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CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX

arden

I stifle a yawn, rubbing my eyes and waltzing into the hospital looking like a hot mess. My hair is piled on the top of my head, I smeared on some concealer and mascara, somehow managed to take the quickest shower on planet earth, and called it a day.

I had sex last night. For the first time in like, forever. With my boyfriend who isn’t my boyfriend.

And god, it was life-changing.

I can breathe again.

I’m practically dancing down the halls and into the lunchroom, a pep in my step that definitely screams: I just got laid. Honestly, it was a long time coming. I’m surprised that we managed to put it off for so long. Have you seen him? Well, just imagine that naked.

I’m completely unsurprised to find Whitney and Autumn on the coach in the lunchroom when I stride in, my smile beaming, unable to wipe it from my face. I wave to them when they glance up from their phones, float to the fridge, and drop lunch off inside .

When I turn back around, they’re staring at me.

So, I stare back.

Okay, is it really that obvious? Are Carter’s fingertips bruised into my skin or something? Was a little bit of sex enough to completely change my aura?

I roll my eyes and drop my arms. “Okay, fine. I slept with him last night.”

Autumn blinks. Whitney’s eyes widen.

Not the reaction I was expecting. “What?”

“Last night?” Whitney asks. “Like, that was the first time ever?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I was holding off to make sure it was worth it.”

They slowly glance at each other, making every hair on my body stand up. I know that look. I’ve given that look. All women who have had the unfortunate task of dealing with men understand that look.

“What?” I ask carefully.

Please don’t ruin this for me so quickly. Please.

“I’m sorry,” Autumn says softly. She looks down, but raises her phone toward me.

I all but storm across the lunchroom and tear it from her hands.

The second the headline hits me, my heart sinks.

Not for the reasons that they may think.

I’m not anyone’s girlfriend. There is no situation in this life where there being another woman could apply to me.

The world doesn’t know that. Whitney and Autumn don’t know that.

This Irina Coasta girl doesn’t know that.

But Carter knows that.

I slowly pull out the plastic chair at the lunch table and lower myself into it, pressing play on the video. I watch in horror, my heart aching in my chest, and I force myself to listen and digest every single word that this woman says .

Whitney and Autumn don’t react. They sit in silence behind me. They’ve already watched this, I gather.

She’s pretty. The ‘looks better without makeup’ type of pretty that every woman envies. She wears those small glasses that would look ridiculous on any other human, but she has a face that can pull them off.

I wait for the anger, but it doesn’t come. Its absence is noticeable. It’s heavy.

It’s worse.

Because I feel paralyzing and shattering disappointment in its place.

We slept together last night. After weeks of tiptoeing around it, after feeling bad that Carter has gone months without sex, we finally crossed the line and I felt incredible. It felt special.

And he’s a fucking liar.

He lied to me. He’s been sleeping with this girl the whole time?

He lied.

“Arden?” Autumn asks softly.

I hand her the phone back without meeting her eyes. Running a hand over my face, I rise to my feet. I can’t look at them. I’m humiliated. “I have to get on the floor.”

“Arden,” Whitney tries again.

I spin around. “Look, it’s not real, okay? This relationship. We’ve been faking it to get him out of trouble. That’s all it is.”

Whitney’s brows skyrocket. “ What?”

“So, you can wipe those sympathetic looks off your faces. He’s allowed to fuck whoever her wants,” I say, waving my hand out in front of me.

Autumn looks completely and utterly stunned. “But…you slept with him? ”

“Yeah,” I bite out, letting out a cold laugh as I swing open the door to the lunchroom. “I won’t make that mistake twice.”

I leave them staring after me, the truth finally in their hands.

Three hours into my shift, Carter texts me.

Carter

Thinking about you. What time should I be at the hospital? I’ll set an alarm.

I don’t answer. I grind my teeth together, seethe, and envision slamming a needle into his face instead of into the patient’s arm who I am about to visit.

The betrayal stings like a bitch.

I knew Carter was complex. He has so many layers, each of them more different and complicated than the last, but one thing I never took him for was a liar. If anything, I thought he was too honest. He signed that contract, he promised, and he lied to get me to have sex with him anyway.

Pig.

There is no exception when it comes to men, is there? They are all disappointments.

Two more hours pass and my phone vibrates again.

