Page 58

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

carter

I knock for the thirtieth time before the door flies open.

Green dress still on, tall shoes still wrapped around her ankles.

Good. She glowers at me, but beneath the anger, I know she’s upset.

I glance behind her before I say anything, even though it will piss her off, but I need to make sure Dalton isn’t here.

I think I might kill him if he is.

I couldn’t find him when I was leaving. That made me panic a bit. That itch in my hands turned into a burn. My heart was slamming against my ribs. She was gone and then he was gone, and within seconds, I was gone, too.

Getting a car here.

“What?” she snaps.

“How’d you get home?”

She scoffs and goes to slam the door in my face, but I stop it with an open palm.

Those brown eyes glare up at me, angry and full of steam. “Go home.”

“ How , Arden?” I ask, and I hate the desperation in my voice. If he brought her home, did he kiss her? Did he try? Did he ask to see her again? Did she agree? Did he get to kiss her for real, before I’ve gotten to kiss her for real?

I can’t do this. I need to know if he’s here.

“It’s none of your business.”

“If people see you leave with him, it’s my business!” I shout. She flinches and I hate myself. No yelling. Calm down, Carter. Calm the hell down. “We have a deal. I keep my end of the bargain every fucking day, and yet here you are.”

Rein. It. In.

“ Here I am ?” she asks, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Doing what exactly?”

“Flirting with Declan’s friends in front of me!” I seethe. I clock how bad that sounds, what it might insinuate, so I change my attitude before it registers with her. “In a room full of people who can piece together what the fuck we’re doing!”

“I thought you weren’t mad about that?” she asks calmly, angling her head.

I’m starting to realize how bad of an arrangement this is, me and her. She knows not to rise to my baiting. When I freak out, she stays eerily quiet and collected, which the anger in me hates. She’s the soil thrown on top of my roaring flames, extinguishing me before I get a chance to really burn.

I reach up to pinch the bridge of my nose. “Red.”

“Say it.”

She’s doing my head in. That’s what I want to say to her.

“ How did you get home?”

“ Say it , Carter.”

“Yes!” I yell, but she doesn’t flinch this time, just glares at me harder. “Yes, it pissed me off, alright? I just need your head in the game for a few more weeks and then you can flirt with whoever the fuck you want!”

She winces a bit. Tasted weird in my mouth, too, if I’m honest. Wouldn’t like her flirting with anyone else, ever. But I can only control so much.

“Goodnight,” she whispers, and moves to shut the door again.

I stop it with my hand. Again.

“Arden, let me come in,” I plead with a long breath. It comes out desperately and that’s fine, because I’m ready to get on my fucking knees if I have to. “ Please. ”

Her eyes burn into mine. Chin juts out like the stubborn little shit she is. “You’re only allowed in if you’re going to own your shit, Carter. Once you pass this threshold,” she gestures to the door, “you’re going to be a man and you’re going to tell me the truth.”

I stare down at her. Hate the sound of that. Hate that look on her face even more.

“Fine.”

She thinks about it for another second but then moves aside, nodding inside her apartment. I slide in before she can change her mind, running my hands over my face, not remotely ready for this conversation.

When I turn back to her, she’s still by the door, arms in front of her chest.

“He didn’t drive me home.”

A bubble of relief pops in my chest. My eyes flutter shut, nodding. The itch lessens. “Okay. Good. That’s good.”

“Why is that good?” she asks carefully.

“Appearances.”

Bold faced fucking lie and she smells it on me.

Her eyes flare. “You said you’d be honest.”

Yeah, well, I’m too scared to be.

“I am.”

She’s watching me far too closely. I focus on her freckles instead of eyes because the constellations on her skin comfort me rather than break down my willpower. Those doe eyes? Whole other story.

“Why were you so angry that he was flirting with me, Carter?” she asks.

I just shoot her a look.

We both know we shouldn’t be talking about this.

Stolen glances and hidden touches are one thing.

We can continue to act like it’s pretend.

Like we’re doing this for the bit. But I’m not fucking stupid.

I know that it’s felt like more lately. I know that I feel so possessive over her, so entirely consumed by her, that not a moment of my day goes by without thinking about her, wondering what she’s doing, how her shift is going, how her dad is.

