Page 81 of Eryx

After finding our beds, I pulled Axios to my chest and buried my face in his soft hair. He rested his hand on mine and closed his eyes, snuggling as close to me as our bodies allowed. The lighthearted feeling lifted, though, once he fell asleep and I had only my thoughts to keep me company.

Thoughts of him and the king.

I had told Axios not to mention it again. I’d told him it was in the past and we would move on from it. However, I could not convince my mind to do the same.

How had the kiss happened? Had Axios encouraged the advances only to pull away before the moment turned to something more? What had he been thinking as he kissed the king? Did he think of me at all?

Not knowing haunted me, yet I knew the truth would shatter me.

And so I chose to never voice my thoughts on the matter. I’d remain ignorant of the truth to spare myself the pain of it.

When I finally welcomed sleep, my dreams took me to a green valley beside a small hill. Apollo and Hyacinthus threw a disc back and forth, laughing and reveling in their affection for each other.

“I shall scatter the clouds!” Apollo exclaimed with an exuberant smile before sending the disc toward Hyacinthus.

A strong gust of wind knocked the disc off its path and smashed it into the Spartan boy’s head, his blood splattering on the grass. I watched in horror as Apollo held the boy in his arms and wept. The wind took shape and Zephyrus appeared in all of his fury.

But then instead of seeing Apollo, I saw King Agesipolis. And the bloody figure in his arms was no long Hyacinthus, but rather a dead raven.

“He was mine and you took him from me!” Zephyrus roared as the wind whipped around them. But it was not Zephyrus any longer.

It was me.

I woke in a cold sweat, seeing nothing but darkness at first. My eyes adjusted to the room and I dropped my gaze to Axios, who was still sleeping peacefully in my arms. I held him tighter and kissed his hair, my body shaking with stifled cries.

“It was only a dream,” I whispered.

If only the incident with the king had been too.

***

“I always knew you were meant to lead men,” Nikias said, once I excused my herd from their training. He had approached earlier in the drills and watched from the edge of the field.

“These are not men. Not yet.” I moved my gaze amongst the retreating youths. “But I hope my lessons help them grow to be great men someday. The best Sparta has ever seen.”

“I believe I’m staring at the best Sparta has ever seen.”

I looked at him, noting the additional scar on his face now. He had fought under the command of King Agesipolis and had returned with the army weeks prior. Responsibilities had kept him away, but he had found time, albeit brief, to see the men in our herd and speak of the old days.

“You flatter me,” I responded, walking forward to retrieve the sticks from training and place them in a pile for the next day. “Besides, I have not journeyed to war like you. I have not proven a thing to Sparta as of yet.”

Nikias helped me gather the sticks. “Pray that the war ends before you come of age.”

It was not so much the words he spoke that caught my attention, but rather the tone he’d used while speaking them. His blue eyes shone with grief. And fear.

“Was it truly so horrible?” I asked, wanting to know about his time in battle so I could better prepare myself for when it was my time to go.

“Horrible? No.” Nikias reflexively ran a finger over the newest scar on his face. “Bloody, brutal, and exhausting. Theagogeprepared us well in that regard. What it failed to do was prepare us for the numbness that follows a battle, when you’re left standing in a field of fallen warriors, some of them still crying out as they breathe their final breath. The stench sears into your nostrils, and it never fades. You never forget the smell of war. The smell of death.”

“All you know is the color red,” I said, remembering what Paris had told me years before.

Nikias nodded. “It is a shade I will only grow more accustomed to as the years pass.” His eyes found mine. “As will you.”

“Have you heard news of the war?” I asked, as we left the training arena and strolled leisurely toward the barracks.

“Word has come from King Agesilaus concerning the war, and King Agesipolis has been summoned to the council chamber to discuss Sparta’s next move.” Nikias showed no sign of trepidation. In fact, he showed no emotion at all in that instant. “I feel a change in the air, Eryx. Heaviness. I will be sent to fight again soon.”

“And you will honor our home when you do,” was all I said.