Page 174 of Every Silent Lie

All I’ve done since I left you was worry whether you’d go back to the bar and hook up with another guy. I don’t want you to, and I don’t think you want to either. You opened up to me a little today. I know I’m right to pursue this. I can be patient.

December 6th

You smiled today, and I realised I’m falling for you.

December 7th

You tried to push me away tonight. And all the silent lies are building. As are my feelings.

December 8th

It was everything. More than everything. I tasted your sadness, and I felt your hope. And you looked just so fucking beautiful.

December 9th

I can still feel you on my lips. Taste you on my tongue. I hope it lingers until I see you again.

I find myself flipping through the days, needing his thoughts more with each one I read. A timeline of our relationship—an insight into Dec’s mind. What he felt.

December 10th

It’s snowing. My little fella is beside himself. I have a feeling you won’t be. And not because you hate snow. What’s your story, Camryn?

December 11th

I missed Albi’s bedtime to see you. And you bailed. I just don’t know why you’d do that. To me. To you.

December 12th

Today I walked out of my office and found you frozen on the pavement. You kissed me. I heard every word you said with that kiss. It didn’t scare me. But it’s the words you didn’t say that terrify me.

Because I love you too.

My hands shake as I turn to the next day, my throat thick with emotion.

December 13th

You opened up today about your mum. But there’s more. I know there’s more. And I so desperately wanted to tell you about Albi, but something stopped me.

December 14th

I woke up and my heart dropped.

Then I read your message. You didn’t run.

December 15th

I don’t even know what to write. But I know that I love you. And I’m petrified it's not going to be enough.

December 16th

40 today. I wish I could have spent it with you. I’ve only ever been this scared once in my life—when I found out I was going to be a dad. I might be more scared now because I just don’t know how to tell you about Albi, and more than that, how you’ll take it.

December 17th

I spent the day still trying to figure out how the fuck I tell a woman who’s lost a little boy that I have what she lost. And you lied to me about the cut on your face. Why?

December 18th