Each time I drop her off, I’m already thinking of things that we can do together the next time I see her.

My heart has started to beat to the rhythm in which she says my name.

“ Why ?” she asks again.

“What are you doing?” I ask, forcing my voice to be gentler. “You know the lines you don’t want to cross, Red, so what are you doing?”

She walks toward me, arms folded across her chest, heels clicking with each step.

She trudges right into my space so that she’s staring up at me the way she does when we’re laying it on thick for the crowd, and it takes everything in me not to reach for her waist, but I don’t.

If I touch her right now, I’m not going to want to stop.

If I touch her right now, I’m admitting my guilt without uttering a single word.

“I’ll ask you one more time,” she says, her voice quiet. “You can answer, or you can leave. Why did it bother you?”

I swallow, but I don’t look away. “You know why.”

She doesn’t waver. “Enlighten me.”

“You’re pissing me off,” I warn her, but my voice shakes. I’m not sure if she notices, but I do .

“What else is new?” She shrugs.

I stare at her, my jaw pulsing. She’s going to kick me to the curb if I don’t comply. I can see it in her eyes. She will not accept a non-answer. Not after tonight.

Fuck it.

“Because I want to be the one who fucking flirts with you. I want to want you,” I say, my voice gravelly as I press my hand to my chest. Her eyes flutter a bit, like hearing those words was a caress of my hand. “And it’s fucking torture, wanting you.”

She swallows, gaze slowly meeting mine again. “Why?”

I’m starting to hate that word.

“Because I can’t fucking have you,” I say, sounding more defeated than I intend to. I reach up to tuck a strand of those wispy, long bangs behind her ear. “Because I can’t fucking touch you just to touch you. Hold you just to hold you.”

“Why not?” she asks.

“Your rules,” I remind her.

She shrugs again. “Rules change.”

I study her face, those eyes, very fucking carefully. “What are you saying?”

Her answer is almost instant. “I’m saying that I’d like to cash in on rule number four-point-five.”

I cock a brow, unable to help the smile that tugs my mouth. I was not expecting that .

“Oh?”

“Fake relationship but very real, very good sex.”

I nearly choke.

Dear god, I’m dreaming, aren’t I?

“Presumptuous.”

“I know I’m good,” she says pointedly.

God damnit.

“I’d be the best fuck of your life, Red.” I lift my hand to cup her cheek and she leans into it. She fucking leans into it . “It might complicate things.”

“I’d say you and I are already pretty complicated.”

I want to laugh, but I can’t. Not when she’s looking up at me like that. Not when she’s so close that I can smell cinnamon on her skin. Not when that mouth is saying all the things I have been desperate to hear.

I want her so fucking badly. There hasn’t been a day since I hit that idiot that she wasn’t my first thought in the morning, that I wasn’t constantly thinking about ways to make her smile in my direction. It’s been her since that very first moment and I'm terrified it’ll be her forever.

“You might be right.”

“You chomping at the bit to fight one of Declan’s best friends is complicated,” she continues, stepping even closer.

As I drink that comment in, I get a really bad feeling that I was the fool tonight. Her expression screams ‘mastermind,’ and I think I played right into her hand.

“Did you use EJ as a pawn tonight?” I ask. She smiles a bit, trying to suppress the truth from showing on her face. I see it anyway. Clear as day. Fuck, she’s crazy. “You’re evil.”

“He was in on it,” she tells me, like that makes it any better.

She reaches up to wrap her arms around my neck.

“Don’t give me that look. He told me that you look at me like I’m the only woman in the world, and that you talk about me like every little thing I do is utterly remarkable.

He made me realize I don’t want you looking or talking about anyone else like that. He helped your case.”

Alright, Dalton. You’re back on the ‘good’ list. For now.

“Did he have to touch you to make his point?”

“Somebody should be touching me,” she says quietly, angling her head as she leans a bit away from me. It’s an invitation, I see it in her eyes. My fingers dig into her waist. My body, my soul, and my existence always seems to chase hers.

This is the moment. The first time we’ll kiss and it won’t be because of that piece of paper in the drawer. This will be my first real kiss with Arden Doll. The rest? What follows? The universe is in control.

“Sign me the fuck up.”