Page 55 of Finding Her (Lore of the Fields #1)

I wiped down the counters as quickly as my arms would allow.

“ Closing would go quicker if I had more hands ,” I thought to myself as I enviously eyed Theo, who was putting four bottles away at once.

The last patrons of the night wouldn’t take a hint—or a direct request—and clear the fuck out when we said we were closed.

It added just enough delay to my return home to antagonize me.

I missed Faeryn. Between her social outing and busy shift yesterday, she had no time or energy to tell me how her day was before she passed out for the night.

I didn’t think it was possible to crave Faeryn’s presence more than I already did, but her decision to consummate our pairing the other night had made me voracious.

She had given herself to me fully without any strings attached.

She was mine. Whether or not I deserved that, or if it was advisable, didn’t matter any longer.

She had chosen to dedicate herself to me despite everything spoken and unspoken hanging between us.

My mate. I have my mate. We were going to make a life together.

I wouldn’t let this gift of redemption slip through my fingers.

She would be safe, loved, and supported.

I would make sure of it. Tonight, I’d go home and promise her the world while buried inside the temple of her body.

The thought only made me scrub the damned bartop faster.

“Can I ask you a question about Faeryn?” Theo asked, his back still to me while he worked.

“Is everything okay?” I tensed instinctively.

“Of course. I’ve just been curious about why you wanted her working here, given…” He trailed off, the unspoken implication hanging in the air.

My jaw clenched, and my palms tingled. There’d been some comfort in that Theo hadn’t inquired about Faeryn in the past. Despite that lack of context, he'd conveniently said “ yes ” to giving her a job without any questions about her relevant experience.

I'd expected as much. Mykie was ambiguous about her history with him, but it was clear it pre-dated the bartender-customer relationship.

I suspected he knew more than he was letting on about my situation, and had for some time.

Still, I didn't want him involved. Theo had many strengths, but a comforting lack of morals wasn't among them. I didn’t need concepts of “ right ” and “ wrong ” introduced to the gray area that was my situation with Faeryn.

There was only “ safe ” and “ unsafe ”, “ happy ” and “ unhappy ”, “ living ” and “ alive ”.

I pretended not to hear him, scrubbing harder at the offensive stain.

“I was surprised when you asked.” He ignored my silence, clearly not planning on dropping the topic.

“She wanted to work,” I said, a little more gruffly than necessary.

My Little Fae wanted to be busy, and so she would get that.

She deserved to have a life after what happened.

Of course, Theo would reach the same conclusion Mykie had, that this was a bad idea.

It didn’t matter. Images of her bare and vulnerable under me, letting me claim her, flashed through my head.

How dare anybody question my ability to protect her?

Especially Theo, who I’d explicitly avoided discussing it with.

“Weren’t you worried about the potential consequences?”

“What is this, Theo?” my voice growled through sharpening teeth, finally betraying just how sensitive I was about the topic.

His head barely glanced over his shoulder in response to my venom. “You know I don’t mean any harm. I just can’t stop wondering why you’re keeping her here, and not… somewhere else. ”

“Theo, something I’ve always valued about our relationship is our mutual appreciation of privacy.” I fought to remain in control of my breathing.

I’d been patient every time Theo disappeared for days, sometimes an entire season, for oddly explained “ hiking trips ”.

Mykie had encouraged me to avoid exploring the topic, and I complied.

Hell, I didn’t even mention it when he came home from his excursion the other day barely able to walk.

I just pretended not to notice. The weight of secrets was not lost on me.

I suspected he had been intentionally offering me the same decency for some time.

Why was he choosing now to prod my most raw nerves?

“I’m just worried—”

“I have it handled.”

“I was just thinking. Maybe if she were in the field—”

“Don’t you think I fucking know she should be there instead of with me!

” I roared through clenched fangs, tossing my rag onto the counter and stomping towards him.

“Yes, okay, I should have built her a house in that fucking field and left her there where she could be safe. But I didn’t.

I am spending every waking moment trying to make up for what I’ve done, and part of that is giving her the life she wants.

The life that she deserves. Spare me your fucking questions and your goddamn judgment. ”

He turned towards me, not backing down as I nearly rammed into him. “I didn’t say I was judging you.” “You didn’t have to.”

This. This is why Mykie could be my ally in this struggle, but not Theo.

Theo’s moral compass wouldn’t allow him to accept the situation I had put Faeryn in.

He would drive me insane with questions of why I did or didn’t do any one thing.

How could I tell him, when I knew deep down, he would’ve done the right thing from the start?

He would’ve left her alone. He wouldn’t have let himself put someone in this situation in the first place.

He wasn’t foolish, emotional, and impulsive like I was.

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” Theo’s voice carried all the weight of a loving brother. Four arms embraced me. That gentle empathy that Mykie struggled to express threatened to shatter me. I didn’t want softness. I wasn’t the victim here.

“How long have you known about her?” I whispered. My eyes threatened to pool with tears as I pulled free from the hug. The tension that had been building for over an hour had snapped, and I felt exhausted. I just wanted to go home to Faeryn.

“Shortly after you filed the report.”

I nodded in understanding.

“I assume she doesn’t know?”

“No. And I assume you know what could happen to her if I told her in the wrong way or at the wrong time?”

It was Theo’s turn to be silent.

I wanted to tell Faeryn everything. I always had.

The more she came into her own and healed from her past, the more I dared to consider confession may be a viable option one day.

I just needed to know for sure that “ Earth” no longer had its hooks in her mind.

She couldn’t want to go back. If I were certain that she would never attempt to return to the dangers awaiting her, I would tell her everything.

Mykie was cautiously supportive. The urge to ask Theo for his input caused my tongue to twitch, but I sealed my lips.

I couldn’t trust somebody motivated by “ right ” vs.

“ wrong ”. The entire situation was wrong, and if I needed to keep it that way to protect her, so be it.

“Are we done with the sudden curiosity?”

“I’m sorry you lost your mate,” he said softly. “Is having her in the house helping to heal those wounds?”

“She heals them and rips them back open with every breath.”

“If there’s anything I can do to help—”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m handling the situation.” With the help of Mykie, who had the blessing of moral ambiguity.

“You know I don’t blame you for what happened, right?”

He should blame me. I knew I was at fault for the past, I certainly didn’t need his pity. “Thanks,” I said stiffly, content to see the embers of this conversation dying out.

“I can finish up here. Go home and be with Faeryn. I’m sorry for prying.”

Gladly . I started towards the door.

“You’re like a brother to me, Graysen. Take care of yourself and reach out if you need anything at all. I’ll be around until the end of winter, so tell Mykie to reach out if she needs help managing things.”