my chest at the realization, at the weird warm fuzzies I got from it.

“Careful now, she just might swoon,” Kelvin said with a chuckle. “You want me to catch you?”

That woke me up.

I didn’t need to act like some idiot in front of them all, like someone who needed romance and reacted like a teenager over it.

“Shut up,” I muttered, warmth on my cheeks. I could only pray the light was low enough that they couldn’t see it. I did pause and shift so I could see all of them at once.

“So if you’re all going to come, what happens here? Can things go on without you?”

Galen shrugged. “I have Matt taking care of things while I’m gone.”

“I’ve put someone in charge,” Kelvin assured me.

“We don’t really have ‘in charge,’” Porter denied. “But should anyone have issues, I’ve put someone else in place to receive any such requests.”

“I’ve already assigned another Justice to take over while I’m gone. The Justices are able to operate well no matter who is removed from the group. They will be fine without me.”

I looked over at the last one, the one I didn’t recognize.

He shrugged. “I’m not in charge, so no one will miss me. I just go where I’m told.” He peered around. “I also have a feeling I’m missing a lot of details here, but honestly? As long as I get paid when I get back, I don’t think I need to know.”

He tucked his hands into the pockets of his sweater as though he didn’t really care anymore, and I had to admit, I rather liked that.

I didn’t trust people who were too eager, or even too curious. I’d take a good hired gun who admitted that they were here for the money over someone who proclaimed their allegiance to me.

Plus, it meant I didn’t have to act like we were best friends.

“So, is this it, then?” I asked, looking around.

“I believe so,” Porter said. “Now, I am the only one who has been here before. That means it’s important for you to listen to me. Trust nothing. This is not our world, no matter how it feels.”

“You sound paranoid,” Kelvin said. “We’re some of the most powerful Spirits in the world. I don’t think a little hike is going to pose that great a difficulty for us.”

Porter shook his head. “You don’t understand. This isn’t a little hike. The area we will be isn’t Earth, and the things there are pure Spirit energy. We are half-breeds compared to what resides there. It means we need to watch our step. It also means we will feel a certain pull or affinity in a certain direction—you must ignore that. We have to follow Galen to ensure we end up where we need to be. Do you understand?”

“Don’t get eaten by the wildlife, ignore the call of nature, follow Galen. Got it.” I listed the items like a to-do list, using a finger to mark off each one. “Let’s get this over with. The sooner we go, the sooner we’re back.” I peered at Porter and Kelvin who, surprisingly, had nothing with them. “You packed a little light, didn’t you?”

Porter crossed his arms. “I am rather at home in natural spaces like that. I have no worries about needing anything.”

“And you?” I lifted my eyebrow in Kelvin’s direction.

“I brought food.”

I twisted to see if he had a hidden backpack when his meaning hit me.

He means me.

He was lucky he stood a few feet away or I might have kicked him in the shin for that stupid joke.

And worse was the fact it wasn’t a joke. So long as he had his personal feed-bag around, he didn’t have to worry about much else. I was sustenance, medicine, everything all wrapped into one sarcastic package.

“That’s enough. Come on, Galen, do the thing.” I waved my fingers at him, already regretting this whole thing.

We hardly managed to survive council meetings together, but now we were going on a trip? What the fuck was that all about? There was no way we’d make it through this mess without someone killing someone else.

In fact, I wouldn’t past it being me that lost my temper and offed one of these men.

Still, as we took our spots, I had to think that…well, I did look sort of bad ass. If there was a superhero team made up of moody, ill-adjusted, morally gray characters, we could fill that spot pretty easily.

Galen packed his items, then stripped. It amazed me he could manage it without looking nervous. Well, he did glance over his shoulder just once, at me, as though I made him nervous.

I’d think baring his ass to a group of Spirit men would be the more dangerous position, but maybe that’s because I knew exactly how that went.

He shoved the clothes into his backpack, then held it out to Ruben, who took it without a word. No doubt he’d picked Ruben because he was less likely to make a stupid joke.

Galen turned his back to us again, facing the full moon that sat just above a mountain range, appearing larger because it was closer to the horizon. He rolled his shoulders, the action causing the muscles in his back to shift. It went to show just how built he was despite the fact he spent so many hours before a computer.

He spoke softly, his voice deep, just as his body started to twist. It happened differently than it did for me, lacking that rush of flames, the power, the magic. Instead, a Were’s change was more brutal, with the popping of bone, the rending of flesh as it went from one form to another in quick succession.

He kept speaking as he shifted, though the words became more difficult to make out, to understand. They deepened, turned rougher, and as he fell forward to all fours, as he took that plunge into the final transition of his change, the words broke into a howl.

I froze, wondering…had it worked? Maybe we were too far gone. Maybe the tiger had gotten it all wrong?

A spark of electricity danced through the air, however, and a shimmering doorway appeared. It wasn’t perfectly arched—messy and glowing amber instead.

Galen jerked forward in a leap, as though drawn to enter, but froze and looked back at us.

Right, it might close after him.

Which meant we had to go first.

I stepped up, ready to take the plunge, when a hand on my chest pushed me back and Ruben crossed it first. The shimmering made it difficult to tell what happened on the other side, but his figure showed through and he appeared to still be upright.

That was a good sign, right? It meant he probably hadn’t died or anything.

I figured it was the best we’d get, so I crossed that line next, heading into the unknown, into the shimmering amber that led somewhere I’d never been, somewhere I didn’t understand, that none of us knew much about.

On the other side, I took a deep breath and instantly knew what Porter had meant.

It didn’t feel like home at all…

There were trees, and in some ways, it reminded me of the jungle Galen and I had gone to. Part of me wondered if that was why the weretiger had gone there, like some desire to return to this place?

Not that it mattered, really.

Despite the similarities, there were too many differences to ignore. The trees weren’t right, with jagged lines to their leaves and a few that had feathers growing across them as well. The ground was covered with rocks that were smooth and had flecks of colored crystals in them, so many colors that it appeared like confetti.

I was used to the colors of the council, as though the world were made up only of those, but here had every color and shade imaginable, all of them sparkling from sunlight even if I spotted no sun.

After I came through, Kelvin crossed, then Porter, the Mind and finally Galen. As soon as Galen crossed, the portal closed with a sharp snap, trapping us here.

It gave me the chance to look out at the sprawling space before us, the world unlike anything I’d seen before, and wonder just what the fuck we’d gotten ourselves into…