Page 37 of Finding Her (Lore of the Fields #1)

“It was a long trip back.” Lie. The trip back had been nothing but pleasant.

Graysen told me about sea creatures, described dragons we hadn’t come across, and talked about his favorite customers at work.

I would have been happy to travel the world together if it meant listening to his stories, and I looked forward to the day I would have enough of a past to tell my own.

“Try again, babe,” Mykie huffed. “Graysen is gone. You can tell me. What’s on your mind?” Her head tilted to the side, curious eyes blinking in my direction.

“What’s the room across the hall from the bathroom?” I blurted out. Maybe if Graysen wouldn’t fill in the blanks for me Mykie would.

Her head rolled back in the direction of the sink with realization. “A towel closet.”

“The other room.” I set my current dish down with some force and turned my shoulders in her direction. Surely a fellow woman would have sympathy for my situation—secret rooms in men’s houses were bad news.

She sighed and let a bowl drop from her hands into the soapy sink dramatically. “Honestly, it isn’t anything you should waste your thoughts on.” Our eyes locked in a standstill. “Really—Don’t. Worry. About. It.”

“But what is it ?” I clenched my teeth into a frustrated smile. “If I shouldn’t be worried, you should be able to tell me.”

She rubbed her entire face with her hands in exasperation.

“Look—” She took in a deep breath of air.

“I’m not going to tell you that it’s nothing because you aren’t stupid.

Here’s the thing, your life won’t be improved by knowing.

And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll just let that room be.

Graysen isn’t hiding dead bodies or anything else you should fear.

It’s just best that that room is ignored and not brought up or thought of by anyone. ”

“Have you been in there?” Jealousy burned the back of my neck. He had clearly let her past his barriers, and I wanted to be a part of that elusive club. So what if we just met, and he’d known Mykie for years? Logic didn’t matter when everything in my heart yearned for him to let me in.

“How could I promise you he isn’t hiding dead bodies if I hadn’t seen the room myself?”

“Was he mad that you went in?”

She blinked blankly at my face, her husky tone shifted softer.

“No. The situation was different.” Her mouth twitched to the side in an empathetic twist. “Faeryn, you have to let it go. It’s best for Graysen, it’s best for me, and most importantly, it’s best for you .

” She turned to the last couple of dishes, ending the conversation with her body language.

“Sorry for all of the questions,” I mumbled reluctantly. Although hardly guilty, the shame was threatening to set in. It wasn’t my house. It wasn’t my business.

“It’s okay.” She let out a short laugh. “Shit, if it was me I’d storm in there regardless of what anyone said. I can’t really blame you for wanting answers.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Would you stop me if I broke in now that he’s gone?”

“Fuck yes I would.”

Dinner was a variety of vegetables and grains. One of the dishes was a creamy orange chowder garnished with tiny chopped-up leaves that tasted like basil. As usual, it was a culinary masterpiece. It would have been an immaculate meal, if my frustration didn’t taste so bitter.

Mykie cleared out quickly upon Graysen’s return.

Discomfort twisted in my gut. I knew I was valid in my feelings, but hated to be antagonizing my only two connections in the world.

I was reliant on them. Today had been all the proof I needed that branching out wasn’t just the ideal next step, but a necessary one.

Establishing a life in this world would be a security blanket for if shit ever hit the fan, which I couldn’t rule out the possibility of.

I hoped that I could stay in this house and grow closer to Graysen and Mykie, but I wasn’t na?ve enough to assume it was a foolproof plan.

I needed more independence, more social connections, my own funds to spend, and a sense of purpose.

If the voice wanted me back on Earth, she would have to provide some useful information, because I had shit to do.

“Is it good?” Graysen asked, looking up from his plate with his stony eyes. We had begun our meal in continued silence. From his bowed brows, I could tell he was feeling down. At least I wasn’t the only one.

“Everything you make is wonderful,” I said sharper than intended.

He looked back to his plate. “Thank you. It’s just something I’ve always done.”

“I should start doing something .” I pushed my food around on my plate absent-mindedly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m probably going to be on Trebianna for a while. So maybe I should find something to occupy myself.”

He thought for a moment. “I’d love to teach you how to cook.”

