Page 48

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

carter

I’m surprised to find Arden leaning against the wall when we exit the locker room.

I fully expected her to flee as quickly as she had from my bed.

She and Penny are talking quietly amongst each other, Sweets nodding along as Arden speaks, looking transfixed and engaged in whatever the hell she’s saying.

My wounded pride flares to life, wondering if they’re discussing me. Are they talking about my laughable failure of a date night? How she had to take care of me like my mother?

Arden’s eyes sweep past Penny and find mine. Shockingly, she smiles. Not the big, pretty kind I’ve grown quite fond of, but a polite one nonetheless.

Penny’s head snaps over her shoulder. Her eyes lock on me for a moment, pinching a bit. I know that look. Never had it aimed my way before, though. She doesn’t greet me like she usually does. Her gaze skirts over my shoulder to her future husband behind me. She angles her head just a tad.

I don’t have to wonder what that look is about. They’re doing that thing where they’re talking without speaking. That look was a question.

I’d rather hurt Lowesy’s feelings than Penny’s. We’ve got a nice, strong bond between us, but it’s not like mine and Dec’s. It’s not unbreakable. I can break my bond with Penny as easily as snapping a toothpick.

How to hurt Penny’s feelings the worst—the breaking of bonds type of pain? Hurt Declan.

I did that.

“All good,” Declan says quietly, even though she has yet to say a word. They can communicate with simple looks and gestures. It’s the benefit of loving someone for as long as those two have. Dec slides past me to wind his arm around her neck and haul her toward him. “You little rottweiler.”

Penny laughs, shoving at his hands, but he keeps her in his headlock and pulls her down the hallway. Away from me. He lifts his hand above his head in goodbye, never once looking back.

He’s giving me space with Red. Because he’s a good friend like that, and apparently, I’m the worst.

He’s also probably trying to prevent Penny from ripping my head off.

Arden’s eyes flicker to mine, her smile tight now. “Boyfriend.”

I dip my chin, but I can’t bring myself to participate in this little charade tonight. “Hey.”

Her red brows furrow a bit in the middle. She scans my face carefully. “You okay?”

I shrug. “I’m fine. Are you?”

What am I doing? Pushing her away when I’ve been dying to have her this close again, that’s what I’m doing. Why? I couldn’t tell you. I just feel like I have to even the playing field, let it be known that now I’m mad about this whole situation .

She stares at me for a long moment.

“Yeah, I’m alright.”

There’s a slight pause, a gap where I can interject and mull this over before it gets worse. She waits in that silence, eyes locked on mine, but I don’t fill it.

“Look, if you’d prefer I get a ride home with Penny, I should go and catch up with them.”

It takes everything within me not to roll my eyes.

This shit is starting to piss me off. Just tell me what’s wrong. Stop making me guess. Stop acting hot and cold, and somewhere in between, in these rare moments where I’m no longer sure what’s fake and what’s real anymore.

“Would you prefer to go with Sweets?”

It’s a loaded question.

Her eyes search mine, mouth falling open a bit. “I—no? You’re just acting like you’d rather set yourself on fire than be in this hallway with me right now, so I figured that I should.”

I am already on fire. That’s the problem. I’ve been on fire since the morning you left my bed empty and let me feel like a moron for days afterward. My head is on fire. My mind already burnt to a fucking crisp. What are you doing to me, Red?

I don’t know what I’m doing, or what she wants, or how to put a lid on my anger, but I know I’m not letting this fester any longer. Not when I’m letting the boys down because of it.

I swallow, my jaw ticking. I know what I want. “I’d like to drive you home.”

After a moment, she nods. “Okay.”

I gesture toward the doors and we fall into step with each other.

She’s quiet now, and her eyes are burning clear billows of steam ahead of her.

When I move to push open the door to the arena, I shoulder my bag before I reach down and take her hand in mine.

The usual quick squeeze of her fingers never comes.

Her hand lies limply in mine, but she lifts her chin and we stroll through the empty parking lot together.

The cameras start clicking, but not nearly as crazily as they were a month ago. Still, I don’t feel particularly safe unless I’m holding her hand, even if there is absolutely no media pushing their way into our faces. She’s gotta stay within reach.

I guide her to the car, open her door, and help her inside. She stares straight ahead the whole time, hands in her lap, and doesn’t even spare me a glance when I shut the door and storm around the front of the vehicle.

