Page 74 of Finding Grey
Fingernails digging into palms, I shook my head. “I overheard him and Roger talking about it.” A painful lump lodged itself in my throat and I swallowed hard. It didn’t budge. “They agreed to keep it a secret between the two of them.”
“Ah,” he said, sitting back in his chair as if everything suddenly made sense. “You’re angry at Sean, then.”
The fury ignited in my veins. “He betrayed me.”
“No, Roger betrayed you,” Phil pointed out. “He kept you and Sean apart for eight years. Sean only found out about all this a few days ago and it was quite the bombshell. I advised him against telling you, so I guess now you’ve got three people to be angry at.”
I stood up, frustration rushing through me. “Why would you do that?”
“You and your dad have a complicated history. What he did was wrong. It was a dirty, low-down move that almost cost me everything. But I understand why he did it. I can sympathise with his fatherly instincts, even if I disagree with his actions.” Phil paused before he spoke again, holding on to my gaze. “Sean would never want to come between you and your dad. He would never want to hurt you like that. And I’m sure he knew, if you found out, you’d react… pretty much how you’re reacting.”
“He promised me,” I said through gritted teeth, “no more lies. I can’t take anyone else lying to me.”
“I’m not saying you don’t have cause to be upset.” Phil held up a hand in the same placating manner my father had used. The difference was, I respected Phil enough to keep listening. “All I’m saying is, my son loves you. He’s a good kid, and he loves you, exactly as you are. You throw everything the two of you have away because of one mistake, and I may have to rethink my assessment of you.” He rose from the bench and walked over to the front door. “Now get your arse back there and sort your shit out.” Without another word, he walked into the house and closed the door behind him.
I drove around for a while after leaving Phil’s place, needing time to think. Cursing the lack of cafes in the area, but in desperate need of a caffeine fix, I ended up at a local winery that boasted an impressive restaurant. I took a seat on the large balcony and looked out over distant hills. I remembered all Sean and I had gone through to be together, what my life would be like if I walked away. The same yawning loneliness I’d felt before coming to Brisbane threatened to open its jaws, but I pushed it aside with surprising ease. I wasn’t the same man I’d been when I arrived here. I was more now, more myself, more complete. Sean had helped me find that person within myself. He’d encouraged me, supported me, challenged me. None of that had been a lie.
“Would you like anything else, Mr Sinclair?” A waitress placed my coffee on the table, her hands trembling slightly as she smiled.
“No, thanks,” I told her. “I’ve got exactly what I need.”
* * *
Roger had packed his bags by the time I returned to the house. I glanced at the clock on the wall. His plane would take off in less than two hours.
“I’ve called a taxi,” he said, not looking at me. “It’ll be here in a few minutes.”
I glanced around, but he was alone. “Where’s Sean?”
“He left not long after you did. I have no idea where he went.”
Nodding, I stood in front of Roger with my arms crossed and took a deep breath. I’d spent over an hour sitting at that table in the restaurant, contemplating my next move. The decisions I’d made would change everything. That was a good thing. I had changed. My life needed to reflect that.
“I’m firing you, Roger,” I told him. “You’re not my manager anymore.”
His jaw tightened, and his chest puffed out. “You have a contract,” he growled.
“I’ll still work for the label. It might be under your name, but we built it together. I’m not about to throw all that hard work away. But I am going to hire a new manager and you will puthimon the payroll.” I’d already decided exactly the kind of manager I wanted. “He will be young and frightfully gay, just so you know.”
“That’s it?” Roger spat. “After all I’ve done for you, you’re cutting me out of your life?”
“I’m cutting you out of my career. If you want a place in my life, you’ll have to earn it.” I modulated my voice, so it rebounded off the walls, but without being overly loud. “You’re my father. Start acting like it.”
The intercom chimed. Roger’s taxi had arrived at the front gate.
A few minutes later, we had his bags loaded into the boot of the car. He stopped beside the passenger door to look at me. “I tried to do right by you, to make you a success. That’s all I ever wanted.”
“I know.” With a curt nod, I stepped back so he could close the door.
He still doesn’t get it, I thought as the car drove away. There was a difference between success and happiness. Achieving both took balance, something he’d never allowed me to have. Perhaps he believed it was only possible to have one at a time. I had every intention of proving him wrong.