Page 49

Chapter

Forty-Six

HADLEY

Natalie: So how are things between you and Jonas?

Hadley: Over.

Natalie: Wait, what? I thought you were together.

Hadley: I told you, only for the summer.

Natalie: Wow, I didn’t think you’d actually stick with that.

Hadley: It’s best this way.

“Okay, girl. I’m your wingman tonight. Pick who you want, and we’ll reel him in.” Kendall slinks around me in a miniscule sparkly red halter dress, hips moving to the beat of the thumping music.

Lafayette doesn’t really have any clubs, but the bar scene is strong.

We could have picked any place to go, but tonight, we are at the worst one.

Because if a girl can’t get laid at The Ugly Cactus, where can she?

With sticky floors, watered-down drinks, and the scent of stale cigarette smoke and sweat in the air, it’s disgusting.

For some unknown reason, it was Cooper’s favorite place on campus.

I haven’t been here since I went out with Hunter and the hockey team almost a year ago.

A pang hits my heart, remembering how I kept catching Jonas’s eye across the crowded bar.

I haven’t seen or talked to him in weeks, and I miss him.

Pulling me out of my thoughts, Kendall grabs my biceps and turns me to see a guy. He’s tall and slim with dirty blond hair and a charming smile.

“This is what we came for, isn’t it?” she asks, tossing her long braids. Her skin glimmers in the low light, and I envy her confidence.

“Yeah,” I manage to say. She’s been pushing me to go out and find someone else, to move on from Jonas. And she’s right. This is what I want—the freedom to date whoever and explore the possibilities.

So I tilt my chin and repeat myself with more conviction this time. “Yes. Let’s go chat him up.”

“Atta girl.” Kendall leads us through the crowd to this guy, now surrounded by his friends, and starts a conversation.

His name is Liam, he’s a junior, biology major, and he’s from Pennsylvania. He sends me flirty glances as we talk, so at Kendall’s nudge, I ask him to dance.

He’s taller than Jonas, and my arms feel awkward looped around his neck. I miss Jonas’s broad, muscular shoulders and the way I fit in his embrace. He’s the perfect height and?—

“So what’s your favorite thing about Harrison?” Liam asks as the music hits a quiet patch.

“Um.” The hockey team is the first answer that pops into my mind, but that’s weird.

Hockey is Hunter’s thing, and he’s not here anymore.

I’m not even a fan. Although I guess I went to every game last season, so maybe I am.

“The people,” I finally say, glancing over at Kendall, sipping a drink at the bar.

Liam nods. He has kind blue eyes, but I ache for chocolate brown ones that sparkle with mischief reserved only for me. Why can’t I stop thinking about Jonas?

He goes off on a spiel about his housemates and how great they are, and I nod in the right places, but my heart’s not in it.

What’s Jonas doing right now? Has he watched the new episodes of Love Island without me? How does he feel about the upcoming hockey season? Did the guys ever get a couch for their living room? It kills me that I don't know the answers to these questions.

The song transitions from something upbeat to Taylor Swift’s “Cruel Summer,” and a lump clogs my throat at her poignant lyrics and the memory of dancing with Jonas to it this summer. I motion towards the bar and wave goodbye to Liam.

Am I broken? Was he not that engaging?

Kendall raises a brow as I slump next to her. “What’s wrong, boo?”

“No spark.”

She perks up and puts a hand on my shoulder. “That’s okay. There’s plenty?—”

“If you say, ‘fish in the sea,’ I’m out of here,” I interrupt, glaring.

She throws her head back and laughs. “I was gonna say, ‘guys in the bar.’ Same sentiment, I guess. Isn’t that the thing with dating? You swim around until you find one you like? So just keep swimming.”

“Dating advice from Finding Nemo ?”

She shrugs, undaunted by my negativity. “You brought in the ocean metaphor, I went with it. But go take a minute to get your game face on, and then we’ll reel in another one.”

“I should have never let you watch Battlefish ,” I say under my breath. But I give her a hug and concentrate on her words as I weave through the crowd to the restroom.

The ladies’ room is as gross as the rest of the bar, but the lighting is better, and at least the music is muffled.

I take a deep breath and stare at myself in the mirror.

My hair is in perfectly tousled waves, and my red lips slay without a smudge in sight.

My new black crop top hugs my curves and looks amazing.

So why am I a mess on the inside?

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out, expecting Kendall.

Evan: Just so you know, I took Jonas to see the team doctor.

My hands shake at his message. Fingers fumbling, I hurry to text him back.

Hadley: What’s going on? Is he sick? Injured?

Evan: He passed out on the treadmill.

Hadley: Oh my god, is he okay? What did the doctor say?

I hold my breath and bite my nails, waiting for his response as the three dots appear.

Evan: We’re still waiting. He’s grumpy, which is good. He hit his head but doesn’t seem to have a concussion.

I grab onto the bathroom counter to steady myself. My first impulse is to run to him, to see him with my own eyes and make sure he’s fine. But Evan texted, not Jonas. And we’re not really friends at this moment.

The door opens with a blast of country music, and Kendall stalks in. She narrows her eyes at me in the mirror. “Are you hiding in here?”

Wordlessly, I hand her my phone so she can read the messages.

“Oh, shit. Is Jonas okay?” I shrug, and she wraps me in a hug. “I’m sure he’s fine. But how are you?”

I sniff. “I want to check on him but…”

“You don’t feel like you have any right to?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

She pats my back, then roots in her clutch until she comes up with lip gloss and mascara. Fixing my makeup, she tuts at my reflection.

“This might be a good chance to send him a text. Test the waters, if you will, and see if he’s ready to think of you as a friend.”

Can we go back to being just friends again?

That’s what I need, of course, but my heart aches at the thought.

The spark between us had been there since we met.

I tried to deny it for months and couldn’t snuff it out.

I loved talking with him, hanging out with him, and kissing him.

He set me on fire like I’ve never experienced before.

Picturing his warm brown eyes, the moments he let me see his real, wide smile, and remembering the way I fit in his arms like we were made for each other makes my insides melt like ice cream on a hot day.

What if he wasn’t okay? Would I regret everything?

Wouldn’t I want to be glued to his side and soak up every moment with him?

I sigh. If I see him or even text him, I’m not sure I can resist the temptation. And no matter how much I might want him, it’s not the right time. I think of my mom and Brandon and shudder. I have too much to do, too much to learn and see, before I’m ready to settle down.

“No, I don’t think so.” I don’t tell her that I’m the one who’s not ready. “I’ll give him a little more space. But I will check up on him.”

A fine tremor runs through my fingers as I palm my phone and text Evan.

Hadley: Thanks for telling me. Keep me posted, okay? Let me know if you guys need anything.

There. Not too needy or desperate.

Yeah, like Evan won’t see through every word. But he texted me first, so it’s allowed.

Kendall raises a brow. “You sure this is what you want?”

“Absolutely.” I clear my throat. “Let’s get back out there and find some fun.”

I take a deep breath but regret it as the smells of the bathroom invade my nose. Gross. But I’m not here for the atmosphere—I’m here to pick up a guy. Any guy. It doesn’t have to be the right one—in fact, that’s the last thing I want. No more Mr. Right. I need Mr. Right Now.

And Jonas could only ever be Mr. Right.

Linking my arm through hers, I push open the door. The twang of a country song assaults my ears as I drag us out to the dance floor. I square my shoulders. I can get over him and move on. There’s no other choice.