I’ve started to stop for fans more frequently now. She likes it. It brightens her day, so I do it. For the fans, yes, but mostly for her. Not tonight. No. I know my limits, and with whatever is swirling around in my head right now, I’ll bite someone’s head off if I stop.

When I don’t slow and only wave at security instead, she turns her face completely away from me to look out of the window. She angles her legs away from me, too. The telltale sign that a woman wants you to drop fucking dead.

I run my hand over my mouth, letting out a long breath through my nose. This is torture. I don’t like silence on a good day, but this is hell on earth. We’re both mad, I think. I’m pissed as hell, but she seems like she’s just as angry.

We don’t say a word until I’m pulling into the parking lot of her building and she’s unbuckling her belt like she can’t get out of here fast enough.

Nope. That’s not the way this works anymore.

“Red,” I say, my tone holding a warning.

She freezes, eyes darting up to mine.

“We need to talk.”

She swallows, slowly lowering her hands and relaxing back into the seat. “Okay. ”

“I’m sorry if I ruined what we had going on,” I say, trying to keep my voice even and calm, even though that anger and worry are simmering below the surface. “If you want to call it, just let me know, but I can’t function like this.”

Her brow furrows. “Like what?”

I gesture between us. “ This.”

Her eyes drop to my hand as her frown deepens. “What are you talking about?”

“For fuck’s sake, Arden,” I snap, and she flinches. “I’m not stupid. I don’t want to play these games with you. That wasn’t a rule.”

She just looks at me, face full of confusion.

“We went to the wine tasting, I threw up like an idiot, and then you pulled away.” I explain it to her like she doesn’t already know. Like she wasn’t there. “If you want to call it, just tell me . Apparently, I can’t deal with not knowing what’s going on in that batshit crazy head of yours.”

Realization washes over her. Her eyes soften just a tad, and miraculously, she releases a bit of the tension that she’s been holding all night.

“Carter, I don’t care that you got sick. That’s not even remotely important. I had a great time that night.”

I blink.

Huh?

No, that’s the only thing that made sense. I made a fool of myself and she hit the road like a bat out of hell. That was the only thing that happened that could have changed things. Everything else had been nearly perfect. Too perfect.

Unless…

My face hardens. I mentally prepare myself for the answer to my next question. “Are you seeing someone else?”

Her head jerks back like I smacked her. She gives me two beats to add something else, or maybe to make it clear that I’m joking, but I don’t. I’m too busy studying her expression for any indication of the truth.

If this wasn’t about my disastrous inability to hold my wine, the only thing that makes sense is that she met someone else.

She doesn’t speak, so I shove my whole foot in my mouth.

“Is it the cop?”

That’s the final straw, apparently.

“Fuck you,” she bites out, and she throws the door open so fast that I don’t have time to stop her. She’s halfway to her front door by the time I find the capability to react. Her key is already in the lock when I clamp my hand around her wrist and whirl her around.

“ Don’t! ” she hisses, yanking her hand back.

“Yes or no?”

“No!” she seethes, brown eyes burning with rage. “No, Carter. I’m not seeing Noah. I’m not seeing anyone! ”

“Then why ?” I ask, my breathing heavy. Why are you pushing me away?

“Why what?” she snaps.

“Don’t look me in the eye and tell me that you haven’t been acting differently toward me. That something hasn’t changed. It has.”

“Which is what you wanted!” she snaps, and then she spins around and finishes unlocking the door. I’m behind her so quickly that she can’t shut it in my face or lock me out, but she doesn’t seem to care; she just flies into her kitchen and hauls a bottle of wine off the counter.

I follow her. “What are you talking about?”

“I pulled back because you wanted me to,” she says again, filling up a glass for herself. She doesn’t offer me one, and I’m grateful. My stomach churns just looking at it .

“Did you get hit in the head?” I ask her, leaning against the threshold of her kitchen. “Because I have never said that.”

“Don’t,” she says again, taking a big swig. Those brown eyes are glaring at me over the rim. “ Don’t try to convince me that I’m making this up.”

“Well, you might be,” I tell her. “Because I sure as shit don’t feel that way.”

She rolls her eyes and it makes my anger boil.

“I missed Declan’s poker night. I missed the night where he was going to ask me to be a groomsman.”

She lowers her wine glass, flinching a bit. “I know.”

Of course she knows. She was at Penny’s all day.

“Because I was convinced I did something wrong. That I did something to hurt you. To push you away,” I tell her, and her mouth purses a bit. “I was convinced that I got too drunk, got too sick, and forced you to take care of me, and it sent you running.”