“Maybe something I don’t need you or Mykie for.” I looked at him carefully.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Maybe a job? I can pull some weight here. You know, make money and help pay rent.” His expression became sterner as I spoke, and so did my words. Why would that be any kind of a problem? I could sense the oncoming resistance and braced for impact.

“You don’t have to help with living expenses. I’d be happy to support you picking up whatever hobby you’d like. I can provide books, art supplies, instruments. You name it and it’s yours.”

All hobbies that would keep me home. “Graysen, I want to get out of the house and engage with the rest of the world.”

His eyes fixated on his meal again to avoid my glare. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

“Why are you acting so damn weird today?!” I slammed my hand onto the marble table. This was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. This should be a simple conversation.

His pupils warmed in color. “I’m not acting weird.”

“Oh, really?” I scoffed. “Nothing weird about secret rooms and putting a friend under house arrest?”

“No, it’s not like that.” His head fell to his chest as he rubbed his temples.

“I can move in with Mykie,” I threatened, immediately realizing how empty my words had been.

Not only did I want to stay with this strange, frustrating man, but I was confident Mykie was not in any state to take on a roommate.

Plus, she was in his back pocket, and would second his opinions without a doubt.

I waited, watching him, ready for more anger. It never arrived. “What if I got you a job at the pub?” he asked softly, his voice muffled as he hid behind his own hands.

Although I didn’t like that it was still on his terms, the pub presented several benefits.

I was semi-comfortable with the environment.

It was one of the few locations I had visited.

I would have connections who understood my unique situation.

And it would allow me to work close to the house.

I hadn’t considered it an option before, but now that it was in my head, I wasn’t sure I would find a better alternative.

“That’ll work.” I settled back into my chair, stretching out my white knuckles.

“Okay. Great. I’ll talk to Theo tomorrow when I go in.” He didn’t seem completely pleased.

Our plates were both still half full with food, and neither of us had lifted a utensil in several minutes. “Thank you for dinner,” I mumbled. It was the first time I hadn’t finished a meal since I got here, but my stomach felt queasy.

“You aren’t going to eat anymore?” His eyes creased sadly, and his lips pulled into a tight line.

“No, I’m full.” What a waste of a beautiful meal.

I stared out the window to the backyard while Graysen disappeared to wash dishes.

He was consistently kind, considerate, and patient.

He also had clear control issues that extended to me.

I could be alright with a little secrecy; he didn’t owe me anything.

As much as I hated it, I wasn’t entitled to snooping through his rooms or hearing about his life trauma.

But we would need to work on boundaries over him attempting to regulate my behavior.

If he wasn’t going to justify his strange requests, he would have to tolerate what I did with my time.

I felt a hand wrap around the curve of my waist from behind. “I’m sorry.” His voice was a gravely thrum.

I looked over my shoulder, and his regretful, cool eyes gazed into mine.

“Thank you for the apology.” The tenderness of his hand softened my strained posture, accompanied by a cathartic exhale.

I really didn’t want to be fighting. “I know I owe you for saving my life, but I can’t let you control it. ”

His brows furrowed. “You don’t owe me a single thing, Faeryn. I just want to help you. That shouldn’t be at the expense of your autonomy.”

Relieved to have some closure for the time being, I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck.

It was our first intentional hug for the sake of hugging, and I needed it.

I needed us to stay close and heal together.

As if he were just as desperate, two strong arms folded around my back with fingers gripping into my sides.

His shoulders collapsed over me. It generated a warmth in my own chest that felt so familiar and yet unfamiliar at the same time.

I felt it best left nameless, but I recognized the significance.

“I was going to call it an early night,” he whispered into my hair. “Would you accept me taking the couch this time?”

“Absolutely not.” I cracked a smile at his tortured chivalry.

“You know where to find me if you change your mind.” He stepped back and pointed to the armchair. “I pulled out some books for you after dinner. To give you some entertainment when you’re at home.”

“What kinds of books?”

“Mostly fairytales and legends.” He paused, and a small smile reemerged on his face. “You seem to enjoy the stories I tell. I figured that fantasy and mythology books would be ideal. I apologize if they lean juvenile.”