Carter

I know you’re busy saving lives and all of that, just give me a time when you have a chance. I don’t want to be late. Can’t wait.

Again, I don’t answer, even when my heart begs me too.

About eight hours into my shift, which is in the literal middle of the night, my phone buzzes for a third time.

Carter

I’m going to assume you’ve seen the podcast. I was going to wait until after your shift to bring it up. I’ll explain. It’s not the truth. None of it. It’s just you, Red. Since day one.

I roll my eyes. I’m sure. I can’t take his word for it, even though I desperately want to. The stuff that woman said made sense. Over thirty minutes of pure information that added up far too perfectly.

She mentioned being with him on all the days that I wasn’t.

She knew my schedule, knew when I was at games, at events with him, or spending time with the team.

Things that she shouldn’t know, because she can’t be everywhere at once, and she definitely couldn’t have been at ninety-nine percent of those places at the same time that I was.

I storm to the vending machine, in desperate need of chocolate to get this bitterness out of my heart, when my phone starts ringing.

I immediately move to decline the call, since if I’m not texting him, I’m definitely not talking to him on the phone—but I stop short when my sister’s name stares up at me instead of Carter’s.

The world stills.

Oh god.

Serena is calling me. At three AM.

That’s a death notice.

I answer it quickly with a shaking hand.

“Hello?” I say into the phone, my voice breathless.

“Biggie?” she sniffles.

Mom. That’s my first thought.

Mom, please be with my sisters right now. Before you take Dad’s hand, take theirs.

“Are you okay? ”

“I’m so sorry for calling so late.”

I lean against the wall beside the vending machine to keep myself upright. I shut my eyes and take in a big breath, forcing myself to stay composed. For her. I’m a nurse right now, not their Biggie.

“You call whenever you need to, Smalls. Alright? What’s wrong?”

“I got a call from one of his doctors,” she says quietly, her voice breaking. “He’s having heart complications. He can’t eat or chew on his own anymore.”

My heart stirs, and relief rushes through me.

I sink forward, confused by the emotion that surged forward in this situation.

I’m relieved he is still alive? Why ? I don’t want him to die, but I know he’d be better off if he did.

My sisters would be, too. I didn’t expect to feel this guttural, all-consuming relief to hear he isn’t dead when I expected him to be.

“Oh, Rena,” I say gently.

“I’m so scared,” she whimpers. “I can’t tell Anya. She’ll lose her mind. I called you instead.”

My heart aches. Another Biggie looking out for the littlest of the Smalls. “Okay. It’s okay. Walk me through it. What did the doctor tell you?”

I stand beside that vending machine for what feels like hours, listening carefully and nodding.

The nurses know to call me with any medical updates, but with the late hour, they probably chose to wait.

My sisters have them under strict orders to report any big changes to them, regardless of the time, since they can get there quickly.

To sum it up, he is dying. Swiftly now. Serena wants me to come home. Anya will burn the world down if I don’t. She says more than once that my dad wants me there. Again. He asked for me. Again .

I listen, calm her down, and ease her worries without ever saying I will come.

She seems to relax. After thirty minutes of sisterhood through a speaker, hugging her and calming her with mere words, we hang up.

I stare at the bland, empty hospital wall for minutes, listening to the buzz of the vending machine beside my head.

I’m going to break their hearts if I don’t go home.

I’m going to break my own if I do.

I don’t want to see him. I don’t forgive him.

I love him, but only because he’s my father and it’s ingrained in me.

I do not like him. The thought of sitting next to his bedside makes me want to throw something.

It wasn’t just a petty fight. This isn’t a spoiled daughter being stubborn.

He neglected me. He abused me. I know they’ve chosen to make peace with that, but I haven’t, and I’m the only one who has the right to accept what that man did to me.

I cover my face with my hands, a sob exploding through my body. It’s deep and guttural, and again, I call out to my mom.

Be with them, Mom. I can’t be.

When Whitney finds me in that same spot half an hour later, she thinks it's about Carter. When she realizes it’s not, when I explain the real reason that I’m slowly losing my mind, her face goes white.

She and Autumn are then urgently making plans and making sure our department knows that we’re going to be short for a few hours.

My bag is being pushed into my hands and they’re asking if I can drive.

I can.

I’m fine.

I’m just worried about my sisters. That’s all.